Begin at the Beginning

[Tilleymonster]

Ooooh skinny, come on lass, thinking of you, lightly thinking that is.

Bless you for thinking of me. Feel much much better today, back to normal with plenty of energy again. Definitely didn't have enough water and got some stock hurrah! I did feel a bit woozy bending over to sort the puppy this morning, but merely dizzy not the full on shakes and nausea with spots as yesterday.

What matters most to me is that I'm still going to plan. Would've been the perfect excuse to give up but didnt consider it, almost worth feeling bad to reinforce my commitment!!

Getting a bit fed up with this period though. 7 days now and still with stop start and tummy aches. Pffft. Who'd be a woman eh? X

 

[Tilleymonster]

Argh, posted and then it refreshed with all your posts! WAY TO GO SKINNY!!!!
Nice one on passing on the food and the crafty travel mug, great tactics. So glad u stayed with us and its working! IT'S WORKING LASS HURRAH!

Oh, day in London sounds fab Diem. Got my friend coming over soon for chat and coffee. Just walked the dog now she's safe for lead walks. That was fun-2 springers, one off the lead and one on. I got pulled over! Embarrassing! On a v positive note I wore my size 16 jeans and a zip up top I havent been able to wear in ages! No overcoat to hide myself and my shadow didnt make me wince, it wasnt quite so wide. Im loving that I feel so different and I'm not even where I'm headed yet! Can't wait for days to pass and the shadow to shrink further.

Do u really miss the UK? I cant think of anything lovelier than sunny beaches rather than grey muddy walks. Jealous! X

 

[Skinny girl]

Phew I have kept refreshing this hoping you would respond have been worried, am so pleased you are feeling better. Sounds great that you are feeling more comfortable in your clothes. I wish my tummy would shrink so that I could get into the 14's, my 16's are getting silly in falling down as I walk but I just cannot do up the 14's. Think my weight has come off my face so far.

Am off to meet a girl I have met on an online photo group that I belong to tomorrow we have met up before so will be nice to be a grown up for the day without my children around. I have warned her that I will be bringing my soup with me, I felt really silly telling her but I just don't want to not eat all day long and so although I am not telling people what diet I am doing I am just saying that I am being super good in the battle of the bulge leading up to Christmas.

Yes I do miss the UK, is such a long way from home here and although we have sunshine and beaches, although currently we have a huge electical storm as I type this and the rain is lashing down, I just think I am too English!

 

[Skinny girl]

How did everyone go over the weekend? Still all 100% sticking to it I hope. My scales are still out of my bathroom, feeling a tad twitchy not doing a daily weigh in but am trying to stay strong. Still no movement in the bowel department for me has been a week now, have upped the linseed intake but nothing is shifting, am quite uncomfortable, am not sure what else I can do?

 

[nzmegs]

You need salt!! Cramps are a really good indication. You need to have two cups a day of buillon in hot water - especially before doing any exercise. You body excretes salt along with all the water you will be losing. You could consider having an iron test or using a supplement. But to be fair - LL provides the daily RDA of vitamins and minerals so it shouldn't be necessary. Try the salt and see how you feel. SDome people do just find that they don't cope on this diet. everyone has moments where they feel less than great. But it usually passes and is an indication that something is wrong - you just need to find out what. A steak and some spinach might not be what you need.....it could just be simply a salt thing.
With regard your period - it is not unusual to have changes while on LL. many people experience it. Would your doctor be helpful in this case. I have complained about heavy periods before and was told by my doc that I just had to put up woth it. Helpful - not!

 

[Tilleymonster]

Day 26

Hahahaah! Thanks nzmegs - that is a MEAN doctor. I felt bright and fresh and wonderful all weekend! I have started putting salt on all my packs. Well, no, not the shakes, that would be too much! But as you say - everyone has moments where they feel less than great - I think it was just one of those. I feel happy as larry ever since, healthy. i've been walking the dogs, dancing around to the radio, washing, ironing, tidying, whistling, seeing friends, an absolutely fine weekend. Still on form today too. All most bizarre but part of this process. So for now, I'm just going to take care of myself, keep the salt up and keep going.

