Today I broke down.
I had an arguement with myself at lunchtime about a packet of crisps.
Today, I broke down.
On a Monday, Tues, Wed, Thurs - I work only in the morning. Recently I started working Fridays too but all day.
Today was such a hard day - firstly working all day is fab - but lunchtime is awful.
I went into the staffroom and there was a box of all differet bags of walkers crisps that you could just help yourself to.
I sat eating my lunch having a battle with myself - and its just ridiculous.
It went something like this;
"have a bag - come on just count them"
"you dont need them look at your dinner and just eat what youve got"
"go on you deserve them"
"no - you shouldnt eat them its a waste of syns"
"but I do have a syn allowance to use"
"but you dont need them"
"but I want them"
"you're going out for a meal on tuesday - you should be having low syns till then"
"but one bag of crisps wont make a difference"
This is so silly as I'm writing it - but thats how I feel.
Then I spoke to my music teacher about other things that were bugging me.
I play piano and flute - and am Grade 7 on flute but have only just started playing piano.
Last year I did 3 music exams, two theory and one practical. & now my teacher is pushing me again to do more exams - I want a break. I need a break. I just want to enjoy playing music again - so I spoke to her about this and we're just going to try some different styles and play lots of different music.
After my music lesson I went to Asda with the other half and before I got out of the car I just burst into tears. I cried and cried and cried, and my lovely other half sat there stroking my hair and saying let it out hun.
I am so lucky to have him. <3
I know this was quite rambly but I'm feeling super emotional. This is teh only night I've had in this week.
Monday - college
Tuesday - body combat
Wednesday - zumba
Thursday - slimming world
and then tonight I am home - but my other half has gone for a swim.
Tomorrow my lovely is on a course all day - and my mum and dad are off to see my grandparents who live in Gloucster. House to myself all day - this NEVER happens.
I'll be spending my day; exercising, eating, doing college work, watching tv, going on the internet and generally relaxing.
Hooray for the weekend! Just a shame my lovely is on a course - but I'm going to cook him dinner with dessert and everything! If you look at my food diary we never have dessert - I'm so excited!!
I feel better for writing this - I will get through this.
