Blergh! - FatFairNForty(ish) - my diary
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FatFairNForty(ish)
Gold Member
Well, its been a really good day.. mum had a great night's sleep last night and the sun shone today.. and we talked loads. She's been eating today and drinking too.
I broached the subject of her finances by saying that as sis and I both had power of attorney and I hoped we would never have to use it, that we both ought to have the same level of information access and that I have none at present.
I said it was important to make sure everything is in order for her and all was safeguarded so she said she understood and gave me her internet log in so I can make sure all is ok.
I also told her that I felt if she was going to make any changes to anything she should do so with someone other than me or sis... someone outside of the family.. but she refused to promise so I know sis has clearly got her claws in there!!
She (sis) has her credit card at the moment too! PLUS... the car she's driving is my mums and even though sis has her own car, mum has now paid to get a new exhaust on the damned thing!! Why?? I said to her, why not just get rid of the car and get sis to drive her own car?? Flippin heck! I drive my car... so I don't understand why sis can't??
Oh well... at least I have now been able to see precisely the state of mums finances so if there are ANY significant changes I will know about them!! I have printed all the statements out now so there is proof too if needed!
I know its awful but its my mum. I am sure there is something going on and I am determined to prevent it! I am not telling sis I have the access now but if mum does that's up to her.
I broached the subject of her finances by saying that as sis and I both had power of attorney and I hoped we would never have to use it, that we both ought to have the same level of information access and that I have none at present.
I said it was important to make sure everything is in order for her and all was safeguarded so she said she understood and gave me her internet log in so I can make sure all is ok.
I also told her that I felt if she was going to make any changes to anything she should do so with someone other than me or sis... someone outside of the family.. but she refused to promise so I know sis has clearly got her claws in there!!
She (sis) has her credit card at the moment too! PLUS... the car she's driving is my mums and even though sis has her own car, mum has now paid to get a new exhaust on the damned thing!! Why?? I said to her, why not just get rid of the car and get sis to drive her own car?? Flippin heck! I drive my car... so I don't understand why sis can't??
Oh well... at least I have now been able to see precisely the state of mums finances so if there are ANY significant changes I will know about them!! I have printed all the statements out now so there is proof too if needed!
I know its awful but its my mum. I am sure there is something going on and I am determined to prevent it! I am not telling sis I have the access now but if mum does that's up to her.
FatFairNForty(ish)
Gold Member
After breakfast this morning mum and I had a lovely long chat... we talked about all kinds of things, including her funeral plans and she asked to have her ashes scattered at the same place as she had scattered my stepdads.... she asked me if I would have Charlie for her.. that's her dog.. and I promised.. she knows I love Charlie and that he gets on with my dog, Brandy ok and that I will give Charlie a very good home... she asked me to promise all kinds of things to do with her funeral and I promised...
I said to her it was even more important now than ever to cram as much as possible into every day we have... and asked her when should I book her bunjee jump and skydive? lol We shed some tears and we laughed lots.. and all before she got up! lol
She polished off all her breakfast and then slept whilst I went to the shops for some bits for her.. when I got back she got up and came downstairs... I asked her what would she like to do and was there anything she wanted to do whilst the sun was shining and she asked me to take her to where she scattered my lovely stepdads ashes... so that I would know... and so... we went... and it was lovely and I felt honoured to take her.. I took photos of the exact spot so I will know... and promised her I would make sure it happened just how she wanted it.. she said her wedding ring was getting very loose so I said we will get one of those things that stops rings slipping.. she talked about her funeral and she said she supposed she would have to have her ring off when the time came and I said no, not at all.. and told her how my lovely friend Lucy had gone with her wedding ring and her favourite bracelet on.. and that was her decision.. but I said if she wanted her ring off then so be it and she said no! So, she will go with her wedding ring on.. and I know just what she wants too... she told me that if it gets too much for me or sis we have to say and we have to put her in the hospice if it gets too much for us but she really does want to die at home.. so I told her that I will not put her in a hospice... and she told me she knew I would say that.. lol
We had some lovely special moments today... many many laughs... and a few tears... we talked very openly and I told her my plans for the future so she knows what I plan to do with my life... we talked about the practicalities of her moving downstairs if and when needed... we talked about how much she loved my stepdad... I told her I have always felt that he was the love of her life.. and we talked about what comes next... about what heaven is... and I told her I thought her heaven will be her and my darling stepdad dancing... and she smiled and agreed... we had a very deep conversation about faith and hope and heaven.. and marriages... and loves lost... and about all kinds of things... I told her I wished I could just move in and stay with her always.. when we were out at the cemetry she started to say how sorry she was that she wasn't going to be leaving us as much as she had hoped to.. and I told her that there was no amount of money that could ever replace her and I would rather have her than anything.. and she knows I mean it too!
She had quite a bit to eat today.. when she fancied something then she had it.. and she looks a lot brighter for it.. I am taking her to the hospital in the morning for her bone drip... I do hope they don't decide to keep her in for a blood transfusion as she is doing really well and told me that today was the best day she's had in a week..
I have updated my sister throughout the day but not tonight.. and she hasn't called so am leaving her be.