Skinny - ouchy re the bowels...cruel bowels! Poor thing, it can't last forever, can it?!!! I am literally looking forward to the day you update us to say you've been - what does this diet do to us starting to join in with other people's bowel movements !! Good girl on the scales. i have a set on top of the kitchen cupboards that I can't reach. but my OH can and will let me look as a treat if I'm flagging. But no more than once a week in addition to my proper weigh in. It's hard at first, I'm a thrice a day girl normally, morning, home from work, before bed, but what good does it do? Nothing. So another thing I am changing is to not obsess about the scales and you sound as if you're doing it too. We will rock this new way of life!

I had another lightbulb day yesterday. Well, no. that's a lie, there was a regretful moment too. I went to the local supermarket to buy the OH food and some cleaning products and general bits we need. As I wandered around all the people of the world seemed to be out trying to buy Christmas food. Piling their trollies high, ramming and cramming the aisles. I was taken by the sheer volume of food that people buy, and by the fact that we're not even in December yet but people are already buying so much of this Christmas 'specialist' food. Are we all that desperate to be comforted that we're bringing the eating of special foods back so early? Will we start doign it in September then August, then every rainy day? Do we really need it all? Aren't we fools for falling for the supermarket ploys to get us buying? 'Look at you, fools,' I thought, 'falling for every 2 for 1 ploy going,' and then BANG I realised--- this was me, EVERYDAY! To get to this point (or rather, the point I was at 4 weeks ago) I have spent every day acting like a glutinous child buying food for Christmas. They're selling x, y and z food, it's Monday, it's no longer a treat it's a way of survival, I must have all the food and consume it in an evening, so I can start again tomorrow. What was I celebrating? I wasn't, I was sad and down and reliant. I hadn't been enjoying the flavours and specialness of good tasting food. I just ate, and ate, and ate. So when I think 'oh no, without food what is my reward?' or 'Will I ever believe things other than food can be real treats?' I have to realise, it was never a reward for me in the first place. It was a constant anaesthetic. I was a consumer, and I consumed. That is all. No pleasure was taken in it, only in the chewing of it. So it was a weird experience yesterday, the digust at us all shopping for such bad foods to celebrate a special time, and the realisation that it could be a 'special food day' if it weren't for the fact I had been having a daily Christmas for the last year all wrapped up in a weird distanced observation.

In the end I bought some new PJs, a face mask, 7 bottles of fizzy water and all the stuff we needed for the house. But it was psycholocially quite a revelation.

 

[Skinny girl]

Tilley - you can really shake your pom poms for me when I finally go, will be a relief I can tell you, good grief what am I sharing with you all.....but I....need......to.....GOOOOOOOOOO!

 

[Skinny girl]

I can so relate to your revelation too. I am finding that food shopping is so much quicker these days because I don't have to go up and down the "naughty aisles" deciding on what I might like to binge on/eat in secret and then hide the evidence. I don't have to then sit in the car park after buying my naughty purchases and cram it in as if I am never going to eat again. I can do my shopping, get in the car, drive home and unload. What a waste of time I was spending with my old habits.

 

[nzmegs]

Yes, the christmas shop....Since I lost weight and have been maintaining with what some might call a strict diet, I have found myself pretty much disgusted with what i see other people buy. Much more so at this time of the year. I just want to put my arms around them and tell them that all that food won't comfort them, it won't make them feel good, it won't make them healthy and it wont help them to lose weight. In fact i bet they know this already.

Christmas is all about traditions and my husband and I have consciously tried to avoid Christmas being about food in our house. We don't want the kids to grow up thinking that at christmas time you eat and drink and that is it. We want them to to enjoy time with family, enjoy their gifts and the giving and to have a fun day. Not slobbed out on the couch not able to move. So we have a really nice breakfast and lunch and we make sure there is no food left over. That's it. No food hanging around the house. We hope that we are building traditions in our house which won't make them feel they have to spend a months worth of food money in two days.

Last year I really understood the tragedy of christmas food when i had four LL packs on christmas day. It didn't affect my enjoyment and I felt so much better and proud. Hope that I can achieve the same this year.

