A quest for the old happy Em

Well last night was just a huge stress fest that had me close to tears for no other reason than being super stressed and angry. Various work related issues and neighbour problems set me off and then it was all topped off by a journey to Asda to get the tea. Totally forgot the Mc Cain rustic chips so had to go back out again - tried the closer Tesco - don't stock them (don't know why I keep giving them my custom when they don't stock anything useful), so another journey back to Asda and they had a huge empty spot where they should be arrgggghhhhh!!!! Ended up with spiced wedges instead which were 3 syns per 100g instead of 1 syn......I'd not eaten for 8 hours though so couldn't really give a toss by that point. On the upside I had my whole day's syns to use so 6 for chips was fine. They were very yummy too :p Now I really must lay off the chips!!

Tonight I'm going to have a tiny bit more time on my hands so plan to make egg fried rice from a SW recipe book - looks simple enough. I can take it to work for lunch tomorrow too then.

 
Argh! I hate forgetting things at the supermarket. Many times I've been half way home (having battled the whole way round past people who STAND IN THE AISLE) to find I have to turn around and go back. Worst is when they don't have what you want. I'm really disappointed with Asda at the moment. They NEVER have small (500ml) bottles of sparkling water, and trying to get their frozen chicken breasts is a nightmare. If I can face Croydon tomorrow (*shudder*) I'll go to the market for loads of fruit and veg. I just hate shopping.

Hope today is better than yesterday! x
 
Hope you managed to stock up on fruit and veg and got the shopping out the way without too much stress Little Sausage. We went on Friday night in the end which was a lot quieter - just as well as they've changed the car park layout in Sainsbury' due to the new petrol station and both of us drove out the entrance :eek: oops. Just as well nothing was coming in at the time! I left my list in the car as per usual but I managed to remember it all, yay me. Got two bags of the rustic chips while I saw them too :p

The weekend was a bit of a blur of crazy cleaning ready for Mum and Dad to come over on Sunday and not think I live like a student or one of those people on 'How clean is your house'! I love it when it's all spotless but it just never lasts does it. I even did the cooker hood, hob and oven, I was on a mission and 7 hours of cleaning has to count as body magic doesn't it? I cooked potato dauphinoise from the magazine (last months I think) which was a big wet mess. Tasted ok and they liked it, it was just the usual SW recipe thing of not being tried and tested by them properly. Next time much less stock and more quark to make a creamy sauce as oposed to water! The pud was a chocolate mouse thing which I won't bother to do again. It wasn't a mouse for a start, but yoghurt flavoured with an options sachet. I'd rather have a muller light. All in all I think they enjoyed being cooked for for a change as they don't ever come to ours for food.

On to the important weekend business of WI...a pound on. Yeah, like I really deserved that. I don't know where that's come from, I've been 100% and I'm cheesed off to say the least. I know at class on Tuesday she'll ask me where it's come from and I'll have to keep my temper! I think the 3lb loss last week wasn't actually a 3lb loss at all and 2lb over the two weeks is far more like me so I shouldn't be too disheartened by it really. Trying really hard to have a 100% on plan week again and just hope the scales STS at least.



 
Wow, you had a busy weekend! So, was your 1lb on at your official WI? Or are you weighing in on Tuesday? xx
 
RUbbish news about the undeserved gain. I am sure it will come off next week though if you stick at it. My problem is that I let the gains push me right off the wagon and then things go from bad to worse. It could just be fluid retention, hormonal, or just a result of changing your diet slightly over the weekend while you were cooking for your parents? You might even find it's gone by official weigh in. Fingers crossed :)
 
I just want to reassure you all I was eating chocolate 'mousse' on Sunday and I haven't developed a love of rodent au chocolat...Monday morning typo ;)

I'm like you PrawnChopSuey and tend to go 'sod it' when I have a gain for no reason and think well I'll just have that Mc Donalds now as it clearly makes no odds how good I am. I'm trying so hard not to let that be the case though as I'm sure it won't go any higher :fingerscrossed:

My WI to put my weight on here and my overall running total is my Sunday morning one Little Sausage, Tuesday night is my proper class WI which is understandably 4lb heavier but does seem to follow my Sunday WI losses/gains pretty well. With any luck by Tuesday that pound might have gone again and I can get a STS. She'll still ask of course but what can I say other than what I said last week to her - I do the same each week so I've not got a clue :)
 
Ah, I see now. That gain is such a shame, I'm so sorry. Especially when you've been on track all week. Hopefully it is just a bit of water retention and it'll all be gone (and then some) by the time your next weigh in comes along? x
 
Thanks Little Sausage, it does confuse my diary slightly now as I have 2 WI days! I should just ignore the Sunday one now or ignore the class one but for someone who weighs every day I can't seem to shake the obsession with all my WI's!!
 
