Work/Life Balance
- Thread starter *Emsie*
- Start date
I feel quite inadequate answering this as I have no one to be responsible for but myself but I also find it incredibly difficult. I think in general though it depends on what type of job you do!? Maybe that's a naive assumption.
I'm a teacher and am currently in the midst of organising reports, sports days, preparing for an observation by the vice principal, planning for lessons, writing up observations and then obviously the actual teaching. I feel like I never have a minute to myself, and whilst yes, I post on here a lot I do it whilst sitting at the computer doing any of the above. I keep telling myself to relax a bit but I genuinely can't or else it won't get done, I wish I could adopt the attitude that work isn't everything but it is...it pays for everything that's fun! Agh!
At the moment, the light at the end of the tunnel for me is having a holiday to look forward to but then again I only have to pay for myself so it's not the same pressure as what others may experience but it's helping me a little. Crappy day? I think about how nice it will be to get away from it all!
I hope you feel better soon
I'm a teacher and am currently in the midst of organising reports, sports days, preparing for an observation by the vice principal, planning for lessons, writing up observations and then obviously the actual teaching. I feel like I never have a minute to myself, and whilst yes, I post on here a lot I do it whilst sitting at the computer doing any of the above. I keep telling myself to relax a bit but I genuinely can't or else it won't get done, I wish I could adopt the attitude that work isn't everything but it is...it pays for everything that's fun! Agh!
At the moment, the light at the end of the tunnel for me is having a holiday to look forward to but then again I only have to pay for myself so it's not the same pressure as what others may experience but it's helping me a little. Crappy day? I think about how nice it will be to get away from it all!
I hope you feel better soon
kingleds
Gold Member
*Emsie* said:As a working mum I just feel as though the pressures are never ending and am trying to figure out what can give but struggling to see the wood for the trees.
Just wondering how others manage?
I have no idea how you manage it all emsie, and as I don't have kids I don't feel qualified to make any specific comments about what can give & what can't. Though I often look at your schedule & feel exhausted on your behalf.
One thing my (otherwise useless) GP once said when I was suffering with stress was 'even in my job there are things that can wait til tomorrow'. I guess the problem is figuring out what those things are that can wait til tomorrow.
Maybe write a list & that might help you get a bit of clarity?
Big Hugs hun x
*Emsie*
Gold Member
What I meant to put in my first post was that I was impressed by a post of Kingleds recently where she identified changes she needed to make and acted on them quite soon after. Thanks Kingleds!
It has inspired me to make changes to but am struggling to see what can change currently.
It has inspired me to make changes to but am struggling to see what can change currently.
big bear
A bear on a mission!
As a working mum I just feel as though the pressures are never ending and am trying to figure out what can give but struggling to see the wood for the trees.
Just wondering how others manage?
Hi Emsie
I'm in the same boat as you, 2 little ones & work 3 days a week. On my days off I've to drop my son to school & pick him up.
Then there is all the laundry, cleaning, cooking etc....
I'm absolutely exhausted when I get home but then when its time to go to bed I'm over tired & can't sleep or the little one wakes up in the night.
I'm overwhelmed with doing things indoors as I can't always get things done when little ones are up and have to do it when they go to bed. My spare room in like a launderette piles of clothes & baskets of clothes to be washed. As I live in a flat its getting them dried.
I just don't know sometimes & have to have in laws take the kids on my days off to try & catch up!
If you are a full time working Mum I've no idea how you cope XX
It gets mundane I feel, tryin to catch up, get things done, focus on weight, fitting in excercise and tryin to have a life. Lack of sleep doesn't help either. It just seems like a merry go round that we are never getting off.
I am lucky my little one is too small for clubs etc after school...is it tryin to fit it all in that's getting to you? Chin up as it will work out x
I am lucky my little one is too small for clubs etc after school...is it tryin to fit it all in that's getting to you? Chin up as it will work out x
*Emsie*
Gold Member
Thanks for the replies x
I don't know if its my age or what I just can't seem to do as much as want/need to
Something I'd like to be able to change is my work/work hours. I work 9.15-3.15 Mon-Fri in a school but don't feel the job stretches me or is enough money for the hours that it takes up but its money that I need and it fits reasonably well with the kids. I'm just not sure how to change it, it seems crazy to give up a job with so many hols but the fact that it fits so well with the family means I actually get no time to myself which is something I like and though am home reasonably early it means I am expected to do most of what needs doing in the eves.
I don't feel like I have the energy etc to put in to progress in my work or study to change careers etc but don't feel satisfied in my job though I know it could be worse if I didn't have the income from a job so amlucky in that way!
