FatFairNForty(ish)
Gold Member
I'll have to call it a night ... BUT... it is the end of day 4 now (I WILL do my diary tomorrow, just tooo sleepy now!) and I feel bloomin' marvellous!
Blergh! - FatFairNForty(ish) - my diary
- Thread starter FatFairNForty(ish)
- Start date
happygal
Banned
Hi FFF
Im getting closer to the day I start. The clock is ticking away. Im glad your still going strong. Whenever you feel down just think of what you have achieved!! Imagine an Alcoholic being dry for 4 days from Alcohol and having the willpower to stay away. We are Food addicts. Well you were an addict and your not anymore!!!! Good on you girl!!!
Im getting closer to the day I start. The clock is ticking away. Im glad your still going strong. Whenever you feel down just think of what you have achieved!! Imagine an Alcoholic being dry for 4 days from Alcohol and having the willpower to stay away. We are Food addicts. Well you were an addict and your not anymore!!!! Good on you girl!!!
FatFairNForty(ish)
Gold Member
Day 3... Friday the 13th and all that
Wow, what a difference a night makes!
Woke up feeling SO much better and ready to take on the world! (Just as well really as that is how it felt by the end of the day! )
Made a "muffin" from one of the shakes and although I felt a bit nauseaus when I opened the pack, it was palitable enough and I washed it down with 2 pints of water... so ... it was ok. Strange, I've always been a breakfast person, but the bigger I got the less often I would have it... and now.. I feel like I shall always start the day properly with one! (Albeit a teeny muffin thing or a shake). So, feeling pleased that the start was ok I set off to work ... must tune in to something other than Radio 2 in the car I think... that Wogan blokey is always stuffing some food or another down his neck!
Ahem... so.. first things first... got to work and spent a little time on here just to let you know I'm still alive here and kicking! well to be honest, last night I did think that all those dodgy blokes with the sandwich boards declaring "the end of the world is nigh" might have been onto something! I NEVER want to feel that crap again! So - KETOSIS here I come!!!
Work was ok, a bit frustrating at times, but that's ok. First "challenge" of the day... getting my wages! I get paid by cheque and need 2 signatories... only 1 was available! So... several calls later and it was arranged for someone to come in to sign - MUCH relief then I can tell you! Daughter rang and asked if we were still going to the bank to get her money! (I'm not sure if I said or not, but her (and her sister's) father died in November of '95, and some money was put in trust for their 18th birthdays. So... as she is 18 next Friday, and the bank said it was ok, we were going in to sign everything and get the cheque for her. ) Anyway.. I said yes, and that I would take her food shopping to Asda too... Must be mad!
Finished in the office (having downed over the morning another litre of water), quick dash to the loo (ahh the relief! thought it was never going to stop - sorry to be indelicate , but flippin' heck ... I did wonder at one point if I was still going of if someone was just running a tap!!
Hands washed (I was brought up properly! ) and off to the car where my daughter was already waiting! Funny that - can't seem to get that kind of motivation from her to get up and get over to the office by lunchtime usually ... must be those £ signs I can see flashing in her eyes!
We decided, well, I decided, we should go to the bank(s) first then Asda. What followed was something out of Fawlty Towers or.. Monty Python... I went to the same bank that the day before had told me to ring the branch that hold the account and arrange it... which I did... they told me to take my daughter and all the paperwork in to a local branch and they could do it all there ... which I was doing .... and that only my signature was needed. At the time I did ask them to check and double check, because I was certain we both had to sign. They supposedly checked and said yes, definitely just me to sign... so.. here we were in Lloyds TSB the very next day, one very excited teenager and a tired mother.. with ALL the paperwork needed, passports, forms, legal documents etc etc... to then be told.. I HAD to go to the branch where the account was (an hour and a half drive away) and that my ex-brother-in-law HAD to sign too! I was sooooo cross! I argued with her (oh, dear,.. I'm guessing you are shaking your heads and seeing a pattern emerging here... )and she checked... and I could see her checking and heard her too! No, it was definite, he would have to be there and we would both have to sign it all. I expressed my dissatisfaction at the ability of the account-holding branch to get their facts straight and left... I think I left a bough-wave behind me!!!
Now we were one very disappointed daughter and one very cross mother ! (lol, and no... that isn't a euphamism) We went home so I could call the other branch of the bank!
We got home and she, my daughter was very subdued... but I rang the bank and ranted a bit at them until I felt a modicom of calmness and rationality! (took a bit tooo long maybe for their liking... ) They apologised and offered to ring him (the ex-brother-in-law) and ask if he could come in and sign the paperwork so I could drive down and sort it all out. I told her I didn't think he would as we have never really got on... LONG story... but we don't and as we have only ever had to have dealings with each other once last year and once this year and nothing else since 1997 then its ok! She was most insistent that she was confident she could persuade him to come in and post-date things if necessary so that my daughter could have the money ON her birthday (just as her sister had).
Well, he refused point blank (I SO wanted to say "ner ne ner ner ner" to her the lady in the bank) and "I told you so" ) and I uttered the odd expletive adjective and nouns questioning his knowledge of his parents and his anatomy being a tad mixed up! She, fundamentally, agreed with my turn of phrase and said he was going in on the 27th to sign so I said we would be there, but half an hour after him as my daughter and I had no compunction to see him!