One pound on at class last night but it hovered over 1.5 for a while. I didn't stay in the end as I was so tired. I went home, had my tea and my bath and was tucked up in bed by 9pm ready to watch super size super vs super skinny. Is it me or are they not picking such large people so far this series? The US people they're showing though are truly shocking and I feel so much sympathy for them as I know how easily that could happen to a person. I think sending them out to see them in person seems to be really motivational as well. I do love that show :) Any show about diets actually.

A new discovery this week while watching telly (about A&E depts) has been that I can now watch guts and gore with interest and fascination like I always used to.....and not get all squeemish and have to change channels. I've recently stopped taking my pill after 8 years which was a strong one to control my PCOS and more testosterone driven side. I wonder if it's really that, seems rather co-incidental if not.

I'm hoping that means my tougher more 'heratless *****' side will come back (my mother's words, not mine). It was an outward show of very few emotions that I'd like to get back so as not to be so teary and fragile all the time in front of my boyfriend and friends, I always had the feelings hidden underneath. Just be nice to be able to keep them hidden a bit more like I used to. I wonder if it will affect my weight at all now or my ability to lose it? Time will tell I suppose....
 
Following on from yesterdays post I'd like to officially blame my lack of strong PCOS controlling pill for my weight gain!! 4.5lb up in a fortnight when I've not done anything to deserve it. Back up to 13 stone this morning when I was 12st 9.6 the other day and 12st 10.6 on Sunday. I honestly didn't think I'd see 13stone on the scales again and I'm so gutted :cry:

So I have 2 other things in my diet I might have to try and change to see if that helps as they're the only thing I can think of....grapes (possibly too sugary a fruit to have mid afternoon 5 days a week even though I don't have many) and my HEXA. I realised I was only having a HEXA when I had Ryvitta for lunch and even then it was 2 laughing cow light triangles so not even half a HEXA. So the last couple weeks I've been trying to make sure I have 1 HEXA a day (even though on green days I can have 2) so maybe I'll have to stop that.

The big guy at my class has recently found his weight loss stalling despite him having lost 11 stone with 8 still to go so knows what he's doing and isn't getting to that tricky final stone yet. He then cut out 3 things from his diet that were all allowed on SW and it got going again. He told the class all this with a hint of resentment in his voice (understandably!) that 'it's free on EE but I stopped eating that' and 'it's fruit but I cut that out too'. So maybe I should take a tip from him and try and make some changes.
 
So sorry about your undeserved gain EmmyLou. I can sympathise with you as I had the same thing with statins. Keep strong because it could drop off as quickly as it went on. xx
 
Thanks Jane, I know I shouldn't be throwing my toys out of the pram over it and feeling like I should just give up but it's so hard when you're reliant on medication to make you function 'normally'....and even then you don't feel like you function as well as everyone else! Having the support on here that I don't get from my family is a big help :)
 
Hey EmmyLou you're a star, you've done amazingly well, don't forget how far you've come!!!! Can't u try and limit weighing yourself to maybe every other day??? Just to stop yourself getting down big hug xxxxx
 
You make a very good point TrimTrixy, I am terrible for not resisting the call of the scales every morning :rolleyes: But lets face it will power isn't one of my strong points or I wouldn't be this size :p

New day, new start today. Focussing on my progress so far and trying to be positive. It was silly to think such strong medication getting out of my system after so many years was going to be plain sailing. I knew I'd be in for a rough ride in terms of my skin as that's why I was taking it but I hadn't considered it affecting anything else. My head was all over the place yesterday and I sat there at lunch picking at my food not wanting to eat it and thinking 'starving myself seems like a good idea, that might work' and although I was hungry I was feeling sick looking at the food in front of me and didn't want it. Silly thoughts like that need to stop.

I went and joined the new gym on Wednesday so I'm going there tonight for my first proper gym workout in about 2 months! Really looking forward to it and it's making me determined to be 100% today or what's the point in exercising right!? Mushy pea curry for my lunch and maybe egg fried rice for tea as I did that the other day and it was really nice as well as being simple to do.
 
Hi Emmy i thought i'd come and have a nosey at your diary seeing as you've been kind enough to look at mine. I must say you've done really well so stick with it. I would say though dont get so hung up on weighing yourself all the time. Its easier said than done i know cos i used to be like that!! It drove me mad and sent me off plan in the end. I had to get my OH to hide ours in the end and now im forcing myself to weigh in only once a week. Im even considering only once a fortnight so i dont feel put out by weekly flucultuations.
Hope you dont mind my asking but what pill were you on for pcos? Are you on any now? Im currently on yasmin and had no end of problems when i switched to it.
Hope youre doing ok and good luck with the losses!!!
 
