Alexmummy's learning journey...

[alexmummy07]

The good thing is hun, you haven't given up, and you are still going and working on it. You know what you need to do, and are learning all the time.

I wish I didn't have all these thoughts of wanting food. That really gets me sometimes. Take tonight - why why why do I want pudding? I never used to have pudding? I know I will have a pudding on Saturday when we go to friends' house, so I don't 'need' one, I don't even feel hungry, but I want, and craving one. Come on here to get away from it, and to have fruit instead.

Have filled up on water, so that if I move, I will have to go to bathroom instead of kitchen (I know that's TMI, but it means I HAVE to walk past the kitchen instead of in it - and once I go up the stairs, I won't be bothered to come back down again! so in a sense will be 'safe') 'til tomorrow.

Today has been an OK day - managed to get supplies from CDC's house - though fell on my bum a fair few times lol!

Glad to have supplies though, and the walk although a fair bit scary, was nice and fresh too!

A friend of mine started SS today, bless her - what a cold day to start day 1 on. I am wishing her all the luck in the world

Well it's Friday tomorrow, so work for me, will be a very very slow drive to the childminders and then work. Hopefully the customers will be in a happy mood

Hope everyone has a good Friday xx

 

[Laura Croft]

Cheesy quote warning

It's about progress not perfection.

End of cheesy quote.

Have you read Eating Less? Gillian talks quite a lot about addictive desires and it's interesting to note (for me at least) they could happen before, during or even just after a meal finishes. Becoming aware of the addictive desires is the first step to getting back in control of them and you are doing so good. Hang in there.

 

[alexmummy07]

Hi Laura!

I like that quote...I may use it! (a lot!)

I think I am learning and I feel I am progressing.

Today I am starrviiing!!! I am literally sooooooooooooooooo hungry, my tummy is rumbling like mad!!
I had a major migraine this morning, so managed to eat about 1 1/4 weetabix as couldn't stomach the rest as felt so sick but knew I wouldn't get a break for a while at work so had to eat something.
At work I was on self scan, and OMG it was the busiest I have ever ever seen it! The queues were down the aisles, and lights were flashing all over the place, so I feel like I have run half a marathon back and fourth around and around tapping screens, and correcting this and that problem. By the time I got on my break I thought I was going to pass out! I finally had my CD bar then which was a caramel one, and some flavoured water (it was heavenly)
Carried on running around after lunch, and have just gotten home in the last half hour. I was so so hungry when I got in that I couldn't even think of having salad, so I made 2 seeded flatbread (similar to ryvita style) with honeyroast thin ham on and a pint of water...I still feel so hungry now, so have popped on here to try and pass the time and to let the food/water go down a little before dinner.

I think this will knock me over my 1000 cals today, but I haven't felt proper hunger like this in such a long long time!
I know I have started upping the exercise this week, but wow!

The downside being...the scales were up this morning (weird...the scales never seem to work quite how I want them to, or how I think they logically should) but I know I am eating very healthily and I know I am exercising. Perhaps time to start airing Laura's caution and upping to 1200 or more net' cals every day?? Will consider this over the weekend.

Not sure what dinner is as DF is making it as he has been off today

Still completely covered in snow and ice here, was certainly a trek and a half getting little man to childminders this morning!

xx

 

[Laura Croft]

Glad the quote helped.

I think self-scan machines are fab. I don't normally have a huge shop to do thought otherwise it'd be a bit difficult. Thanks on behalf of all the customers you helped today who didn't thank you for running around

I'm sorry I can't give you any wise advice on 1000. I understand it's importance as a good step up to maintenance after being on SS/810 etc but on it's on, I think it could only work for someone not at all active. You aren't in ketotis or getting a decent amount of cals. It strikes me as a very difficult combination, but that is of course just me

 

[alexmummy07]

Glad the quote helped.

I think self-scan machines are fab. I don't normally have a huge shop to do thought otherwise it'd be a bit difficult. Thanks on behalf of all the customers you helped today who didn't thank you for running around

I'm sorry I can't give you any wise advice on 1000. I understand it's importance as a good step up to maintenance after being on SS/810 etc but on it's on, I think it could only work for someone not at all active. You aren't in ketotis or getting a decent amount of cals. It strikes me as a very difficult combination, but that is of course just me

Thank you

After some very narky customers - it's lovely to hear, and you know what... it really wasn't people with small shopping today. It was deep fill trolleys and then people being annoyed that I couldn't pack for them, but little old me running it on my own...not allowed to pack on Self-Scan or would have all the other customers who need me too losing there tempers too! No chance of winning that battle. Well, here's to tomorrow...and moreover, here's to the future and finishing my degree and getting back to a job which is more 'me'.

