Spanglymum
Gold Member
7lb!!! Woop woop!
ArtyBee's cocoon
- Thread starter Spanglymum
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Spanglymum
Gold Member
Thanks.
Today I'm trying (and failing) to not let jealousy get the better of me. One of the people who used to work for me is suddenly being all overenthusiastic about her new boss (who she used to complain about) and it's really annoying me. I feel quite hurt, and also a bit disappointed in myself as I thought she was quite a genuine person but in fact was just sucking up to me because I was her manager. When will I ever learn?!! I sometimes amaze myself with my own naivety. Oh well.
I haven't used it as an excuse to spoil my plan though.
Had a bit of an upset tummy the past week or so. Been constipated but also lots of trapped wind and occasional diarrhoea. Nice! I do have IBS (medically diagnosed) so possibly something in the packs isn't working for me. It's uncomfortable. Another ten or so weeks of this isn't going to be much fun! Worth it, but not very pleasant.
Still pleased with my result so far though. Just hope I can keep powering through!
Today I'm trying (and failing) to not let jealousy get the better of me. One of the people who used to work for me is suddenly being all overenthusiastic about her new boss (who she used to complain about) and it's really annoying me. I feel quite hurt, and also a bit disappointed in myself as I thought she was quite a genuine person but in fact was just sucking up to me because I was her manager. When will I ever learn?!! I sometimes amaze myself with my own naivety. Oh well.
I haven't used it as an excuse to spoil my plan though.
Had a bit of an upset tummy the past week or so. Been constipated but also lots of trapped wind and occasional diarrhoea. Nice! I do have IBS (medically diagnosed) so possibly something in the packs isn't working for me. It's uncomfortable. Another ten or so weeks of this isn't going to be much fun! Worth it, but not very pleasant.
Still pleased with my result so far though. Just hope I can keep powering through!
Spanglymum
Gold Member
Friday! 
Got a big lunch at work today to mark a couple of things (can't say what as it might be obvious where I work!). Anyway, one of the team phoned me yesterday to say the restaurant doesn't do green tea and would chamomile or fruit tea be ok? How sweet to have checked! I said no thanks and can I take my own bags and have a pot of hot water? So that's sorted, which is great.
So next week will be my fourth weigh in. Halfway through the eight weeks I promised I would commit to. I think I will almost definitely do ten... Possibly twelve. Then I have to have a low calorie week I think (NICE guidance) and then will see how close I am to goal.
Seems strangely feasible, which is great after two years of diet chaos!
Got a big lunch at work today to mark a couple of things (can't say what as it might be obvious where I work!). Anyway, one of the team phoned me yesterday to say the restaurant doesn't do green tea and would chamomile or fruit tea be ok? How sweet to have checked! I said no thanks and can I take my own bags and have a pot of hot water? So that's sorted, which is great.
So next week will be my fourth weigh in. Halfway through the eight weeks I promised I would commit to. I think I will almost definitely do ten... Possibly twelve. Then I have to have a low calorie week I think (NICE guidance) and then will see how close I am to goal.
Seems strangely feasible, which is great after two years of diet chaos!
Spanglymum
Gold Member
Someone said to me at lunchtime that you can tell already that my diet is working. Yay for positive strokes!
Long way to go yet but I'm on my way.
Long way to go yet but I'm on my way.
Spanglymum
Gold Member
Bit grumpy today. I need to do something about the balance of my weekends. I often feel like I spend the while time making sure everyone else has a good one and getting knackered and resentful in the process. I have found it challenging sticking to plan today, although the temptations have never really felt unbearably intense, just more frequent than during the week.
Tomorrow morning I'm going to cycle to the 8am church service. I've only in this past year owned my first ever bicycle and I still lack confidence as I never learned apart from very basically going in a straight line when I was a child. I love the early-morning service as it's very peaceful, and I am hoping the village streets will be quite quiet so I can be brave and cycle on the road! Then, if the weather holds, I'm planning on taking us all to the beach. I've scoped out disabled-friendly ones via my friends who grew up in the area (my hubby and I are from oop North so haven't got a clue). I've had this dream of taking the girls paddling and sandcastling before they get too old, for several years now, and we still haven't done it - so I guess tomorrow is pretty much all about me!! Oops.
