Blergh! - FatFairNForty(ish) - my diary

Hey there.... sounds like you are at last getting some control... When my brother and I visit the drs with my mum who has ovarian cancer, I always get laughed at for being so anal and having all questions written down etc..

Re Christmas... I would wait and see whats going on before speaking to your children... Last christmas when my mum was newly diagnosed she decided she didnt want to be alone and didnt want to come to my place but needed me to stay with her... All my family and my husbands aged parents had christmas in my house and mum and I sat drinking champagne and watching movies for christmas day lol... I could totally understand her feelings and was happy to spend the day with her.... But...if she had decided she wanted to spend christmas in a hotel and going to the theatre and if this meant my son, daughter in law and husband could not come... then I would not go either... Maybe you could suggest that you and your mum and sister spend the weekend before christmas in london and then you spend christmas day with your daughters as usual or even in your mums house with your daughters camping out in the living room if need be?

Only a thought ;o)

I am thinking of you Jenny... Its such a difficult time for you all... ;o)

Katie x
 
Am even MORE pleased now... hospital just rang, she is going to see an oncologist on MONDAY morning! AND at a much more local hospital too! So, I am staying on now.. decision made! Boss agreed, sis not chuffed but hey ho.. tough! Mum delighted we will both be there with her.. and that means I can go home Monday afternoon, get everything ready for holiday, pack, go to work Tues then home and set off for a week among friends and hopefully some lovely biking... still need to plan route and packing etc,.. ah well.. am going to also come home a day early so I can take Zoe down to see mum on the Wednesday of the following week ... and then home then work then back down to mums from the Friday to Sunday again...
 
Sam25 said:
Hey there.... sounds like you are at last getting some control... When my brother and I visit the drs with my mum who has ovarian cancer, I always get laughed at for being so anal and having all questions written down etc..

Re Christmas... I would wait and see whats going on before speaking to your children... Last christmas when my mum was newly diagnosed she decided she didnt want to be alone and didnt want to come to my place but needed me to stay with her... All my family and my husbands aged parents had christmas in my house and mum and I sat drinking champagne and watching movies for christmas day lol... I could totally understand her feelings and was happy to spend the day with her.... But...if she had decided she wanted to spend christmas in a hotel and going to the theatre and if this meant my son, daughter in law and husband could not come... then I would not go either... Maybe you could suggest that you and your mum and sister spend the weekend before christmas in london and then you spend christmas day with your daughters as usual or even in your mums house with your daughters camping out in the living room if need be?
Click to expand...
Sam25 said:


Only a thought ;o)

I am thinking of you Jenny... Its such a difficult time for you all... ;o)

Katie x
Click to expand...


Hi Katie - so sorry that your mum has the dreaded disease too! I know what you mean.. if it was just a day, no worries... but it's not... once my mother and sister get an idea into their heads there is no changing it.. lol... that said... Christmas IS a long way away yet and much can happen... my sis had no plans to see her kids this Christmas so she's well up for it (of course!) as she didn't want to spend Christmas on her own anyway...as me and my girls all work and they work on weekends too... it's not going to be easy to arrange a postponed Christmas but it's do-able... between us we will sort it... first steps though... oncologist Monday and perhaps a better idea of if we should even BE planning for Christmas... I have to say,.. given how much better she is today with the better pain relief, I think we should.. but he's the expert and I for one expect him to be as honest as possible... and you're not anal at all for taking questions written down... it's eminently sensible!! Who can ever remember WHAT a Dr says.. especially when it relates to this horrid stuff!!

