Bingeing... Why?!!?

[Aline]

Louise,
1000 calories isn't whole lot, so don't let yourself fall down. I know it's hard to resist the balck/white thinking when we slip but you can do this.
Whatever happened since you posted, I hope you're ok.

xx

Micci,
Great tips I also find that take some breaks to come here and post helps me to distract from bad eating thoughts. The promise to avoid starvation is something I'm also learning from experience...

xx

Kruspakaya,
How are you feeling now hun? If you weren't hungry but craved food, maybe you were hungry about something else other than food. Food is only a temporary filling for other types of deeper/inner hunger... Whatever happened I hope you're better now

xx

Pomooky,
It's good to know that you trust us to come here and share all these things that you're feeling. However, I want to tell you'll stop this habit and you'll like yourself but you need to really believe that you can and you will. You need to give yourself more credit hun. Look at some of your previous posts, they show you can do differently than you did today. You had a bad day today but that doesn't delete all those good and inspiring days you had before.
We're all human beings, we aren't perfect, we slip sometimes but we can get back on track, we need to have faith on ouselves.

xx

 

[krupskaya]

Thankyou Micci and Aline. Well I caved in and had two bowls of home made lentil soup (that was in the fridge). So it could have been better but then it could have been much worse. At least it wasn't a massive binge. My weight has been creeping up and up this week though. I'm feeling really down about it. I seem to go well for a couple of weeks and then blow it completely. I'm feeling so sad about it. Ah well, it's a new day and I intend to start afresh.

Hi Pomooky, really sorry you've been going through it. Please be kind to yourself. It's just one slip - pick yourself up, dust yourself down and get right back on it. You can do it hun, I have total faith in you, you've been doing so well. (((Big Hugs))) xxx

 

[Aline]

Krupskaya,
Is that a binge? Not really hun, maybe on a normal day you would eat only one bowl of soup but two bowls of soup aren't much arming (yes, it may have been some emotional eating involved but it wasn't a pig out for sure). Soup is full of vitamins and nutrients. For me binging is eating two bars of chocolate or two big slices of fattening cake or two bowls of sugary cereal

If your weight is creeping up it's probably because your body "fears" that you may put it into starvation mode again (it's the explanation Micci already shared on previous posts). So give your body some time to adjust, eventually it will understand that you feed it normally and consistently. If the time goes on and the weight still increases talk to a SW coach and revise your plan, but for now I think your body is only adjusting to normal eating patterns
Anyway, I understand how that can be frustrating and unfair because you've been doing very well.
Hope your deserved losses will come back some time soon.

xx

 

[krupskaya]

No it wasn't a binge Aline, so I'm grateful for that. Thanks for your reply, hopefully as you say the weight gain is just my body adjusting...Fingers crossed anyway. Have a great weekend all!

 

[Micci]

Totally fed up now. Have binged again and feel quite tearful, despondent. I don't think I will ever stop this stupid habit and really dislike myself. I haven't had any problems today, I just wanted to stuff my face because I can.

I don't know how to stop this. I'm going to read some links on here and see if I can get ny head together. What a failure!

Sorry to be so negative but I feel crap and didn't even enjoy any of the binge. I even swapped one junk thing for another because it was totally disgusting. How about that? gourmet binging?

Same old cycle of mindless gorging. I know I will feel dreadful tomorrow, eat well and then binge the next day. Moan, moan, moan!

Well, here's hoping for a better tomorrow (as ever)

Pomooky XX (Feeling sick, fat, bloated, wrinkly - oh, you name it, I feel it!)

((((((((((((Pomooky)))))))))))

How are you feeling today? Sick makes sense if you've been pigging out but fat and wrinkly? I don't suppose that you look to an outsider any different to the days when you've posted here feeling positive. Its in your mind. As you know of course.

You are intelligent, literate, supportive, witty, I can't tell you that you are beautiful 'cos I've never seen you but your stats show you as pretty slender really. I bet you don't look fat at all even if you feel heavier than your ideal.

Please please don't hate yourself because you get caught up in binges. Its a real problem you have and beating yourself up about it won't help any. Try and be as nice to yourself as you would be to anyone else here with the same problem.

Maybe the BEAT helpline and groups would be of use to you as well? Lesley could give you some real inside information as to how it works.

I do know what binging is like. Cramming the contents of one packet of biscuits down as quickly as possible so the temptation is gone and out of the way and then seeing the multi pack of bars, once one is gone is obvious that I'd started them so had to have them all as well. There is no joy in it, just a sort of numb despairing compulsion and the only internal dialogue is 'do I want this?' 'Yes I do' 'Will I regret this later' 'Maybe but I don't care' and so on.

Whilst midst binge maybe isn't the time to deal with it but stepping back afterwards to reassess the next day is the time. Do you want to borrow the book that helped me so much?

