5 years later... let's do this thing!

So... yeah, have been out to eat with boyfriend and friends every day since he got here. The down-a-size jeans still close but are getting tight. Argh!
 
Weighed myself this morning, surprisingly have lost a tiny bit of weight. Still nowhere near what I weighed pre-friends' visit but if I don't go back above 104 by the end of Christmas then I'll tell myself to realistically be very happy with that. Am enjoying meals out with friends and the general festivities, and trying to not gorge which is the main difference for me.
 
Today had a pre-Christmas lunch, as with everything I've been eating and enjoying but not pushing myself to finish/overeat what's there. So that's something. Am heading to my family's on Monday for a week, could weigh myself on Monday morning before I go but it might depress me...
 
So... yeah, Christmas weight-wise has been a disaster, my clothes are tight once more and I dread the scales. Starting today going back on macros now that I'm back home and not seeing family or friends for a while, got exams at the end of January so staying home to study. Bulk-cooked for the next 7 days (food's a bit dry but nutritious) so that'll save me some time. I'm unsure if I should weigh myself now and depress myself, or just go ahead with macros and weigh myself once the clothes feel better.
 
Starting day 3 of back-on-macros, body feels over-tired while it's adjusting, I really want (but don't crave, interesting) more sweet carbs, and I'm almost waiting for the day to end so I can be a step closer to goal weight. I hate this transition period, I hope it passes quickly and I soon feel that normal eating is, well that, normal.
 
Slept really badly last night, eventually nodded off about 2 and woke up at 7. Had breakfast about 7.30ish, went back to study, nodded off at 10 and woke at 12 ravenous for lunch. Still feeling tired and out of sorts, probably nervousness about the exams isn't helping. Usually during exam periods I eat a lot of snacks, only one time do I remember not doing so and that was when I was on Lipotrim all those years ago. Need to tell myself that I can get through these exams without using food as a crutch.

On the plus side just booked flights for a holiday in August, so that's new motivation to be in better form by then!
 
Didn't sleep so well last night, but woke up refreshed enough. Had tea and breakfast at a good time, not hungry for lunch yet so that's an improvement on yesterday. Heading out to teach at 4pm, so taking a snack with me to tide me over until I get home at 10ish. Evening teaching's not great but it pays the bills.
 
Weighed in, and... about the same as before Christmas. So that's good to know that a week of macro-ing has brought me back down. Going to be back on track now! Just finished bulk-cooking to take me until the end of Saturday so that's out of the way, macro-wise if I add in a daily fruit I'll be okay, which is good now I'm back working odd shifts. Last night I got home at 10pm and my head was spinning so I definitely need to plan out meals better!
 
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Staying at home studying is screwing with my eating and sleeping patterns, I'll be so glad when this is all over and I can resume normality. Thankfully there isn't so much temptation now to snack, but I find myself looking forward to mealtimes to break the monotony of studying. I did a sneaky weigh-in before breakfast and I'm losing weight so that's good, not as much weight as I'd hoped but I need to stop thinking in terms of numbers and see it in terms of direction i.e. downwards.
 
This time I was prepared and took a sandwich with me to have after work, so I left work hungry at 8.30pm and was inside the warm station eating at 9pm. Then got home and just finished a potato, still within macros and feels like I'm overeating with all the little meals. Tomorrow I'm out all day between work and errands so I'll almost certainly eat out, shall try to have something light in the evening to not offset the progress up until now.
 
Yesterday was an odd day foodwise. I was in a rush leaving the house so just had some tuna, then spent the morning getting an important bureauratic process done (living abroad is fun), when that was done I went to a favourite chain restaurant (fried food) for celebratory lunch. The starter was delicious. When the main course came I was already really full, and started forcing myself to slowly eat it. Then I stopped because the food wasn't going to get eaten anyway, so why force myself. This for me is a big shift in thinking, very mixed thoughts and feelings about that. Had herbal tea instead of dessert, then spent the next half hour in search of a bathroom (the ones in the restaurant were out of paper) because my stomach really didn't like what I'd eaten. Fascinating. I wasn't hungry until I was on my way home at about 9pm, when I got home after 10pm I ended up having a small potato and tuna. So not sure what that was about.
 
Last night I slept really badly because of some heavy news I'd gotten just before bed. This morning I teleworked for an hour and a half, then fell asleep again. I woke up after midday and had lunch at 2ish, then studied a while before heading out to work. Got home at 8pm-ish and bulk cooked, so now I have lunch prepped until the end of exams, so that's one less thing to do. While putting in today's dinner I realised that I didn't have anywhere near enough calories for the day, so had the last of my Christmas mince pies to make up that difference. Not the best way of doing it but oh well, tomorrow providing I sleep well things should be more normal. Now back to studying, I both dread the start of exams and just want them to be over and done with.
 
Went out to study at the library and went to KFC for dinner before going back to study again. Over-caloried quite a bit today, it was tasty as a one-off so not going to feel too guilty about it. I recorded it in My Fitness Pal and am surprised at how many calories it has, keeping this as motivation to not overdo it as a regular thing and keep it as an occasional treat.
 
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Uff exam revision's killing me. I ate early lunch at midday because I was hungry, and just finished dinner at 4.30pm because either hungry or bored or stressed or can't tell. Still within macros, just, but it's so tempting to pig out on junk and call it 'justified' because of the stress. Which is how I got so heavy in the first place. Almost looking forward to bedtime just to get the day over and done with, but I still have a lot of studying to finish.
 
Eating pattern similar to yesterday. Had breakfast when I woke up at 9am, got hungry and had lunch at midday, berries snack at 1ish, and dinner at 5pm. Now I'm a bit hungry and mildly headachey and quite tired and just so fed up of studying. Exams start on Monday, if I stop now and try to sleep then I'll wake up at midnightish, and I won't be in the mindset for studying then. But if I had coffee now, I'd struggle to sleep later. Damnit.
 
Today I paced myself well with meals and had enough calories for a good berries snack. Tomorrow my exams start, I was hoping to stay home in the morning and study but my cat's not well so going to try to get a vet appointment first thing. Depending what time we get back, I'll either eat here and then head out for the exam, or have something out in the town where the exam is. Got food in the fridge so can go either way, I'll see what happens with the cat.
 
The first day of exams went badly, and I spent the better part at the morning at the vet, in the end they took some blood and told me to wait a few days to see if it's a kidney or thyroid problem. So that's worrying. On the way home after the exam I called my boyfriend, he suggested getting a cake to cheer up. I did consider it on my way home, but in the end just came straight home. Don't want to fall back into associating poor mood with food. Not quite sure what to have for dinner and am feeling really demotivated about tomorrow's exams, weighed myself this morning and am the same weight (perhaps not surprising but a bit disappointing). All-round a crummy day, but I'll have something healthy for dinner and try to study a bit more before going to sleep.
 
Had to get up early this morning for exams, not sure how they went at all. Had lunch out at a chain, ordered the smaller size meal, then came home and napped. Still exhausted, at leat tomorrow I don't have to wake up as early as I did today.
 
Ate out between exams today, got home at about 9pm and had shop-brand pizza and potato wedges, and ice cream. So not a good day food-wise, on Sunday things should go back to normal life-wise.
 
Hi, just found your thread. Well done on the frequent updates and sorry to read you've been having a tough time with exams. Hope your cat is doing better this week.

I had a long absence from the forum too until late last year, and I find it helps to keep reporting in even if I'm talking to myself most of the time :) I hope this week is better for you and you're feeling better.
 
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