Hope your mum is doing ok and that you and your family are coping xxxxx
 
Oh Jen that IS good news about the appointment being brought forward to Monday. Will be good to get some answers x x
 
Gosh you did get a quick appointment ! I'm glad though because now you can go to the appointment & hear for yourself the answers without having to wait
& rely on your sis . Then you Feb start your journey fully empowered with the facts .
Sounds like the " treat mum as mum & not a patient" approach has done her well & yes the slow release stuff is good , allowing for s less clock watching life .
Love to all & special hugs to you Xxxx
 
thanks girls... we were far less clock watching today and at 7.30 I could tell mum was getting uncomfortable so I just said, right... no-one said you have to set your watch by these tablets so have them now and that'll be fine... no being a martyr... and so she's had them and is now up in bed.. I am going up very soon, just need to make a couple of calls whilst she is out of earshot and sort the dog out then it's bed for me too.. bless her, I gave her a kiss goodnight and she thanked me for looking after her.. *sigh* it's no trouble... we have had some really nice moments today and she has decided that she IS going to church on Sunday - when I offered to take her she initially said no as she couldn't face sitting on the pews so I asked why not take the wheelchair we've got on loan from St Johns as she finds that comfortable? She first of all said no as she felt that was drawing attention to herself and I said ok, that was her choice BUT it's unlikely that she'll ever feel comfy sitting on a pew,and lets face it, folks without a bloody great tumour get fidgety after 10 minutes so what hope is there for her, and if she wanted to go to church ever again she'd only have ONE "first time" going in a wheelchair and folks would soon ignore it and get used to it.. and she could see all her friends and recieve Communion and she would really benefit from it in so many ways.. and she could have a good old chin wag afterwards as there would be no rush to get back... then, incredibly, one of her church friends rang and she was telling them her reasons for not wanting to go on Sunday even thought she really wants to, and they pretty much said exactly what I did... lol... so... Sunday morning and they're in for a shock as my wardrobe is not normal for "High Church" but as I always say... Jesus had barefeet and a long plain frock on... and he was a beardy bloke who probably didn't wash all that much so me in jeans and Honda Racing fleece isn't going to offend Him so why worry about the rest of the folks there when it's Him I would be going for and not them? lol lol

We are hoping she will have another really good night , and, with so much progress made today, I truly think she shall... the house has a much calmer atmosphere and we are good company for one another... and we talk it as it is... not how it "ought" to be...

I love my mum.
 
P.S. My boss rang and told me not to go back to work until I am back from my holiday which means I can head to Cornwall early spearly Tuesday morning and do the journey in one day in the daylight hours and, therefore, come back a day early and not miss out on any time with my darling friends... all in all a pretty damn good day I reckon!!

Sis has been in touch and is actually ok about me staying and I think she's not coming back Sunday night now but first thing Monday.. so I get the bed again and I will make sure it is all lovely and fresh for her when she goes to bed Monday... might even nip and get her a little bunch of flowers to brighten up the room... am going to suggest we both leave a "box" here with essentials in for staying over... i.e. nightwear and toiletries.. and perhaps one change of undies and socks so that, if necessary, we can be here at the drop of a hat... will see what she thinks... or perhaps just keep them in a overnight bag in car.. but think it would be nicer to just tuck them away in the spare room and know they are here if needed... may leave a spare sleeping bag here too.. not got any more camping planned so that won't be a problem... x x x
 
Is it Friday already?? Disturbed night - mum got up twice and I hadn't realised that's normal for her.. lol but both times I woke up... am having "sympathy pains" in my hip, neck and back" lol (courtesy of lush mattress and big soft pillows)... I love her spare bed though... its all toasty snuggly warm... got up at 5ish and made her a cup of tea, me a pack and then back to bed.. soundo 'til about 15 mins ago... but crept downstairs as mum asleep again... I can hear her moving around up there now so will go and see what I can do for her...
 
Jen, I've said it before but I want to say it again, you are an utterly fantastic daughter!! Your mum is so so lucky to have you.

I hope you and your sis can get on OK through this very emotional time for you all....

