ProPoints Azwethinkweiz (Sarah)s new food diary!

Yeah you're right. Maybe if I share something with one of them then I'd only be having the half of it. Hmm. I'll see how I feel when I get there. There is a subway in the same shopping centre too... gotta walk by a burger king and a kfc to get to it though :p
 
Am sure ya'll be grand.. Why dont ya have a look at the PP's before ya leave the office n see whats reasonable n what's within yer allowance..That's what I done before going to Nando's the other day.. Printed off a huge list of what I was likely to have and brought it with me.. So I knew exactly what I was having PP wise before I had it.. No shockers then when I got hom :eek:)
 
Yeah. I have costa points done out already that I had put in the takeaway thread and must take a look at the subway ones now. Gonna write some down and stick em on a piece of paper in my purse I think. :) Good thinking honey :D xx
 
Try to keep calm chicken and remember u can only do one thing at a time! At least u hav ur hol to look forward 2. Make sure enjoy every min. Is it ur last day in work tom? Xx
 
Hope ur ok! Take some u time and rant away! Big hugs!

Xxx

P.s boys are stupid ;)
 
Hi hun
How u doin?
Xx
 
Thanks ladies lol. Today is my last day in work until tuesday the 22nd and I'm bloody delighted. Staaaaarving this morning after spending my last points yesterday on a skinny latte and some yule log in costa. Less sweeties today I think. Been weighing in the last few mornings as I'm obsessive about getting last weeks gain off. Scales are being kind so far so keeping my fingers crossed for tomorrow morning now.

2 sleeps till hols Liz, what are you on now... Is it 8? Eeeeep :)

My OH is being as good as he can last 2 days but he simply doesn't understand depression and I dunno how I can get him to. :(

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TBH chic he probably won't ever.. I dont think boys are programmed that.. I've spoke about my aunt who has been in hospital due to her depression n her son and daughter both suffering it too?! Her husband who clearly has first hand experience with it, although not suffering from it, STILL doesn't get it!!
When she's on her meds and they'v messed around with them to get them to the perfect dosage and Kathy (my aunt) is feeling great and coping well, he talks her into coming off her meds coz "she's grand now she doesn't need them" When clearly she's doing so well because she's on them and the docs wud take her off them if they thought she was ready.. They'v been together since she was 13, now 43 so he's there long to realise and understand its not as simple as that..
I duno if its coz he wants to believe she's OK r coz he has more control over her when she's not on meds.. When she's feeling good and happy in herself she's so outgoing and loves going out with friends etc.. Not going mad or anything but to the local for a few or to dinner with the girls or cinema.. things like that.. And he HATES it!! He hates her going out without him. Yes! After 30 years together and 15 years of marriage!!!!
 
My dad hates my mum going anywhere without him. They're married 30 years. He's trying to not let it get to him especially this holiday but he makes snide remarks and I know we'll never hear the end of it.
It makes me sad to think he'll never get it. I think he thinks I'll just snap out of it. But its like my brain just doesn't work the same as other peoples and all I can see are the bad things in life ya know? I have good days/weeks too though! That's why he thinks I'm ok. Meds did help me but I hate going to the doctor and I hate admitting I'm still not coping. I think Sean thinks he can cure me himself. unfortunately it ain't that easy! He says things like "do I not make you happy?" And that makes me feel so guilty for feeling the way I do.

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Last edited:
azwethinkweiz said:
My dad hates my mum going anywhere without him. They're married 30 years. He's trying to not let it get to him especially this holiday but he makes snide remarks and I know we'll never hear the end of it.
It makes me sad to think he'll never get it. I think he thinks I'll just snap out of it. But its like my brain just doesn't work the same as other peoples and all I can see are the bad things in life ya know? I have good says/weeks toi though! That's why he thinks I'm ok. Meds did help me but I hate going to the doctor and I hate admitting I'm still not coping. I think Sean thinks he can cure me himself. unfortunately it ain't that easy! He days things like "do I not make you happy?" And that makes me feel so guilty for feeling the way I do.
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Its crazy isn't it? I cud never be with someone who didn't "allow" me hav my own life as well as a life with them.. I need me time..
I know chic.. I'm not saying I get it completely myself but I think I have more of an understanding than most.. Probably because Kathy has had it for years n she's like a big sister to me so I spent allot of time with her looking after her kids etc to give her some alone time.. (She'd be in the house or out n about but home at night.. But so she had time for herself n didn't hav to worry about them)
Jono was making little smart comments too when I was going away.. Nothing bad or anything but just little snide comments.. But he was grand when I was over there.. No nagging texts n no huff if I didnt call.. I'd be snapping if he was away n didn't ring me and I wreckon i'd be texting all day n night every day n night ha ha.. :D

I know its hard to admit sometimes when things get too much but best to admit it early on chic..
I know its completely different as it was grief and not depression but when my Mam died I wouldn't talk to any of my family or friends about how I was feeling.. Felt although I knew they were all there for me, they were going thru the loss too.. And I didn't wana upset them more by seeing me upset.. And I was tryna be the strong one for the ones I cud clearly see weren't coping.. (my 2 brothers!!) Eventually it all got too much and I was thinking horrible thoughts to get away from it all..
Anyway I went to see a councellor but that, I will be honest, was the hardest decision ever!!
I felt like such a failure not being able to get myself over it. People lose close family members everyday.. They can get over it. Why can't i?! That was my way of thinking at the time.. Looking back i'm like, frances ya sap.. Ya shud hav gone when it first got too much to handle but I was too "proud"..
You can't feel guilty for feeling as u do.. U dont control how u feel.. Stupid emootions do that for us!!
I think he probably feels guilty that he can't help u, n thinks he can use reverse pshycology as with a 'normal' situation.. (i use the word normal losely.. I'm not suggesting ur not normal..) x
 
