Blergh! - FatFairNForty(ish) - my diary

Helloooooo and a very Happy New Year!!

Life has (as ever) been a mad mental rush the last few weeks... I'll try ever so hard to cram it all into a couple of posts but forgive if I can't! (Not good at succinct!).

Firstly - belated Christmas Greetings... sadly we had a very up and down Christmas... didn't put the decs up 'til Christmas eve and took 'em all down again on Boxing Day.. not good... as my daughters read my diary sometimes, I won't go into details about the whys and wherefores, all I'll say is this... listening to one of them broken hearted and sobbing at 1am on Christmas morning was one of the saddest times ever... hearing her say all the things that I had said just 2 Christmas's previously when my ex left me... well, lets leave it at that. Now... we still 'did' Christmas dinner - well... I cooked, they ate.. lol I had dinner too of course but no spuds (didn't want them), no yorkshire pud for me either... seriously.. I thought last Christmas was the only one where I wouldn't be an utter pig, but, I wasn't this time either so hopefully a trend is beginning... well, can hardly call it that when it is only one flippin roast dinner eh! lol We(Sarah and I) had a glass of wine each, I didn't like it so left it... lol... I think that I have either a) lost my sense of taste or b) switched heads with someone else!!

So... Christmas we shall skim over nicely... oh.. except I did go out rather a lot... and... in one of my lonelier moments back in November I went and did it... I rejoined the dating site! I know, I know... I wasn't going to.. and I swore I wouldn't... but...

So... I went on some dates pre-Christmas... nice folks.. could write loads about one of them in particular... but he ended up texting me on Christmas Eve to say that he was really sorry but still loved his ex! FFS!! lol So... crossed him off me prezzie list... lol Won't go on about men at the moment but do have some news which I will bide me time on for a while longer before saying too much....
 
Went to some parties between Christmas and New Year... got a puncture on Boxing Day night... had a massive fall out with Kwik Fit and burst into floods of tears which (miraculously) suddenly made a tyre to fit my car appear!! (Must be left over magic dust from panto season eh!!)... if I just say that the guy in Kwik Fit Wellingborough, who initially served me on the day after Boxing Day, well, he could win an award for pancake TOSSING if there was one!!! It was an eventful day which culminated in our (Sarah and my) getting to my mothers 4 hours later than planned and therefore (due to other committments) only getting to spend an hour with her, my stepdad and my sis before facing the lovely M25 car park home again!! (NOT a good day that one!)

It WAS, however, lovely to have Sarah home for Christmas. We (incredibly - well, Christmas IS the season of miracles!!) didn't fall out once! It was so so so good to see her... it was a bit surreal on Christmas Eve when we went to the pub together and met up with all her old school friends!! It's odd taking your daughter out drinking!! (She drank, I paid!)

We did a pub crawl of the town... her friends are a smashing bunch of girls and with such a small town there really aren't that many places to crawl to.. lol but we did and then, when Zoe finished work she joined us too. (At the least celubrious place ever!!!)...

It was the first Christmas eve I have spent in a pub and not in a church. Different. Next year it's back to the Church service for me though...

In the interin twixt Dec 25th and Jan 1st I was out and about for dinner and parties etc... calling on friends and meeting up with others. Went to the pics to see I am legend... wow.. good film! Makes you think! Bit of a naff ending I thought... as if they ran out of budget and knocked it together real quick... how fit is Will Smith though!!!! Went there with a dear friend which was really nice. Extra nice as the seats there seem so much bigger these days! lol (No more leg room though).

What else is there to say... oh yeah... did a photo shoot with Cambridge bods in Dec... that was fun... met up with 3 smashing ladies who are all incredibly inspirational and beautiful too! I felt quite the wallflower but they were really good to me and we all got on great guns. I've seen some of the pics and they are good.

Mum took the ex to court and won (naturally!)... sis took mum there and rang me to say her head was about to explode coz she was so angry when she saw the ex with his missus... I'm glad I didn't go. As you know, the following day I got the letter to say thumbs up for the op... I have my first appointment with a real person on Thursday!! Wooohooooooo

List as long as me arm of questions/worries/hopes.... will let you know how it goes. It will be good at last to see someone in the flesh as opposed to exchanging letters and bandying numbers.
 
Hello beautiful!

