A quest for the old happy Em

Cutting my calorie intake down so low is really having an effect on my energy levels.....which for someone with a thyroid problem isn't good news as I'm exhausted most of the time anyway. I have managed an hour on the Wii this week and a gym session where I did 100 sit ups again and some work on the weights machine for my arms. So far so good in terms of not aching. Hopefully going to Wii tonight and tomorrow night too. I think that's better for me as I can stop when I need to and don't feel like I've wasted my time - if I go to the gym then I can't really do 15 minutes and then head home.

Last night I had my naughty meal at Chiquitos. We picked from the £9.99 evening menu where all the puddings are small and the main courses about half the size they usually are. I didn't have the chili as I thought it might be too hot for me. I ended up having garlic tostada for starters, 1 chimichanga (would be 2 off the normal menu), and a brownie with ice cream (again, would be a stack of brownies off the normal menu). So really not that good but at the same time I bet I could have stuffed in twice as much no problem if I hadn't been thinking about the diet.

Back to it today and for some reason chose to have cereal for breakfast, so with my usual alpen bars and 1 piece of nimble I'm already up to 8.5 syns and I'm starving hungry already :-( I have a yoghurt to keep me going till 6pm. Maybe a mugshot too as that's syn free. Oh and I just realised it's a banana yoghurt so that'll actually be 1 syn - thanks muller. They taste the damn same!! Hope they sort that out.

I also treated myself to a pair of DM's today. I know my boyfriend was going to get me them when I reached 4 stone but lets face it, it'll be Spring again before I get there. I also changed my mind over which ones I wanted and went for some 14 hole black ones with red roses embroidered up the side that they no longer make.....so I had to snap up the last pair one of the sellers on ebay had before they went. Hopefully they'll arrive Saturday while someone's in to sign for them. They're also £55 cheaper than the others and my boyfriend said he didn't actually like the others anyway and prefers these. So I might check they fit ok and get him to put them away till I get to 4 stone......or break them in before my holiday and they can be my sensible walking boots as I think they'll look a bit better than my crocs which are my only other comfy pair of shoes to walk in long distance. Decisions decisions :)
 
Another hour on the Wii last night and 230 calories burnt off. I discoved a free jogging bit on the Wii Fit that lets you flick channels to watch telly while you jog on the spot and the remote talks to you to tell you you're keeping the right pace and how much longer you have left to go. So I got to watch a bit of New Tricks while I jogged :)

Same again tonight I think after doing the food shop. I wasn't best pleased I've put on 2lb since Monday according to the Wii but I haven't got on the scales to check. I'm waiting till my proper weigh in on Sunday. I might not deserve much of a loss as I had a meal out but I certainly don't deserve a gain as I've been 100% all week aside from that and 3 hours of Wii and gym once too.
 
Did my weigh in a day early, lost 0.1lb so a STS really which I think I'm happy with. No loss after a week of trying is never great of course but the last few weeks have been going in the right direction at least and no jumps back upwards.

Might try and do some wii tonight. I walked to the doctors earlier to get my prescription to start breaking my new boots in. I was woken very suddenly at 8:30am by the postman ringing the door bell - poor guy had to witness me 5 seconds out of bed, sheet creases on my face and in just my pj's - nice. Ah well, I'll never see him again and what would he expect at that time on a Saturday morning ;). I love my new boots, they fit nicely and I know when I first saw them in the shops I was too scared to wear something so bold even though I loved them, but now I've lost a bit of weight I thought why not :D
 
Heading out a second time yesterday walking a mile to my friends house in the new boots was a mistake.....I have two huge blisters on my left heel now :mad:. Hopefully they'll heal up quick (though I don't heal very quick for some reason, never have). I'm also hoping of course that the boots will break in eventually or I'll be gutted. I can't wear blister pads on my heels every time I want to wear them! To top it all off my friend has fleas in her house yet again - I saw one sat on my t-shirt while I was round there :yuk: and that would explain the dozen bites up my legs and the fact my boyfriend has been bitten, I've taken them back to my house. :cry:Anyone who's had them in their house will know what a nightmare they are to kill. I've brought them back from her house before and it was weeks before I killed them all one by one on my laminate floor (luckily they showed up well as they came out of hiding).

