Alli takes the scenic route to maintenance

[herewego]

Well, the new and relaxed me lasted all of one day!! Yesterday I lost it completely! I ate everything I could get my hands on and it wasn't pretty. I won't list it here as it's too embarrassing but trust me, it was a lot - even for me...:cry::cry::cry:

I could cry but what good will that do me. I spent the night considering going back on CD but I know that's not the answer. I have to learn to eat in moderation - going back on CD will only delay the inevitable.

I didn't weigh myself this morning but I know that I've put on around 5 lbs in the past few weeks. When it was 2-3 lbs I didn't care as it's quite a natural fluctuation but considering what I've eaten I know that the weight on is not water weight...

I'm feeling very depressed at the moment but also know that it won't do me any good beating myself up about it. I just wish I could figure out how to stop the eating at night. The days are good but the nights are a nightmare. I am going to clear the cupboards out and try my hardest not to buy anything in (I seem to black out in shops every now and then and buy junk despite good intentions) but I hate the fact that it's come to this. I should be able to have a packet of biscuits in the cupboard without eating it. I even ate jammy dodgers last night - I can't stand them. I was pulling a funny face every time I bit into the biscuits but I soldiered on until there were none left.

Right - time to get a grip. I'm working from home today and am off next week so at least I'm safe from the Friday treats at work...

Hope you are all doing better than I am at the mo!

 

[Katycakes]

A hug for Alli. Have been there... a whole lot of times. We can beat this, I really believe we can. Hang on in there, when my migraine has gone we can make a plan... so many of us struggling, but we CAN do it, I know we can!!!

xxx

 

[herewego]

Good Morning diary!

I managed yesterday without bingeing. I made sure I had plenty of lovely food throughout the day and then didn't feel any cravings in the evening. I'm going to try and do the same today. It's not going to make me lose weight and I still want to lose a few lbs, but for now learning to eat in moderation is more important. I'm picking up some more CD packs today as I don't have many left. It's funny - I've only had 2 packs this week so clearly don't need them anymore but I don't like running out . It's like a comfort blanket. I'll have to get used to not having packs at some point but today's not the time.

I'm working today in my new capacity as Mummy Cab! There's 2 birthday parties and swimming. At some point I have to find the time to go to the butchers to pick up some lamb shanks for tomorrow's night dinner as we have friends coming round.

My goal for today is no bingeing and lots of water!

Hope you all have a lovely Saturday!

 

[Katycakes]

You can do it, Alli. I am the same today, not going to worry about cals too much as long as food is healthy and no binges are involved. I remember the days of swimming lessons & kids parties... these days the mum-cab is picking them up from midnight parties or driving them a 2 hr round trip to station starting out at 6 in the morning to go to a gig in london, like today... make the most of the little 'un days!

Am exactly the same about the CD comfort blanket. This last week it has been a lifeline, even just one a day. Have started adding a teeny bit of milk to a CD hot choc & it tastes SO luxurious I'd pick it over any shopbought latte or hot choc. Sigh!

Wishing you another successful day.

xxx

 

[LellyCD]

Hi alli, just caught up with your diary, i think it's great that you can be really honest and open with your thoughts and struggles, your certainly in the right place for it here, we all have our struggles but each little hurdle is learning. Well done on your achievements so far, i think you're doing great even if if feels really hard, it's still early days and it does get easier to give up the CD security blanket, i still have trouble letting go of mine but getting there very slowly.
Hoping your day goes really well!
xx

 

[Bess]

Well, the new and relaxed me lasted all of one day!! Yesterday I lost it completely! I ate everything I could get my hands on and it wasn't pretty. I won't list it here as it's too embarrassing but trust me, it was a lot - even for me...:cry::cry::cry:

I could cry but what good will that do me. I spent the night considering going back on CD but I know that's not the answer. I have to learn to eat in moderation - going back on CD will only delay the inevitable.

I didn't weigh myself this morning but I know that I've put on around 5 lbs in the past few weeks. When it was 2-3 lbs I didn't care as it's quite a natural fluctuation but considering what I've eaten I know that the weight on is not water weight...

I'm feeling very depressed at the moment but also know that it won't do me any good beating myself up about it. I just wish I could figure out how to stop the eating at night. The days are good but the nights are a nightmare. I am going to clear the cupboards out and try my hardest not to buy anything in (I seem to black out in shops every now and then and buy junk despite good intentions) but I hate the fact that it's come to this. I should be able to have a packet of biscuits in the cupboard without eating it. I even ate jammy dodgers last night - I can't stand them. I was pulling a funny face every time I bit into the biscuits but I soldiered on until there were none left.

Right - time to get a grip. I'm working from home today and am off next week so at least I'm safe from the Friday treats at work...

Hope you are all doing better than I am at the mo!

Alli, you have shamed me from lurking. I wanted to know how you all were but didn't feel I could write in my diary. I could have written the above post and understand completely how you feel. Evenings are completely out of control.