I can't help but think that when this is all over she and I will have very very little to do with one another... and perhaps that's a good thing... and I won't tell her my suspicions.. but I shall never trust her.. I have my reasons.. and its a shame... but there it is..
My lovely elder daughter is at my house now.. and I can't wait to see her on Sunday... and I really hope mum is having a good day so she will enjoy their (my other daughter is coming too) visit... Mr Misery is bringing them and taking them home again after as elder one has to catch a train home to Liverpool... I feel sad for her.. this could well be the last time she sees my mum ... we shall see...
I bought mum some lovely yellow freesias today and tomorrow she is going to tell me how to look after her pots that are neglected on the patio so that we can give them a renewed life!
I've done no cleaning as sis lectured me about not taking it easier.. *sigh* I have been a total pig today - devoured flapjacks, biscuits, after eights and cake!! Still - it's all gone now (sadly, into my belly!!) lol so no more temptation! Hurrah! lol
GOT to try to stick to diet.. I REALLY want to be at my goal by Christmas... and its my birthday in November and I would like to be well on my way to goal by then as its the Bike Show at the NEC and I want to get some new biking gear..
I said to her it was even more important now than ever to cram as much as possible into every day we have... and asked her when should I book her bunjee jump and skydive? lol We shed some tears and we laughed lots.. and all before she got up! lol
She polished off all her breakfast and then slept whilst I went to the shops for some bits for her.. when I got back she got up and came downstairs... I asked her what would she like to do and was there anything she wanted to do whilst the sun was shining and she asked me to take her to where she scattered my lovely stepdads ashes... so that I would know... and so... we went... and it was lovely and I felt honoured to take her.. I took photos of the exact spot so I will know... and promised her I would make sure it happened just how she wanted it.. she said her wedding ring was getting very loose so I said we will get one of those things that stops rings slipping.. she talked about her funeral and she said she supposed she would have to have her ring off when the time came and I said no, not at all.. and told her how my lovely friend Lucy had gone with her wedding ring and her favourite bracelet on.. and that was her decision.. but I said if she wanted her ring off then so be it and she said no! So, she will go with her wedding ring on.. and I know just what she wants too... she told me that if it gets too much for me or sis we have to say and we have to put her in the hospice if it gets too much for us but she really does want to die at home.. so I told her that I will not put her in a hospice... and she told me she knew I would say that.. lol
We had some lovely special moments today... many many laughs... and a few tears... we talked very openly and I told her my plans for the future so she knows what I plan to do with my life... we talked about the practicalities of her moving downstairs if and when needed... we talked about how much she loved my stepdad... I told her I have always felt that he was the love of her life.. and we talked about what comes next... about what heaven is... and I told her I thought her heaven will be her and my darling stepdad dancing... and she smiled and agreed... we had a very deep conversation about faith and hope and heaven.. and marriages... and loves lost... and about all kinds of things... I told her I wished I could just move in and stay with her always.. when we were out at the cemetry she started to say how sorry she was that she wasn't going to be leaving us as much as she had hoped to.. and I told her that there was no amount of money that could ever replace her and I would rather have her than anything.. and she knows I mean it too!
She had quite a bit to eat today.. when she fancied something then she had it.. and she looks a lot brighter for it.. I am taking her to the hospital in the morning for her bone drip... I do hope they don't decide to keep her in for a blood transfusion as she is doing really well and told me that today was the best day she's had in a week..
I have updated my sister throughout the day but not tonight.. and she hasn't called so am leaving her be.
I can't help but think that when this is all over she and I will have very very little to do with one another... and perhaps that's a good thing... and I won't tell her my suspicions.. but I shall never trust her.. I have my reasons.. and its a shame... but there it is..
My lovely elder daughter is at my house now.. and I can't wait to see her on Sunday... and I really hope mum is having a good day so she will enjoy their (my other daughter is coming too) visit... Mr Misery is bringing them and taking them home again after as elder one has to catch a train home to Liverpool... I feel sad for her.. this could well be the last time she sees my mum ... we shall see...
I bought mum some lovely yellow freesias today and tomorrow she is going to tell me how to look after her pots that are neglected on the patio so that we can give them a renewed life!
I've done no cleaning as sis lectured me about not taking it easier.. *sigh* I have been a total pig today - devoured flapjacks, biscuits, after eights and cake!! Still - it's all gone now (sadly, into my belly!!) lol so no more temptation! Hurrah! lol
GOT to try to stick to diet.. I REALLY want to be at my goal by Christmas... and its my birthday in November and I would like to be well on my way to goal by then as its the Bike Show at the NEC and I want to get some new biking gear..
Sarahelizabeth
Gold Member
Morning Jen! I read your post with so much understanding and empathy I can tell you. Many things you say ring true. Money is always a difficult topic to raise in these circumstances but you were right to tackle it. All I can say is that my brother (whom my dad lived with) got every single item from his house, my mum's jewellery other than her engagement ring, and now I'm awaiting to find out whether I have any inheritance as my brother is executor and wont divulge. A special relationship builds up when two people are together so much of the time and although I was with my Dad most days it obviously wasn't the same. I have been through so much grief and heartache that your concerns and worries regarding your sister do unfortunately ring true with me. You can do no more now but I just wanted you to know that your situation is not unusual and even though it all seems rather distasteful it can bring out a greedy and selfish side to people. Your sister and my brother have certainly done their fair share of caring but how can exploitation be right? I feel for you but don't let if affect the lovely times you are having with your mum.x
Oh Jennie your post brought such a tear to my eye especially you telling your mum your life plans so that she knows:cry::cry::cry: that must be so difficult for you pet.
