When is it ok to Lie??

[avisk]

I would agree with the others here who have said that there is a difference between lying and fantasy. We all need to have a little magic and fantasy in our lives and it doesn't really matter if it is true or not.

When children get older they can be told - not that Santa doesn't exist, but that he is part of an age-old world-wide tradition and that the idea of Santa means something important. It is about giving and thinking of other people, and this is an essential lesson to learn as one is growing up.

Last night in Birmingham, when we were on our way to the Slimming World Awards Ceremony, there were loads of people lining the street. When we asked what was happening, everyone said "Santa is coming" and indeed, along he came, with six real reindeer pulling his sleigh, at the head of a big parade.

Now there were a lot of people there, lots of children but lots of adults too, and everyone was waving to Santa and it was a little bit of magic on a cold night. I bet that even those of us who are far too old and sophisticated to believe in Santa any more will remember that for a long time.

 

[Happy Holidays]

They were brought up to believe Santa brought their pressies & aunts, grandma, etc also gave them pressies. We never told them all the pressies were from Santa. When they wrote their list they were always told they wouldn't get everything.

DS & DD are 20 & 18 & we still talk about Santa & what he will bring this year! When I make their stocking the gift tag has their name on & it still says 'Love from Santa'

It's so much fun & adds to the excitement of Christmas.

But to answer your question, yes it is lying but its fun & everyone is in on the fib.

I never lied to my children as I thought I would lose their trust if they did & I did honestly consider telling them there was no Santa, but I'm so glad now I didn't. It's all part of growing up & it adds a little bit of fun to their lives.

 

[Happy Holidays]

Just had a thought, you could compromise. You could say the main pressie is from mummy & daddy & the stocking is from Santa, that way if (ok when) he does ask for something which is far too expensive you can honestly say mummy & daddy can't afford it.

 

[Lonestitcher]

Just to share how my mum got round the whole 'Does Santa exist, and if he does why can't I have.....?' question........

Every time I asked if Santa was real, my mum used to say 'He's real if you believe in him.' My mum always promised me that she wouldn't lie to me and so saying that meant that she could keep her promise. She told me that she also didn't want to say that he did exist, in case I told people in school and showed myself up. I love my mum

As for the whole presents thing,..... Mum always used to say that because I knew some of the things I was getting (from grandparents, etc) that I should ask Santa for 'surprises'. That way I could have the joy of opening something I wasn't expecting. It was also a sneaky way of limiting how much was spent..... after all, a surprise present from Santa was so much better.... I also got a 'stocking' at the end of my bed (ok, so it was a brown paper bag....) and in it, I had a satsuma, some nuts, a small chocolate bar/treat and a small gift (crayons, small toy ie. toy car). Oh the joys of being a child....

 

[Starlight]

I think potentially your hubby is going to miss out on so much, my nieces are 4 and 7 and believe in Santa. Taking them to see him is just amazing, I love it and the excitement on Xmas day is just the best thing ever. Xmas has become a magical time since my eldest niece was old enough to understand the idea of Santa

My brother and sister in law follow our family tradition. The main big pressie is from Santa, everything else from mum and dad (or whoever)

I agree, its not lying, its just a magical part of childhood. I hope you can convince him

 

[eternity]

I think it's about making memories with your child and giving them a sense of magic.
We told my son that Santa brings the presents but Mum and Dad put the money for the presents in a special place in the garden, the elves collect it and that's why Santa can bring the presents. That way he knows that we pay for them and that there's not a bottomless pit of money.

 

[evethewitch]

i also tell my oldest that mum and dad have to send the money to santa

 

[mcv]

NOOOO Thats true! My nana told me itss why my hair is curly. Are you saying she lied to me????????

They lied to me too, i have curly hair so never ever eat my crusts cos i always wanted a straight bob hair style.
Needles to say i still have curly hair

 

[avisk]

Just to share how my mum got round the whole 'Does Santa exist, and if he does why can't I have.....?' question........

Every time I asked if Santa was real, my mum used to say 'He's real if you believe in him.' My mum always promised me that she wouldn't lie to me and so saying that meant that she could keep her promise. She told me that she also didn't want to say that he did exist, in case I told people in school and showed myself up. I love my mum

As for the whole presents thing,..... Mum always used to say that because I knew some of the things I was getting (from grandparents, etc) that I should ask Santa for 'surprises'. That way I could have the joy of opening something I wasn't expecting. It was also a sneaky way of limiting how much was spent..... after all, a surprise present from Santa was so much better.... I also got a 'stocking' at the end of my bed (ok, so it was a brown paper bag....) and in it, I had a satsuma, some nuts, a small chocolate bar/treat and a small gift (crayons, small toy ie. toy car). Oh the joys of being a child....

We had an orange, a brazil nut, and some chocolate coins in one of dad's old socks. Other things too, I think, but those are what I can remember.

I love the "he is real if you believe in him" idea. I am not surprised that you love your Mum - she sounds wonderful!

 

[foxychic]

My son is 7 and still believes and I will keep it up for as long as he does. Kids are so much more forward minded these days and a lot more grown up than I ever used to be so i think some magic and innocence are a good thing to have x​

 

[Little strawberry]

I definitely believe that kids should be allowed to believe in Santa, the tooth fairy, the easter bunny etc.