Tomorrow morning I'm going to cycle to the 8am church service. I've only in this past year owned my first ever bicycle and I still lack confidence as I never learned apart from very basically going in a straight line when I was a child. I love the early-morning service as it's very peaceful, and I am hoping the village streets will be quite quiet so I can be brave and cycle on the road! Then, if the weather holds, I'm planning on taking us all to the beach. I've scoped out disabled-friendly ones via my friends who grew up in the area (my hubby and I are from oop North so haven't got a clue). I've had this dream of taking the girls paddling and sandcastling before they get too old, for several years now, and we still haven't done it - so I guess tomorrow is pretty much all about me!! Oops.
Clinquant
Gold Member
Hope your cycling went well. I'd love to cycle but too scared to be overtaking buses in London. Going to Denmark later in the summer and looking forward to cycling on the dedicated cycling paths.
Definitely looks like a day for the beach, so hope you have a lovely day. And it's not exactly selfish - more about making lovely memories for your family. Selfish would be nipping off to a spa and letting them fend for themselves!!
Definitely looks like a day for the beach, so hope you have a lovely day. And it's not exactly selfish - more about making lovely memories for your family. Selfish would be nipping off to a spa and letting them fend for themselves!!
Spanglymum
Gold Member
It isn't that far to church, thankfully. I'm still quite wobbly! I hear you on central London. I don't know how people with no experience can risk their lives on the Boris bikes! Mind you I surprised an elderly couple walking through the park. I wasn't going that fast actually. Apologised (though nowhere near them really) and then ten mins later they turned up at the same service I was going to!
Fab fab fab day taking the girls to the beach. They lovvvvvvvved it (as did I!). I never got to go as a child as my sister had extremely bad eczema (like hospital bad) so we couldn't go because of the salt and sand. I say 'never'. I remember one time. But we used to go to stay with my grandparents in Lyme Regis and never went down to the sea.
Only downside was my hubby couldn't reach the beach in his wheelchair. I guess that might be the same everywhere... We will keep seeing what we can find!
Stuck to plan. Felt a bit left out when they all had the picnic I'd prepared and I had a coffee and a bar. But I got over it. And felt a bit rubbish too that I'm back in the jeans I was wearing at the start of this year and I thought they would be loose but they were tight! Just how much did I stack on and how fast???!!!! Oh well. I am tackling it and there's no point wallowing in regret. That's what got me here in the first place.
Fab fab fab day taking the girls to the beach. They lovvvvvvvved it (as did I!). I never got to go as a child as my sister had extremely bad eczema (like hospital bad) so we couldn't go because of the salt and sand. I say 'never'. I remember one time. But we used to go to stay with my grandparents in Lyme Regis and never went down to the sea.
Only downside was my hubby couldn't reach the beach in his wheelchair. I guess that might be the same everywhere... We will keep seeing what we can find!
Stuck to plan. Felt a bit left out when they all had the picnic I'd prepared and I had a coffee and a bar. But I got over it. And felt a bit rubbish too that I'm back in the jeans I was wearing at the start of this year and I thought they would be loose but they were tight! Just how much did I stack on and how fast???!!!! Oh well. I am tackling it and there's no point wallowing in regret. That's what got me here in the first place.
Spanglymum
Gold Member
Feeling really low today. Not sure what my problem is, as the day itself is going reasonably well and I'm working from the London office for once so I should get home tonight at a more civilised hour. I just feel so damned FAT!!!!!!!!! Really cross with myself for letting this happen again. I know I need to focus on everything I'm doing to put it right, but I feel so bloated and heavy and rubbish and just can't believe I did it to myself. Surely no carb high is worth this?!