As for 1000, I enjoy it to an extent, I like feeling as though I'm in some kind of safety, but the scales are so yo-yo even though I don't really feel like I am that it's making me feel a bit un-easy and that sets off all kinds of emotions, and that leads to temptation.

I know tomorrow I have a meal at a friends house, so I know the choices (in a way) are not completely down to me. I know that it is likely not to be a 1000 meal, and that on Monday the scales will be up, but that on a 'normal' person it probably wouldn't be, and that's difficult to handle sometimes. Will my metabolism ever increase?

Will these lbs ever properly come off again?
What do I need to do to make them come off?

I fear I am doing what I have tried not to do...I am panicking...I put on weight over Xmas and New Year and I am scared I can't get it all off :sigh:

 

[Laura Croft]

Oh I laughed so much at the people wanting you to pack. What do they think it is - self-scan but you pack. Kind of like a reverse of normal registers? hahaha Actually I quite liked that joke.

After reading your post, I think you are reading way too much into the numbers. How long have you been doing 1000? Remember the weight loss isn't going to come off as fast as it does on a VLCD and unfortunately (and I'm speaking from my experience here) it's easy to think the diet is not working and get impatient. The 'average' normal weight loss on a diet is 1 - 2lbs per week

I don't think there's any harm in faking a stomach ache. Tell your friend how tasty the food is, ask about the recipe etc but you don't have to eat it all. KWIM?

but that on a 'normal' person it probably wouldn't be, and that's difficult to handle sometimes. Will my metabolism ever increase?

I fear I am doing what I have tried not to do...I am panicking...I put on weight over Xmas and New Year and I am scared I can't get it all off :sigh:

Where does all this come from? What makes you think the scales wouldn't go up for a normal person? Remember the number going up is based on lots of things, not just an increase in fat. KD wrote a great summary of what 'short term' weight gain is her diary but that's a locked treasured at the moment.

Will these lbs ever properly come off again?

Yes

What do I need to do to make them come off?

You know what you need to do honey. Find a sensible weight loss plan that works for you, stick to it (that unfortunate catch) and exercise as appropriate.

 

[alexmummy07]

Laura...

I do agree with you. I know I am more than a number, but I also know that being within a healthy BMI and weight is important for me too.
I know I have learnt, and still have learning to do, but do get disheartened easily if the scales don't move down, so I am proposing...(not to you literally lol)

If I said I would avoid the scales for 2 weeks (OMG that feels scary!) but follow the plan and exercise as I have been - would you recommend or advise against? Is this too long away from the scales?
This would keep me from seeing the inevitable gain on Monday, and hopefully **hopefully* see some kind of loss by the next time I actually weigh in.

Claire

PS - Thank you so much for all advice, I am listening and taking all in bit by bit. I am trying sooo much to calm self and not panic, as this is what I have been aiming all along not to do post Xmas. I have to learn from this, I have to keep chipping away and win this battle to win the war (or something like that)

 

[Laura Croft]

Claire - aah you do have a name. I knew it wasn't Alex obviously but had no idea. Must have missed it - sorry

Laura...

I do agree with you. I know I am more than a number, but I also know that being within a healthy BMI and weight is important for me too.

I'm not disputing what weight you want to be (I'll skip the BMI thing!)

That number on the scale is only a part of what makes Claire healthy. It's not just about you physically (and that's obviously more than weight!), it's the mental, the emotional etc and you are focussing too much on one thing. Okay so you know all that so just keep the number in perspective okay and remember you are still just as loveable (I'd have said yes btw ) so don't be so hard on yourself.

No, I don't think you need to not weigh because it's like taking a kid's toy away. You just need to learn to play nicely Also, even if you take the scale away, unfortunately your expectations aren't going to go with it so if in 2 weeks time that number isnt' what you wanted it to be, you still won't be happy.

If you've been eating well, the weight will come off. I still weigh daily and so I think does KD so that definitely makes it acceptable for us to do it too.