Sending lots of love and cwtches xxxx
 
Busy day so far - been on the phone to try and arrange a "Blue Badge" for mum and then to the other council about assisted rubbish collection, and the plumber as her shower's leaking, been shopping and bought her some yummy things to eat - she really enjoyed the apricot danish I got her... and at the moment is tucking into liver, bacon & onions in gravy with boiled new potatoes and carrots (all prepped and cooked by my own fair hands..) and for pudding some diced honeydew melon...

She said earlier that she wasn't very comfortable and then said "I think I'm going to have a bad day today" so I told her off! lol I told her no, she's not, and that all she needs is a "top up" of her morphine as she didn't have the full whack this morning so I gave that to her.. and I said that it was going to be another good day so there! lol

One of her friends is here and chatting with her and she's not said it's a bad day... lol I told her this morning, no martyrdom allowed and that there was no way she should put up with any pain if she doesn't have to and the Dr said she could have up to 20ml at a time in "top ups" ... and she's not even had half of that so no need to be in any discomfort at all... lol she laughed and agreed!

She's not eaten a huge amount and I have a feeling her friend's visit has stopped her eating which is a bit irritating... I am sure she would have eaten a lot more if she'd been left to it! May ask folks to call later if she's eating again...

OOh get me.. stroppy mare!

Going to take the dog out in a bit... and later going to do a bit of a temporary fix to the leaking shower cabinet...
 
Good for you Jen, your mum needs to make sure she is eating well to keep her energy levels up and to fight off that dreaded disease!!!
 
Dog walked, mum snoozing on sofa, and me googling forms for attendance allowance etc... Charlie happy and fed and sun shining!

I still have to clean the fridge out thoroughly and also give the bathroom a real good clean... and do some washing - but that's on Sunday's list.. I have got her some lush foodie bits that I know will be a welcome change from boring sandwiches for her tea... last night it was choice grain crackers with him ham wrapped around a very nice onion chutney... tonight I think I will see how she fancies the honey & sunflower bread I got and turkey with a basil and tomato chutney.. or possibly a light cheese, ham and mushroom mini omelette... depends how she is as to what I think she can face ... prob go for the turkey... tomorrow am doing her a salmon in lime and coriander sauce with new potatoes for dinner... and on Sunday a pre-made duck in plum sauce with rice and spring onions... for Monday I am going to make a couple of shepherds pies so sis won't have to cook for her first day back in charge.. as I know her hands give her a lot of trouble (she has dreadful arthritis)...

Right - best crack on! Need to get forms downloaded, printed out and completed and to the GP before the end of play today if possible so we can get them all off in the post!

Even though I said she can't have a bad day, I know its not as good as yesterday... so will cut her a bit of slack... lol lol sis told me on phone to tell her to go up to bed.. but I said nope... if she can stay downstairs 'til bed time that will be better for her mental health... so... she's (mum) not suggested bed but instead is dozing on sofa... I reckon an earlier night may be in order...

What WAS funny was I told sis that mum thinks I had a good night's sleep coz I told her I did, and SO did sis! lol lol lol

Both think Monday will be good for mum as she has confidence in her oncologist and will have a better idea of what's next....

So much to think about... bless her... can't begin to imagine how she's feeling... and to be honest, I don't want to! (iykwim) :)
 
Almost ready for bed.. and still not done all the things I intended to today... went to Tesco tonight and got some really nice foodie bits for mum and also some treats for sis when she comes.

Tomorrow is going to be cleaning day - bathroom and fridge are going to get a thorough clean and when mum goes to bed in the evening I shall quickly vac downstairs and polish too... I know she will like that.

I spent ages filling in the 30 page attendance allowance form this afternoon and have sent it to sis for her to look at too... hopefully GP will send a report to accompany it on Monday.

List of things to do tomorrow also includes full completion of Blue Badge form and also tackling Cunard as they are refusing to refund the £500 deposit mum paid on a holiday for September 2012 !! I am incensed!! I WILL get the cash back for her... I am disgusted at their attitude and when I have finished with them they will not only be sending her money but an apology to go along with it too!!

