A quest for the old happy Em
- Thread starter EmmyLou30
- Start date
Dear oh dear, been so rubbish again. Really don't know why I can't get my head back in the right place :-( Haven't weighed in two weeks as I just didn't want to know. I now have 10 weeks left till holiday and well over a stone to lose but that's never going to happen. I'm finding it so hard to motivate myself even though I know I'm unhappy being this big, but knowing one tiny slip up piles weight back on doesn't make me want to diet - totally silly of course as then the weight I have left to lose just gets more and more.
I've been so tired this last week or so too. I got 12 hours sleep Friday night and 14 hours on Saturday night and I was finally feeling a bit more able to get out of bed. How impracticle is it to sleep as many hours as you spend awake!? Maybe the lack of exercise isn't helping. 9 weeks since I landed on my backside on the snow and it's still not recovered. Definitely better though so that's progress.
Hope everyone else is doing better?! Hope you're doing well Jane. x
I've been so tired this last week or so too. I got 12 hours sleep Friday night and 14 hours on Saturday night and I was finally feeling a bit more able to get out of bed. How impracticle is it to sleep as many hours as you spend awake!? Maybe the lack of exercise isn't helping. 9 weeks since I landed on my backside on the snow and it's still not recovered. Definitely better though so that's progress.
Hope everyone else is doing better?! Hope you're doing well Jane. x
Ah, so much shame I don't even know where to start!? Well it's been about a month since I last posted on here, things haven't improved as you might have guessed. I've removed all my stickers for now as even the club 10 has been lost (I'm 2lb away from getting it back!). My losses so far stand at 1.5 stone exactly. Pathetic. I've just noticed I've been on this site almost 3 years and I'd already lost some before joining it so I'm pretty much back to square one - in 3 years!!! Mental.
A night out with a friend the other day made me see that having my quality of life seriously affected by my stupid thyroid for 7 years now is enough, I need to get it sorted and not allow myself to be fobbed off by the useless NHS any longer. Like she said - imagine you still feel like this in 30 or 40 years time and realise you've wasted your whole life 'hoping' that things will get better and blaming yourself - you need to sort it. So.....I've been back to my doctor, got a referral to the hospital again and I'm currently waiting for an appointment to plop through my letterbox so I can get back in the system and hopefully get myself back on the right levels of medication. It's all gone downhill since I stopped my PCOS pill last May and I think that's contributing to the rapid weight gain. The doctor also (finally) mentioned the possibility of going on Metformin which is the diabetes drug I'd read about to help the weight gain side of PCOS by stabilising your insulin levels. So once the thyroid is right again if I still can't lose weight then that's an option.
Slightly better news is that finally after over 3 months my bruised coccyx is starting to feel a bit better. I've done one gym session so far and although it ached a bit and I had to go really slow and gentle it was at least progress. I also bought myself a new swimming costume for my hols that's the first I've had with extra space up top so it fits great and I'm really chuffed with it, which is just as well as it cost 4 times as much as a normal costume! Went for a swim last week and that didn't seem to aggravate my injury so that was positive too. The lack of exercise has obviously sped up the weight gain too but even knowing I've got thyroid issues, PCOS and the lack of exercise contributing to it, even I've been astounded how quickly all the weight piled back on. 2-3lb a week gains.....certainly never been able to lose it that quick!
I went to a bbq on Saturday night and saw a friend of a friend I'd not seen for 2 years and she said how well I looked and how I looked like I'd lost weight since she last saw me. Rather than take the compliment I had to tell her I'd lost 2 stone more than this and was looking almost normal at one point till I porked it all back on. I can never take a compliment! But in my head all I could think of was 'well if I look better to you like this, imagine how much more impressed you'd have been to see me how I was'. I was totally ashamed of myself for letting this happen.
To add to my feeling of shame my work friend who I gave some of my old clothes to has been doing WW and doing spectacularly well and I'm so proud of her as she's battled with her weight going up and down over the years too. She's ranged from a 16 to a 22 in the time I've known her and she's back to a 16 now.....and is giving me the clothes back as I now need them as I've gained the weight back and grown back into them while she's shrunk out of them :-( How embarrassing.