Reading your posts and I know they are coming from your point of view and every story has two sides and all that craic but I get the impression your time with your mum is relaxed and reflective and productive whereas your sis might be a little bit less chilled than you and just might not be able to cope with the practicalities as well as you are.
On the keeping your sis up to date... maybe when she is away she wants to be away and forget it is happening so for your own sake maybe try to let her lead the contact when you are there so she is in control over that??
On the diet..... you have done amazing so far. I am not saying don't keep doing it but what I am saying is you would be better to get control over what to eat rather than eating crap out of impulse, if that makes sense??? So for example maybe set out a plan, I know you are good at that
for when you are in your mums and have some packs but allow yourself to enjoy some food with your mum also with no feelings of getting back on the plan or not being able to do it or failing..... and then the time you are at home just onto packs again if you can??? I think control is the best plan of action and you are going through quite a tough time at the moment so your body might just need something extra especially when you are with your mum.
Take care sweetie and big hugs to you xxxx
Reading your posts and I know they are coming from your point of view and every story has two sides and all that craic but I get the impression your time with your mum is relaxed and reflective and productive whereas your sis might be a little bit less chilled than you and just might not be able to cope with the practicalities as well as you are.
On the keeping your sis up to date... maybe when she is away she wants to be away and forget it is happening so for your own sake maybe try to let her lead the contact when you are there so she is in control over that??
On the diet..... you have done amazing so far. I am not saying don't keep doing it but what I am saying is you would be better to get control over what to eat rather than eating crap out of impulse, if that makes sense??? So for example maybe set out a plan, I know you are good at that
for when you are in your mums and have some packs but allow yourself to enjoy some food with your mum also with no feelings of getting back on the plan or not being able to do it or failing..... and then the time you are at home just onto packs again if you can??? I think control is the best plan of action and you are going through quite a tough time at the moment so your body might just need something extra especially when you are with your mum.Take care sweetie and big hugs to you xxxx
Redpam
Living the Life
Morning, Jennie.
Although it brought a tear to my eye I love that you were able to talk so openly with your Mum about everything. It is lovely that you ate well yesterday too. I am sure you have a different approach to your sister who most probably just accepts the fact if your Mum says she is not hungry. It is M who has got my Mum eating normally again but not asking her what she wants but just presenting her with meals (things she likes obviously).
My Mum made her will after my Dad died and it wont be changed despite her having lived with me for 8 years and my brother doing nothing. It is what she and Dad discussed when he was alive and that's it.
It is sad when families dont pull together at times like this but I have the same feeling about my brother that you have about your sister. I doubt I will see him much or even talk to him when Mum has gone.
Enjoy your weekend with your Mum.
Pam xxx
Although it brought a tear to my eye I love that you were able to talk so openly with your Mum about everything. It is lovely that you ate well yesterday too. I am sure you have a different approach to your sister who most probably just accepts the fact if your Mum says she is not hungry. It is M who has got my Mum eating normally again but not asking her what she wants but just presenting her with meals (things she likes obviously).
My Mum made her will after my Dad died and it wont be changed despite her having lived with me for 8 years and my brother doing nothing. It is what she and Dad discussed when he was alive and that's it.
It is sad when families dont pull together at times like this but I have the same feeling about my brother that you have about your sister. I doubt I will see him much or even talk to him when Mum has gone.
Enjoy your weekend with your Mum.
Pam xxx
FatFairNForty(ish)
Gold Member
Thank you all for your lovely words and encouragement.. and advice too.. I have had little contact with sis today and I even put mum off calling her at one point saying, let her have her weekend without worrying.. and I just sent her a brief text to update her whilst we were at the hospital.
Its been a long day... we both had a rough night... mum got up several times and needed more morphine which is unusual, but she has been complaining of pain again now which is not so good..
She had a hospital appt at 10.30am and as we were getting ready to go sis rang, lol, and asked if she was hooked up - bless her, she has clearly forgotten the timings... and.. she hadn't put the right meds in the pots for mum but I won't be telling her that.. every time I come here I am made to feel inadequate and my mistakes pointed out.. stupid things like "oh you left the dishwasher on the wrong setting", "you didn't do the shredding properly" etc... just nit picking nonsense which, this time, I just let go... have decided that it's best to try and not let the constant criticism get to me - or at least not let it show..
After breakfast, and whilst she was laying in bed, I gave mum a hand massage with the cream I bought in Cornwall.. it sent her off to sleep so I left her to just relax and then woke her to get ready to go to the hospital. She had breakfast first, which is now 2 days on the trot! Plus, just before we set off, a ramekin dish with sliced melon in...
We chatted away as we set off and the sun was shining again.. I packed an "emergency" overnight bag for her.. which she looked quizzically at me about and I pointed out it said on her appointment letter that sometimes they keep folks in and I was just being a good girl guide.. lol... we both chuckled and I loaded the bag and popped it in the car.