She agreed this might be a good idea (think in her minds eye she was picturing a scene out of a bad movie... I could have reassured her that despite my ability to use an increase in volume and a rich vocabulary, I am, in fact, neither confrontational nor violent and the movie would be more likely to be a carry on film than an arnie one! ) and we set a time for daughter and I to go in.
Well, you can imagine - my daughter was less than impressed by her uncle's attitude but she just said, oh well, at least I don't have to see or speak to him so its ok. (None of my family are keen on their father's family, which made it very difficult when their father died and my girls were little and I made them visit their grandmother (where's the emoticon for a witch when you need one!)... up to when they reached their mid-teens and despite my best efforts they refused point blank to go anywhere near her... I relented.
I'd done 10 years of sending school photos, standing over them while they rang her, driving them there (it's an hour and a half away now), making sure they remembered her birthday and Christmas presents... etc.. It was time to stop.
So, I could hazard a guess that the ex-bro-in-law was peeved at the lack of contact there has been from them to his mother in the last few years. I do occassionly suggest that a call to her would be nice... but no... they have their reasons, and I respect that. I could do no more. Shame though that it has meant that he has to be so mean - but I guess it's sort of understandable... yet still mean ...
So - that's all on hold now until the 27th... we'll see if he keeps his part of the deal or not then! I think he will, he is, despite our differences, an honest and decent man with good family values - well, to his own family anyway and I respect him for that.
It was now that I realised I hadn't banked my wages cheque either!!! So I had to go back again to the bleepin' bank!
Quickly had my CD Banana shake lunch and pint of water. (another trip to the loo!)
Gosh - sorry - droned on way too much on that! So, bank dealt with - time to face Asda.
By now my daughter's boyfriend (nice lad) has arrived and she tells me he will walk around with her to get the food so I don't have to! Bless her.. I was VERY glad!
I thought this was a sign that the day was improving... WRONG!!!
Had to get petrol before driving back to the bank and Asda... filled up the car, bought a top-up as a surprise extra birthday pressie for her and presented my credit card for payment. So far so good.
Now.. I have a substantial limit, and I have barely used my card at all... so... I've NEVER worried about handing it over...so this I did.. with a smile and a good afternoon to the cashier. He looked at me and his returning smile faded... he said, sorry, card was declined .. I could feel the colour rising in my cheeks, but I was calm ... asked him to try it again, which he did with, embarassingly, the same response! I was mortified and handed over my debit card whilst muttering under my breath about bloody banks... bad communication.. one cock up after another... I could feel the eyes of those behind me in the queue burning like red lazer beams into the back of my head!!
I thanked him and left rather red-faced and got back in the car and told them about it and headed off to the bank, I was NOT a happy bunny! I was supposed to be doing the Asda shop with my credit card! Now I was wondering if my daughter was going to have to join me on the CD! lol
So, I went to the bank...paid in my wages and then I asked them why my card had been declined? She took it from me and made a phone call... she then told me I had missed a payment! I haven't!!! I was beside myself! She told me there was nothing she could do. I would have to call the card company - when I pointed out that it was a Lloyds card, and I was in the branch through which I had obtained the card, she remained firm.. I would have to call them myself, the number is on the card! I have no idea what I must have looked like, but I got the distinct impression that she was very grateful for that barrier of security glass and a counter I was clearly not going to be able to leap over! (i've often been told that I could never play poker,... dunno what they mean! )
So... I very pointedly handed over my debit card and asked her to check the balance on it .,..this she did... then I asked, if I spend less than the amount you have given me, my card will not be declined right? Right. Good! I told her if it was declined in Asda I would be back! (very MUCH like Arnie... but only 5ft 4 and about the same roundways! ) Think I'll go in on Monday and apologise for being so obnoxious...
Back in the car, I recounted it to my daughter and her boyfriend and they both sort of looked at each other, shook their heads and, at last, we went to Asda...
They with one trolley and I with another ...whilst there though, I used my mobile to ring the car dealer... well... he had no better news for me and had, (can't imagine why ) been putting off calling me. I made a few polite suggestions, honest! , one of which appeared to work! I was told to go there when I had finished shopping and take a car out on a test drive as there was one "on the system" which I could have on the 25th...
I strolled around the clothing section and looked enviously at just about everything.. I did see that they sell size 24 jeans and wondered if I should buy a pair "in preparation" but thought no... wait... I have oodles of clothes of all sizes already at home and that's a long way off yet adn in thepast I've bought clothes to slim into and they are still in the wardrobe with their tags on! I caught a glimpse of myself in a full length mirror.. not a pretty sight ... I did a double take - was that really me! I looked awful ... well, not to dwell on that...
So, I did the honourable thing, and bought some storage boxes (which I don't need), and some jewellry (for chrimbo), and socks... which I may double up if my feet shrink sufficiently and I can still wear my hiking-style boots with 2 pairs on! (I'm finding I am a bit colder than usual)and a magazine. Met up with my daughter and went to the tills... was pretty horrified at her trolley-load but thought - hey, I'm not eating it and won't be the one packing it away when we get back either! It was hard to smell those wonderful aromas you get in a supermarket though... at one point I was sure someone was standing right beside me whispering into my ear... "go on... have a loaf of soda bread... you know you want to... you know they sell it here... just sniff the air..." ... stupid voice of sabotage... it wasn't going to get the better of me! No-siree! I had battled with bigger and fiercer enemies and all today! lol I ignored it, paid and left hastily!