I couldn't read this and not respond, you have been so kind and supportive of me. My mind is all a muddle and I'm trying to sort it out. I've been yo -yo ing between decisions and ideas/plans.

So understanding and hugs from me dear Alli. x

 

[aussieraquel]

Oh my alli, your posts are like reading a paid out of my food journal, esp. With the binges. I cant believe some me the stuff I eat when I get im binge mode, I get that frantic to eat anything and everything I will too far things I dont even like. Its crap isnt it- I , like lelly, fine the honesty in your posts brill. Its so refreshing and real, doesnt make me feel so alone in my struggles. You can do this!

 

[herewego]

Thanks everyone for your comments and support! I don't usually write a journal and have never used a diary. I've started a few blogs but always forgotten all about it after a few days. This is the first time ever that I actually keep coming back to write about my journey and it's really helpful. OK so it's not fixing my issues, but at least it's helping gain some perspective and whilst I'm typing I'm not eating so that's good

I didn't binge yesterday although might have done if there was anything to binge on. I had an extra glass of wine instead and a couple of spoons of peanut butter. Not ideal but it hardly constitutes a binge.

We have friends over for dinner tonight and so I will be cooking for most of today. My DD has a birthday party and it's too long a drive for me to do a drop / pick up and so that's 3 hours out of my day gone.

My children were misbehaving earlier (prank calls at 6am this morning amongst other things) and so they are being made to sit quietly on the sofa for 20 minutes. I probably should give them some chores instead but I don't have the energy and at least this way I get some peace and quiet

Right - I'm off to prepare my lamb shanks and bake some Spanakopita (sp?) for my Greek themed dinner. Am considering doing plate smashing after the meal as our old plates could do with replacing. Not sure DH will be in favour of my rather brilliant idea though...

I'm so looking forward to tonight. I have Zorbas (from Zorba the Greek) loaded on the iPod and lanterns ready to hang up in the kitchen to make it more taverna like. It's all going to be naff but who cares - it's fun...

 

[Katycakes]

Not naff, Alli, sounds fab, and I love spanokopita (will let you keep the lamb shanks though!). Have you got baklava for pud? Or just some lovely greek yog and fruit? I bet your friends will love every minute and hope you do too.

Your diary is lovely, you are not allowed to stop posting no matter what. Have a great Sunday!

xxx

 

[herewego]

Thanks Katy - The Spanakopitas are in the oven and the shanks have been prepped. I've never tried lamb shanks as I'm not a huge meat eater but DH is trying to eat low carb for a couple of weeks to lose a bit of weight and suggested Kleftiko. Hopefully it will be OK.

I'm just sitting down for a coffee and a bit of brekkie and will then need to get going as I have children's birthday parties to attend

 

[Bess]

Hope you have a lovely evening - it all sounds fun. You are so organised, planning what you'll cook earlier in the week, I'm not nearly so good, hurling something in the Rayburn when people come, it's so often a roast meal too. I'm a bit bored with it all. Now I've stopped cooking for a living I'll have to make a bit more of an effort.
Once, years ago I actually started cooking a meal as guests were walking up the garden path - salmon and salad I think?! I hadn't had time to prepare anything. And then there was the time we had a power cut (frequent here) and we had 12 for supper........the house looked lovely, candles everywhere.....
I only invite people I really want to see now, good friends. I stopped the 'tit for tat' dinner party thing years ago. And they come for supper with us all. But it is fun sometimes to get the silver out and lay the table properly all the same, candles, linen napkins and so on...Usually in honour of someone's birthday.
You should see the scrum to tidy up just before guests arrive - good job the children are handy with the hoover!!

Mind you, one daughter rang years ago saying she was on the way home with the first boyfriend for the first time from Uni and could we tidy up please!! Little Madam, we did, but have never let her forget it!! He didn't last long either so it was hardly worth it!

 

[herewego]

LOL Bess - I'm so not organised!! I just love looking through cook books and planning meals. The actual cooking I could quite happily miss out although it's nice when meals work out.

Our friends have just left (they are perfect guests - they bring pudding and don't stay late ) and they walked out our door happily groaning from having overindulged so I'm pleased!

We also did a mad cleaning dash just before they came and I hid a dust cloth behind my back as I opened the door for them LOL. They are used to it though...I don't want to sound like a complete slob but I personally think cleaning is such a waste of time. I do it because it has to be done but take no pleasure in it whatsoever. We often joke that when the house is becoming really messy it's time to invite some people round just so we're forced to tidy up. Our house is clean - it's just not big enough to host all our stuff! Still - I think it's homely and much prefer our lived in home to houses that look like show homes (just my own opinion though and I've probably formed that opinion purely based on my own indolence!!).

