advice required xxxxxx please :)

[harriet2]

i told my mother in law a little yesterday and she said, well why didnt you just say no....yes why didnt i...that doesnt help ..makes me feel i asked for it lol. i think ill bend your/others ears on here instead. i love my mother in law but i do know things which have been told in confidence have told themselves back to my ears ...and im a person who NEVER tells secrets. or others. i was always the one people came to to ask for advise..not the other way round

 

[JanD]

Silly woman! She probably didn't know what to say so just said the first thing that came into her head - which was fairly ridiculous when you think about it. And if she repeats confidences I wouldn't think she's someone to trust with anything anyway. xx

 

[harriet2]

um no your probably right. trouble is my OH goes to her when hes worried as obviously it is his mother but then i feel i cant trust him either cause then she knows all my secrets..well he didnt tell her the one ive just told the whole nation on here but still lol

one of my questions is was it because i was shy/am shy that i got picked on? i always had a very trusting nature...does that make me stupid to believe what people say to me? pehaps it does OH is always telling me im gullible..perhaps i am lol

h x

 

[JanD]

I don't think every shy person in the world gets picked on. However gullible is another matter. Gullible people can leave themselves open to be taken advantage of but that doesn't mean it's their fault. It shouldn't be a bad thing to have a trusting nature but there are those who will take advantage of that. That's where the phrase 'once bitten twice shy' comes in. When something happens you learn to be a bit more on your guard next time. It's a sad fact of life.

I can't emphasise enough that this doesn't mean it was your 'fault'. The 'bad' people took advantage of your innocence, that is totally abhorrent and entirely their fault! xx

 

[SandraB]

Harriet, there's not much that I can say that hasn't already been said...I think that you're extremely brave and I'm sure that you're well on the way to recovery with or without the counselling just by the fact that you've been able to confide in us on here. Be brave and be strong and remember you were only a little girl and you were taken advantage of, no way were you responsible or to blame for anything that happened to you x

 

[summergurl]

Confiding with us on here is a massive step Harriet. Jan has spoken wise words, its 100% not your fault, whether you are guliable or shy.

xxx

 

[irish molly]

I am so sorry to read your sad sad story. I can't add anything else to what has been said. Very big hugs to you. You are the victim not the guilty party. It is good you can finally give voice to how you feel.
Keep well and strong.

 

[kered]

Oooh Harriet, big hugs to you from me too, and NO WAY was it your fault, you were just a child honey. The bloody idiot was also a child, but obviously knew what he was doing. He is the guilty person here, NOT YOU.

Glad that you feel able to talk to us on here, and you will always have our support. Big hugs hun xxx

 

[Zenaworrier]

Hey H,
Just read this and it could have been me writing it. I was sexually and physically abused as a child by a family member around a similar age. There has been many times that I have thought I should have said something earlier. But when that person has that hold over you it is SO hard. Especially when your young.
I think a lot of my problems with eating was because when this person was around I used to hide in my wardrobe and have food stashed in there so I always ate in secret. The wardrobe was my safety net and I guess the food became my comfort.
You are so brave for addressing those issues. There is a lot of it that I have forgotten and want it to stay that way but I know this isn't healthy. I am here if you ever want to talk. Your are totally not to blame and doing the right thing getting help for it.
Big hugs x

 

[harriet2]

Oooh Harriet, big hugs to you from me too, and NO WAY was it your fault, you were just a child honey. The bloody idiot was also a child, but obviously knew what he was doing. He is the guilty person here, NOT YOU.

Glad that you feel able to talk to us on here, and you will always have our support. Big hugs hun xxx

he used to obviously brag about what hed made me do to his mates cause theyd shout after me in the street. (i just remembered this too)!

this boy though, im afraid he took his own life when he was 18 and jumped in front of a train. all didnt end well for him and im ashamed to say when i heard years later, well ..you can guess x

 

[harriet2]

Hey H,
Just read this and it could have been me writing it. I was sexually and physically abused as a child by a family member around a similar age. There has been many times that I have thought I should have said something earlier. But when that person has that hold over you it is SO hard. Especially when your young.
I think a lot of my problems with eating was because when this person was around I used to hide in my wardrobe and have food stashed in there so I always ate in secret. The wardrobe was my safety net and I guess the food became my comfort.
You are so brave for addressing those issues. There is a lot of it that I have forgotten and want it to stay that way but I know this isn't healthy. I am here if you ever want to talk. Your are totally not to blame and doing the right thing getting help for it.
Big hugs x

your very brave yourself for saying xxxx
and thank you for not making me feel alone over this

h x

 

[JanD]

he used to obviously brag about what hed made me do to his mates cause theyd shout after me in the street. (i just remembered this too)!

this boy though, im afraid he took his own life when he was 18 and jumped in front of a train. all didnt end well for him and im ashamed to say when i heard years later, well ..you can guess x

Just goes to prove what a troubled individual he was - nobody could blame you for feeling he got what he deserved. At least he couldn't hurt anybody else I suppose. xx

 

[kered]

No-one would blame you for feeling the way you did when you heard the news.

 

[harriet2]

i have to say didnt think talking about this stuff would help but i feel so much better this last couple of days..really, so thank you everybody. i may bend your ears again in the future

h x

 

[Zenaworrier]

Go for it huni, we are all here for you. You have so done the right thing in getting help for it- which is easier said than done.
Hope your enjoying the sunshine today

 

[summergurl]

Bend all you like x

 

[harriet2]

Bend all you like x

like beckham? xx

 

[JanD]

Glad you're feeling a bit better and this is just the start Feel free to bend our ears anytime xx

 

[summergurl]

How are you doing Harriet?x

 

[harriet2]

i went up the allotment yesterday and was up there sowing seeds for about 2 hours. i had my back turned and THAT B@STARD came up behind me and said, oh you alright, hows it going???!!!!

i turned round and said, 'dont you talk to me'. he looked shocked and said, 'what'? i said, 'dont you talk to me. you ruined my bloody life'!

with that i turned my back on him. he literally went in 5 mins, collected his stuff i imagine, went to his van and left the allotments.

it felt good to tell him so but maybe i should have said more. i just couldnt talk to him properly. my mind was racing, but what i did do has helped a bit i think and i actually felt lighter yesterday for it and felt happy!

phew lol
h x