25 stone to 19 stone in 8 months.

[KittyBling]

I don't feel Felicity's post were abusive in any way. I think if you re-read them, Helena, you'll see that she is talking a lot of sense and giving you some really good advice. It is, of course, up to you whether or not you take that well meant advice.

 

[366to266]

I'm going to suggest that you try something like the Nom Nom Paelo Whole 30 Helena. You will need to do a bit of home cooking though.
I find having a detox day with just water, fruit and veggies can help kickstart the diet head. Sometimes your liver just needs a break from constantly dealing with the junk it's being fed.

Yes I think that sounds like a good idea. I haven't heard of the nom nom paleo. I can cope with a bit of cooking... depends what it entails. I like making soup and curries, because half an hour's work gives you 10 meals, but when it involves baking I have found it terribly tedious to spend ages in the kitchen to make something that gets eaten in 30 seconds.

Definitely need a detox. I might pop out in a minute, take a walk and get some fruit in, then have a day on fruit, water, fruit tea with lemon juice and live yoghurt.

Last night I had a (face to face) talk with a boyfriend. I felt more positive after that. Then a friend I thought I'd lost got in touch this morning and asked me out to a comedy club. We also cleared up what turned out to be a huge misunderstanding, much to my relief. Then I had a long private chat with someone on Facebook today, she was a stranger, yet she was so kind and it left me feeling slightly lifted out of my depression. By the end I had decided to start going to water aerobics from tomorrow morning, and get back as much as I can on the diet that caused me to lose 25lb a few months ago.

As far as I can tell, the candida may have gone, as I no longer smell of yeast and the cravings for sugar and wheat have gone. So I think I can return to the old diet. If the symptoms return I will have to rethink it and go onto Atkins for a few weeks perhaps.

It's actually very hard to look after yourself (which is what diet and exercise is) when you are feeling suicidally depressed. (What is the point of trying to get lighter and fitter if you might not be alive much longer anyway?) I think you have to get into the frame of mind of loving yourself so that you CARE enough to put in the effort. You have to believe that you and your life are actually WORTH saving. You need self esteem, confidence and belief in yourself.

When strangers suddenly plunge into your life, having never met you, knowing little about your life or the multiple traumas that caused you to overeat your way up to 370lbs, and say you are a useless good for nothing who will never lose any weight, it doesn't make you feel good about yourself, doesn't make your want to love and look after yourself. It doesn't give you the confidence to believe that you DID do it before and you CAN do it again.

What I have to keep on remembering, and this is absolutely crucial, is that I have done it. I have lost altogether 49 pounds, half of it recently, and that is an amazing achievement. I seem to keep forgetting that that really was me who did it. My only hope of survival is to get back in touch with that person who was toddling along very nicely, losing 2lb a week without starvation, and who loved water aerobics.

Bullying, insulting, sneering, berating or putting me down has never worked to get me back to remembering the state of mind I was in when I was achieving my goals.

If this isn't a safe place or the proper place for me to state exactly what I am feeling then I can always join another forum.

 

[366to266]

duplicated in error

 

[366to266]

KittyBling and Theria if you dislike me, my venting, my personality, my posts, my journal then WHY DO YOU KEEP COMING BACK HERE AND POSTING?

Felicity is a made-up anonymous troll poster who said that I would never succeed at dieting. Is that what ANY 300lb+ woman needs to hear on a diet forum?

KittyBling and Theria are added to my ignore list. This means I cannot see any of their posts.

If anyone else dislikes my posts why keep coming back here? There are HUNDREDS of other threads of people who you will absolutely love and adore.

 

[KittyBling]

I would love to know what banning and ignoring people who are only trying to help is designed to achieve? However you do have "form" for it as I mentioned in a previous post so I'll leave you to it.

 

[366to266]

I would love to know what banning and ignoring people who are only trying to help is designed to achieve? However you do have "form" for it as I mentioned in a previous post so I'll leave you to it.

I don't find it "helpful" to be mocked for having candida, to be ridiculed for trying to stick to the diet that cures it. THAT is what I found intolerable, NOT what you keep accusing me of - i.e. that I just don't like people disagreeing with me.