It feels like its getting harder in some way as my kids get older as I want to go to bed before they are ready to etc
I set the alarm for 6.45 and am ready for bed about 9 but its usually about 11 before get there but in theory that is suposed to be enough sleep but it doesn't feel like it.
Trying to keep the house nice, spend time with kids, hubby, friends, eat healthy exercise etc on top is feeling never ending
I have been doing ww as thought that would be a bit more flexible and it is in a way but stilltakes time and effort to plan etc
I know I am lucky to have what I have I just wish I could manage it better and manage to enjoy it more.
I don't know if its my age or what I just can't seem to do as much as want/need to
Something I'd like to be able to change is my work/work hours. I work 9.15-3.15 Mon-Fri in a school but don't feel the job stretches me or is enough money for the hours that it takes up but its money that I need and it fits reasonably well with the kids. I'm just not sure how to change it, it seems crazy to give up a job with so many hols but the fact that it fits so well with the family means I actually get no time to myself which is something I like and though am home reasonably early it means I am expected to do most of what needs doing in the eves.
I don't feel like I have the energy etc to put in to progress in my work or study to change careers etc but don't feel satisfied in my job though I know it could be worse if I didn't have the income from a job so amlucky in that way!
It feels like its getting harder in some way as my kids get older as I want to go to bed before they are ready to etc
I set the alarm for 6.45 and am ready for bed about 9 but its usually about 11 before get there but in theory that is suposed to be enough sleep but it doesn't feel like it.
Trying to keep the house nice, spend time with kids, hubby, friends, eat healthy exercise etc on top is feeling never ending
I have been doing ww as thought that would be a bit more flexible and it is in a way but stilltakes time and effort to plan etc
I know I am lucky to have what I have I just wish I could manage it better and manage to enjoy it more.
jaylou
Gold Member
Firstly - do NOT expect too much of yourself. There's so much peer and social pressure to be the "perfect" wife/mother/woman these days and it's just not possible to achieve.
I work full time, have done since my daughter was very very young, I was a single parent for a long time so I know how hard it is.
Do what needs to be done, not what it would be nice to have done. So, cook the meals needed and do the washing required but other than that, it doesn't matter if the house is hoovered and dusted.
Get the kids to help a little. My daughter doesn't do much, but she empties the dishwasher, cleans her room and her bathroom and makes her own packed lunch. She'll also make a start on dinner if I leave her instructions.
Make a bit of time for yourself, even if it's just 30 minutes to read a magazine or book or go for a little walk.
This is my day - up at 0630, breakfast and leave for work at 0730. I get home around 5pm. I'll get dinner on and put some washing in if the forecast for the next day is good. That way it can be pegged out first thing before I go to work. We have dinner together most days around 6pm. Then I'll walk the dog, fetch and carry daughter where required and I always sit down around 8pm. That is my time.
Saturday is housework/garden day - I do the ironing, bathroom, our bedroom and hoover and dust, mop the floors. Normally done by lunchtime. Long walk with the dog.
Sunday is family day - a walk, a day out, family lunch, potter in the garden - anything non house related!
I used to beat myself up if I hadn't gone to the gym, been for a run etc, now I walk the dog. I used to fret if there was stuff all over the worktop or ironing waiting, now it waits until Saturday.
As I read in a book recently "no-one ever died from sleeping in an unmade bed".
I also tell myself that it can only get easier.
I work full time, have done since my daughter was very very young, I was a single parent for a long time so I know how hard it is.
Do what needs to be done, not what it would be nice to have done. So, cook the meals needed and do the washing required but other than that, it doesn't matter if the house is hoovered and dusted.
Get the kids to help a little. My daughter doesn't do much, but she empties the dishwasher, cleans her room and her bathroom and makes her own packed lunch. She'll also make a start on dinner if I leave her instructions.
Make a bit of time for yourself, even if it's just 30 minutes to read a magazine or book or go for a little walk.
This is my day - up at 0630, breakfast and leave for work at 0730. I get home around 5pm. I'll get dinner on and put some washing in if the forecast for the next day is good. That way it can be pegged out first thing before I go to work. We have dinner together most days around 6pm. Then I'll walk the dog, fetch and carry daughter where required and I always sit down around 8pm. That is my time.
Saturday is housework/garden day - I do the ironing, bathroom, our bedroom and hoover and dust, mop the floors. Normally done by lunchtime. Long walk with the dog.
Sunday is family day - a walk, a day out, family lunch, potter in the garden - anything non house related!
I used to beat myself up if I hadn't gone to the gym, been for a run etc, now I walk the dog. I used to fret if there was stuff all over the worktop or ironing waiting, now it waits until Saturday.
As I read in a book recently "no-one ever died from sleeping in an unmade bed".
I also tell myself that it can only get easier.