I will get past this but it's difficult today not to feel like a failure
I will get past this but it's difficult today not to feel like a failure
Spanglymum
Gold Member
After all that whingeing yesterday I had a reality check last night. My husband got so overheated in bed that his legs were completely paralysed. He couldn't get out of bed to go to the bathroom to use a catheter so ended up struggling on the bed and I had to get a basin. It was truly terrible. Awful. Horrible. No one should have to suffer the indignities he does. I hate it. I hate the MS. I am tired out abd fed up of 'keeping going'.
I need to do a nursing course so I can help him if it happens again. I haven't been trained to insert the catheter so couldn't help him as he lay there panicking.
On a different note I've been really missing my old friends from when I lived in Scotland. We were going to try to go as a family later in the year but it's expensive and money is tight and going with the girls and wheelchair is always tiring for me. My husband suggested I go on my own for a break. I felt selfish about it at first but now am very grateful abd very excited!
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I need to do a nursing course so I can help him if it happens again. I haven't been trained to insert the catheter so couldn't help him as he lay there panicking.
On a different note I've been really missing my old friends from when I lived in Scotland. We were going to try to go as a family later in the year but it's expensive and money is tight and going with the girls and wheelchair is always tiring for me. My husband suggested I go on my own for a break. I felt selfish about it at first but now am very grateful abd very excited!
Sent from my HTC One using MiniMins.com mobile app
Spanglymum
Gold Member
Fourth week weigh-in today. I've been quite low off and on this past few days. I've realised, like I did the first time, that I give myself a "lift" from time to time with sugar or carbs - not just an energy lift, but a mood lift too. I want to find more sustainable alternatives.
I thought exercise was the "magic bullet" that people say it is, but I even felt low after my second swimming lesson last night, which was a surprise. I'm glad I went, and I want to find a time to practice between lessons, so I'm motivated and enjoying it, but I still feel down.
Part of it is that mid-life realisation that there is no mythical day when you have finally "got there" (wherever "there" may be). That's quite hard to accept, but realistic. I know all the pithy adages about enjoying the journey yadda yadda but have still always been a very goal-focused person. I guess that's why the past few years at work have been such a reality check for me: I'd finally "made it" - got the job I thought I'd always wanted - but in fact it turned out to be completely wrong for me (for many reasons, mainly the fact it wasn't the job as advertised!)
So here I am on the cusp of another new job and ... meh. What's it all about, eh?! I'm thrilled I got the role. Really pleased. Especially not having to move companies to get recognition. It's brilliant. But... meh.
I wanted to be an actress, an artist, a painter, a sculptor, photographer, an architect, a writer, a poet...
When, exactly, am I going to start writing seriously again? And painting? And sculpting? Life is passing me by...
Mid-life crisis. Oh yes indeedy. Yes!
I thought exercise was the "magic bullet" that people say it is, but I even felt low after my second swimming lesson last night, which was a surprise. I'm glad I went, and I want to find a time to practice between lessons, so I'm motivated and enjoying it, but I still feel down.
Part of it is that mid-life realisation that there is no mythical day when you have finally "got there" (wherever "there" may be). That's quite hard to accept, but realistic. I know all the pithy adages about enjoying the journey yadda yadda but have still always been a very goal-focused person. I guess that's why the past few years at work have been such a reality check for me: I'd finally "made it" - got the job I thought I'd always wanted - but in fact it turned out to be completely wrong for me (for many reasons, mainly the fact it wasn't the job as advertised!)
So here I am on the cusp of another new job and ... meh. What's it all about, eh?! I'm thrilled I got the role. Really pleased. Especially not having to move companies to get recognition. It's brilliant. But... meh.
I wanted to be an actress, an artist, a painter, a sculptor, photographer, an architect, a writer, a poet...
When, exactly, am I going to start writing seriously again? And painting? And sculpting? Life is passing me by...