Her wheelchair weighs a flippin ton! But I managed and we reached the hospital in good time.. they took her blood and then said she might have to come back tomorrow as the last test showed very low calcium and, if her haemoglobin was too low then she'd have to have a transfusion... they said if her calcium was too low then no drip of the bone treatment... she looked very worried and I just told her they were being cautious and it's very common for ladies of a certain age to need calcium supplements so what's another pill in her pot each day? I also asked the nurse if it was really necessary to sit around there all day waiting for the blood test results as mum only lives 15 minutes away... that did it.. lol we were sent away and told they would call us! Result!!
So - there we were,.. up early... wheelchair in car,.. sun shining.. so I asked mum if we should go book a hot air balloon trip for her? Or perhaps abseiling? lol Or how about whale watching? She said that might be a bit far but I pointed out that we had all day! lol lol
We have very silly conversations sometimes... but it's lovely. We talked about our holidays and about how much we both love Autumn and the wonderful colours it brings... we talked about her wedding day to my stepdad and the music and dancing in the garden... we talked about her garden now and how she would need to guide me about sorting out the pots as they are very neglected...
I said I needed to get a few more things from supermarket and said I would prefer to get them on the way home if she could cope with that.. and she said she would sit in the car and wait.. so I asked her why not come in with me - "have chair, will shop" I told her! lol
I was thrilled when she said she WOULD come into the shop with me!! It was brilliant! It's the first time she's done that.. and we saw someone she knows and they seemed a bit uncomfortable (probably know how bad it is and don't know what to say).. but they did seem genuinely pleased to see her and her them too.. PLUS.. SHE did the shopping... I just pushed the chair and made suggestions.. so we came away with the things on my list PLUS some special honey icecream (yuck!) and strawberries and some butternut squash soup!
It was brilliant because MUM was in control... SHE was making the decisions, SHE was inspired and choosing things... and that, I think, did her heaps of good!
When we got home I made her the soup and she loved it! Had half and I have frozen the rest for another snacky lunch... and then the phone rang and it was back to the hospital for her bone drip as her haemoglobin wasn't low enough to warrant a transfusion and he calcium was high enough for her to get the drip! Yayy!! Big smiles on the way there as she felt encouraged by both results!
I did text sis as I knew she was worried.. and I told her all was going ok.
I sat for the 2 hours whilst the drip went in.. mum drifted in and out of sleep, we both read, but we didn't talk much...
Then she had to have an xray as the increased pain could be indicative of a bone fracture (apparantly).. there were charity sweets on the counter at X-ray and I asked her what she fancied and blow me! She had a bag of chocolate brazils and was soon hungrily tucking into them! lol
By the time we got home it was almost tea time and she had a defrosted cantonese chicken curry with rice that I had suggested earlier - I had told her that if she didn't fancy it even when cooked it really didn't matter and I would have no qualms about binning it.. lol she ate lots of it!! THEN she had a yummy M & S Lemon dessert yoghurt thing one of her friends had brought her... and later I asked if she would like some of her new icecream with a strawberry sliced on top! Only a ramekin dish full but she polished that off too!
So - 8pm and tablets, bed and a mug of hot chocolate and she's out for the count now... bless her.. she has had no naps today and usually she has loads!! So - I told her.. no rush to get up tomorrow - no appointments and I have arranged for the girls to arrive nearer to midday so she can have a really good lie in if she wants to..
Fingers crossed that she continues to eat little and often as she also seems to not have such a dry mouth today too, she is drinking more.. and ... I have told her to put vaseline on her lips at night and I will give her a foot massage in the morning... so... something to look forward to!
I have done her pots on the patio now, done the washing, vacuumed, cleaned the kitchen, and done the bins... roasted a chicken as requested by sis and baked a big victoria sandwich for the WI meeting she is hosting here on Tuesday... I am SO glad she is doing that... it will be very good for her to have a house filled with HER friends rather than nurses, doctors and anxious daughters! lol
I have to amend her drugs sheet and make a note of the additional morphine she's been having so they can amend her meds next week... that should help too hopefully.
Despite it being exhausting, today has been a good day. I feel so thrilled that mum came into the shops.. that was a very BIG hurdle... no-one stared (I know she is self conscious in the chair) and it is a "first" dealt with... in future, if I need to go shopping I am going to suggest she comes with me... it was, I really feel, so good for her to be in control for a change... also... when I was vacuuming I said I would do the living room and she kind of shrugged.. and I asked her if she would normally be happy with how things are housework wise and she said no - so I told her there was absolutely no reason why it shouldnt be just as she usually has it and that I would vac downstairs when she went up to bed... and so I did.. and when she comes down in the morning she will also see the little jug of pink roses that I cut from her garden...
I love looking after my mum. I love her.
Its been a long day... we both had a rough night... mum got up several times and needed more morphine which is unusual, but she has been complaining of pain again now which is not so good..