Believing in Santa make christmas all the much more magical. Also in an age when children are much less imaginative than ever before, this is a fantasy that they can participate in with all of society. When teaching in school around christmas time I always speak to the children about Santa and tell them that he is real. When I have children we will leave him cookies and a drink just like I did as a child.

I do have to admit that I still remember being gutted when I found out Santa wasn't real though. I was about 7, found my mum wrapping the presents and went straight to my younger sister and brothers and told them that he wasn't real lol.

 

[Littleslimmingbee]

I LOVE CHRISTMAS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

let him love christmas too. xx

 

[MargyParker]

I think you should tell your child the truth when he is ready. You will know when he is ready because he will ask you.

My daughter had the question recently from her 6 year old - so and so at school says there is no such thing as father christmas and it is just your mum and dad.

I remember my children asking me more than once what father christmas looked like and I thought about it and then said actually he looks a bit like your dad. They screeched with derision and said NO HE DOESN'T. So we all laughed - no lies were told and everyone was happy.

 

[judimac]

My mother told me if I sat on a stone step I'd get piles ,,,,,, and I did! But only when I was pregnant for the second time.

 

[Starlight]

The other thing too is if you tell him Santa isnt real at the age he is, hes not old enough to understand that other kids believe. Whats going to happen when its coming up to Xmas and Santa comes to nursery etc and your little one announces to all and sundry that his daddy told him Santa doesnt exist. Thats what happened to a friend of mine.... she was told at the age of 5 by a child in her class that Santa wasnt real.... totally destroyed the magic for her family too.

 

[jigglymum]

My 9 year old said last week "father Christmas is not real is he?" my reply was "does it matter if you believe?". an we had a big talk about how magic Christmas was and how even though its not grandad (my dad) he still looks like all the pictures of father Christmas an she still has to be very good. and now she is old enough to have some of the "big girl" magic of shopping helping choose presents for other people. she also said she would not tell anyone else in case they still believed and she would "batter" any one who tried to spoil it for her sisters!! (not that i condone violence but the sentiment is quite sweet in its own way)
i love all the "lil lies" we tell our children its what makes being a child magical so much fun!!

this thread made me think of all the things Ive been told or have told my daughters:

father Christmas
the Easter bunny
tooth fairy
crusts an curly hair
if you pick your nose your brain will fall out!
if you pick your belly button you bum will fall off!
watching to much TV makes your eyes square
freckles are kisses from the sun
beauty spots/moles are where you should be kissed (i do have some in interesting places tho!!)
carrots make you see in the dark
pots of gold at the end of a rainbow
babies come from the stalk (or can be found in cabbage patches???)
walking on cracks in the pavement brings out spiders/bears/monsters
if you pull a face the wind will change an you'll stick like that
if you say you don't believe in fairies 1 dies, if you ring a bell 1 gets its wings

i don't think any of them are bad or harmful, well i hope they aren't or I'm gonna be paying for a hell of a lot of therapy!!

I'd also like to say that at the ripe old oge of "old enough to know better" some of us are still waiting for Prince charming to whisk me off to his castle!!.................i know this is true tho cos my daddy told me so!!

 

[jigglymum]

That is actually true, they contain beta-carotene which is a pigment that does actually aid night vision..Hurrah!

really?
i thought all beta-carotene did was turn your skin a jaundiced colour!
i thought the whole carrots in the dark thing was myth from 2nd world about how bomber pilots ate carrots to bomb the Germans to encourage children to eat veg and people to grow their own. i know that vitamin A found in carrots (an lots of other stuff) when broken down with some other protein that can help night blindness.

learn something new every day!

 

[mcv]

I believed in father christmas till i was 13, well i started to doubt at 11 when i went to big school, but was affraid to say i didnt really believe incase i didnt get any presents.My daughter is 7 and i hope we have many more years of father christmas visiting our house!!
I love christmas and want the magic to last as long as possible.

 

[becks201003]

My kids are 11, 8 and 7. The eldest is in her final year at primary school and me and the hubby kind of think we should tell her before she starts secondary school next year that the tooth fairy, santa and fairies really don't exist. We didn't want her to know the truth for any other reason that she is likely to get the micky taken out of her when she's at secondary school believing in santa and such like. We sat her down a few days ago discussing xmas and what she would like and we said well we need to tell santa and you need to write your letter. She did a little grin and said mum/dad do you really think I still believe? I just pretend so it does not make you sad. Your so silly I have know for like years!! I just play along for the boys sake. There we were thinking my god she is going to be distraught but did not want her getting picked on at school. She love that fact she knows but have promised to keep the magic for our boys and she has. She was helping them write letters and also has told them that they need to be extra good. We said well if there is no santa there is no tooth fairy which means no more money for baby teeth. She has 2 left and as gutted....we just laughed and said we will play along also for the boys sake. Believing is magical, let them be kids!!!

 

[Little strawberry]

I was in school last week working with some Y5/6 children. The girls were talking about Santa and whether he was real or not. They didn't want to say he wasn't just in case they didn't get any presents. One of the girls asked why parents have to go out and buy the presents.
I explained to her that Santa is suffering from the recession in the same way as everyone else and that parents have decided to help Santa out as he wouldn't be able to give everyone presents any more otherwise. The girls accepted this and the magic of Santa lives on another year