*Emsie*
Gold Member
I think its working out where to fit in that 'my time' which is causing me stress. I know from the amount of posts I put on here it may look like I have a lot of it but I am usually doing other things or feeling guilty for what I should be doing etc
Am up with the kids in a.m then work then sorting meals etc out, trying to fit in exercise and then am exhausted and hubby wants attention
Hmmmm what to do!? or not do!
I think the Mon to Fri thing is getting me down strangely as have never done it before this job and though I thought it would be great having evenings and weekends regularly it doesn't feel like that currently. Saturdays feels like the aftermath of the week and then Sundays preparing for the coming week! Boys football take up a lot of weekends too
jaylou
Gold Member
My "me time" can even be watching the TV with hubby, as long as I'm not cooking, cleaning or running round like a headless chicken.
The guilt thing took me a long time to get over. I don't feel guilty now if I haven't mopped the floors, or cleaned the loo, or hoovered.
I would list the things that you do each week, then tick off what can give for a bit - I know people who mop the floor and clean the bathroom and hoover every day, not necessary (in my book anyway). I'd rather walk the dog. We both get exercise and I get some fresh air!
The guilt thing took me a long time to get over. I don't feel guilty now if I haven't mopped the floors, or cleaned the loo, or hoovered.
I would list the things that you do each week, then tick off what can give for a bit - I know people who mop the floor and clean the bathroom and hoover every day, not necessary (in my book anyway). I'd rather walk the dog. We both get exercise and I get some fresh air!
holiday-dieter
Silver Member
Totally symphasise with you and have no idea how you manage to look after children too! I'm a teacher too and find it incredibly difficult to manage my workload and just myself to look after! Just when I think I can relax we have more and more stuff to do/hand in and it seems never ending! Having said that I really love my class and wouldn't change my job at all!
Having said that I really love my class and wouldn't change my job at all!*Emsie* said:
Good god I could have written that!!! I work part time but need more money but can't afford more child care. I want to get new qualification to take me into a new career but don't have the money to do so due to lack of money. Feel frightened to take the plunge as everything "except for me"
Seems to work the way it is. Now my son is booked into pre school nursery as we had to pick a school where I do alternate school run with my sister so the next so many years seem mapped out without me progressing anywhere.
Didn't mean to make it all about me but was good to have someone who has same issues/problems as me. It's also good to let it all out haha
Happy Holidays
Gold Member
My OH has always worked shifts, which help when our two were younger. I did & still do 1 hour of housework in the morning before work, I'm a morning person & this fits in with me because I can get up early enough to fit it in & I actually don't mind, but what it does mean is in the evening the only thing I do is fill/empty the dishwasher. OH is usually home before me & has always had the tea ready, ok sometimes I have to eat cucumber in curry (yes really) but I never complain what he's made. The only housework I do at the weekends is change the bedding & ironing.
If for whatever reason I can't do housework in the morning it will wait until the next day, I really don't stress myself out if the bathroom doesn't get cleaned, or the living room doesn't get polished, these things will all be there waiting for me when I'm ready for them.
What I did find which helped when my children was young was going to the gym, I'd make sure I went straight after work & stayed just for 1 hour but it was bliss & I really enjoyed it.
Make time for yourself to do something, go swimming, go to a class of some sort, make a regular date with a friend, but make sure it's regular & no matter how you feel you always have 'me time'.
You won't always need to work school hours in a few years time you'll be able to get a job you really want, try & tell yourself that this job is just fitting in with you at this time in your life & in a few years you can do XYZ.
If for whatever reason I can't do housework in the morning it will wait until the next day, I really don't stress myself out if the bathroom doesn't get cleaned, or the living room doesn't get polished, these things will all be there waiting for me when I'm ready for them.
What I did find which helped when my children was young was going to the gym, I'd make sure I went straight after work & stayed just for 1 hour but it was bliss & I really enjoyed it.
Make time for yourself to do something, go swimming, go to a class of some sort, make a regular date with a friend, but make sure it's regular & no matter how you feel you always have 'me time'.
You won't always need to work school hours in a few years time you'll be able to get a job you really want, try & tell yourself that this job is just fitting in with you at this time in your life & in a few years you can do XYZ.
Shirleen
Gold Member
List and time management, and distribution of labour!
For example (this is week one of two week rolling Rota)
Monday day off work (given up 2nd job) date with hubby between 10-2pm, prep lunches, breakfast for next 2-3 days depending on schedule.