She had a hospital appt at 10.30am and as we were getting ready to go sis rang, lol, and asked if she was hooked up - bless her, she has clearly forgotten the timings... and.. she hadn't put the right meds in the pots for mum but I won't be telling her that.. every time I come here I am made to feel inadequate and my mistakes pointed out.. stupid things like "oh you left the dishwasher on the wrong setting", "you didn't do the shredding properly" etc... just nit picking nonsense which, this time, I just let go... have decided that it's best to try and not let the constant criticism get to me - or at least not let it show..
After breakfast, and whilst she was laying in bed, I gave mum a hand massage with the cream I bought in Cornwall.. it sent her off to sleep so I left her to just relax and then woke her to get ready to go to the hospital. She had breakfast first, which is now 2 days on the trot! Plus, just before we set off, a ramekin dish with sliced melon in...
We chatted away as we set off and the sun was shining again.. I packed an "emergency" overnight bag for her.. which she looked quizzically at me about and I pointed out it said on her appointment letter that sometimes they keep folks in and I was just being a good girl guide.. lol... we both chuckled and I loaded the bag and popped it in the car.
Her wheelchair weighs a flippin ton! But I managed and we reached the hospital in good time.. they took her blood and then said she might have to come back tomorrow as the last test showed very low calcium and, if her haemoglobin was too low then she'd have to have a transfusion... they said if her calcium was too low then no drip of the bone treatment... she looked very worried and I just told her they were being cautious and it's very common for ladies of a certain age to need calcium supplements so what's another pill in her pot each day? I also asked the nurse if it was really necessary to sit around there all day waiting for the blood test results as mum only lives 15 minutes away... that did it.. lol we were sent away and told they would call us! Result!!
So - there we were,.. up early... wheelchair in car,.. sun shining.. so I asked mum if we should go book a hot air balloon trip for her? Or perhaps abseiling? lol Or how about whale watching? She said that might be a bit far but I pointed out that we had all day! lol lol
We have very silly conversations sometimes... but it's lovely. We talked about our holidays and about how much we both love Autumn and the wonderful colours it brings... we talked about her wedding day to my stepdad and the music and dancing in the garden... we talked about her garden now and how she would need to guide me about sorting out the pots as they are very neglected...
I said I needed to get a few more things from supermarket and said I would prefer to get them on the way home if she could cope with that.. and she said she would sit in the car and wait.. so I asked her why not come in with me - "have chair, will shop" I told her! lol
I was thrilled when she said she WOULD come into the shop with me!! It was brilliant! It's the first time she's done that.. and we saw someone she knows and they seemed a bit uncomfortable (probably know how bad it is and don't know what to say).. but they did seem genuinely pleased to see her and her them too.. PLUS.. SHE did the shopping... I just pushed the chair and made suggestions.. so we came away with the things on my list PLUS some special honey icecream (yuck!) and strawberries and some butternut squash soup!
It was brilliant because MUM was in control... SHE was making the decisions, SHE was inspired and choosing things... and that, I think, did her heaps of good!
When we got home I made her the soup and she loved it! Had half and I have frozen the rest for another snacky lunch... and then the phone rang and it was back to the hospital for her bone drip as her haemoglobin wasn't low enough to warrant a transfusion and he calcium was high enough for her to get the drip! Yayy!! Big smiles on the way there as she felt encouraged by both results!
I did text sis as I knew she was worried.. and I told her all was going ok.
I sat for the 2 hours whilst the drip went in.. mum drifted in and out of sleep, we both read, but we didn't talk much...
Then she had to have an xray as the increased pain could be indicative of a bone fracture (apparantly).. there were charity sweets on the counter at X-ray and I asked her what she fancied and blow me! She had a bag of chocolate brazils and was soon hungrily tucking into them! lol
By the time we got home it was almost tea time and she had a defrosted cantonese chicken curry with rice that I had suggested earlier - I had told her that if she didn't fancy it even when cooked it really didn't matter and I would have no qualms about binning it.. lol she ate lots of it!! THEN she had a yummy M & S Lemon dessert yoghurt thing one of her friends had brought her... and later I asked if she would like some of her new icecream with a strawberry sliced on top! Only a ramekin dish full but she polished that off too!
So - 8pm and tablets, bed and a mug of hot chocolate and she's out for the count now... bless her.. she has had no naps today and usually she has loads!! So - I told her.. no rush to get up tomorrow - no appointments and I have arranged for the girls to arrive nearer to midday so she can have a really good lie in if she wants to..
Fingers crossed that she continues to eat little and often as she also seems to not have such a dry mouth today too, she is drinking more.. and ... I have told her to put vaseline on her lips at night and I will give her a foot massage in the morning... so... something to look forward to!
I have done her pots on the patio now, done the washing, vacuumed, cleaned the kitchen, and done the bins... roasted a chicken as requested by sis and baked a big victoria sandwich for the WI meeting she is hosting here on Tuesday... I am SO glad she is doing that... it will be very good for her to have a house filled with HER friends rather than nurses, doctors and anxious daughters! lol
I have to amend her drugs sheet and make a note of the additional morphine she's been having so they can amend her meds next week... that should help too hopefully.
