How's things today Jennie?
Feeling any better aboutit?
What comms have you had with s?
Hi Jane
Feeling blue to be honest, but that's tiredness too.
The girls have gone home and its me and the mutt - so am going to take him for a leisurely stroll to the lakes as I think I need thinking space and fresh air.
S has been texting over the weekend, not a great deal, and no telephone calls and very 'platonic' texts but still signed with kisses. I have no idea what will happen next, I will have to wait and see, the ball is totally in his court. He told me on the phone Friday morning "If last night was a one off then it will be fine, but if it ever happens again it's over". I feel sick about it but at the same time,. that means it isn't over, at least it wasn't on Friday morning when we last actually talked to one another.
He's supposed to meet me at the gig tonight but as he doesn't know where it is and I haven't sent him the address, unless I do so by text this afternoon then he can't even if he wants to, lol
I'm going to drop him a text early evening when I know he's dropping the boys home and then it's up to him. In some ways I think it best he doesn't come as I am so tired and over emotional still, and yet I would love to see him. I can't put any pressure on him though and this has been a massive wake up call for me. Last night was too. Here's me thinking I only want to lose another couple of stone and last night in that club I was surrounded by women who must all have been under 10 stone and looking amazing. When we went out last night I felt good (ish) but by the end of the night I felt like I might as well be 24stone again as every ounce of confidence had drained away.
Clearly I'm not ready for 'mainstream' night clubs, perhaps I never shall be. Dunno. I do know I am tired and have promised Sarah that I will limit the walk with the dog and then put the telly on and have a kip this afternoon.
Things usually look better with sleep!
Last message from S was around 9am today... I'm hoping he might phone me later when he is on his own, but to be honest, I'm not sure what we will say. lol I feel as nervous about seeing him again (if in fact we do see one another again) as I did that first night we met.
Bored the girls witless droning on about it all and didn't cry until this morning. Ridiculous. Only known him 2 weeks. Mad, pathetic and ridiculous. lol
Still.. time will tell and I need to practise patience and self-restraint.
Karen did some straight-talking with me and that helps too, especially coming from someone who is just as barmy as me! lol
Lots of support from the girls all weekend, am so blessed they were coming otherwise I think I would have been curled up in a ball dribbling, lol
Right, going now, the sun is sort of still out, half hour round the lakes then home for a kip.
Will probably catch up tomorrow on here.
Hoping to hear from Karen that she got home ok and then Cheryl and Sarah too as they are all doing long drives on little sleep.
Feel like eating but not feeling like eating (if you know what I mean).
Have to say though, did enjoy the reaction of the folks in the pub when we strutted in there last night all dolled up. lol shame PQM wasn't there! LOL (hmm, did I mention - Sarah and Cheryl met him on Friday night and he gave me a hug and asked me to 'go out for a beer' on Weds with him! lolol Perhaps Sarah will expand on that one! lol
I have another busy week ahead. Gym tomorrow at 7am, weigh in tomorrow night at 7.30pm, Tues night is Aquafit in me new cozzie... wednesday is drink with PQM... then it's almost the weekend again. No plans at all for the Bank Holiday weekend apart from on the Monday when I am section leader at Luton Carnival, so, unless things change dramatically with S, I shall have a boring night in on Friday, and Saturday AND Sunday...
Monday is Carnival and Tuesday is Zoe's start date at her new job - although they haven't written to her yet so she needs to ring them when she gets home. Her and Gaz come home this afternoon - I can't wait to see her but will be out!! She is going to be so shocked when she sees her new bed
Anyway, have droned on long enough and not even told you about last weekend, and this weekend fully, but in truth, probably best as last weekend was one of the best of my life and to write about it now would smart a tad.. lol
But hey, you know me! I'll bounce back, get my energy levels recharged and start over again.
Job application needs to be in by Wednesday so will get that done too - time to start looking for new beginnings for me I think. Going to have a word with some more estate agents too, get 3 valuations and decide what to do with house.
Lodger route still an option but not done anything about it as yet, apart from make a couple of phone calls.
Think Sarah (my daughter) wants to come and live at home again, but if she does she will HAVE to work and pay her way, I just cannot afford her to be here otherwise and that is a dreadful state of affairs!!
God, I drone on!
Cheerio for now xxxxxx
, then to another pub and then into Northampton. Ended up staying in Chicagos for less than 10 minutes and went to a 'posh totty' club instead which cost a tenner to get into (and we blagged our way in as it was supposed to be a members & guests only night) and whilst the venue was way superior to Chicagos, the music was crap 