Went straight to the car dealer, now got a headache , wanted that bread SO much, (NO I DON'T ) and my girl bought a tub of Ben & Jerry's !!!! But I'm going to forget that's there...
I made myself known at the dealership (nicely!) and waited for the salesman to come to the office.
I waited. And waited. And waited.
Daughter and boyfriend were wandering around drooling over the sporty and boy-racer type cars (she's learning at the moment and desperate to drive!)... and I waited. I decided, after 20 minutes, to leave and that it was defintely it, "The Last Chance Saloon" was shut and the chairs were on the table and I was locking up! His colleague (who, when I'd arrived, told me he knew I was there), asked me had I spoken to "T" - I said no.. and then.. in words of many syllables (there were other customers present) expressed my dissatisfaction and disgust at the abysmal standard of customer service blah de blah de blah & ranted just a tad (I knew it was time to back off when I could see daughter and boyfriend walking away, heads lowered, collars raised, shoulders moving up and down with stifled embarassed laughter)... and told him that I was off to Vauxhalls!
We got in my poor old car, nearly took the hinges off as I slammed the door shut... and sped out.. JUST as I drove out, he, my salesman, drove in!!! Well, that was it.. I was in nose-dive, tail-spin mode by now. Aperplectic (not sure of spelling but you know what I mean, spitting feathers!) with anger I spun the car round and daughter asked me what I was doing and asked me not to cause a scene.. I mean.. ME? A scene? As if!
Anyway, he saw me and went grey.. not kidding! He got out of his car and apologised, but not before I was there, all guns blazing.. but you know... he's only a lad... and I felt a bit bad for him.. he had clearly had a day not dissimilar to mine... so.. my anger balloon popped I agreed to test drive the car he proposed... the kids came with me... and we drove quite a way. When we got back I told him that I would have the car he had in mind.. because... despite it having bucket seats which were uncomfortable due to my size, I was on the CD and would only suffer short term! We went to the office, signed the paperwork and he told me that he expects a kiss on the cheek when I get the car! I know its all saleman flannel but ok, I admit it, I blushed and laughed.
Once more, a more happy person than even an hour earlier, we all set off home. I agreed, that as I had insisted on sorting the car thing out after we'd been shopping, that I would put the frozen stuff away (as it was probably defrosted now, and she wouldn't eat it if she knew it had defrosted and refrozen) ,...didn't have the heart to tell her of all the pre-school-pick-up shopping trips to Iceland where stuff sat in the boot just as long and she had never been poisened in all of her almost 18 years! Still, I felt it was something I could do without temptation as you can't eat frozen stuff. (I had already forgotten about the Ben & Jerry's) As we got back I went through the drive-through McDonalds and bought them something for tea. I didn't want to smell cooking all evening. I wasn't in the least bit hungry... just tempted. The smell of maccy-d was nice but I only complained when she started eating her chips in the car! Give 'em an inch.....
Home at last, unloaded car, drank a pint of water, and set to putting the food away. Now, the next thing WAS an accident - honestly - I swear it was! She was right about the frozen stuff and somehow - I don't know how - I dropped the Ben & Jerry's!! It went everywhere. I was covered in , it the dog (who is never more than a muzzle away when a bag is rustled) was covered in it and the floor.. the drawer fronts.. well.. I rescued the tub and its remnants, shoved it in the freezer and survery the situation... then.. I did what could have been expected... I cried! Almost hysterically!! Daughter came running in to find out what was wrong... took one look at it all and very sniffily said "I TOLD you it would melt!!!" and walked off in a huff! LOL (ah... she must get that attitude from her father's side of the family! ...!) So, the dog licked up as fast as he could, I stripped off in the kitchen (forgetting her boyfriend is in the living room!)... and... muttering and sort of giggling inanely ... cleaned the whole mess up!
Fortunately I had some clean jimmy's in the utility so I threw them on (just for decency really!) and finished, very carefully , putting the rest of the shopping away.
Then it was time to get ready for my date! I scoffed down my CD Malt Toffee Bar (with pint of water). He rang to see if I was still going... keen I thought! Good! At last, something fab is going to happen today! Oh yes.. I was definitely going! I showered, dolled myself up, and I felt good! He rang again to give me directions and I just felt even better!
Well, let's just say that the date was everything and more than I had expected and we parted at about 6am with huge grins and tired giggles!!! It has been about 18months since I ever trusted anyone so much and felt so damn good!! Got home around 7am and crawled into bed feeling fantastic, and confident that we (him & I) were onto something VERY special indeed!
Wow, what a difference a night makes!
Woke up feeling SO much better and ready to take on the world!
(Just as well really as that is how it felt by the end of the day! ) Made a "muffin" from one of the shakes and although I felt a bit nauseaus when I opened the pack, it was palitable enough and I washed it down with 2 pints of water... so ... it was ok.
Strange, I've always been a breakfast person, but the bigger I got the less often I would have it... and now.. I feel like I shall always start the day properly with one! (Albeit a teeny muffin thing or a shake). So, feeling pleased that the start was ok I set off to work ... must tune in to something other than Radio 2 in the car I think... that Wogan blokey is always stuffing some food or another down his neck! Ahem... so.. first things first... got to work and spent a little time on here just to let you know I'm still alive here and kicking!
well to be honest, last night I did think that all those dodgy blokes with the sandwich boards declaring "the end of the world is nigh" might have been onto something! I NEVER want to feel that crap again! So - KETOSIS here I come!!! Work was ok, a bit frustrating at times, but that's ok.