Ah but I'm not normal. That's the problem. I KNOW the things I think sometimes are bordering on paranoid delusions, OCD and possibly body dysmorphia resulting in bad anxiety. Its like I _know_ the logic behind it all but for some reason it didn't help and doesn't make me feel better at all because my brain won't shut up bullying me anyway!? Stupid brain!
Yeah I think he thinks I choose to be like this. Like I'm selfish. But that's not it.
I can't imagine going to counseling. I would go and I would pretend to be ok. I'm quite good at pretending to people that I'm ok and hiding the bad times so I know I would lie to a doctor/counselor and tell then I'm fine lol!!

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I'm the same though. Like you described in your situation I also think "other people get through life just fine with all these issues that I have so why can't I?" And that feeling of shame or being too proud definitely hits home.

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Sarah, massive hugs to you but it honestly sounds like you are describing ME!

I have all these things going round my head too, I suffer with depression, anxiety. In my head im always making things worse and blowing things way out of proportion. I wind myself up about situations, I'm quite often always miserable, uncomfortable with absolutely everything about myself, weight, height, hair, clothes, personality. I always worry what friends and complete strangers think about me. I'm always conscious of myself in social situations, I feel like the ugliest fattest worst dressed person there. I think people look at us as a family and think "god what's he doing with her" and "they are probably HIS kids from a previous relationship"

It's horrid to constantly feel this way I know but what I'm trying to say is that I do honestly think that lots more people secretly do feel exactly like this but you'll never ever know coz they'll always keep it hidden deep down inside. The only difference with you is that you are more honest with people than you realize.

I went for counseling twice and both times the counsellor asked what exactly I was doing there coz I wasn't open or honest with them. I do find talking sometimes helps but it's finding the right person to talk to that's the hardest thing:)

xxx
 
That sounds freakishly like me Tracy!!! I think I would find it hard to talk to a complete stranger. And I think they would think I'm mental which is another fear of mine (being told I'm crazy). At the same time I don't want to burden people that I do know with the issues either so I tend to withdraw into myself. I dunno. Its an awkward situation but I can't help how I feel. I'm the same about looks. I feel really fat and ugly. I think my OH sees my perfect sister and probably wishes he was with her instead. I hate my big ears and feet. My ears bother me so much that I wear my hair down all the time and go mental if anyone tries to look at my ears. I have a fat face and crooked nose. I have dark circles under my eyes. I have chunky arms and legs. I won't undress in front of ANYONE as I'm too ashamed.
I kept thinking losing weight would make me feel better but honestly its like I put myself up against every other woman and I just don't make the mark compared to them.

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azwethinkweiz said:
Thanks ladies lol. Today is my last day in work until tuesday the 22nd and I'm bloody delighted. Staaaaarving this morning after spending my last points yesterday on a skinny latte and some yule log in costa. Less sweeties today I think. Been weighing in the last few mornings as I'm obsessive about getting last weeks gain off. Scales are being kind so far so keeping my fingers crossed for tomorrow morning now.

2 sleeps till hols Liz, what are you on now... Is it 8? Eeeeep :)

My OH is being as good as he can last 2 days but he simply doesn't understand depression and I dunno how I can get him to. :(

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2 sleeps marv hun x yep 8 for me! Yay x
 
Hi Sarah/mrs m,

I'm out of the same mould as u 2!! I have suffered with depression for a few years and I'm sure one of the main reasons is my self esteem. I have a very low opinion of myself and stress about what people thing about me all the time. It to the point where I didn't want to go out, even to pick my boys up from school because I didn't want them to b ashamed of me. I wud hold a wee in all day in work because i didn't want to walk through the office. Couldn't understand why my hubby was with me and convinced myself it was because we had the boys! After much soul searching I decided enuf was enuf and had therapy. It wasn't easy and every session I cried but it has made me much better!! The lady I had was fab and made me see how much of my life I was wasting on things that didn't matter. She made me challenge my thoughts, look what evidence I had etc etc. I still battle with myself every day but it has made me cope with things easier. I hate to think of anybody else feeling like me and if I can help u in any way I can. Feel free to email me and I will share any help I got with u. Big cuddles xxxxxx
 
Thanks hon. its new to me even finding people who are going through the same situation. I felt like I was the only one thinking like this out that there's something wrong with me. I don't even know how to explain it. The easiest way is that all I see are negatives about myself and the world... Its like my brain is telling me I'm imperfect and therefore am not worth existing. Does that make sense?
I do have good days where I don't feel sad at all. I feel guilty being with my OH though as I feel I'm dragging him down with me. I can't talk to anyone about this.

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It's sooo difficult to find people who understand. I'm ashamed sometimes to tell people how I feel makes me feel selfish and self obsessed!! Think we can really support each other. I can't use site very well and don't know how to send a private message. Was going to send u my mobile number then we can text each other if u want xxxx
 
Honestly Sarah, like I said earlier I do think there are more people who feel like this than you realize.

Hugs to both of you.

I don't know why my predictive txt won't let me spell realize with an s I'm not American:)

xxx
 
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