Of course, I've had other things going on in my life that helped me, the counselling (that I've got to stop now for financial reasons) and the fact that my son is getting so much better so maybe it wasn't just the book but I do feel it was like the last piece of the jigsaw.

I do hope you are feeing better today.

Micci xxx

 

[Micci]

Thankyou Micci and Aline. Well I caved in and had two bowls of home made lentil soup (that was in the fridge). So it could have been better but then it could have been much worse. At least it wasn't a massive binge. My weight has been creeping up and up this week though. I'm feeling really down about it. I seem to go well for a couple of weeks and then blow it completely. I'm feeling so sad about it. Ah well, it's a new day and I intend to start afresh.

Hi Pomooky, really sorry you've been going through it. Please be kind to yourself. It's just one slip - pick yourself up, dust yourself down and get right back on it. You can do it hun, I have total faith in you, you've been doing so well. (((Big Hugs))) xxx

Krupskaya, have a good morning hug. I feel huggy this morning

Hmmm.... two bowls of lentil soup sounds like a NON BINGE to me. How are you doing with the SW plan? If you are following it completely it does sound worth having a chat with the counsellor as Aline suggests. They have other plans up their sleeves for when things go wrong. Have you posted on the SW section? there are some pretty knowldegable SWers there. If you are sticking to the plan how many syns do you have each day? If you are dropping too low it can get in the way of weight loss. I know I've had weeks in the past when I've had very few syns each day and been amazed at how little I've lost or even gained. Don't be dispirited, you have been doing well and it will continue if you stay with it.

Micci xxx

 

[krupskaya]

Krupskaya, have a good morning hug. I feel huggy this morning

Hmmm.... two bowls of lentil soup sounds like a NON BINGE to me. How are you doing with the SW plan? If you are following it completely it does sound worth having a chat with the counsellor as Aline suggests. They have other plans up their sleeves for when things go wrong. Have you posted on the SW section? there are some pretty knowldegable SWers there. If you are sticking to the plan how many syns do you have each day? If you are dropping two low it can get in the way of weight loss. I know I've had weeks in the past when I've had very few syns each day and been amazed at how little I've lost or even gained. Don't be dispirited, you have been doing well and it will continue if you say with it.

Micci xxx

Thanks for the reply Micci. I know yesterday wasn't a binge and I got off pretty lightly - compared to the last time I binged it was a miniscule amount. I don't go to group so have no leader to consult and even if I did I wouldn't know what to say. I don't really know what my problem is tbh, I just can't pinpoint it. I'm sticking to plan pretty much though I'm a bit up and down with my syns, but it all evens out over the week. For example I had 7.5 on wednesday, 19.5 on thursday (eeeek!) and zero yesterday. I had intended to not use any syns yesterday as I'd gone so far over the day before. Just hoping I can squeeze a sts for wednesday when I weigh in but that's pretty unlikely. I just don't know really, I guess you just have to expect some gains along the way...

 

[Micci]

Got the super speeds soup recipe? Try living off that for a few days, with some Healthy Extras and around 10 syns a day and see what happens over a week. Tell you what, I'll do the same starting tomorrow and enter exactly what I have in my diary and we can inspire each other.

Sorry about bringing SW stuff to this thread.

 

[krupskaya]

Great idea Micci! I don't have the ingredients and can't get to the shops for a few days but I'll follow your progress with interest. Do you have a link to your diary? What board is it on? x

 

[Pomooky125]

Micci

Thanks so much for taking the time to cheer me up because that's what you have done! Yeah, I know no-one else will notice ( I have hoovered the crumbs and hidden the packs waaay down in the bin) but I can feel that stodgy feeling around my middle.

Everything you describe about the binge feelings is exactly as I feel (specially the multipack bit!). I have this stupid rebellious feeling of not wanting to limit what I eat; to not diet. I know I will never achieve weight loss unless I do. Of course, this is the first time I am truely accountable to myself - no partner, mum passed away (she was quite critical at times about my weight when I was a chubby teen and then not happy when I was a skinny new mum). Now, I can do what I want food wise - and boy, do I!

Well, you're a gem Micci and I really value your support- I'm going to order the book from Amazon tonight and re-read the All about Fred stuff which so helped the first time. I am trying to get my son into fruit as all the chocolate stuff in the house is his and for health reasons - I would never buy it otherwise. (That's stupid as well as it makes it into a forbidden food). He is aware of my problems and tries to help by following me everywhere! I think this is more because he doesn't want me to snaffle up his Aero Bars and giant cookies!

Well, thanks again and I'm pleased things are looking up for you and your son. Enjoy your weekend

Pomooky XXX

 

[Micci]

quick link for Krupskaya to my food diary, Pomooky will reply soon, am on mama taxista duty

http://www.minimins.com/slimming-world-food-diaries/193660-miccis-vegan-diary-10.html#post3662692

 

[Micci]

Hi Pomooky,

I'm so glad I cheered you up a bit.