First "challenge" of the day... getting my wages! I get paid by cheque and need 2 signatories... only 1 was available! So... several calls later and it was arranged for someone to come in to sign - MUCH relief then I can tell you! Daughter rang and asked if we were still going to the bank to get her money! (I'm not sure if I said or not, but her (and her sister's) father died in November of '95, and some money was put in trust for their 18th birthdays. So... as she is 18 next Friday, and the bank said it was ok, we were going in to sign everything and get the cheque for her. ) Anyway.. I said yes, and that I would take her food shopping to Asda too... Must be mad!Finished in the office (having downed over the morning another litre of water), quick dash to the loo (ahh the relief! thought it was never going to stop - sorry to be indelicate
, but flippin' heck ... I did wonder at one point if I was still going of if someone was just running a tap!! Hands washed (I was brought up properly!
) and off to the car where my daughter was already waiting! Funny that - can't seem to get that kind of motivation from her to get up and get over to the office by lunchtime usually ... must be those £ signs I can see flashing in her eyes! We decided, well, I decided, we should go to the bank(s) first then Asda. What followed was something out of Fawlty Towers or.. Monty Python... I went to the same bank that the day before had told me to ring the branch that hold the account and arrange it... which I did... they told me to take my daughter and all the paperwork in to a local branch and they could do it all there ... which I was doing .... and that only my signature was needed. At the time I did ask them to check and double check, because I was certain we both had to sign. They supposedly checked and said yes, definitely just me to sign... so.. here we were in Lloyds TSB the very next day, one very excited teenager and a tired mother.. with ALL the paperwork needed, passports, forms, legal documents etc etc... to then be told.. I HAD to go to the branch where the account was (an hour and a half drive away) and that my ex-brother-in-law HAD to sign too! I was sooooo cross! I argued with her (oh, dear,.. I'm guessing you are shaking your heads and seeing a pattern emerging here...
)and she checked... and I could see her checking and heard her too! No, it was definite, he would have to be there and we would both have to sign it all. I expressed my dissatisfaction at the ability of the account-holding branch to get their facts straight and left... I think I left a bough-wave behind me!!! Now we were one very disappointed daughter
and one very cross mother ! (lol, and no... that isn't a euphamism) We went home so I could call the other branch of the bank! We got home and she, my daughter was very subdued... but I rang the bank and ranted a bit at them
until I felt a modicom of calmness and rationality! (took a bit tooo long maybe for their liking... ) They apologised and offered to ring him (the ex-brother-in-law) and ask if he could come in and sign the paperwork so I could drive down and sort it all out. I told her I didn't think he would as we have never really got on... LONG story... but we don't and as we have only ever had to have dealings with each other once last year and once this year and nothing else since 1997 then its ok! She was most insistent that she was confident she could persuade him to come in and post-date things if necessary so that my daughter could have the money ON her birthday (just as her sister had).Well, he refused point blank (I SO wanted to say "ner ne ner ner ner" to her the lady in the bank) and "I told you so" ) and I uttered the odd expletive adjective and nouns questioning his knowledge of his parents and his anatomy being a tad mixed up!
She, fundamentally, agreed with my turn of phrase and said he was going in on the 27th to sign so I said we would be there, but half an hour after him as my daughter and I had no compunction to see him! She agreed this might be a good idea (think in her minds eye she was picturing a scene out of a bad movie... I could have reassured her that despite my ability to use an increase in volume and a rich vocabulary, I am, in fact, neither confrontational nor violent and the movie would be more likely to be a carry on film than an arnie one!
) and we set a time for daughter and I to go in. Well, you can imagine
- my daughter was less than impressed by her uncle's attitude but she just said, oh well, at least I don't have to see or speak to him so its ok. (None of my family are keen on their father's family, which made it very difficult when their father died and my girls were little and I made them visit their grandmother (where's the emoticon for a witch when you need one!)... up to when they reached their mid-teens and despite my best efforts they refused point blank to go anywhere near her... I relented. I'd done 10 years of sending school photos, standing over them while they rang her, driving them there (it's an hour and a half away now), making sure they remembered her birthday and Christmas presents... etc.. It was time to stop.
So, I could hazard a guess that the ex-bro-in-law was peeved at the lack of contact there has been from them to his mother in the last few years. I do occassionly suggest that a call to her would be nice... but no... they have their reasons, and I respect that. I could do no more. Shame though that it has meant that he has to be so mean - but I guess it's sort of understandable... yet still mean
...So - that's all on hold now until the 27th... we'll see if he keeps his part of the deal or not then!
I think he will, he is, despite our differences, an honest and decent man with good family values - well, to his own family anyway and I respect him for that.It was now that I realised I hadn't banked my wages cheque either!!!
So I had to go back again to the bleepin' bank!Quickly had my CD Banana shake lunch and pint of water. (another trip to the loo!)
Gosh - sorry - droned on way too much on that!
So, bank dealt with - time to face Asda. By now my daughter's boyfriend (nice lad) has arrived and she tells me he will walk around with her to get the food so I don't have to!