Despite it being exhausting, today has been a good day. I feel so thrilled that mum came into the shops.. that was a very BIG hurdle... no-one stared (I know she is self conscious in the chair) and it is a "first" dealt with... in future, if I need to go shopping I am going to suggest she comes with me... it was, I really feel, so good for her to be in control for a change... also... when I was vacuuming I said I would do the living room and she kind of shrugged.. and I asked her if she would normally be happy with how things are housework wise and she said no - so I told her there was absolutely no reason why it shouldnt be just as she usually has it and that I would vac downstairs when she went up to bed... and so I did.. and when she comes down in the morning she will also see the little jug of pink roses that I cut from her garden...
I love looking after my mum. I love her.
Last edited:
HopeSprings
Gold Member
Ahhh Jen your posts bring back so many memories for me... thanks for reminding me of those precious times spent with my own Mum.
It was a big thing for her being seen in a chair, somehow its something they feel ashamed about (go figure) but it sounds like it went really well. Bless her.
...and bless you too for being such a kind, caring, loving daughter xx
It was a big thing for her being seen in a chair, somehow its something they feel ashamed about (go figure
) but it sounds like it went really well. Bless her....and bless you too for being such a kind, caring, loving daughter xx
FatFairNForty(ish)
Gold Member
Hi Sarahelizabeth
If you want to see a copy of your mother's will etc you can apply for one - anyone can - to the following address: HM Courts and Tribunals Service, Postal Searches and Copies, Leeds Probate Registry, York House, York Place, Leeds, LS1 2BA.
All you need to do is provide them with the name and date of birth, date of death and last known address of the person whose estate you want to find out about. Write them a covering letter giving those details, and, you need to ask specifically for a copy of the will and a copy of the Grant of Probate. You need to send a cheque for £6 too. If in doubt check their website Justice and you will see all you need there.
Your brother will never know. You, however, will see exactly what's what and who was given the task of fulfilling the will.
Hope this helps. You have a limited time in which to challenge a will too - so get your letter sent pronto and, if you want to, once you have seen it, you can take action accordingly.
I know all this through my job.
xxxxx
FatFairNForty(ish)
Gold Member
Got back home Sunday evening - am so tired.
Mum was in great spirits when we left.
So much to say but limited time as at work now and got so much to do.
Am utterly knackered.
Mum now on increased morphine as pain reappeared and in force!
Lots of thoughts.
Lots to do.
Plenty to think about.
Baked cake for the 100th birthday celebrations but not happy with it so am going to bake another tonight. Not big enough and not deep enough. Blah!
Cannot find my large tin I was planning on using so have a piddly square tin I'm using and it just doesn't look right. Still.. will maybe have another think about it during the day and decide when I head home.
HWSNBN has been called for a second interview for a job - he is very very optimistic - and so am I ! However, if he gets it then I am going to be stuck as, I was planning on telling him to move out by end of November but if he starts a new job on October 10th, is that fair of me to ask him to do that? Argh!!! Flippin' timing sucks!!
I think yes though.. so will wait and see what happens today...
It's his birthday next week. *sigh* Wish he would stay at his mother's but he's heading home on Tuesday... birthday is on Thursday... still, I shall be on my way to mum's so it's ok... will get him a card, a jokey one.. and have got him a present and will bake him a little cake.. but nothing soppy or romantic or ANYTHING that would encourage him in any way !
He had a chat with my elder daughter at the weekend and was very keen to tell her he is not happy with living arrangements as they are not what he wants...*sigh* no $Hit Sherlock!
I am such a beyatch... just want him to leave me alone... I have spent almost all my time in my room since coming home as I just cannot bear to be in the same room as him, he is constantly looking at me ... I can't even sit next to him... its not good.
Mum getting physically worse, but mentally brighter I think.. but more confused too... she is getting very forgetful and also has double-vision.
I am sure my sis is going to type up this addition thing and mum probably won't even read it before she signs it... *sigh
Oh well.
Feck it!
Mum was in great spirits when we left.
So much to say but limited time as at work now and got so much to do.
Am utterly knackered.
Mum now on increased morphine as pain reappeared and in force!
Lots of thoughts.
Lots to do.
Plenty to think about.
Baked cake for the 100th birthday celebrations but not happy with it so am going to bake another tonight. Not big enough and not deep enough. Blah!
Cannot find my large tin I was planning on using so have a piddly square tin I'm using and it just doesn't look right. Still.. will maybe have another think about it during the day and decide when I head home.
HWSNBN has been called for a second interview for a job - he is very very optimistic - and so am I ! However, if he gets it then I am going to be stuck as, I was planning on telling him to move out by end of November but if he starts a new job on October 10th, is that fair of me to ask him to do that? Argh!!! Flippin' timing sucks!!
I think yes though.. so will wait and see what happens today...
It's his birthday next week. *sigh* Wish he would stay at his mother's but he's heading home on Tuesday... birthday is on Thursday... still, I shall be on my way to mum's so it's ok... will get him a card, a jokey one.. and have got him a present and will bake him a little cake.. but nothing soppy or romantic or ANYTHING that would encourage him in any way !
He had a chat with my elder daughter at the weekend and was very keen to tell her he is not happy with living arrangements as they are not what he wants...*sigh* no $Hit Sherlock!
I am such a beyatch... just want him to leave me alone... I have spent almost all my time in my room since coming home as I just cannot bear to be in the same room as him, he is constantly looking at me ... I can't even sit next to him... its not good.