This feeling of rebelliousness you talk about, have you felt a need for rebellion elsewhere in your life? Had a bit too much controlling from others of what you could eat? What's it all about? You said 'Now I can do what I want foodwise' and that got me wondering if there is a bit of a confusion between your need to make your own decisions around food and what you really need. Anyway, other people making interpretations of what you might be thinking isn't always the most useful so sorry if this is not useful or hurtful in anyway.

It rings bells for me you see. Part of my being overweight was rebelling against my parents values and control. I've done a bit too much rebelling over the years and not all of it has been to my advantage. I didn't need to reinvent everything just because there was a tried and tested way of doing something that I didn't want to be tied down to. Stupid really, wardrobes really are much better than most of my improvisations to give a superficial example

You're probably right about not banning chocolate. The forbidden goody has a delight all of its own.... in the end its down to us to make good choices for ourselves. And leave the childrens' stash of goodies alone .. been there done it got the chocolate stained extra large t shirt to prove it

Micci xxx

 

[Pomooky125]

Hi there Micci

Yep, it's true that I was a bit of a rebel too as a teen. My parents seemed to be stricter than many others and, as I mentioned, Mum was very controlling of my food intake (even before I got chubby). When I did get chubby, she was fairly critical and I think a bit embarrassed about my weight (I was probably size 14-16 then). At this age, I began bingeing when she had gone out. Of course, it didn't help that I was into the Sex Pistols et al and wore weird gear and loads of gothic make-up!

I feel awful criticising my mum as she was a very generous, funny and kind person but also quite controlling. I feel bad writing this down as she died of a brain tumour 3 years ago and suffered badly so I feel disloyal and guilty for sharing this but think my childhood may have something to do with my eating fads. (I probably need a visit to Aline's daughter!).

I am feeling better today and ate well yesterday. I'm not going to weigh myself until Wednesay because I know I have gained and that will throw me off track. I really mean to do some exercise (I hate it) as I noticed today that the bit of definition I had in my arms is hidden by something akin to a pitta bread.



Thanks for listening love Pomooky XX

 

[Pomooky125]

Aline - how goes it? It must be an enormous stress to do your Masters. I am doing a little old A level and have an exam in 4 weeks' time. This is freaking me out as I haven't been in a classroom for 30 odd years! I will think of the amount of work you have to do when I am struggling with my essay! Are you still eating ok? I also eat mainly veggie. I dislike meat and don't care for eggs. However, I'm a cheesaholic and love rye and spelt bread unfortunately. I do eat fish as I enjoy it and need protein from somewhere I guess. At least you can have a break to catch up this week

Krupskaya - After reading lots of posts etc. I think SW is the best plan around. I can't really afford it to be honest and the lack of portion control doesn't sit well with me. I would still binge on those syns, I just know it!

Lesley - Are you still o.k.?

Enjoy your day everyone - the weather here in Yorkshire is foul and tomorrow's forecaste is even fouler! Soup weather methinks!

Pomooky XXX

 

[Louise xx]

Really struggiling. Two huge binge days. Needto get back on track. Has anyone got a link to all about Fred or anything that can help my little old head.

****ing hate myself feel fat sick and like I will never learn I am always repeating same old mistakes and it does not get any better

 

[Pomooky125]

Awwgh, a massive hug to you Louise. I have just gone through the same and STILL don't fully understand. All we can do is start again and take it day by day without unrealistic expectations for a sudden halt to it - just a gradual decrease.

The Fred posts are on page 2 of this very thread.

Are you ok today so far? If so, this could be your first day of clean eating and a new start for June. (If not, there's always tomorrow but don't put it off any longer!)

Love Pomooky XX

 

[Louise xx]

Started today but chocolate calling me very strongly it's like a god awful urge that you cant resist eh!! Awful

Trying hard to avoid foods that start me binging like carbs, chocolate, sugar pretty much everyything

How are you doing xxc

 

[Louise xx]

I can't see that all about Fred on page two it is good though

 

[Pomooky125]

http://www.minimins.com/bring-your-...follow/145230-changing-habits-using-fred.html

It's this bit (I think I've copied the whole of Minimins here!). It may not appeal as its a bit therapyish, depends what drives you.

I am ok today - I didn't binge yesterday 'cos I felt so rough from the previous binge! Have had porridge, banana, coffee and will have a cheese salad on brown roll for lunch. I plan to have fish, pisto and brown rice for dins and then fingers crossed.

The worst thing is knowing I will binge again. That's a horrible thought. I just hope it wont be for a long time.

All the best Pomooky XX

 

[Micci]

Pomooky,

I just had a thought, this applies to me and all of us with difficulties. How about changing the thought 'I know I will binge again' to 'I know I will be tempted to binge again' which leaves a mental space for a different approach next time the need hits.