On the up side I did get two walks and an hours wii in yesterday which is all good body magic. The scales were also incredibly nice to me and said I'd lost 1.8lbs in the end :eek:
I don't think I really have, despite being quite good last week and doing a lot of exercise (I'm such a negative person aren't I!?). That puts me back at my lightest weight again and spot on 3.5 stone. I'm not going to change my signature sticker though as for one I'm not sure it's real and for two, I'm not going to keep it for long with a holiday coming up :)
 
Hi emmylou! When I used to wear docs as a student they took ages to break in, they do eventually. Wear them around the house with a couple of pairs of socks on. Well done on your loss, you're doing great :)
 
Thanks TrimTrixy, I'm going to persevere with them as previous pairs I've had have been fine (well 2 out of 3 pairs - one pair never broke in and I gave up). I think I just have feet as soft as play-doh as most shoes rub me to blisters unfortunately.

Had a meal at a friends last night and was worried what it might be....turned out to be pasta with roasted veg, SW friendly :) I'm setting a date to repay the favour now. I'm not used to having guests over. They've both bought houses recently and both seem to think I might have good housey tastes - hope they aren't dissappointed when they see the place.
 
Well well, I've had a voicemail message left for me by the SW consultant. I honestly didn't think she'd bother after I didn't turn up the last two weeks but maybe her numbers are dwindling and she needs to find out why. I'll give her a courtesy call tomorrow (she'll be busy with fat club tonight) and let her know I won't be going again. I probably won't blame her but say it's due to my medical issues (which she never took the time to ask about or listen to me when I tried to explain about my tiny losses) and that hearing my pathetic losses compared to others isn't doing me any favours as it's so demoralising.

Rather ironically I've lost weight each week since I stopped going!
 
Mid week weigh in has me gaining 1.5lb but I'll wait til Sunday before worrying about it. Holiday is in 2.5 weeks so it's going to go up anyway, it was just nice to get rid of a few pounds before I go :)

Met up with a friend on Tuesday who confessed something to me which she'd been keeping to herself.....but now I've lost some weight she felt ok telling me as she thought it'd make me happy. I found it amusing more than anything else! She said there was one time when I was at my biggest that she'd gone to the toilet, come out and looked into the crowd of people in the cinema foyer for me and couldn't see me.....till she realised some really fat girl was wearing my clothes! I was so big she just didn't recognise me till I turned round. She sees me most weeks so hadn't noticed I'd gotten so big.
 
Been a bit slack on the exercise front this week, as in I've done none. I was all set to do the gym once but the night before I decided it'd be fun to drop a large yankee candle jar on the whole of my bare left foot. It swelled up, went all red and my little toe was aching for a few days. Lucky that was all really. Feels ok now though and my blisters are healing nicely so maybe get back on the wii this weekend and also walk to my friends house to break the boots in (with blister plasters and very thick socks this time!).
 
Well I was right to wait till the weekend, 0.8lb on in the end so not as bad as I'd feared but still not great. No exercise this week though so I guess that's why.

Off to a friends for a meal tonight but not sure what it'll be....guess I'll just be good all day and then start a fresh tomorrow. I might get a bit of exercise walking to her house, I've discovered those compeed blister plasters work really nicely (although very pricey), so I can wear my new boots :)

Hope everyone is enjoying the long weekend. x
 
My friend's husband made a low calorie chicken and veg meal which had a peppercorn sauce for dinner on Sunday night so not bad for the diet at all which was good. He got it from a BBC Good Food recipe book which actually had calorie content for each recipe - scary what's in some puddings mind you! I also walked round there for a bit of exercise too.

The reason for my weight gain became aparent on Monday when Elmo paid me a visit.....he's now torturing me at my desk and feeling this rough is really making me crave chocolate! I don't often crave chocolate these days, I mean I can eat it quite happily yes, but not crave it in the way I used to.....except for when Elmo visits! Maybe I'll blow the days syns on a trip to the choccy machine mid afternoon.

Two weeks today at about this time, we'll be leaving for Southampton and a fortnights holiday - yay! Getting all excited now. My boyfriend has even said we'll be off the diet so long as we exercise every day either on a shore excursion or at the gym on the boat so hopefully that means I won't get the moody looks when I dare to eye up a piece of cake like I do at home! He's trying to help bless him but sometimes I get all paranoid that he just wants me to be thinner as he's not happy with me looking the way I do. He met me at this size, started dating me when I was about 2 stone heavier right up to my biggest and now down again. He's never seen me slimmer than I am right now.