Mum getting physically worse, but mentally brighter I think.. but more confused too... she is getting very forgetful and also has double-vision.
I am sure my sis is going to type up this addition thing and mum probably won't even read it before she signs it... *sigh
Oh well.
Feck it!
Sarahelizabeth
Gold Member
Morning Jen! Thank you for taking the trouble to give me that information. So kind when you are busy. My Mother's will was quite simple but the problems started when my father moved in with my brother so really it is my Dad's will that holds the enigma. He died only 7 weeks ago and you cannot by law see a will until probate has been granted. If you are a beneficiary you can see the part that is relevant to you but not necessarily all of it. Luckily my son is a solicitor!
How are you getting on? I have so many ideas and words of comfort but don't feel that it is appropriate to fill your diary with them. As things progress maybe you want to pm me if I can help you at all. Keep strong.x
How are you getting on? I have so many ideas and words of comfort but don't feel that it is appropriate to fill your diary with them. As things progress maybe you want to pm me if I can help you at all. Keep strong.x
FatFairNForty(ish)
Gold Member
Hi Sarah
Ah, didn't realise you had such a useful son! Lucky thing!
Sorry to see you lost your dad so recently - life sucks!
I'm exhausted - cannot believe just how tired I feel right now (and look!)...
I am making the most of every second I can with mum when I am there and send her texts every morning and night and speak to her every day (as long as she is allowed access to a phone of course!)
To be honest, I am struggling.. I cannot stick to this blessed diet when I am with mum, and my head is a mush to the extent that if it's not written down then I don't recall it... my body aches, my heart aches and I have the tolerance level the size of a gnats gonads with everyone except my mother...
I want to be there with her all the time.. when I am with her I feel strong and capable and when I am away from her I feel bereft... lost... sad... tearful.. today I am so weepy it's mental! Yesterday too! When I am there with her I don't cry at all, we have our moments but no tears... mum doesn't tend to do tears... so.. when there, I don't either.
I found leaving her this time even harder than the last time... I can see she's getting worse., I see the pain in her eyes... on her face... in her breathing I can hear it... I "feel" it...
It breaks my heart.
I want it to stop, I want her to be better, I want my mum back to how she was., I want I want I want...
Selfish innit?
I want to not be so suspicious of my sister, I want to trust her, love her the way I ought to.. but I can't. I am jealous of the time she has had and is having with my mother. I am jealous that mum seems to favour her... I am hurt by her words, her critcisims, her way of dealing with things frustrates me.. I hate being the beyatch I am about her.. I just don't feel like me any more... and I am crying like a baby whilst typing this... oh Lord...
Sorry. Sorry.
Can't keep this in... it just HURTS SO MUCH!
Ah, didn't realise you had such a useful son! Lucky thing!
Sorry to see you lost your dad so recently - life sucks!
I'm exhausted - cannot believe just how tired I feel right now (and look!)...
I am making the most of every second I can with mum when I am there and send her texts every morning and night and speak to her every day (as long as she is allowed access to a phone of course!)
To be honest, I am struggling.. I cannot stick to this blessed diet when I am with mum, and my head is a mush to the extent that if it's not written down then I don't recall it... my body aches, my heart aches and I have the tolerance level the size of a gnats gonads with everyone except my mother...
I want to be there with her all the time.. when I am with her I feel strong and capable and when I am away from her I feel bereft... lost... sad... tearful.. today I am so weepy it's mental! Yesterday too! When I am there with her I don't cry at all, we have our moments but no tears... mum doesn't tend to do tears... so.. when there, I don't either.
I found leaving her this time even harder than the last time... I can see she's getting worse., I see the pain in her eyes... on her face... in her breathing I can hear it... I "feel" it...
It breaks my heart.
I want it to stop, I want her to be better, I want my mum back to how she was., I want I want I want...
Selfish innit?
I want to not be so suspicious of my sister, I want to trust her, love her the way I ought to.. but I can't. I am jealous of the time she has had and is having with my mother. I am jealous that mum seems to favour her... I am hurt by her words, her critcisims, her way of dealing with things frustrates me.. I hate being the beyatch I am about her.. I just don't feel like me any more... and I am crying like a baby whilst typing this... oh Lord...
Sorry. Sorry.
Can't keep this in... it just HURTS SO MUCH!
Sarahelizabeth
Gold Member
Dear Jen-I understand all you have written. Can't say anything else really. Been there with the sibling situation and the pain of watching a loved one deteriorate before your eyes. So hard but you are doing all the right things and in the future you will go back over these days many many times until you come to terms with it. That day will come too I promise.x
FatFairNForty(ish)
Gold Member
Sorry about this morning - just having a really bad day today and can't wait for my younger daughter to arrive for a big hug!
Been busy all afternoon baking birthday cake for HWSNN's Great Auntie's 100th birthday - will put pics up when done.. hope it will be ok - its a bit overcooked but should be ok,.. huge lemon madeira cake with a mini one on top decorated with icing and also silk yellow and white flowers - I tried to make icing sugar flowers but have realised that is one skill I do NOT have! lol (among soooo many!)