You are doing fab, you really are.

 

[alexmummy07]

O.k. I'm going to think...logically. I do know all this. I know I am much much more than a number (a mummy for one!)

I am going to watch 'The Biggest Loser' as this always motivates me, and have a clementine...then have a shower and go to bed.

I think part of this, the more I'm thinking about it, is about tomorrow night's meal. I am looking forward to it, but I'm also not in a way. I know I've asked for smaller portions already, and re-iterated it to them too, but I think I've got to just be pleased with myself too. I've started this year as well as I can. I'm exercising well, toning and cardio. I just need to carry it on...NOT panic - and the lbs will come off - they have to right? It's not like I'm starting how I was last year with 7 stone to lose.

I guess just when starting last year with SS, it was 'easy' in a way. Once your in Ketosis, the weight is going to come off, and that's that. Don't really need to do much about it, consider food, calories, exercise even, but now to get weight off it's a whole new ball game. Almost like it used to be, and I've never been able to shift weight on a conventional diet...maybe this is why I'm scared of failing.

I've babbled a lot on here today. I really do need to write on other people's diaries and I will do. Just needed to clear my head today.

Just need to talk all this into my head xx

 

[Laura Croft]

Just about home time for me so a few quick points:

1. So if they don't give you smaller portions, remember you can still eat a small portion unless they are actually going to force feed you?

2. Yes, be proud of yourself as you should be

3. Not panicing is definitely a good thing

4. I completely agree re SS being the easy part and that comes as a shock to many. I truly don't think many people (if any) expect maintenance will be as tough as it is. I think many (including moi) are sure that once we are this target weight, we'll just eat healthily and all will be good and likewise, we'll be able to stop all the unhealthy stuff. Maintenance is simple(ish) but it sure isn't easy.

Night

xx

 

[herewego]

Great discussion going on here! You are doing well Claire! Like Laura I don't get on with 1000 and only managed a week on it. Getting out of ketosis and being hungry again was hard on its own and only getting 1000 cals to live on was not enough for moi!

If it works for you, then great, but don't worry about adding another piece of fruit or whatever if you find it too hard. It's better to do that than struggle and end up on a week long binge (as I have done so many times!)

 

[alexmummy07]

10/1/10

Well we went for the meal last night and it was nice. I was fairly pleased with myself. We had a roast with all the trimmings, and then we ourselves, had made a vanilla cheesecake with a strawberry topping (gorgeous)

I managed to leave some of the dinner, and have a small portion of dessert and feel 'comfortably full' not stuffed like I would used to have done.
I was offered wine A LOT, but refused it, so stuck to non alcoholic 95% of the night. The only time I didn't was when friends insisted (and I mean INSISTED!) I had shot of limoncello. There were also offers of After Eight chocs and other yummy treats, but I managed to leave these alone, and enjoy the 'company' rather than over indulge on more food and too much alcohol, and you know what? I still thoroughly enjoyed the night!

So achievement? Yes
Scales still up? Expected yes - but working on this to come down again though!

Today have been having a play around on the Wii a lot of the morning, trying to be active and back to eating 'normally' again today, even though I 'feel' hungry again. Trying to drink more in order to combat the hunger, but boy am I struggling on 1000 at the minute...decisions may have to be made in the next week whether to go up or down a plan - either down to try and get into ketosis to stop the hunger, or up to 1200 and exercise more, though I suppose I'm kinda scared of this step too, even though it 'could' be the right move, but either way I don't know how long I can carry on, on 1000, as days like Fri and yesterday when at work the hunger is un-controllable (but I didn't give in) but at same time, I am still aiming to lose over a stone at the moment, so not sure if 810 would be better...oooo I don't know!

Thoughts, thoughts, thoughts!

 

[Bess]

Well done Claire, you handled the evening really well. Good luck on whatever you decide - I understand the diiemma!

 

[Katycakes]

Glad it went well... yay! You're so focused right now it helps me to keep things in perspective... battling TOTM demons but not giving in.

xxx

 

[alexmummy07]

I feel deflated...very deflated.
Scales are jumping up again, and way too high. If I had been eating like the way I had been at Xmas I could understand it, but I haven't and I have been exercising too, yet the lbs keep adding up and up. I realise I ate Saturday night, but I made sure I ate mostly veg against anything else that was offered, yes had dessert, but refused all but 1 shot of alcohol, and the scales are up 4lbs(!!) today. It's just getting ridiculous and it's so disheartening.