We're so not doing the proper silverware thing - we don't have any matching glasses (oh I tell a lie - we have some pint glasses that we stole from a pub about 10 years ago...) and I simply put a pile of plates in the middle of the table and chuck some cutlery out and we all help ourselves. We have paper napkins, not linen, and sometimes kitchen roll will do! Basically - you come to our house for the company (and even that's questionable at times LOL) and lots of food...

Right - my hot chocolate is finished (Cadbury highlights dark - YUM) and I'm off to bed! Night Night!

 

[Bess]

What a lovely evening it must have been and as you say, perfect guests!! I like the kind who don't stay too long as well!

I'm very much of the 'fling it on the table/kitchen roll kind of hostess too' and hate housework. Am exactly with you, it's a complete waste of time. As long as the kitchen/bathroom/loos are clean the rest can go hang. I have nowhere to put 'stuff' either, and as we are all inclined to be hoarders that can be a bit of a problem.
My OH has just built a huge range of bookshelves all along one wall in the sitting room and I've sorted through all the books and it is so exciting to see them all together when I come down the stairs. I love books, always have.
I freecycled about 500 in my sort out, but found it really difficult to let them go! I really minded and just before the woman came kept pulling books out of the boxes!

 

[Bess]

P.S. I stayed at someone's house last week and it was exactly like staying in an hotel. My daughter and I played a private game of trying to find anything in the house that reflected her character and personality. There was nothing.......absolutely nothing, it was amazing, looked like a showhome. She's someone I know very well and she does have a character. I asked her what happens to the 'stuff' which we all acquire, junk mail, old newspapers, receipts........and she just bins the lot.
No books either, she's a keen reader but takes them to the charity shop as soon as they are read.

On our kitchen table right now there are prospectus's for Uni's, a penknife, the paper, some garden twine, a box of tissues, a book of crosswords, a half written birthday card, a note from daughter no 3, 2 competitions someone was intending to enter, my book, the Marshall's catalogue (seeds,) some hoof spray and a pile of clean clothes on it's way upstairs. All that appeared since last night's supper. I think I must be a slut, and on balance quite like it!

 

[Katycakes]

Just want to join the 'hate housework, love books gang...'

xxx

 

[Katycakes]

Bess, hope your hoof is better soon... lol!

xxx

 

[herewego]

It's nice to meet like minded girls!! I love books and also find it really hard to part from books even though I rarely re-read books. I let go of my commuter type books, i.e. the paperbacks that I pick up at the train station to read on the train. Hard backs and books that I loved reading do not leave this house unless I lend them to a friend who forgets to return them. My DH is not at all into reading and my book collection drives him mad. He also comes from a home where everything is perfect and my mother in law can not leave the house before midday because of housework. She turns her cupboards out once a week - that's madness isn't it? My parents are like me - my Dad collects books and old furniture so I'm used to being surrounded by books and things.

I have to confess though that it was nice to come downstairs this morning to a tidy house and so maybe I should devote an extra hour or so at the weekend for dusting (I feel less alive just typing that word). Luckily I have two young children who love nothing more than running around the house with feather dusters LOL.

It's half term week so I am off - we're going down to the park in a minute to try and get DD to ride a bike without stabilizers. It will end in tears and tantrums no doubt. Still - it has to be done.

Have a lovely Monday everyone!

 

[Katycakes]

I feel less alive just typing that word

Amen to that... have a great day, Alli!

xxx

 

[Bess]

Oooh, I don't dust at all. I use the little brush thingy that fits on the end of the hoover nozzle. And once in a blue moon I'll get out the nice waxy smelling polish to do the good bits of furniture - I'm talking every 6 years or so!! Just done our bedroom - it still smells lovely.

Why does dog hair gravitate to under radiators?

Half term here too-lovely! I've managed to arrange my week so it's quite light. Have a good bike riding session!

 

[herewego]

Good Morning everyone!

Yesterday was a good day - not perfect - but good!

I took the kids to the park in the morning to teach my youngest to ride a bike without stabilizers. She did well as long as she went in a straight line . She was so excited that she kept forgetting to pedal and so the only way for her to remember was to chant "pedalling pedalling pedalling" over and over again. It was adorable! Then DS had to ruin it by showing off his bike skills by driving in circles around her and they ended up in a heap with a couple of impressive bruises on their legs.

After lunch we went to a stately home that has a lovely garden attached to it and they ran around collecting leaves. When we got home we used to leave to create all sorts of dreadful artwork that's now displayed on our kitchen wall.

Oh and I bought EA Sports Active for the Wii last night as we had a lot of games to trade in. I tried it out last night and did 2 x 20 minute workouts and my legs are killing me this morning. I really enjoyed it and hope to use it regularly...

Am off to London in a minute - as long as it doesn't start raining as it looks a bit grey.

On the menu today is:

B: Half a multiseed bagel w crunchy peanut butter
S: Large red apple
L: Peanut bar (whilst family have some kind of fast food in town)
S: Oaty bar
D: Butternut Squash soup w grated parmesan
S: ?? Maybe a small bar of chocolate or a glass of wine...