When people come on here and say, "I've got a cold, so I am taking paracetamol, hot lemon drinks, Vick on my chest and lost of rest" I don't see them being ridiculed and laughed at, and told that they are stupid for "self diagnosing" instead of going running to a doctor. So, why me?

There are some people in the world who seek out people who are depressed or struggling, and they prey on them. They love to kick them when they are down. They get their jollies that way. You don't see them on the threads of people who are happy and succeeding, they aren't interested in going there ... they want an easy target, someone vulnerable. That is what "Felicity" was all about, not helping me.

 

[Bigbear]

I'm really saddened to see the way we are communicating on these pages.

I'm not going to get involved in who's 'right or wrong' here, in fact, is there Right or wrong in these situations??

It's easier to see other people's situations objectively. I don't believe anyone on this forum is deliberately choosing the wrong plan, or not doing well on their diet. There is no magic cure, and we've all got ourselves into these situations for no LOGICAL reason.

this forum is to support each other, and Helenas page is for her to express herself and record her journey in her own way and in her own fabulous words (love reading your posts!!!)

Helena, I'm glad to read your more recent posts sounding positive, I think a walk and some fruit etc sounds great. I hope you can find your determination again, I remember back in the autumn when you were making great progress and I really enjoyed reading your upbeat posts. You can find yourself thee again, I'm sure of it. I hope you can find a plan and stick to it so see some losses again on the scales.

we started this journey together, and I want to stick with you!! One observation I would have after following your diary for the last four months is that I think you should be careful about setting goals that are realistic. I think in the past sometimes your enthusiasm gets the better of you and you set up goals and routines that go by the wayside too soon.
Having said that, I once read that people who aim higher achieve more, so perhaps that's the way you're wired??!?

New year, new start and I'm still here for you

Claire xxxxxx

 

[tranquility]

Interestingly when I read "Felicity's" initial post alarm bells went off in my head regarding a previous poster who caused upset on Helena's thread several months ago. I find it very strange that "Felicity" registered as a member on the same date that the previous troublesome poster last posted on this thread which also led to Helena reporting her to the mods. There are lot of posters on Minimins who bare their souls where weight loss is concerned so why did "Felicity" select Helena and only Helena?

 

[PrincessSparklePants]

I don't think Felicity et al were trying to cause problems or trolling, love. You are feeling particularly vulnerable and upset and of course a post giving you the "kick up the bum" ( that you asked for) will make you feel worse but it was meant from the best place to try and help you to get out of the slump that you're in.

We are a supportive and caring forum and everyone tries to advise others with what has worked for them (or their professional knowledge/experience). Some are more from the hip than others - but EVERYONE wants to help. Noone's pointing the fingers or bullying.

 

[WelshJojo]

Ditto what PSP says. I read it that it was the 'kick up the bum' you'd asked for. I also know from being 10+ stone overweight that the truth hurts sometimes. I also agree that can be dangerous to self diagnose, however in this instance you appear to have alleviated your symptoms yourself. I hope going forward, you can try and find a happy medium for your dieting, and that you have the success you deserve. Look forward to reading your posts again soon xx

 

[weebuns]

It's actually very hard to look after yourself (which is what diet and exercise is) when you are feeling suicidally depressed. (What is the point of trying to get lighter and fitter if you might not be alive much longer anyway?) I think you have to get into the frame of mind of loving yourself so that you CARE enough to put in the effort. You have to believe that you and your life are actually WORTH saving. You need self esteem, confidence and belief in yourself.

When strangers suddenly plunge into your life, having never met you, knowing little about your life or the multiple traumas that caused you to overeat your way up to 370lbs, and say you are a useless good for nothing who will never lose any weight, it doesn't make you feel good about yourself, doesn't make your want to love and look after yourself. It doesn't give you the confidence to believe that you DID do it before and you CAN do it again.
.