 

[Tilleymonster]

Day 27

Yes, I can't imagine stopping to eat, like most people at my group intend to. I can't think of anything worth breaking this for now I've come so far. I feel like this 4 weeks in, so another 4 and I hope it's just as strong if not stronger.

No real news today. Okay, well, one bit, which is a guilty confession. I weighed myself by getting a chair and getting the scales off. After all the advice I gave skinny to avoid it. Anyway, it looks like I've changed weight by 0.6 kg. Having looked this up (I'm a total lbs and stone girl but my counsellor is canadian and loves the kgs) that's about 1.5lbs. All in the right direction, hooray and hurrah, BUT it knocked me a bit. My little charts that I make myself obsessively never have 1.5lbs down for a week. I guess I must have not had enough water, or maybe it's to do with the weird period I'm having. Either way, as I keep saying, it really doesn't matter so long as it goes down, which it is, but it did grate me a little bit to lose so little will disappoint me. Perhaps that's the lesson I'll learn about this week? How to be happy with the small things and not use it as an excuse to give up, sometimes you just have to keep going eh?

Made up my chocolate shake for 'dessert' yesterday and the bottom fell off the glass! Cue: shake all over the floor (dogs loved it) and a very sad me - it was my last choccie shake, my favourite. Sob sob. Thankfully had another spare from god-knows-when in the form of banana (yuk!) so had to make do with that. Wasn't the same. humpf.

 

[Skinny girl]

My heart sank when you said confession, I thought you had gone off plan, was so relieved to see it was just a sneaky weigh in. I totally relate to what you are saying about a smaller loss but the good news it is a loss in the right direction remember. I am with you in the little charts and when I had that 2lb loss that week it totally knocked me and I made new charts, everyday I am checking my phone to see if I lost x amount this week it takes me this long, I cannot stop doing it.

Oh no about your glass breaking that is not good.

As for me I have ordered some Slim and Save products it was the only place that would deliver to Australia, I am looking forward to having some variety because after nearly 6 weeks of having just vanilla or chocolate shake and one variety of bar I need to spice it up a bit!

Keep up the great work, we can do this.

 

[Skinny girl]

Also no update on my toilet dramas, have upped the linseed to 30g and also taking senokot but nothing is shifting and I am in a lot of discomfort : ( 8 days and counting, I can't let it get to the 12 days it was a the start of this diet because that was horrific although an instead 2.5lb loss lol.

 

[Tilleymonster]

Day 28

Oh god Skinny, you must GO! Your body is so cruel. Let us know what the new flavours are like, bless your heart hanging on in there with such limited choice, that's a sure sign of success I reckon!

I went to the cinema for the first time on the plan. It was really odd. OH wafted the sweet smell of various bagged delicacies at me, and everyone in the place was a-munching. Got myself a large black coffee and treated myself to 4 sweetners with it. Mmmm. mmmm. mmmmmmmmm. I was really apprehensive because the cinema usually means eating, drinks beforehand, meal perhaps. But actually it's just another lesson learnt- you CAN actually go to enjoy a film. It is okay, and the food is not part of it (despite how the cinema advertises it!).

Today I am REALLY hungry. I'm glugging loads of water as before, still using the LL powder in fizzy water, I'm eating all the sachets, but I'm feel really woozy still. I refuse to give in, but it's getting annoying. Weigh in tonight should see me straight. Then we're out for coffee at our friends house, so the evening is full which is good. They know about my diet so hopefully there won't be too much foody talk, although, at this stage the 'trials' I've been through should mean it won't bother me anyway. I see OH eat all the time, and other people, so why does it need to be any different? Again, I have tied so much food stuff into everyday acts such as seeing people. This diet really does make you realise how much we wrap all our 'events' be they little or large in food. Odd to view from the outside when abstaining.

I'm also feeling wobbly again in the sense of how far I have to go. I am wearing size 16 trousers that wouldn't even go up a few months ago, and they're now loose (not loose enough to be a 14 yet though....come on!). It's just that I'm trying to deal with the progress down now. I am chafing at the bit to get to Management and learn how to eat properly and see if I can maintain. It's been 4 weeks, barely any time at all. I had a friend who lost 5 stone in 15 weeks and I just keep thinking, can I do that? This takes me to end of January, that's not that long, but it feels long. Why am I so fat? Oh I'm so annoyed. I don't want to get to management to EAT per se, just to try out maintaining, to see if I can learn to trust myself with food again. Perhaps this is a natural curiosity once you've been abstaining for a month. I should've formed this new habit, but knowing that in the future I will have to learn a new habit and look after myself seems more of a challenge than this part, and I am wondering how I'll do.