I so wanted this year to not be about the weight, to be about the maintenance, and to be about getting more 'fit' and toning up the bingo wings, tummy, and legs, but if I can't get the weight back down to begin with, then the maintenance can't happen.

So I have had to make a decision. I am struggling anyway, on 1000 with the hunger pangs (Even though I haven't given in), and with the scales up so high, I have no other option but to drop down and try and get myself back into a mild ketosis, so I'm going back down to 810.

I know it's not easy, and it's not really what I wanted, but I want so much to get down to my goal weight now, and then concentrate hard on maintenance and exercise.

I just can't keep watching the scales go up, I need to put an end to that now.

So 810 starts here...(well it started this morning)
Hopefully a month will bring me right back down, and then I can go up the plans over the next 6-8 weeks and concentrate on maintenance for the rest of the year. x

 

[Katycakes]

Big hugs. I think the scales would definitely have dropped in a day or two, but perhaps more important is that you aren't getting on well with 1000... so, it had to be up or down and down has the benefit of ketosis. Keep us posted, am thinking of the same but a bit wary of being able to stick to it at this point.

xxx

 

[dreamingmaid]

Hi Alexmummy,
It must be so disheartening to see the scales go up when you are trying so hard
I admire you for sticking with 1000 plan, those hunger pangs were just awful for me any time i tried to restart on that level, even 1200 i couldn't manage for the same reason.
Now i am following a 1500cal diet (not the cd one) and it suits me so much better. The weight is slowly coming off again 2.5lbs in two weeks, and like you it was only the christmas holiday gain i am trying to lose as i reached goal at the end of november.
Anyway i just wanted to give you my experience as post cd, i found it almost impossible to follow any of the cd plans again without feeling insatiable hunger.
I know at the moment you may think it is unthinkable, but perhaps consider following a higher calorie diet than the 1000cal you are doing now.

Hugs AM, i am sure with your determination one way or another you will get there.

 

[alexmummy07]

Thanks for your thoughts ladies. I do need that.
dreamingmaid - are you just calorie counting, or are you following another diet plan?

Katy - I know what you are saying, I just feel that going up to 10.10 again is such a blow. At Xmas/New Year I 'deserved' to be that weight, I genuinely did, but I know in my heart I have stuck to it this week, had one evening, eating slightly off track, but not what I would call a blow out, not even a binge, and 4lbs up, with exercising yesterday and sticking to 1000 again aswell.

I don't usually make rash decisions, I know fluctuations will always happen, and of course in life I will eat out and lbs will go up and down, but at a weight much closer to my goal, it 'should' be much easier to either cut back for a day or two, or go back to eating normally and that weight drop back down and carry on as 'normal', but being this much above my ideal, that's what is heartbreaking at the moment.

x

 

[Katycakes]

I do understand hun. I just want to say, don't panic... I have been there too, and the panic really doesn't help. Now the one thing i aim for above anything is staying calm, because panic for me triggers over-eating, or, conversely, cutting back so harshly I cannot sustain things and then swing back the other way. BUT, if you are calm and reasoned, there is no reason 810 cannot work for you... I think Bess is planning this too, and I hope to follow in your footsteps as soon as I can get supplies again.

Wish you all the luck in the world.

xxx

 

[alexmummy07]

I'm calm I promise.

Although I have made the decision a bit quicker than I had intended (true). I still had been thinking over the last few days that 1000 was becoming difficult, esp Fri & Saturday at work(!) so I knew a decision was coming one way or the other, and I knew all along that post Xmas I wanted to lose another 7lbs after the goal weight I had originally reached, so that adds to what I have to lose now, making a total of 16lbs to lose and I think I can achieve that better on 810, and then go through the plans and up, and then maintain that weight, which has been, all along, my ideal, target weight, well within my BMI.

It's not something I will publicly discuss with my family as I already have the 'you don't need to lose anymore' but I know I do, and I never wanted to stay dead on a BMI of 25, as anytime I fluctuate around a lb above then I am classed as 'overweight' again. Not something I wanted to do.

So, my aim is to try and shift it all by Valentines day...just a day short of 5 weeks...