Hey there Funky Munky, welcome to my diary :) Of course I don't mind you asking, I was on Dianette. If only they'd warn you before just handing the drugs out right!? especially when it comes to the pill. I have heard of Yasmin as an alternative to Dianette. I've since been on the internet (years too late) and you know you only read the bad stuff on there but there seems to be a whole load of people who wish they'd never started taking it, including me.

I tried to come off it a few years ago and after two months couldn't take it any more and went back on it. It takes a few months to get into your system and working but I never had even one bad side effect from it like a lot of people seem to - hence not wanting to come off it. But the risk to my liver etc has meant I have bitten the bullet and decided to do it. Cue a face that's disgustingly oily within half hour of washing and just makes you feel dirty as well as bringing on the spots I was so glad to get rid of....and just as unpleasant if not more so, is the eruption of spots all over my back, chest and arms where I'd never even had spots before! There's lots of mentions on the net of people suffering worse acne when coming off it than when they went on the pill, as if it screws your body up in some way. Certainly seems to be true in my experience. I'm determined not to let it force me back on it though as I need it totally out of my system if I'm ever going to think about kids in the future. I'm not taking another pill at the moment.

Luckily the spots and irratic periods (6 month gaps, 2 week gaps then they can last a few days to 3 weeks and make me anaemic) are my worst symptoms of PCOS. I could be super hairy too like some poor women are who have it, but mine's only as bad as a 'tash. My boyfriend has recently had treatment for his acne using Roacutane (also has a list of hideously risky side effects as long as your arm) so I'd have to wait 2 years while the doctor tried to fix me with pointless antibiotics before I'd get that (as that's what everyone else seems to have to do as it's an expensive drug they don't like to give you) but that's an option. My brother, sister in law and cousin have all taken it too and have never had a breakout since. Seriously strong drug but it seems to work.

Sorry for that rambling aside about my health issues! Back to the fat....an extra 1.2lb of it this week. Not sure what's going wrong all of a sudden but I'll blame the fact my body is sorting itself out after the pill, I've been having a HEXA every day and I've not been exercising enough.

I am feeling pretty low at the moment what with one thing and another but I need to keep going. The new gym I joined on Friday was lovely and quiet and although it's very small it has all the kit I need. I'm hoping to go tonight and Mondays are usually the busiest of the week so that'll be a good indicator if it's going to be usable at peak times. The only issue was the changing rooms and showers - no changing cubicles :eek: lockers too smal to fit more than a handbag in so I'll have to leave my bag on a bench (no valuables in there unless you count my expensive bra!) and the showers are open and a bit of a feeble dribble with no temperature control....but open, fully in the nud in front of people :eek:. OMG, no way. Plus there's nowhere to hang your towel so you're expected to walk across the changing room butt naked, and come out of them butt naked. Friday was fine as I was alone in there, kept my towel on the bench right next to the shower exit and was obviously feeling brave. I think in the future I'll have to come home for a shower (45 minute drive so not pleasant) or get over it and just get my kit off in front of people....must remember to keep my legs and 'bits' up together in that case :rolleyes: I do feel a bit more confident about my body now it's smaller but not about my new spot covered top half :(. It is a school gym though hence the school changing room feel to the place and open showers but it's £15 a month instead of over £30 so compromises have to be made.
 
I am sorry that you are feeling so low EmmyLou and I admire your determination to come off the medication.
I hope that you will feel better very soon. Remember how far you have come and good luck with your WI tomorrow.x
 
Thanks Jane :) Hope you're having a good week?

Might have to miss class tonight thanks to major road works on my way to work holding me up by over an hour - I'll have to stay late at work to make the time up so would be late to class. I have text the consultant though and she says she'll weigh me at the end so to make it if I can so that's a possibility depending on if I get held up again. It only held me up 10 minutes yesterday morning (hence my mistake heading the same way today) and I expect they knock off at 4 so the journey home might be ok.

Last night I was very pleased with myself for getting to the gym again. Actually been as many times this week as in the whole of Jan and Feb - that's bad isn't it!! It was lovely and quiet though even on a Monday so despite the open showers I'm loving the new gym far more than my old one. Hopefully that means I'll keep at it. I'm planning on going again on Thursday.

Food wise this week I'm dropping the healthy A and I've not been on the scales since Sunday which doesn't sound like much but 2 days off for me is a big deal!
 
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