Just a quick message to say hello as I get so little time to get on here these days. Sorry that your Christmas wasn't all you'd have wished, but I hope 2008 is the year when you get everything you want for yourself - and then some!

See you soon I hope.

Love ya xxxxx
 
hey hun,
good to see you back, life doesn't let up for you does it ?
gald you enjoyed having Sarah home, even if all sorts of other things conspired to make Xmas not as wonderful as it should have been :(
will be thinking of you on thursday & eager to hear how it went, remember, write all your questions down cos you're bound to forget something when the time comes if you try to memorise what you want to ask & Murphy says it'll be the most important question of all :rolleyes:
laa
xx
 
So... New Years ... well, I went to 2 things on New Years eve... the first was a gig at a social club, unfortunatley the band didn't start playing until quite late and as the second place I was going to was my local and it was ticket only and locked doors from 10pm... I only got to hear 1 song before having to scoot off. I left the car at home and got my mate to drop me at the pub... I had a great night. Loads of laughter and singing and danced my feet right into the new year! Brilliant! The ONLY negative thing was that I was the only single female there...so at midnight it was bit odd when all around me were kissing etc... but only for a moment and then we were singing Auld Lang Syne and the dancing restarted. I have no idea how much I had to drink (nor eat for that matter)... but I do know that the toffee profiterole stack and the smoked cheese and biscuits... well, they seemed to shrink dramatically after I'd made a visit!! The wine was stacked up - I didn't buy a drink all night! Not a clue who did!! lol I tottered home at about 3am (can't be too sure of precise time)... my final 2 drinks were 2 pints of water... I got to that 'if I even take another sip of wine I think I will burst!' moment... (know what I mean?)... so... New Years Day was spent predominantly sleeping... I was supposed to go on a motorbike club ride but as I couldn't get to the pub for MUFO (mount up... f ... off) as there was NO WAY I was driving! ... well, I slept and basically had a right doss of a day... it was bliss!! lol

The rest of the week I was ill! I had some kind of a bug... not sure what it was or where it came from but I had it and boy did I feel rough! I had to get my CDC modules in by Jan 2nd too (which I did! - yay me!!).. so that was a major thing dealt with. I had clients booked in on the 2nd and 3rd... and also an appointment with my nurse. Not surprisingly (after the nights festivities) I had gained a couple of pounds... but thankfully that was all and now that's gone again (phew)..

On the Friday I got a text asking to go to a nearby village pub to watch my musician friends playing 'unplugged' (makes them sound like a nose bleed without cotton wool I think...umm.. I don't mean the music sound that way... the term 'unplugged'... well, you get my drift..) anyway.... I went.. felt ill... stayed as long as I could then trundled home. It was good but boy was I tired. So... that's up to the first weekend of the new year... I have to dash now, take the dog out for a stomp whilst there is still some semblance of light left... and whilst I have any energy to do so! (Been pretty poorly for over a week with one of the worst colds of my life! - mate reckons it's flu - I reckon it's just a really bad cold...but to be honest.. my energy levels are no greater than a duracell that doesn't register on those gauges.....)

Will add more later perhaps as am staying in this evening but I do have a pile of paperwork to get through and want to catch up with CD business stuff and advertising too.

A few new clients have started, not entirely sure how many that is any more as it is pretty 'fluid' shall we say! Still... I do my best for them and they do their best for them too... can't ask any more than that now can you!

Still maintaining although when ill it was a real struggle.. AND... I discovered my digital scales were wrong!! Major trauma.. lol... found a couple of pounds went on and couldn't understand why and then discovered (thanks to Heinz Baked beans) that they were UNDER weighing everything by 100g /400g!! SO... when I weighed 400g of beans it read 300g!

I know you might not think that matters, but consider this... I weigh and measure EVERYTHING whilst at this stage of maintaining... and to be UNDER weighing everything means a huge number of extra calories going in that are not accounted for! With being ill too I didn't exercise (walk) so much too... but thankfully the scales are now ok again (bless Zoe for saying to me that might explain the inexplicable gain)... and the extra is almost all gone... another 1lb and I'm back to the weight they wanted me to be for the op...