Tuesday: Work 7-10 sleep in (son has ready meal/cooks for himself)
Wednesday: work 7-4, do Mums shopping (shes housebound but doesnt like long visits) drop it round, shipping being delivered, prep dinner eat around 8pm, do Kettleworx about 9.30
Thursday: day off SW at 9.15, opticians at 10am, gym at 11am, meeting with boss at 1pm, afternoon to myself (prob go to gym) before taking son to Rugby at 5.30 home at 7 cook meal eat at 8pm
Friday: day off, gym at 7am clean downstairs bathroom, deep clean kitchen, prep dinner for Friday and Saturday night, and Sundays lasagne (cooking mince).
Saturday: work 7-4, straight to church for very important event, home by 8pm to cook and snuggle with old man.
Sunday: take Dort to work for 9am, straight on to church, home by 12.30 eat pack work bag, work from 4-10 pm sleep in until 7am.
straight to Gym!
It works because my husband does the washing and ironing and is attached to the Hoover!
Dort does bathroom and stairs and landing, son keeps lounge tidy and helps put shopping away, Hubby cooks a roast on Sundays when I'm not working.
I sleep 11.30pm ( I hope; this is new resolution, usually it's 12.30am), up at 6am.
Sorry but even if your hubby works more hours it's no excuse! He can pitch in, live in squalor thems the choice!
The other thing is to time your lists! Say you have to do ironing and clean the bathroom, put a limit on it, 30 minutes for ironing and 20 minutes for bathroom, set your phone alarm and down tools when it goes off!
As my driving instructor used to say 'is anyone dead?.... Then whatcha feeling guilty for??'
For example (this is week one of two week rolling Rota)
Monday day off work (given up 2nd job) date with hubby between 10-2pm, prep lunches, breakfast for next 2-3 days depending on schedule.
Tuesday: Work 7-10 sleep in (son has ready meal/cooks for himself)
Wednesday: work 7-4, do Mums shopping (shes housebound but doesnt like long visits) drop it round, shipping being delivered, prep dinner eat around 8pm, do Kettleworx about 9.30
Thursday: day off SW at 9.15, opticians at 10am, gym at 11am, meeting with boss at 1pm, afternoon to myself (prob go to gym) before taking son to Rugby at 5.30 home at 7 cook meal eat at 8pm
Friday: day off, gym at 7am clean downstairs bathroom, deep clean kitchen, prep dinner for Friday and Saturday night, and Sundays lasagne (cooking mince).
Saturday: work 7-4, straight to church for very important event, home by 8pm to cook and snuggle with old man.
Sunday: take Dort to work for 9am, straight on to church, home by 12.30 eat pack work bag, work from 4-10 pm sleep in until 7am.
straight to Gym!
It works because my husband does the washing and ironing and is attached to the Hoover!
Dort does bathroom and stairs and landing, son keeps lounge tidy and helps put shopping away, Hubby cooks a roast on Sundays when I'm not working.
I sleep 11.30pm ( I hope; this is new resolution, usually it's 12.30am), up at 6am.
Sorry but even if your hubby works more hours it's no excuse! He can pitch in, live in squalor thems the choice!
The other thing is to time your lists! Say you have to do ironing and clean the bathroom, put a limit on it, 30 minutes for ironing and 20 minutes for bathroom, set your phone alarm and down tools when it goes off!
As my driving instructor used to say 'is anyone dead?.... Then whatcha feeling guilty for??'
*Emsie*
Gold Member
I'm not a teacher so don't get the workload you describe(thankfully) I work in a special needs school and this makes my job very physical as we are transferring children from one piece of equipment to another all day. I do love the kids its just there is so much else to do at home!Totally symphasise with you and have no idea how you manage to look after children too! I'm a teacher too and find it incredibly difficult to manage my workload and just myself to look after! Just when I think I can relax we have more and more stuff to do/hand in and it seems never ending!
*Emsie*
Gold Member
The joys of motherhood eh? So lucky to have our kids but we do still have other needs too which end up on the backburner. If you can find money or whatever you need to make the changes/plans/study for yourself then try and do so. My kids are getting older and I'm at a stage now where I'mnot sure I can be bothered to study more but when the kids have all flown the nestand more independent will I regret it?
*Emsie*
Gold Member
She does the cleaning up of kitchen once or twice a week and is supposed to cook once a week but thats not happened as often of late but her commitments are changing so we need to re look at when she can do it.
Sons are 10 and 12 and I need to start the older one on helping cooking morebut to be honest it feels easier to do it myself most nights and he has a very long school day with gramar school and the travel and homework and as for the youngest he brings his own challenges.
The boys do do the emptying of the dishwasher daily between them.
*Emsie*
Gold Member
I definitely need to make myself some sort of plan and manage my time more effectively....could probably start with spending less time on here! I have got rid of facebook which has helped a bit. I do do a fewthings for myself like go for swim/zumba but they are feeling like part of thechores at the mo because am fed up of stuff...need to remember why I do them!