Sis been keeping me up to date well today! Long may it continue... and mum seems to be doing ok today too. Going to call her in a mo and see how her WI meeting went! She had it at home and I baked them a massive victoria sandwich so, fingers crossed, it all went well... I know it exhausted her but am sure it will have done her good to have some old familiar faces in her home..
Right - off to ice and decorate this cake... then I am going to bed... I am still utterly shattered... and am heading back to mums on Thursday so really really must try and sleep.. xx sorry again for sounding off this morning...
Been busy all afternoon baking birthday cake for HWSNN's Great Auntie's 100th birthday - will put pics up when done.. hope it will be ok - its a bit overcooked but should be ok,.. huge lemon madeira cake with a mini one on top decorated with icing and also silk yellow and white flowers - I tried to make icing sugar flowers but have realised that is one skill I do NOT have! lol (among soooo many!)
Sis been keeping me up to date well today! Long may it continue... and mum seems to be doing ok today too. Going to call her in a mo and see how her WI meeting went! She had it at home and I baked them a massive victoria sandwich so, fingers crossed, it all went well... I know it exhausted her but am sure it will have done her good to have some old familiar faces in her home..
Right - off to ice and decorate this cake... then I am going to bed... I am still utterly shattered... and am heading back to mums on Thursday so really really must try and sleep.. xx sorry again for sounding off this morning...
FatFairNForty(ish)
Gold Member
finished the cake, it's ok - will add pics later, at work but cannot seem to concentrate on anything... trying to get on with it all... bike club orders all done and up to date.. have remembered to tax Hattie and might just take her out this afternoon... but am so very tired all I really want to do is go to bed... have my weigh in this afternoon and know its not going to be good as I have been eating.. just need to get my head straight again... back at mums tomorrow ... need to be 100% for then! Might just go to bed this afternoon as I am already all packed and ready to go - still have to sort out bike club accounts.. if I get those done then I can go to mums without worrying there are things outstanding...
Work are being very tolerant but I am wasting their money being here.. I just sit and stare at the monitor... must must MUST get a grip!!!
Wrote to Cunard yesterday to ask them to refund the deposit mum paid on her trip next August and they have refused... because she didn't take out travel insurance they are keeping the £564 deposit she paid in April. I know that legally they are right but where is their compassion??? She has travelled extensively with them for the last 20 years... must've spent near enough £100k on holidays with them... just cannot believe they are so mean-spirited. So - I have written to the Daily Mail, The Daily Express and The Sun! Not named mum and not given out any details just that they wont refund her the deposit despite knowing why ...
I think it sucks.
Can't face going to the bike club after the beyatch there mouthed off about me to my daughter at the rally as, given my current emotional state, I could just spontaneously combust! lol So - have asked HWSNBN to go instead and exchange cake tins... I am not happy about that either - I was told I had been given them all back and that's not the case.. I borrowed them and have to return them.. and I am expected to now go and fetch them...
I am so unreasonable about things right now... Asda drove over my flower troughs again this week and I went into complete meltdown... thankfully my friend is a solicitor and, bless him,. he has drafted a letter for me which I am posting today. I just can't deal with any more stress right now...
I need sleep... I keep crying... blah blah flamin' blah!
I want to eat rubbish, but don't want to eat rubbish... I need another holiday... lol actually no, I don't ... I need for this to all be just a rotten dream which I am going to wake up from and realise life IS great!
Hmm... s'not gonna happen... ah well.. "pulling myself together" and cracking on... tally ho!
just need to get my head straight again... back at mums tomorrow ... need to be 100% for then! Might just go to bed this afternoon as I am already all packed and ready to go - still have to sort out bike club accounts.. if I get those done then I can go to mums without worrying there are things outstanding... Work are being very tolerant but I am wasting their money being here.. I just sit and stare at the monitor... must must MUST get a grip!!!
Wrote to Cunard yesterday to ask them to refund the deposit mum paid on her trip next August and they have refused... because she didn't take out travel insurance they are keeping the £564 deposit she paid in April. I know that legally they are right but where is their compassion??? She has travelled extensively with them for the last 20 years... must've spent near enough £100k on holidays with them... just cannot believe they are so mean-spirited. So - I have written to the Daily Mail, The Daily Express and The Sun! Not named mum and not given out any details just that they wont refund her the deposit despite knowing why ...
I think it sucks.
Can't face going to the bike club after the beyatch there mouthed off about me to my daughter at the rally as, given my current emotional state, I could just spontaneously combust! lol So - have asked HWSNBN to go instead and exchange cake tins... I am not happy about that either - I was told I had been given them all back and that's not the case.. I borrowed them and have to return them.. and I am expected to now go and fetch them...
I am so unreasonable about things right now... Asda drove over my flower troughs again this week and I went into complete meltdown... thankfully my friend is a solicitor and, bless him,. he has drafted a letter for me which I am posting today. I just can't deal with any more stress right now...
I need sleep... I keep crying... blah blah flamin' blah!
I want to eat rubbish, but don't want to eat rubbish... I need another holiday... lol actually no, I don't ... I need for this to all be just a rotten dream which I am going to wake up from and realise life IS great!
Hmm... s'not gonna happen... ah well.. "pulling myself together" and cracking on... tally ho!