Food - I love it! Been having all kinds of stuff... definitely going to eat shredded wheat for breakfast every day for the rest of my life I reckon! lol LOVE the stuff and it keeps me going til lunchtime no problem. I have discovered some real RED flags though... flapjacks are a MAJOR weakness... Philadelphia light cheese with herbs and garlic (yummy!!)... snack-a-jacks... christmas pudding in brandy sauce!! (had one spoonful and almost had an orgasm right there and then in the middle of the bike club christmas party!!!)... I have also discovered that I can't tolerate sugar and carbs any more... in as much as... if I have something very sweet I get massive headaches and the same happens if I have high carbs too!

Taste buds are still incrediby confused... they prefer pickled baby european beetroot to white chewy milk bottle sweeties!! WTF!!! lol COuld say more about the food,... it has been very hard to do the maintainance this week since I 'gave in' to my cold..... but at the beginning I had dodgy scales too so no idea what I had in reality! I was cutting back too because I couldn't understand the gain.. lol... crazy situation and so easily fixed too!

I am hoping when they see me Thursday that they will say that it's ok to stay this weight (or even gain a couple of lbs) as they will be able to judge roughly how much the skin weighs and adjust my bmi accordingly and actual be realistic about things for a change!

I have been blitzing charity shops and oh my goodness... I adore the 50p rail!! I bought a divine blue top and 3 jumpers and a fleece, each just 50p PLUS I really splashed out on a full length Dotty P winter coat - fully lined... £1 !!! LOVE IT!!!

Have to try and get my old stuff on ebay as finances are in really dire straits now with my fixed rate mortgage ending this month and a new one starting which is costing an extra £100 a month! Am still optimistic though.. 2008 WILL be a fabulous year!!
 
Blimey - I was so busy typing that you all posted in the middle.. lol

It's lovely to be on here but life is so hectic what with work, home, being a CDC, music festival on the go again now already, making new friends and generally being mental... so little time!!!

I am going to get this poor dog out in the fresh air now and get ready to welcome Zoe home from her first day at a new job... that was another little 'moment'... she's given up on being a chef, quit her job (without having one to go to) and has started a new one which pays less (but is way less hours!) and which means she won't have any disposable income really either... this year is going to be an interesting one to say the very least!

I'm proud of her though, despite doing what she did (and knowing full well my feelings on the matter), she has got another job within a few weeks and has also embarked on the diet again! (NOT at my instigation I promise!) I never say anything about my girls' weight. They are both intelligent young women, they don't need the pressure from me that I got in my life... so... she is doing really well thus far... she has her own diary on the site so I'm not going to say too much about her life ... just mine and how things are.

We've had our moments but I still love living with her and we sat and watched a film together Saturday night and it was so good to be in her company.

I am so fortunate to have such daughters... (will copy and paste that so I can read it again when they drive me demented and bleed me dry and eat me out of house and home.... etc etc etc... ) lol
 
Nice to see you Jenny .......you are doing well maintaining......missed seeing you around though not able to get on as much as I used too.

Good luck for your appointment with dr ......!!!!

Loving the skydiving pictures....were you at all nervous, I would have been awful in fact I wouldnt be able to do it ....so respect to you for doing it.
 
Well, another 10 minute 'window' presents itself and I am doing what I can to cover lots... chaos reigns in my life right now. Just had a phone call from someone who I had 'closed the door' and moved on from and it has pulled the rug out from under me so thought I would jump on here and distract myself, of course I could always go and put the shopping in the fridge, reload the washing machine, cook my lunch (2 pieces of Coley with shed loads of steamed veg with herb and garlic (fat free) dressing and coriander garnish... washed down with copious amounts of coke zero... followed by (if time and room in tum!) 250g low fat natural fromage frais with 2 tspns of options turkish delight flavour mixed in....) I love making up my own mixtures of foods.. lol The fromage frais and options thing is something I used to do all the time, the difference is that now I actually weigh it and calorie count it...

Am getting nervous about Thursday and procrastinating over the accounts for work I have to complete for 8am Friday morning... with Thursday pretty much written off now as have to drive a fair distance to hospital... that means pressure to finish today and tomorrow... tomorrow is my busiest afternoon for clients (6) and then bike club (I will so need to go and chill out for an hour or 2).

