You're so right, I need to be true to myself. It doesn't matter what other people at group think, or even say - I know that the only person that can do this is me, and the only person I am (really) disappointing when I go off plan is myself.
You're right it's like I have one foot on the wagon and think that I'm on - what I need to do is actually get on, strap myself in and stick to it! I also end up being rubbish when I haven't planned!
I am going to write out my plan for this week this morning and absolutely stick to it rigidly I'm going to trust the plan completely and have faith in it - it's tried and tested, after all.
I'm not going to get weighed this week - I am beyond embarrassed with my gain and I know people won't judge - but I judge myself :-(
I have my swim in three weeks - so I need to swim every day now- I'm not going to' waste all that exercise, and all this time. You guys are the best! I know I can do this, I just need to keep focused on what I want, and why I want it.
Thank you all so much for your comments

now I know how to pictures I'm going to take pictures of my meals and post them too!
Up up upping my water!
The ONLY thing that is going to try me this week is a district meal on Wednesday - I cant get out of it as its a meeting... But will look through the books and plan for that too. Thank you everyone xx