So.. more battles... one of her friends (the one who showed up when she was eating) turned up with a seat for the shower but it's way too big so I am returning it to her tomorrow - she wore mum out today with her 2 visits and I really do NOT want her dinner interrupted again.. she ate well this evening as a result of skimping earlier, but even so.. would prefer she had a good dinner inside her if at all possible.

She was worn out when she went to bed at 8pm... I hope she has a good night... she looked dreadful this afternoon...

I almost broke down when in Tesco... ridiculous! Can't even remember what happened to trigger it... but I definitely had a lower lip wobble going on!!

To be expected I suppose... I think, maybe.. it's beginning to sink in a little more each day... but I hope that the oncologist will help all of us to focus on things that ARE possible... told mum tonight that she will not have any bad days, all days will be good days and better days... and she laughed and agreed... my heart bleeds for her... she looks so weary...

Right - time for me to turn in now too or I won't be fit for helping her tomorrow!!

Thanks again all for your support on here (and by text and fb private messages)... I really appreciate it. Night night xxx
 
Good morning! A better night for both of us last night means we are both awake and I made mum a poached egg on toast for her breakfast.. she looks paler today and in a lot of pain.. yesterday wore her out I think. Her best friend Pam is coming today - hopefully NOT at lunchtime! I might give her a call and ask her what time she intends to call and then I can work around her... when she gets here I'm going to take the dog for a walk so they can really talk. Pam is mums closest friend and confidante. I might even give them a good long time and take the dog in the car to the park and whilst he has a run around I can sit and have a think... we'll see what the weather's up to. If raining I'll tuck myself upstairs and say I've got stuff to do on the pc. lol I am good at making myself scarce...

I know that I thought if mum got her pain relief sorted that she would regain her independence but I have to confess, I don't think that's going to happen - her legs are very weak.. and just getting up and downstairs absolutely exhausts her. It worries me. A lot.

Right - well, this IS a weightloss support forum so... what's been occurring with my dieting?? Weeellll... I have yet to have a 100% day since getting here... but today bodes well. lol Yesterday I only had a few bits of ham (well it would be churlish to have refused the charming young man at the deli counter at Budgens..) and half a dark chocolate digestive (broken in bottom of packet... it leapt into my mouth guv, 'onest!)... oh.. and um... a square of rather lush dark choc with orange in... well, it had snapped and it was the last bit and mum had already said she didn't want it.. and I needed to tidy up the box... *cough*

So.. not great but could be a lot worse... still having 3 and sometimes 4 packs a day... mum's scales are showing I am losing but they aren't my cdc's scales so who can tell... have to admit.. can't remember the last time I went up and down stairs as often so it probably is evening out a tad (well, I can try to convince myself eh!) lol

I have clear list of things I want to get done today - including some bike club paperwork and, heaven help me, I am going to ask HWSNBN to get some things ready for when I get back Monday afternoon so I CAN get on the road early Tuesday! I am nervous about asking him but I know it will make him feel less useless... I may even suggest he do the garden and clean the bathroom - now, that WILL be a test of his mettle!! lol lol
 
Oh Jen, my heart goes out to you at this time. It must be hard for you x.

As for the diet, don't beat yourself up about it. CD is extremely difficult at the best of times and considering what has happened this past week, I think you are doing brilliantly. You are giving it your best, and at this moment in time that is all you can do honey.

Hope mum has a good day today and you manage to get out with the dog for some fresh air x x
 
Last edited:
Hope today goes well for both of you . Bear in mind its not just pain that slows mum down but all the other elements around the tumor will be weakened subsequently making the act of mobility difficult , see how things go on Monday but it may be worth thinking about either bringing her bed downstairs or having a stair lift installed , just a thought .
Sounds like you are feeding mum well , I like tour thinking , a well nourished body files better , proteins esp are good for cell regeneration .
Take care my lovely & look forward to seeing you soon xx
 
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