I know for certain that I'll be doing Management and attending every week. I know that I will stick with my counsellor to get to a healthy and happy size and stay there and not do this again. I feel like it's the end of this plan that is the bit I need to crack, and I just wonder how I'll do. I want to take care of myself and be proud of my looks for the rest of my life. Which will take work and dedication, and I'm looking forward to getting to a place where I can be guided to do that, without reliance on packs.

Hmmm, thinking thinking. I should probably get more sleep. Especially now it's so dark morning and night, I feel very weird and want to hibernate for sure!

 

[Skinny girl]

Good luck for your weigh in later today, fingers crossed you have nice loss but do not, I repeat do not beat yourself up if it is a smaller loss. You have stuck to it 100% so there is nothing we can do extra to control how much we lose each week. As long as we stick to the plan 100%, glug away at the water we know we have done well.Well done on the cinema trip, we went a couple of weeks ago and it is amazing how much people eat while at the cinema. Roll on the variety for me next week, I will be spoilt for choice with the mix of packs I have coming my way but it will be a nice change.I can so relate to everything you write about can I lose x amount by then because others have done it, I guess we have to remind ourselves that we are all different and even if you and I ate the same packs and drank exactly the same amount of water we would still probably have different losses at weigh in and we are both a very similar weight. I wish I could see a change in my shape and no one has commented and I think I have lost nearly 2 stone why has nobody (not including husband in this) said anything? I still look huge and feel that I have a long way to go in this journey and a lot for me is changing the thoughts in my head. Also one thing I need to do once stabilised at goal is get a personal shopping advice to know what to wear because I know when I lost a load of weight 10 years ago and got to 11st3lb I still wore baggy clothes, I always still thought of myself as the big girl.Nearly the end of the day for me here, just one metre shake,endless water and a cup of tea I reckon.

 

[Tilleymonster]

No one has said anything about my loss either! Really annoying. How can I be a tight size 18 with a big ol fatty moon face and now loose 16 and not have people notice? You know what though? Will use it as just another reason to keep going- YOU WILL NOTICE PEOPLE!!! Lol!

End of day, lucky devil. Whats the weather like down under? Were in permanent darkness and rain, and im in the south where it should be good! Apparently Scotland has nice weather today, majorly weird!

Personal shopper is a genius idea. Its another reason to maintain, quick ish loss followed by weird body feelings. Need to giVE ourselves time to make sure we get our new bodies! I have booked in to a wedding dress shop for third week of Jan, even if im not at my goal I want that treat! X

 

[schindler]

Hi there, been lurking in your post for a while now... I know what you mean about the people not noticing or saying anything. I have gone from a tight size 22 down to a loose 18 in 3 months and apart from hubby and daughter no one has said anything. If I put my 22s on they fall down and wont even stay up - they are like clown trousers I am ashamed to say, so why dont people notice? Well this just inspires me to stick to the goal and keep going. When I am in a size 10/12 I wont care whether people notice or not because I will be too busy beaming from the inside out... have a good rest of the week ladies

 

[Tilleymonster]

Schindler - hi! Look at your amazing losses, you are a true inspiration. Now, that is weird, that is a MAJOR difference so I'm shocked that no one has said anything. Do you think it might be jealousy? That old thing of people comfortable with you being larger, and then as we start to take care of ourselves they're a bit taken aback and not sure if they should compliment. Welll, I'm complimenting you - that much change is definitely noticeable whether they're saying it or not, you star! We'll show them!!!