Bless her.. I was VERY glad! I thought this was a sign that the day was improving... WRONG!!!
Had to get petrol before driving back to the bank and Asda... filled up the car, bought a top-up as a surprise extra birthday pressie for her and presented my credit card for payment. So far so good.
Now.. I have a substantial limit, and I have barely used my card at all... so... I've NEVER worried about handing it over...so this I did.. with a smile and a good afternoon to the cashier.
He looked at me and his returning smile faded... he said, sorry, card was declined .. I could feel the colour rising in my cheeks, but I was calm ... asked him to try it again, which he did with, embarassingly, the same response! I was mortified and handed over my debit card whilst muttering under my breath about bloody banks... bad communication.. one cock up after another... I could feel the eyes of those behind me in the queue burning like red lazer beams into the back of my head!! I thanked him and left rather red-faced and got back in the car and told them about it and headed off to the bank, I was NOT a happy bunny! I was supposed to be doing the Asda shop with my credit card!
Now I was wondering if my daughter was going to have to join me on the CD! lol So, I went to the bank...paid in my wages and then I asked them why my card had been declined?
She took it from me and made a phone call... she then told me I had missed a payment! I haven't!!! I was beside myself! She told me there was nothing she could do. I would have to call the card company - when I pointed out that it was a Lloyds card, and I was in the branch through which I had obtained the card, she remained firm.. I would have to call them myself, the number is on the card! I have no idea what I must have looked like, but I got the distinct impression that she was very grateful for that barrier of security glass and a counter I was clearly not going to be able to leap over! (i've often been told that I could never play poker,... dunno what they mean! ) So... I very pointedly handed over my debit card and asked her to check the balance on it .,..this she did... then I asked, if I spend less than the amount you have given me, my card will not be declined right? Right. Good! I told her if it was declined in Asda I would be back! (very MUCH like Arnie... but only 5ft 4 and about the same roundways!
) Think I'll go in on Monday and apologise for being so obnoxious... Back in the car, I recounted it to my daughter and her boyfriend and they both sort of looked at each other, shook their heads
and, at last, we went to Asda... They with one trolley and I with another ...whilst there though, I used my mobile to ring the car dealer... well... he had no better news for me and had, (can't imagine why
) been putting off calling me. I made a few polite suggestions, honest! , one of which appeared to work! I was told to go there when I had finished shopping and take a car out on a test drive as there was one "on the system" which I could have on the 25th... I strolled around the clothing section and looked enviously
at just about everything.. I did see that they sell size 24 jeans and wondered if I should buy a pair "in preparation" but thought no... wait... I have oodles of clothes of all sizes already at home and that's a long way off yet adn in thepast I've bought clothes to slim into and they are still in the wardrobe with their tags on! I caught a glimpse of myself in a full length mirror.. not a pretty sight ... I did a double take - was that really me! I looked awful ... well, not to dwell on that...So, I did the honourable thing, and bought some storage boxes (which I don't need), and some jewellry (for chrimbo), and socks... which I may double up if my feet shrink sufficiently and I can still wear my hiking-style boots with 2 pairs on!
(I'm finding I am a bit colder than usual)and a magazine. Met up with my daughter and went to the tills... was pretty horrified at her trolley-load but thought - hey, I'm not eating it and won't be the one packing it away when we get back either! It was hard to smell those wonderful aromas you get in a supermarket though... at one point I was sure someone was standing right beside me whispering into my ear... "go on... have a loaf of soda bread... you know you want to... you know they sell it here... just sniff the air..." ... stupid voice of sabotage... it wasn't going to get the better of me! No-siree! I had battled with bigger and fiercer enemies and all today! lol I ignored it, paid and left hastily! Went straight to the car dealer, now got a headache
, wanted that bread SO much, (NO I DON'T ) and my girl bought a tub of Ben & Jerry's !!!! But I'm going to forget that's there... I made myself known at the dealership (nicely!) and waited for the salesman to come to the office.
I waited.
And waited. And waited. Daughter and boyfriend were wandering around drooling over the sporty and boy-racer type cars (she's learning at the moment and desperate to drive!)... and I waited. I decided, after 20 minutes, to leave and that it was defintely it, "The Last Chance Saloon" was shut and the chairs were on the table and I was locking up! His colleague (who, when I'd arrived, told me he knew I was there), asked me had I spoken to "T" - I said no.. and then.. in words of many syllables (there were other customers present) expressed my dissatisfaction and disgust at the abysmal standard of customer service blah de blah de blah & ranted just a tad (I knew it was time to back off when I could see daughter and boyfriend walking away, heads lowered, collars raised, shoulders moving up and down with stifled embarassed laughter)... and told him that I was off to Vauxhalls!
We got in my poor old car, nearly took the hinges off as I slammed the door shut...
and sped out.. JUST as I drove out, he, my salesman, drove in!!! Well, that was it.. I was in nose-dive, tail-spin mode by now. Aperplectic (not sure of spelling but you know what I mean, spitting feathers!) with anger I spun the car round and daughter asked me what I was doing and asked me not to cause a scene.. I mean.. ME? A scene? As if! Anyway, he saw me and went grey.. not kidding!