Rotten nights sleep last night. Too much in head I think... dog didn't get his promised walk as I didn't have the energy and it was raining! Could take him now I suppose but nah, I want food before I do owt else today! Belly gurgling at the prospect! lol I suppose I should keep a food/maintenance diet diary on the maintenance forum but to be honest I want to stay here.. lol..

I'll do my best to be more regular, in fact, in my new 'I'm going to manage my time better' way of thinking.. I could 'allocate' a time slot each day to coming on here, updating my waffling diatribe and try and get some serious lurking and catching up done too! Hmm... we shall see.

Right. Need to get on now.

So lovely to see familiar friends on here, makes me realise how much I've missed you all... odd innit!

Roll on Birmingham... fingers crossed I can be there! (Should have an idea in a couple of days!)

Much love
xxxxx
 
Just popped in to say Hi :wavey:

You really put the 'heck!' in hectic don't you! :)
 
Very brief update as fighting way through accounts and have an 8am deadline!! (Hoping to get to bed before 1am)..

Went to see consultant at hospital today - long drive there and back, tears both ways.. very emotional day, however...

Upshot is this: he confirmed that I do need the surgery I thought (and feel) I do, and has told me what he can do as far as the NHS are concerned... it ain't gonna be pretty but it's gonna be a damn sight better than the status quo... will go into more detail after work settles down (hopefully get an hour or 2 to sit and catch up over the weekend)... but suffice it to say, came away feeling justified in all the hard work and the tenacious efforts to get this far. Discussed surgery, aftercare, scars, treatments etc etc... and then I asked about the rest of it and he made some recommendations which I will discuss tomorrow when I see the nurse. It's not going to be easy - I knew that. I was glad the scales showed 10st 10 fully clothed this afternoon (in jeans too!) as I knew at home nekkid first thing they showed slightly lower. Dappy clerk on duty but will say more another time.. nice enough but exceptionally dim! Consultant was happy to answer all 18 (yep 18) of my questions!

Op should be in either April or May... watch this space, I should know in about 6-8 weeks time as to when.. roughly... lol Have to have photos done by medical photographer so have agreed they can use them for teaching purposes as well as for my records... after all, if ANYONE else can benefit from the horrors of all this then I'm all in favour!

So. Mixed emotions coming home. Different op than expected, but similar outcome and similar results and possible complications... no hidden shocks to come re follow up surgery, aftercare etc discussed.. timescales etc etc...

Felt justified in how I have been feeling and for the first time ever I actually did feel proud of what I have achieved... up to now I have only felt glad I did it, but this afternoon I did feel proud and a respected surgeon validated so many of my thoughts and beliefs about my body and that is a huge step.

So. Head into work mode and will be for the time being as I make up for months of worrying and stressing out and not sleeping and all the rest that has been going on in my head about this rotten skin!

Am still so so glad I lost the weight and know that it ain't all gonna be sweetness and roses after the op but it WILL be better and I WILL feel better too.

Sorry to hop on and then off but it's necessary to get through the next 10days this way and then, I hope, things will settle right down.

February is going to be a very very good month.. I have a weekend I am so looking forward to...will share about that over the weekend too..

Oh, as for rug puller outer - lol - another great feeling! Sorted that out too... yay me... Zoe is dead proud of me (bless her)..

Right, enough procrastination (I have a degree in it don'tcha know!)

Love

Me
xxxxxx
 
I wish I knew how to string the words together to tell you how so very glad/happy/proud for you I am!
 
HelenG said:
I wish I knew how to string the words together to tell you how so very glad/happy/proud for you I am!
Click to expand...

Thank you Helen :)

Life is even more chaotic than ever now as I try and prepare for the time when I won't be able to dash around so much for a while!

Loads going on here... diet wise - well, am maintaining lovely still thankfully, scales said 10st 9 this morning so that's good (especially as hadn't weighed myself all weekend).

Had a scrummy smoked haddock and prawn stir fry at the weekend which was delicious AND very very low cal and healthy and a real plateful too! Perfect! lol

Have decided to pull out of the music festival this year and concentrate on CD work as that is taking all my waking hours outside of morning job. Morning job kept me working 'til 4am t'other night and I think tonight's not looking much better but I am exhausted and need sleep.

Disasterous weekend but finished very very nicely with PQM coming in for cheese on toast after he walked me home from the pub. Things there are very muddled up but as he sat here and we talked until almost 3am I think you can say that we are getting to be very good friends now. (and no... nothing like THAT happened!!)