Mid-life crisis. Oh yes indeedy. Yes!
Clinquant
Gold Member
I have to say that once you come out of the other side of the crisis, the feeling that you don't have to do all of that striving any more is intensely liberating. The mindfulness and living in the moment is incredibly helpful to me and has removed a lot of my anxiety. Especially the Compassion Focussed Therapy which is very much looking at all those ways to self soothe. It sounds like the situation with your husband was very scary but never underestimate how much you need to care for yourself and ask for help before you have to have it. I think his suggestion that you go and see your friends for a break is a brilliant one. I know my friends with children, particularly my best friend who had 3 under 5's including my goddaughter with Down's Syndrome, have been really restored by just staying with me for a weekend and being themselves. It's not selfish it's really important so that you can continue on. It might give you some headspace to start thinking about how you can incorporate those things you love in your life once again.
I think the exercise buzz is something to acquire, doesn't seem to be instant for me. Also if you are having lessons it's a bit different than just doing it for the pure pleasure.
Good luck for weigh in tonight
I think the exercise buzz is something to acquire, doesn't seem to be instant for me. Also if you are having lessons it's a bit different than just doing it for the pure pleasure.
Good luck for weigh in tonight
Spanglymum
Gold Member
Stayed the same!? :-(
Spanglymum
Gold Member
I was so tempted to go off plan last night. Really frustrated and angry actually. Another sts? Really?! But I made myself go to bed. It is what it is. Very very frustrating though.
Realised one of my things is I'm lonely. I have lovely old friends but they all live hundreds of miles away and I don't like the phone. I just want some people I can kick back with at the end of the week.
Someone posted on Facebook on a mum's group I belong to about her husband becoming a full time dad and needing a social group. It made me ask the question - where are the social groups for mums who work full time? I don't really know any of the mums locally because I'm never there for the coffee mornings. :-(
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Realised one of my things is I'm lonely. I have lovely old friends but they all live hundreds of miles away and I don't like the phone. I just want some people I can kick back with at the end of the week.
Someone posted on Facebook on a mum's group I belong to about her husband becoming a full time dad and needing a social group. It made me ask the question - where are the social groups for mums who work full time? I don't really know any of the mums locally because I'm never there for the coffee mornings. :-(
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Spanglymum
Gold Member
I really am just taking this one day at a time at the moment. I neeeeeed to get the constipation thing sorted out and then I think I will feel a whole lot better. I have medically-diagnosed IBS and also a colon issue (nice!) so do have a tendency that way at the best of times. Being on iron supplements plus a vlcd was probably a recipe for disaster! I've temporarily taken myself off the iron - just for a few days - and am working my way up the chain of more and more intense treatments as the days go by and no joy. I'm reluctant to go to the GP about this because they will just give me Picolax and/or Movicol, which I can get myself. Last time I had a problem this bad it ended up being... wait for it... THREE MONTHS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! A&E was involved (no use whatsoever) so I have "previous" lol.
Can't believe I'm laughing, but what can you do? It's going to be a mega-whoosh (ewwww) weightwise when things ahem get moving!!!!!!!!
Friday today and working from home so I did some work earlier then took the girls on the school run with my hubby. Lovely. And the official announcement has gone out about my promotion at work, which also feels fantastic. And I ended up getting a gardener in to do some weeding and hedge and grass trimming, so I can enjoy my weekend (and tending my veggies) without feeling guilty about the "chore-y" bits I haven't done.
A&E was involved (no use whatsoever) so I have "previous" lol.Can't believe I'm laughing, but what can you do? It's going to be a mega-whoosh (ewwww) weightwise when things ahem get moving!!!!!!!!
Friday today and working from home so I did some work earlier then took the girls on the school run with my hubby. Lovely
. And the official announcement has gone out about my promotion at work, which also feels fantastic. And I ended up getting a gardener in to do some weeding and hedge and grass trimming, so I can enjoy my weekend (and tending my veggies) without feeling guilty about the "chore-y" bits I haven't done.