Blimey, what a long post. Serves me right for leaving it so long!
Today is a new day as they say. I'm more ashamed of myself than I thought possible and I'm going to use that to my advantage and have a 100% day. Typically the first day in weeks there's been cakes in the office too but I'm really not wanting one - hurrah.
A night out with a friend the other day made me see that having my quality of life seriously affected by my stupid thyroid for 7 years now is enough, I need to get it sorted and not allow myself to be fobbed off by the useless NHS any longer. Like she said - imagine you still feel like this in 30 or 40 years time and realise you've wasted your whole life 'hoping' that things will get better and blaming yourself - you need to sort it. So.....I've been back to my doctor, got a referral to the hospital again and I'm currently waiting for an appointment to plop through my letterbox so I can get back in the system and hopefully get myself back on the right levels of medication. It's all gone downhill since I stopped my PCOS pill last May and I think that's contributing to the rapid weight gain. The doctor also (finally) mentioned the possibility of going on Metformin which is the diabetes drug I'd read about to help the weight gain side of PCOS by stabilising your insulin levels. So once the thyroid is right again if I still can't lose weight then that's an option.
Slightly better news is that finally after over 3 months my bruised coccyx is starting to feel a bit better. I've done one gym session so far and although it ached a bit and I had to go really slow and gentle it was at least progress. I also bought myself a new swimming costume for my hols that's the first I've had with extra space up top so it fits great and I'm really chuffed with it, which is just as well as it cost 4 times as much as a normal costume! Went for a swim last week and that didn't seem to aggravate my injury so that was positive too. The lack of exercise has obviously sped up the weight gain too but even knowing I've got thyroid issues, PCOS and the lack of exercise contributing to it, even I've been astounded how quickly all the weight piled back on. 2-3lb a week gains.....certainly never been able to lose it that quick!
I went to a bbq on Saturday night and saw a friend of a friend I'd not seen for 2 years and she said how well I looked and how I looked like I'd lost weight since she last saw me. Rather than take the compliment I had to tell her I'd lost 2 stone more than this and was looking almost normal at one point till I porked it all back on. I can never take a compliment! But in my head all I could think of was 'well if I look better to you like this, imagine how much more impressed you'd have been to see me how I was'. I was totally ashamed of myself for letting this happen.
To add to my feeling of shame my work friend who I gave some of my old clothes to has been doing WW and doing spectacularly well and I'm so proud of her as she's battled with her weight going up and down over the years too. She's ranged from a 16 to a 22 in the time I've known her and she's back to a 16 now.....and is giving me the clothes back as I now need them as I've gained the weight back and grown back into them while she's shrunk out of them :-( How embarrassing.
Blimey, what a long post. Serves me right for leaving it so long!
Today is a new day as they say. I'm more ashamed of myself than I thought possible and I'm going to use that to my advantage and have a 100% day. Typically the first day in weeks there's been cakes in the office too but I'm really not wanting one - hurrah.
Ta-da! Yep, one day down 100% and it's the first in a long time. Well I probably have had plenty actually as I've not been going mental with food, just not keeping track on paper like I should. Feels good. Hoping I can get 1 gym session in this week too. Need to get my fitness levels up a bit before the holiday ready to tackle all the walking and sightseeing.
Jane R
One step at a time
Nice to see you back EmmyLou. You are not alone, I have also put on weight and I am almost a week away from going on hoilday. I feel really self concious about the weight gain and have had to buy some clothes in a bigger size. I hope that your hospital appointment comes through soon. x
Thanks Jane, yes I feel like people are looking at me and judging me like 'oh she lost all that weight but it looks like she's putting it all back on, why would you be that lazy?', makes me feel very self concious.
Today has been good so far, even ate another dreaded banana yesterday and today - still hate them. I read back to my first few entries on here where I'd lost about what I've lost now (1.5 stone) and was setting out to try and get to my goal weight and I forced myself to eat one and still didn't like them. This was the first one I've eaten since then You may ask why I ate them two days in a row if I hate them, but needs must. I'm starving, they're syn free!!