He got out of his car and apologised, but not before I was there, all guns blazing.. but you know... he's only a lad... and I felt a bit bad for him.. he had clearly had a day not dissimilar to mine... so.. my anger balloon popped I agreed to test drive the car he proposed... the kids came with me... and we drove quite a way. When we got back I told him that I would have the car he had in mind.. because... despite it having bucket seats which were uncomfortable due to my size, I was on the CD and would only suffer short term! We went to the office, signed the paperwork and he told me that he expects a kiss on the cheek when I get the car! I know its all saleman flannel but ok, I admit it, I blushed and laughed. Once more, a more happy person than even an hour earlier, we all set off home.
I agreed, that as I had insisted on sorting the car thing out after we'd been shopping, that I would put the frozen stuff away (as it was probably defrosted now, and she wouldn't eat it if she knew it had defrosted and refrozen) ,...didn't have the heart to tell her of all the pre-school-pick-up shopping trips to Iceland where stuff sat in the boot just as long and she had never been poisened in all of her almost 18 years! Still, I felt it was something I could do without temptation as you can't eat frozen stuff. (I had already forgotten about the Ben & Jerry's) As we got back I went through the drive-through McDonalds and bought them something for tea. I didn't want to smell cooking all evening. I wasn't in the least bit hungry... just tempted. The smell of maccy-d was nice but I only complained when she started eating her chips in the car! Give 'em an inch..... Home at last, unloaded car, drank a pint of water, and set to putting the food away. Now, the next thing WAS an accident - honestly - I swear it was! She was right about the frozen stuff and somehow - I don't know how - I dropped the Ben & Jerry's!!
It went everywhere. I was covered in , it the dog (who is never more than a muzzle away when a bag is rustled) was covered in it and the floor.. the drawer fronts.. well.. I rescued the tub and its remnants, shoved it in the freezer and survery the situation... then.. I did what could have been expected... I cried! Almost hysterically!! Daughter came running in to find out what was wrong... took one look at it all and very sniffily said "I TOLD you it would melt!!!" and walked off in a huff! LOL (ah... she must get that attitude from her father's side of the family! ...!) So, the dog licked up as fast as he could, I stripped off in the kitchen (forgetting her boyfriend is in the living room!)... and... muttering and sort of giggling inanely ... cleaned the whole mess up!Fortunately I had some clean jimmy's in the utility so I threw them on (just for decency really!) and finished, very carefully
, putting the rest of the shopping away. Then it was time to get ready for my date! I scoffed down my CD Malt Toffee Bar (with pint of water). He rang to see if I was still going... keen I thought! Good!
At last, something fab is going to happen today! Oh yes.. I was definitely going! I showered, dolled myself up, and I felt good! He rang again to give me directions and I just felt even better! Well, let's just say that the date was everything and more than I had expected
and we parted at about 6am with huge grins and tired giggles!!! It has been about 18months since I ever trusted anyone so much and felt so damn good!! Got home around 7am and crawled into bed feeling fantastic, and confident that we (him & I) were onto something VERY special indeed!
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FatFairNForty(ish)
Gold Member
Day 4 - another busy one!
So, day 4 had already dawned way before I realised it! I had taken a few bottles of water with me and had drunk about 2 litres over the evening / night. I felt drunk! Not with the water - just the whole date! What a lovely way to end such a dreadful day!
Once I got home I did some housework and eventually went to bed at about 10am, knowing I HAD to be at a workshop at 2 somewhere... my date rang to check I'd got home ok and we agreed that we would arrange our next date early next week as we were both very busy until then. I was on cloud nine! Not only had I begun my CD journey, I was beginning on a new proper relationship too... (not an easy thing for me to do!).
I got up, had a choc mint "muffin" for breakfast - I tell you, that recipe is fantastic, I find it so much easier than drinking all the time! I always wash it down with at least 1 pint of water too... it also makes me feel less denied! (if you know what I mean?).
Anyway, I ate it and it was nice- I did it a bit sloppier than the recipe and it worked MUCH better.. smelt fantastic too! Like a chocolate muffin!
My CDC texted to ask how I was and what colour my "p" stick was ... I'd forgotten all about it!!! So, I quickly did the necessary and texted back ... it was darker than the unused one... I took a photo to prove it! LOL How sad is that!? LOL A photo of my first "p" stick! lol I might just post it on here! lolololol
Breakfast (at 1pm ) done, it was time to go to this workshop. In a pub in the middle of a village I'd never been to, I got hopelessly lost (I usually do!), but then, just as I was thinking of going back home to bed, I found it! So, the workshop was all about "tapping" different bits of your body to address negative feelings, fears, ailments and emotions.. I was very cynical, but by the end of it I was willing to give it a go! The lady who led it gave us lots of information and a website to look at.. I haven't yet, but I will. It was really interesting but, at times, a bit silly - you know.. hard to believe in silly... but then, I'm not that good with "complimentary" or "alternative" treatments...
I drank my water whilst the rest of them had their poisons... and found out lots about the rest of the group and about the treatment we were trying to do... it was good, and I left intending to read it all and do some of it too!
Home and time for lunch (5pm) so, a butterscotch muffin this time - yum! Sat to eat it and washed it down, again, with over a pint of water. Oh, and I keep a bottle of water on the passenger seat too in the car for if I want a sip! Time to get ready for my evening out! Showered and got dressed for the evening - a house gig in Toddington (about 45 minutes away from me!). So.. left the house at 7.00!! (well, it's hard to get ready when you're still tired from the night before!