I don't think he really cares what I look like (within reason)but my first proper boyfriend used to bully me all the time for eating anything remotely 'bad' so every time I hear it now it reminds me of him even though it's meant in a different way. I still remember that ex saying 'you need to learn portion control' and he constantly ate sweets in front of me but then told me off if I ate one. He was a skinny guy who could eat anything and not gain weight and wanted a skinny girlfriend. He knew I'd lost 2.5 stone after Uni before meeting him so I think he expected me to carry on till I was a size 8 or something even though I'd reached my target of a small size 14 and couldn't lose more. I realise now he was just a bully and he was the one who needed to change, not me, but those things stick with you don't they.
 
Hey, you make it sound like I have a full on Flea Infestation!!!!!
He only got them coz I wasn't here to treat him, I don't live in in a dump! As soon as you told me I got right on the treatment.
Humph. :-(
 
Aw sorry mate, wasn't meant to sound like that, the little b**gers just love the taste of me for some reason! And I think your house is lovely :) Much appreciated your hubby making a diet friendly dinner the other night too, I think my boyfriend would like it if I cooked more diet food like that as oposed to what I actually cook him.

Hopped on the scales this morning and hopped straight back off....didn't like what I saw but I'll wait till Sunday before caring too much. Off to the gym tonight and Friday and I've been making extra efforts with the stairs at work (I know, using the lift is sooo lazy but I don't do it often.....no really).

Yesterday was back to it 100% instead of guess work in my head like the weekend. 13.5 syns so will have to try better today. I didn't cave in to the choccy bar though, settled for some soup and an alpen bar later in the day instead (5.5 sys instead of 15 for the chocolate!)
 
What a week, it totally stinks and it's no wonder I turned to food. Gained 2.5lbs and it was deserved (well I deserved a gain, though not that much to be fair). Really has me worried how much I'll gain on holiday as I can't stay under 1200cals on holiday can I!? Much more than 1500 and I'll pile weight on. I guess I'll worry about that when I get home. This time next week it'll be my last day at work for a fortnight and the break couldn't come soon enough.

The friend I've mentioned in my diary a long time ago who was having tests done, well a lot has happened since then and she's been having chemo and it all looked good and she was getting to the end of that....looking to the future, got engaged....then out of the blue it's become very aggressive and she's in a hospice with mere weeks left of her life, at 27. She was one of my best friends and thinking of how it'll be without her now has had me in a bit of a state this week. Certainly makes you think about your own life and how short it is to not enjoy it. Hence having the odd bit of chocolate, a muffin, a meal out and a pizza last week. I just wasn't in the right frame of mind to be worrying about my diet.

This morning I found out a pregnant work friend has decided to bring her maternity leave forward 2 months, move to Wales to live with the inlaws and won't be coming back to work. I'm losing a close work friend too then. Plus as I'm out for most of September I've barely got any time to spend with her before she leaves.

Bit of a sulky post today but things can only get better right!?
 
My week has continued to be a bit of an up and down one. I've been trying to stick to the plan but more calorie counting than SW to be honest. I think my brain's already in holiday mode and has given up!

It's looking like 2 weeks on holiday eating yummy stuff and then a crazy busy week the week I get back with a girly works lunch and a works bowling trip with food in the same day, a leaving do for the pregnant work mate at Pizza Express and then drinks, the dentist to have a bit of filling replaced and a quiz with work friends....so holiday and then lots of work related stuff. All fun work related stuff though, all social stuff and eating :) Think I'll try and get back on track on the weekend following all that stuff when I'll hopefully know the full extent of the holiday damage - eek.

I have 3 friends coming over tomorrow night for dinner so I'm cooking a nice healthy vegetarian chili followed by a not so healthy chocolate brownies and ice cream. So tonight's job is cook the brownies and try not to eat them all before tomorrow night! They will of course have to be quality checked before I give them to others....

 
Well another entirely deserved pound gain this week...but I'm off on my cruise tomorrow for two weeks and then lots of meals out the week I get home so back to the diet in 3 weeks then!! I'm ok with that, I'm expecting at least half a stone gain on holiday so any less would be a bonus. Not the SW attitude required I know but I'm struggling to focus on it at the moment still. I do have the latest SW magazine to read on my return to get me in the mood for starting a fresh. Be nice to be a bit closer to target by xmas as this time last year I thought I'd be there by this xmas which hasn't exactly worked out.

Cases all packed and all set to go tomorrow, really looking forward to it as I don't know what to expect having never been on a cruise before :) The only thing I can be sure of is that my boyfriend will be dragging me to the gym on board regularly and due to his having watched lots of biggest loser with me recently will be playing the part of Bob in making me work my a** off!