I read this post yesterday and have given some thought before posting a reply. If you are genuinely feeling "suicidally depressed" then I urge you to talk to someone now. Call the Samaritans or any of the other helplines that are available. Flailing about blaming everything and everyone..past and present...for how you are feeling, your current status and for the food you choose to eat isn't getting you anywhere and you will still be stuck in this limbo for the foreseeable future. Go to your GP, tell them how you are feeling and ask for their help..there is no shame in admitting you need help and support and it sounds like you need more than this forum can offer. And I can't see where anyone said you were a worthless good for nothing that will never lose weight. All people have tried to do is get you to open your mind a little to the possibility that you may have to make changes you don't like to get to where you want to be. People actually are trying to help you if you could just take a step back and see it.

 

[hershey]

How are you doing Helena? Xx

 

[Bigbear]

Let us know how things are going Helena x

 

[hershey]

Good on you for coming back on Helena xx

I fully understand why you felt the way you felt after the whole 'felicity' thing. I would feel exactly the same.

Can I ask, are you on anti depressants? I think I recall you not liking the drs or them not being very understanding, so wasn't sure if you would have gone to them for help.

I will say this though, I hate the drs but I rang them up and explained how depressed I was (suicidal) (which by the way, doesn't mean a person is going to kill themselves, just that they feel like they should and FEELING like that is bad enough), and she prescribed me tablets over the phone which my husband picked up for me. They have helped enormously and I urge you to do the same so maybe then it will break this cycle.

You have an awful lot of negativity going on on a daily basis and there's no one I know that could handle that without breaking down and falling back on whatever addiction they have, be it food, drink, smoking.
You cannot be expected to deal with it without it affecting you, you are human.

The fb thing for abolishing prostitution sounds like a positive thing for you to set your mind on and it's good to have something to focus on. But you must focus on yourself too.

Find something you enjoy, your favourite book, a hot bath with posh bubbles, a cup of tea and your favourite album and just try to push all the other stuff out of your mind.

The most important thing right now Helena is to deal with the depression. I understand if you don't want to go to the Drs, but I promise you the tablets would help. If you are unable to do that then how about giving St. John's wort a go?
Once you have all these crazy thoughts and feelings under control, the Weightloss will follow.

It's great you have a Tesco order coming thats full of good food. Write a meal planner, stick it on the fridge and stick to it.

When I know I'm having a bad week (totm) I pre plan the food and buy easy cook stuff like pasta bake or ready meals or oven stuff. It's not ideal but it's not takeaway and you know the calories and you save money.

Food is your comfort but it's also making you unhappy. You have to break the cycle.

Please just concentrate on you for the time being and in time everything will click into place xxxx

 

[weebuns]

I second going to see your gp.. as I wrote the other day. I would make it your first stop. Speaking as someone who is currently on medication it can make the world of difference.

 

[TracyGWill]

Hi Helena. I would definitely recommend going to see your doctor for help as well, as we can't offer the sort of professional counselling I think you need to enable you to address your issues around food and other things in your life. I must admit I've been guilty of failing to do the same myself - I really need to see a GP about the, at times, crippling anxiety I've suffered from for a very long time, so I think I may bite the bullet and take my own advice when I see my doctor next week about my knee! xx

 

[366to266]

"The USA National Institutes of Health studies that linked obesity to heart disease and stroke were based on male subjects; when a study of females was finally published in 1990, it showed that weight made only a fraction of the difference for women that it made for men.[…] Female fat is not in itself unhealthy. […] A cultural fixation on female thinness is not an obsession about female beauty but an obsession about female obedience."

Fat-shaming women doesn

 

[366to266]

Good on you for coming back on Helena xx


Can I ask, are you on anti depressants? I think I recall you not liking the drs or them not being very understanding, so wasn't sure if you would have gone to them for help.

I will say this though, I hate the drs but I rang them up and explained how depressed I was (suicidal) (which by the way, doesn't mean a person is going to kill themselves, just that they feel like they should and FEELING like that is bad enough), and she prescribed me tablets over the phone which my husband picked up for me. They have helped enormously and I urge you to do the same so maybe then it will break this cycle.

Please just concentrate on you for the time being and in time everything will click into place xxxx

Hello Hershey, my true friend!