Clinquant
Gold Member
That sounds like a lovely weekend planned. The constipation is definitely behind your stay the same. When I was 100% Lighter Life I always found the peanut bars helped but I never had big issues. Or Lite/Lifestyle with some veg but I know that isn't for everyone and you have chosen to do Total for now.
Was thinking about your social groups thing and was going to suggest MeetUp, then this popped into my inbox this morning. WOMEN ONLY - Socialising/making friends/having a laugh GROUP (London, England) - Meetup You could register for others groups locally or try and set one up yourself. It can be around your interests or just your situation. I've found a couple of nice yoga groups through it and some walking ones.
Was thinking about your social groups thing and was going to suggest MeetUp, then this popped into my inbox this morning. WOMEN ONLY - Socialising/making friends/having a laugh GROUP (London, England) - Meetup You could register for others groups locally or try and set one up yourself. It can be around your interests or just your situation. I've found a couple of nice yoga groups through it and some walking ones.
Spanglymum
Gold Member
Thanks so much for that link, Clinq! Perfect! I'm in the process of registering and then may very well start up a 'mums working full time' group locally.
Still dosing myself and hoping to sort this out over the weekend. I'm meant to be doing the Race for Life tomorrow. Might be walking it at this rate!
Still dosing myself and hoping to sort this out over the weekend. I'm meant to be doing the Race for Life tomorrow. Might be walking it at this rate!
Spanglymum
Gold Member
Well, in the end I decided to eat food over the weekend while doing the treatment. I haven't gone mad. Haven't even slightly felt the urge to binge at all. That's not what this is about. I was quite happy on abstinence. Just need need need to get this all sorted out. It's been terrible! Starting to feel some relief but still sore and very bloated. Have pulled out of the race today, which I'm a bit disappointed about, but I have to be near facilities at the moment. Back on plan tomorrow, assuming I've kicked this constipation into touch.
Spanglymum
Gold Member
Right back on it again this morning as planned. No excuses. I feel surprisingly sad about having gone off plan, although I still think it was the right thing to do in the circumstances. I'm fighting 'failure' thoughts. Thing is, it wasn't about 'breaking the diet'. It's not like I had massive cravings and then succumbed or something. I just needed to get my system - ahem - regular again!
This mood may just be Mondayitis. I shall get a coffee at Clapham and do some reading on mindfulness. I just seem to feel a bit sad quite often. Memories and nostalgia and sadness for time passing way too quickly. This short life we have.
My mum turns 86 today, so maybe not so short lol. I'm exactly half her age for the next week, and then I turn 44. I've spent an awful lot of that time being anxious. Not just about my weight but generally. Maybe I should lay off the caffeine?! Lol.
I got my older daughter a couple of new summer dresses from Tesco yesterday and when she tried them on I was so moved. She is growing up into a very beautiful young woman, thankfully with no food or weight issues whatsoever. The dress just looked so perfect on her. I want to enjoy as much of this time with both of my daughters as I can but am on the train to work. That makes me sad too.
At least I'm home every night and morning. I hope I cheer up in a bit!
This mood may just be Mondayitis. I shall get a coffee at Clapham and do some reading on mindfulness. I just seem to feel a bit sad quite often. Memories and nostalgia and sadness for time passing way too quickly. This short life we have.
My mum turns 86 today, so maybe not so short lol. I'm exactly half her age for the next week, and then I turn 44. I've spent an awful lot of that time being anxious. Not just about my weight but generally. Maybe I should lay off the caffeine?! Lol.
I got my older daughter a couple of new summer dresses from Tesco yesterday and when she tried them on I was so moved. She is growing up into a very beautiful young woman, thankfully with no food or weight issues whatsoever. The dress just looked so perfect on her. I want to enjoy as much of this time with both of my daughters as I can but am on the train to work. That makes me sad too.
At least I'm home every night and morning. I hope I cheer up in a bit!