Other news... TOTM has returned! Hurrah!! Perhaps my physiology is finding its feet at last...

This weekend - well... I would love to tell you about that... Great Yarmouth, beach, arcades, pie and chips (companion, not me!)... criticisms, nastiness... driving home at 7am.... ho hum... still... best to find out things early spearly....

Right.. off to collect my order from Corby now... then CD work all afternoon, client at 5... Asda after... smoked haddock and prawns top of the list! (See if I can replicate meal!!)...

Zoe crashed her car... but she's ok, no-one else involved, just damaged her bumper quite badly... Sarah still in Falmouth... I miss her... I was supposed to go to Snowdonia for valentines weekend but not now... think a weekend of R & R at home may well be the order of the day!!

Roll on the first weekend of Feb... motorbike rally oop north! Can't wait!

TTFN
 
Hello gorgeous!

Well, it seems that life hasn't quietened down any for you in 2008 has it? :) I'm delighted that you're maintaining so well (as if I had any doubts!) and, of course, you'll be even lighter post-surgery I suspect!

Really looking forward to seeing you soon - and don't forget we have a date in the 'Pool sometime this year too :cool:

Lots of love
 
Hi darling! I am worn out just reading your post, how on earth do you manage to fit all that in in just one day! You surely are Wonderwoman lol xxx
 
Wow always so blooming busy.....Im sure this helps your maintaining......Nice to hear your appt was a success and he agreed you deserve to have it done.....!
Glad Zoe was ok after her crash.....bet it shook her up though....
 
Helloo, gosh it's been ages!

Life STILL hasn't slowed down any... PQM situation has become somewhat clearer now.. 'just good friends' it is and will remain I think. Not a bad thing either as things have become a tad complicated in my life so not having a bloke is probably a real positive at the moment.

Right.. the last 2 weeks... well... Zoe got car fixed and then her exhaust fell off but she called out the AA (good job I had a ruck with them on the phone and got her cover renewed earlier in the month!!)... um.. she jacked in being a chef and got a job doing telemarketing and has handed her notice in there now and starts as a trainee estate agent on Monday! Fingers crossed that this is a successful move for her.. I do hope so.

Sarah is no longer at Uni and signed on down in Falmouth today. She has her reasons and all I can do as her mum is support and love her and hope that she is happy and safe and well. I'm glad that at least there is a resolution for her and that she is forging ahead very positively.

My mother made a monumental decision and I am supporting her on that 1000% and that is, once my lovely stepdad reaches his 90th birthday in August, she is going to find a residential home for him. He is now totally bladder incontinent and the dementia is worsening on a daily basis. Bless her heart, it is all too much for her. She is only 4ft feck all and he is over 6ft. She adores him but at 73 herself and with major health worries of her own too, it's all just too much.

All of the family (I have 4 stepsisters) are in agreement and so the ball has begun to roll very slowly. It is a difficult time for her and will be very very hard when it comes to time to take him. We shall face that challenge when we must though. Until then the real challenge is continuing!

My sister is out in Tobago again enjoying a month of sunshine and fun. Lucky thing. Still.. when she gets back I think it's going to be a hard time for her and she needed the break. With all she does for mum I know that it was taking it's toll on her too.

It's so sad when loving and caring for someone in your family has such a massively exhausting impact. I feel for all 3 of them, although my lovely stepdad has no memory of anything except things that happened from about 20 years ago and back beyond then.

Poor love. He is so smashing though but has the mentality at times of a petulant toddler with the vocabulary of a sewer rat and the physical size of a bouncer!

I went and saw them both on Saturday and it was a mixed kind of experience. I loved seeing the both but he really has no idea who I am.. nor why I was there. Mum is absolutely shattered. I am so far away (it's a good hour and half - 2hours fast driving away) and feel of limited use.

Other news... well... work is still hard - loads of finances to sort out and with no felxibility any more to work late I find that I am bringing more and more home to do. NOT a good thing as it means I am often sitting up until the wee hours staring at the pc trying to make sense of things that with a good nights sleep I could deal with in the blink of an eye!

I really HAVE to sort out a proper timeline and management system for myself. It's just that I start doing one thing and get side tracked and end up doing 4 others!
 
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