Got there at 7.50pm (having only taken one wrong turning) and said my hellos to my friends who were hosting it, took my seat and waited excitedly! It was a guy called Phil Beer - he is fantastic! The evening flew by. There was a break at about 9pm where food was available - now, if I tell you ... I looked into the kitchen and there was THE most amazing spread laid out... coleslaw, cheese, pizza, roast potatoes, crudites, sausage rolls, bread, cheesy straws, cakes, dips, crisps, sausages,.... you name it, it was there! I looked, salivated, took a swig of Evian, and mingled with the other guests..
NO WAY was I going to give in no! I wasn't even hungry so it wasn't all as tempting as it might have been! I don't really know any of the others there that well apart from Mike and his wife Kim who were hosting. But, with some new-found confidence, I walked up to people and introduced myself! I got talking to a lovely lady called Sally and she asked me why I wasn't eating (I was there last month at a gig and gorged myself stupid!) , so, I told her! I told her about the sleep apnea, and my tiredness, and my determination this time to do it for real and to the end!
She was only little and we chatted for ages (must've looked like Laurel and Hardy!) and she said how she had lost 5 stone with slimming world but had put a little back on.. (I checked out her plate - I KNOW!!! Who the hell am I ??? lol But I couldn't help it!... but she was being very restrained! Only the odd carrot stick and a hint of previously enjoyed pizza slice still lingered..) I told her, truthfully, that I was very impressed by her loss and that she looked fantastic! She is very little though and told me she needs to lose about a stone.
Kim came over then and said she really wanted to lose a couple of stone, and, heaven help me , I did what just about every fat woman does to a significantly slimmer woman, and said "where from?" I mean, she really does look fantastic! But she told me she was 12 stone and needed to get back to 10 stone because she feels really uncomfortable and that's her "real" weight!. I leant forward and whispered "I have to lose you"... she looked shocked (well afraid really!,) I think she thought I wanted to bump her off! I quickly explained that I had to lose the equivalent of her weight and that even then I would still have more to go! NOW, she looked TRULY shocked! lol
We continued our chat and I told them what the CD involves and that although I love my food and the kitchen was so tempting, that I wasn't hungry and that each time they saw me from now on, would be less and less of me to see! I know they will help me too when I go to gigs because they are lovely women! So... that was nice too.
I also flirted with Phil.. well, why not!? Neither of us are married and he is very easy to flirt with.. but a bit old for me perhaps and I'm probably way to fat for him anyway, but it was fun to flirt (very subtly!).
After the gig finished I said my goodbyes, went to the loo (I'd had to go as soon as I arrived too!) as I had drunk 1.5 litres of water during the evening - and set off for home.. still to have "dinner"!
Texted last nights date and drive home smiling for the second night in a row!
Home just before midnight and quickly had a bar and water before heading for bed, is it really 4 days gone? Lost track of how much water I was drinking but never felt thirsty and (excuse the indelicacy) my wee is virtually clear! So, hopefully, it's all going to plan! Roll on Tuesday and my first weigh in!!
So, day 4 had already dawned way before I realised it!
I had taken a few bottles of water with me and had drunk about 2 litres over the evening / night. I felt drunk! Not with the water - just the whole date! What a lovely way to end such a dreadful day! Once I got home I did some housework and eventually went to bed at about 10am, knowing I HAD to be at a workshop at 2 somewhere... my date rang to check I'd got home ok and we agreed that we would arrange our next date early next week as we were both very busy until then.
I was on cloud nine! Not only had I begun my CD journey, I was beginning on a new proper relationship too... (not an easy thing for me to do!). I got up, had a choc mint "muffin" for breakfast - I tell you, that recipe is fantastic, I find it so much easier than drinking all the time! I always wash it down with at least 1 pint of water too... it also makes me feel less denied! (if you know what I mean?).
Anyway, I ate it and it was nice- I did it a bit sloppier than the recipe and it worked MUCH better.. smelt fantastic too! Like a chocolate muffin!
My CDC texted to ask how I was and what colour my "p" stick was
... I'd forgotten all about it!!! So, I quickly did the necessary and texted back ... it was darker than the unused one... I took a photo to prove it! LOL How sad is that!? LOL A photo of my first "p" stick! lol I might just post it on here! lolololol Breakfast (at 1pm
) done, it was time to go to this workshop. In a pub in the middle of a village I'd never been to, I got hopelessly lost (I usually do!), but then, just as I was thinking of going back home to bed, I found it! So, the workshop was all about "tapping" different bits of your body to address negative feelings, fears, ailments and emotions.. I was very cynical, but by the end of it I was willing to give it a go! The lady who led it gave us lots of information and a website to look at.. I haven't yet, but I will. It was really interesting but, at times, a bit silly - you know.. hard to believe in silly... but then, I'm not that good with "complimentary" or "alternative" treatments... I drank my water whilst the rest of them had their poisons...
and found out lots about the rest of the group and about the treatment we were trying to do... it was good, and I left intending to read it all and do some of it too! Home and time for lunch (5pm) so, a butterscotch muffin this time - yum! Sat to eat it and washed it down, again, with over a pint of water. Oh, and I keep a bottle of water on the passenger seat too in the car for if I want a sip! Time to get ready for my evening out! Showered and got dressed for the evening - a house gig in Toddington (about 45 minutes away from me!). So.. left the house at 7.00!! (well, it's hard to get ready when you're still tired from the night before!