A quick tally of my syns and calories this week has me within my syns allowance and about 1000 calories a day so I should have a reasonable loss this first week back on track. I'm very tired of course through lack of food but needs must till my meds are sorted again. Don't know how long I'll keep it up till I fail again but even if it's just a fortnight it's still weight I've lost and gained instead of just gaining. Can't get any bigger or I'll run out of fat clothes!
This afternoon I have an apple, an alpen light bar and a muller light to keep me going till home time. Then it's the weekly Sainsburys shop. Think it'll be lots of fruit to munch during the day and veg to roast. In the week I did roasted veg and cous cous which was simple and quite nice. Works for leftovers for lunch too
Today has been good so far, even ate another dreaded banana yesterday and today - still hate them. I read back to my first few entries on here where I'd lost about what I've lost now (1.5 stone) and was setting out to try and get to my goal weight and I forced myself to eat one and still didn't like them. This was the first one I've eaten since then
You may ask why I ate them two days in a row if I hate them, but needs must. I'm starving, they're syn free!!A quick tally of my syns and calories this week has me within my syns allowance and about 1000 calories a day so I should have a reasonable loss this first week back on track. I'm very tired of course through lack of food but needs must till my meds are sorted again. Don't know how long I'll keep it up till I fail again but even if it's just a fortnight it's still weight I've lost and gained instead of just gaining. Can't get any bigger or I'll run out of fat clothes!
This afternoon I have an apple, an alpen light bar and a muller light to keep me going till home time. Then it's the weekly Sainsburys shop. Think it'll be lots of fruit to munch during the day and veg to roast. In the week I did roasted veg and cous cous which was simple and quite nice. Works for leftovers for lunch too
I spent my week feeling starving hungry, tired and generally a bit poop with it being * week too but it was all worth it as I lost 3.7lb!! Ok so a pound of that was coming to the end of * week but still, I'm very pleased with that. So onto week two....the only concern I have is Wednesday which is my brothers birthday and we're off out for an Indian. I'm going to calorie count for the day and try and pick something dry rather than sauce covered and try and just eat fruit and sugar free jelly during the day to keep the calories down. I'm getting a bit desperate to keep it heading in the right direction before my hols.
Yesterday I stayed within my syns but had the full 15 and all my healthy extras - so why do I feel bad for that!? I feel like I ate too much as I only got up at noon so technically it was only a half day with a full days eating crammed in! But I didn't go to bed till gone 1am so maybe it evens out. Definitely eating a bit less today but not sure what yet....
Er, not a good start to the day! I was so good and turned down the offer of fun size chocolate bars that were being offered round the office without any difficulty but then half hour later randomly said yes to a Pain au Chocolat one of the guys brought back from his holiday in France. It was a not particularly special supermarket one, Sainsburys probably bake better. I've allowed 11 syns as that seems to be the average and it wasn't a very big one. Still within my syns for the day but I really don't know why I ate it. Oh well, no point in worrying, it's done and I just need to keep the rest of the day syn free now I can do that....
I can do that....Thanks Jane I ended up having syn free chips and some quorn nuggets for tea with a blob of ketchup so finished the day on exactly 15 syns so that was alright.
This week things are conspiring against me and my diet it seems...an impromptu girly works lunch today as one of the girls is leaving on Friday, then a curry for my brothers birthday tomorrow night, and now a lunch out on Friday as well for the leaving thing. There's a chance that might get cancelled as we're going out today too. Never thought I'd actually want a meal out cancelled but it was going to be a jacket potato and beans so nothing special and nothing naughty either. Oh and my boyfriend needs holiday flip flops so we're off to The Mall after work today. Not sure what we'll eat. I suggested spud u like for something syn free but he hates their potatos. Failing that it'll have to be the lowest calorie thing I can find elsewhere, maybe Yo Sushi as we've not been there in a while.
Lunch today will be tofu pad thai so not super naughty and it is quite filling so I'm going to try and not eat much the rest of the day except some fruit.