My dinner for friends on Friday went down well. They all liked my veggie chilli and only one of them had tried fake mince before so they were pleasantly surprised it had some flavour as they thought it might not. The one who had tried it before got an upset stomach last time she had it and unfortunately this time too so has decided she must have a slight intolerance to it! Not nice to make the pregnant one of the group have a dodgy tummy the following day though, oops. They all liked the brownies I baked too and had nothing but compliments about the way I've decorated the house so I was all smiles and feeling very chuffed with myself after their visit.

This morning I had some bad news though, my friend lost her battle with cancer in the early hours of this morning. It was expected and thankfully she's not suffering now as the last couple of weeks have been very tough for her. It's still a shock when it actually happens though.
 
Hi EmmyLou, I am so sorry to hear about your friend. You are in my thoughts, I know how hard it is to lose someone so young( though I know that it hurts what ever age they are). I hope that you enjoy your holiday. I am sure that you will be extra focused on the SW plan when you return. It has worked for me though I have managed to put on 11lbs during my absence from Minimins !!! x
 
I've missed you on here Jane! and don't beat yourself up over 11lbs in all that time as I've already clocked up almost 6lbs in just 2 weeks on top of all those gains before holiday!! Weight from over indulgence often takes a week to catch up to me so on my weigh in on Sunday I'll see the full extent of the damage....scary. At present that has me not quite at the 3 stone mark so hopefully I can get back there in a few weeks and not need to get rid of my signature sticker!

It was a real shame I missed getting back from holiday for my friends funeral by just 2 days as I wanted to be there not only to say goodbye but for one of our other friends who hadn't ever been to a funeral and who I knew would be in a state, but it couldn't be helped. The turn out was great aparently and her fiance is doing a sponsored walk up Kilamanjaro to raise some money for cancer research. Definitely a bit of a shock and it's still sinking in.

It was a very delicious holiday though - the places we visited weren't bad either ;-) It was odd last night to go to bed and not have the bed sway up and down with the sea, and even worse to get up this morning and know there wasn't a delicious buffet of cooked breakfast, toast, rolls, pancakes, doughnuts, pastries and orange juice to look forward to :-( The onboard bakers cooked up rolls and pastries a treat and I was guilty of having at least 1 but more often 2 small doughnuts of a morning. Much more bread in the form of soft fresh rolls than I'm used to having (2 a day, sometimes 3) and luckily the vegetarian options were varied and all yummy. I probably had a lot more fruit and veg than usual with melon and pineapple at breakfast, salads at lunch and dinner and veg at dinner.

We did go to the gym as promised on our 'at sea' days (when I wasn't lying in bed feeling sea sick which only happened badly on 2 days thankfully) and we did a fair bit of exercise walking about on shore days too I think.

I guess we did eat more than usual so I deserve the gain, just hope it's not a lot more. I expected half a stone so that's ok in my head. Back to it Friday as I'm out for tea tonight and tomorrow but I am being good during the day to compensate.
 
Welcome back EmmyLou! I think that you have done really well to only put on 6 lbs. Sounds like you had a fabulous time! x
 
Well the results are in, the scales stayed pretty much the same from mid week so that's a grand total of 5lb gained in the 3 weeks I've been off plan so not too bad at all :)

I would say I was back on plan today but after a bit of leaving cake at work for one of the girls off on maternity leave I think I'll have to say start tomorrow....those famous last words eh!? But other than the cake I'll be on plan all of today as I can feel all my clothes are tighter for the half stone I've gained from my lightest weight to now. That's always a motivator isn't it when some of those clothes were getting to the nicely loose stage. They now all fit perfectly but much more weight and they'll start getting tight which I don't want.

My brother is starting his attack phase on the dukan diet today and being a vegetarian too that is somewhat limiting. A bit like Atkins as a veggie, it just doesn't work! He is having quorn as the protein bit but that's rather more boring than all the variety of meat you could eat if you weren't a veggie. He's got a egg white and oat bran omlette for lunch (cold) with greek yoghurt with sweetener in.....makes me rather appreciate my baked beans on nimble toast :) Silly thing is he's actually quite slim (32" waist and 5'10") so not sure why he's doing it. He says it's to build muscle as well as lose weight but sounds like too much effort to me! But I am a lot less determined and much more lazy than he is ;-)
 
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