God size 10/12...could it really happen? HELL YEAH! Nice to hear from you. xx

 

[Skinny girl]

Schindler - wow that is an amazing loss well done you, am shocked that no one has noticed or said anything though. Don't lurk on the post anymore jump on in we are a friendly bunch here.Tilley - how did weigh in go?As for me is another sunny day, just been to the 5.45am Body Combat class I felt like I had so much energy in the class today which is good. No update on the bowel issue : ( I did try on some size 14 trousers that I found lurking on a shelf in my walk in wardrobe as I was hunting for Christmas presents and guess what they fitted, bit snug on my problem tummy area but certainly acceptable to wear so have bunged them in the wash and will make a change from my falling down size 16's : )

 

[schindler]

Hi ladies - thanks for making me feel welcome. Re Bowel issues I have similar problems but I have found the inulin fibre from Lighter life counsellor helps x

 

[Tilleymonster]

Day 29

Hello lovelies! So, a smaller loss yesterday - 2.5lbs. I promised not to be disappointed, so I won't be. but I will expect better next week. My counsellor did say, it's a total of 18.5lbs in a month, and really, that is incredible. So that put to rest any grumps I may have had about the weekly weigh in. That's better than I expected, and I'm not put off the diet or concerned. There was another lady in group who started the week after me and has only lost 12lbs (I say only, that's bad of me) and another that has been losing 1 - 2lbs every week and is really fed up. However, when we were all chatting and our counsellor was having the private weigh ins in her office it comes out that everyone is amazed I've been 100%. How odd is that? Made me feel so weird. A little smug, but also a little let down that we're not really all in it together. Things like - I had to have this food and that food because I felt hungry and figured, 'Why not', and 'I felt so left out when I did this social event that I allowed myself to break the diet'. It was very odd for me. Plus they food porned at me all night, and I found that weirdly annoying. I don't want to hear it in the safety of my group, you know?

Anyway, we moved off module to 'Dealing with Xmas'. And had to shout out our first feelings when thinking about Xmas, everyone else had 'when I break the diet, will I get back on' and 'how will i deal with the guilt' all perfectly reasonable and honest. So we spent the hour talking about how to deal with planning to break the diet, and how to get back on the wagon. At the end they got to my one 'If I stick to the diet what if I feel left out and secretly binge later'. I don't think I will, but that was my first thought. There was some consternation as to my wanting to stick to it and the counsellor advised me to have plan A (the packs) and plan B (what to do if I wake up at 8am and want to eat'. There was some strong feelings that I have only being doing it for 4 weeks and in another 4 I might feel differently. Weirdly, I don't want to hear that or except that either, THIS is what I'm doing to get to where I'm going. Christmas is just a day, and I will love the lights and the family, the games and the warmth, but I do not feel I'll need to break something I'm dedicated to. So, at the moment the vague plan B is that if I want to partake it'll be veg only, but at present my mind just says 'break the diet for veg? Why? What a waste'. We'll have two weeks over Xmas where the counsellor won't be in, and I'd love to go in after that with two weeks worth of loss, not just the couple of lbs others might get. Also, 2013 is going to be about my wedding, I'm seeing that as my family Xmas where there'll be food I partake in. Not just 8 weeks after starting something so life-changing. We'll see I suppose. I need some hardcore people to join my group and make me feel like my planning to do this, and only this, isn't ridiculous.

What else - we talked a bit about looking after yourself in your youth before you hit 50s and there are no more tomorrows. Although this was supposed to be about the diet, I agree fully with that, I couldn't help thinking about my smoking. I smoke. I hate it. I hide it from my parents (I'm 30 in a month!). My dad had cancer 5 years ago, survived it but it was fully caused by smoking. My other half smokes. Constantly. My closest friends. BUT I hate it. I hate the smell, the idea, the health implications, the money wasted, everything. I'm scared to stop whilst also doing the plan BUT I keep thinking - it takes 3 days-ish to get into ketosis and the same to get rid of nicotine from your brain (if you go cold turkey). I don't eat when all around me do. I don't buy food and secretly do it. I can surely do that with something that I'm addicted to but don't like? Surely? It needs to be a choice, not a patches or gum thing, because I've tried them and it doesn't help me properly, I need rid of the demon nicotine. I just know that I feel unhealthy. I don't want to be slender and smell and reek and be ashamed of anything. I feel like I need to grow up, and this is part of it. Sorry, off the main topic of the plan, but really integral to changing my life and how I look after myself.

Sorry, got this is a massive entry today. The cogs never stop whirring!!! xx