I have huge problems with seeing my GPs. We get a five-minute appointment and if you say the word "depression" it's just straight onto the drugs. I have resisted for many years now the easy slide into drug dependency. I've sometimes accepted the prescription to please the doctor, and then thrown it in the street bin. I've even had the bloomin thing made up, at my own expense of course, and then not taken the tablets. I still have an unopened box of them in the medicine cabinet.

My boyfriend gave me a bag of St John's Wort tablets, and I still have them and they make up my selection of daily vitamins. However, but I struggle to remember to take the vitamins every day. I should put them out on my desk instead of in the drawer, maybe. It's part and parcel of self-neglect.

Why I don't want to take pharmaceutical drugs:

When "Googling" to find info on the drug I'd just brought home from the chemist, I stumbled across a dependency forum in which people were struggling to come off the drug. Some found they had panic attacks every time they reduced the dose. I really don't want to be like that.

My mind resists the idea that it's normal for a human to have to take a drug every day. It's deeply ingrained in me that pills are things you take when you have a headache etc. They aren't something you should be depending on daily on a long term basis.

There isn't anything "wrong" with me. I think my misery is a perfectly natural, human reaction to what I see around me. My depression arises as a reaction to things that are really happening for real in real life. It is a cruel, horrible world, and I for one will be grateful to be out of it. I'm glad I'm 56, I've had my life. The only thing that gives me really deep comfort is the knowledge that suicide is a possibility. That feels like an escape plan when it all gets too much. The people that amaze me are those that skip through life in a blinkered dream world, focusing on fashion, "celebs" and soap operas, closing their eyes, minds and hearts to all the horrors in the world.

Lastly, I am not depressed all the time, but you have to take anti depressants all of the time. If they were like paracetamol with a headache ... take two, and probably not have to take another two for another five or six months, I'd happily take them to cheer me up on a given day. But they aren't like that: they are a lifestyle, and they are addictive.

On the other hand, I have two friends who took Prozac for ages and they recommend them, as well as Weebuns and yourself Hershey.

I've had counselling: two years of it. It ended last July.

"Find something you enjoy, your favourite book, a hot bath with posh bubbles". That made me smile (though wryly). I have not been able to get into my bath for 4 years (i.e. too fat). I am going to get a robust back-neck-shoulders massage this evening though, from my friend, and that always makes me feel wonderful and relaxed.


Thank you Weebuns and Tracey.

I am sorry to report that I went to the Co Op to get plain live bio yoghurt for my home made fat free chicken curry, and accidentally picked up an entire carrot cake, which I have just accidentally eaten 3/4 of. Sorry. New start tomorrow. I was intending to go to aquafit but the police man is coming at 0900. Maybe Tuesday. Shame I am not making more of my new lodger (who replaced Mr Rapist) because not only is he superfit but he's a fully qualified personal trainer and manager of the local gym!

Helena xxxxx

 

[hershey]

I understand what you mean about not wanting to take them everyday and I too struggled with this for a long time. Then i realised that if taking 1 small tablet a day can make me feel less like killing myself and more like living then I'm willing to do that for me and my family.

I'm on citalopram which is much less strong than Prozac. After 10 days on it now I am a new me. I've been on it since I was 18 (I'm 32 in 3 weeks) but I've had stint of not taking it for the reasons above and each time I fell into a deep deep depression.

It does sound as though you aren't clinically depressed, although when I am depressed, I'm not showing signs of it 24/7, perhaps like you say, you are just reactive in your depression.

As for the bath, I did consider you may be like me and can't fit in to your bath but thought possibly you had a corner bath of something. I wish i did.

I hope your friend can help you relax, and YES take advantage of your new lodgers skills!!! X

 

[ladyfelsham]

Sorry to hear about the carrot cake - we must have the same shopping trolleys, because I often come home with something that another mischievous shopper has put in there! Actually it's why I do online shopping - I can put naughty things in the virtual basket but I always chuck them all out before i get to the checkout

Also - another St Johns Wort user here. I have them at home, at work, in my bag...