I ended up having syn free chips and some quorn nuggets for tea with a blob of ketchup so finished the day on exactly 15 syns so that was alright. This week things are conspiring against me and my diet it seems...an impromptu girly works lunch today as one of the girls is leaving on Friday, then a curry for my brothers birthday tomorrow night, and now a lunch out on Friday as well for the leaving thing. There's a chance that might get cancelled as we're going out today too. Never thought I'd actually want a meal out cancelled but it was going to be a jacket potato and beans so nothing special and nothing naughty either. Oh and my boyfriend needs holiday flip flops so we're off to The Mall after work today. Not sure what we'll eat. I suggested spud u like for something syn free but he hates their potatos. Failing that it'll have to be the lowest calorie thing I can find elsewhere, maybe Yo Sushi as we've not been there in a while.
Lunch today will be tofu pad thai so not super naughty and it is quite filling so I'm going to try and not eat much the rest of the day except some fruit.
Just had my pad thai at lunch and my tea which was omlette, chips and salad yesterday so that has to come to under 1500 cals for the day. Today so far I've had a doughnut as it was brothers birthday and who can resist a sainsburys doughnut fresh from the bakery and still warm!? For lunch I have a muller light and an apple, and then curry tonight so 370 cals plus the Indian....hopefully won't be a blow out day. The plan for the Indian is 1 popadum with onion salad and a spoon of mango chutney, 2 onion bahjis, half a peshwari naan, half a boiled rice portion and whatever curry I decide on. Rogan Josh shouldn't be too bad especially if I go for a veg one instead of chicken.
Tomorrow will be a relief to be able to stick to the diet I think!
Tomorrow will be a relief to be able to stick to the diet I think!
Cheers Jane, it's nice to feel like I'm sort of back in control. Last nights curry was lovely and I turned down the ice cream for pudding even though it was part of the meal deal we had. I think I probably could have squeezed it in but I also knew I'd eaten enough so stopped. Unfortunately Dad was taken ill after the starter so went out to lie down in the car and wait for us.....half a naan bread going spare and I didn't eat it!
Today is back on plan and my lunch box is packed accordingly. I'm off to the cinema tonight to see Batman so won't be home till gone 10pm so I have to grab tea beforehand. 10.5 syns on a subway roll will be my whole days syns in one go. It's a really low calorie sub too but that's how tight syns are I guess, 200-300 calories of nice food and that's your lot!
Today is back on plan and my lunch box is packed accordingly. I'm off to the cinema tonight to see Batman so won't be home till gone 10pm so I have to grab tea beforehand. 10.5 syns on a subway roll will be my whole days syns in one go. It's a really low calorie sub too but that's how tight syns are I guess, 200-300 calories of nice food and that's your lot!
Yesterday I was pretty chuffed with myself that I managed just 850 calories all day. It was just to make up for the curry so that should balance out now. Scales were being nice this morning and if they stay saying the same Sunday I'll be very pleased indeed as they're reporting a 1.5lb loss.
Today so far has been a jacket spud with beans and cheese and an alpen bar. Nothing naughty for tea so a 100% day I reckon
Today so far has been a jacket spud with beans and cheese and an alpen bar. Nothing naughty for tea so a 100% day I reckon
I'm a very happy emma this morning, 1.9lb loss! Yesterday wasn't great as we went to my parents for tea. I hadn't eaten much all day but I did have pudding. Today I'll cut back hard to make up for it I think.
4 weeks to holiday now and I've still been a bit slack on the exercise front so I'll have to do a bit more this week. Eating so little doesn't really give me the energy to do it but I should at least try. I'm now hoping that losing weight before my holiday will give me the motivation to not pig out on holiday! That way I might be able to keep the gains to a minimum
4 weeks to holiday now and I've still been a bit slack on the exercise front so I'll have to do a bit more this week. Eating so little doesn't really give me the energy to do it but I should at least try. I'm now hoping that losing weight before my holiday will give me the motivation to not pig out on holiday! That way I might be able to keep the gains to a minimum
Similar threads