Got there at 7.50pm
(having only taken one wrong turning) and said my hellos to my friends who were hosting it, took my seat and waited excitedly! It was a guy called Phil Beer - he is fantastic! The evening flew by. There was a break at about 9pm where food was available - now, if I tell you ... I looked into the kitchen and there was THE most amazing spread laid out... coleslaw, cheese, pizza, roast potatoes, crudites, sausage rolls, bread, cheesy straws, cakes, dips, crisps, sausages,.... you name it, it was there! I looked, salivated, took a swig of Evian, and mingled with the other guests.. NO WAY was I going to give in no! I wasn't even hungry so it wasn't all as tempting as it might have been! I don't really know any of the others there that well apart from Mike and his wife Kim who were hosting. But, with some new-found confidence, I walked up to people and introduced myself!
I got talking to a lovely lady called Sally and she asked me why I wasn't eating (I was there last month at a gig and gorged myself stupid!) , so, I told her! I told her about the sleep apnea, and my tiredness, and my determination this time to do it for real and to the end! She was only little and we chatted for ages (must've looked like Laurel and Hardy!) and she said how she had lost 5 stone with slimming world but had put a little back on.. (I checked out her plate - I KNOW!!! Who the hell am I ??? lol But I couldn't help it!... but she was being very restrained! Only the odd carrot stick and a hint of previously enjoyed pizza slice still lingered..) I told her, truthfully, that I was very impressed by her loss and that she looked fantastic!
She is very little though and told me she needs to lose about a stone. Kim came over then and said she really wanted to lose a couple of stone, and, heaven help me
, I did what just about every fat woman does to a significantly slimmer woman, and said "where from?" I mean, she really does look fantastic! But she told me she was 12 stone and needed to get back to 10 stone because she feels really uncomfortable and that's her "real" weight!. I leant forward and whispered "I have to lose you"... she looked shocked (well afraid really!,) I think she thought I wanted to bump her off! I quickly explained that I had to lose the equivalent of her weight and that even then I would still have more to go! NOW, she looked TRULY shocked! lol We continued our chat and I told them what the CD involves and that although I love my food and the kitchen was so tempting, that I wasn't hungry and that each time they saw me from now on, would be less and less of me to see!
I know they will help me too when I go to gigs because they are lovely women! So... that was nice too. I also flirted with Phil.. well, why not!? Neither of us are married and he is very easy to flirt with.. but a bit old for me perhaps and I'm probably way to fat for him anyway, but it was fun to flirt (very subtly!).
After the gig finished I said my goodbyes, went to the loo (I'd had to go as soon as I arrived too!) as I had drunk 1.5 litres of water during the evening - and set off for home.. still to have "dinner"!
Texted last nights date and drive home smiling for the second night in a row!
Home just before midnight and quickly had a bar and water before heading for bed, is it really 4 days gone? Lost track of how much water I was drinking but never felt thirsty and (excuse the indelicacy) my wee is virtually clear! So, hopefully, it's all going to plan!
Roll on Tuesday and my first weigh in!!
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FatFairNForty(ish)
Gold Member
Day 5 - the good, the bad and the pug ugly!
Day 5 took it's time to arrive!
Now, I don't know if it's my age (nah - only 42!) , weight (hmm, could be!) or burning the candle at both ends (never!) ... but... I didn't wake up until after 11am!!!!!
Shame that, I had intended to go to church and sing in the worship group - but - and yes, it is inevitable a BIG one! - in my heart I didn't want to. So, perhaps not setting the alarm was the real reason for being too late!
And, my mum told me once that you never sleep longer than you need to! (Not necessarily true, but like so many things people say to me, I CHOOSE, to believe it this time!)
Oh.. I forgot to say.. my Friday night date rang me yesterday afternoon to say that although he would have liked to see me today, he was so tiredeek: ) - he was working! - and would Wednesday be ok? ok? OK? Hell yes! I mean... ahem... yes. yes... Wednesday would be just fine! lol
Right... so, just woken up and my mate rang me... I really wasn't awake enough to talk to anyone, BUT, she is a really good mate and I hope I am for her too,. so., as she was talking I got up, made my bed, started sorting out some things. found some paperwork I thought I'd lost... and still managed to listen fully and empathise and share how her weekend had gone and we discussed our kids , parents , work , well, you know the kind of thing!
I told her I would be free this evening if she fancied coming 'round. But she declined, and, instead, stayed on the phone for a further hour instead! lol
When I ended the call (I'll admit it was because she started ranting on about some sausages! - Don't ask!! ) I was very thirsty and almost ran downstairs to get a drink of water! Thirst quenched I thought I'd better have breakfast! So I quickly made a butterscotch "muffin" - absolutely lovely! I'm not sure if my tastebuds are just dying or if these things do actually taste good! (I swear the one I had later on smelt like sticky toffee pudding when I tipped it out of the ramekin!! ) washed down, again, with 2 pints of water. Drunk slowly I might add... I sit to eat and relax - it's very pleasant as it happens! No more eating on the run for me! (More like eating and then running *stinky* ) hee hee
Almost forget to do me "p"stick.. did it... it was REALLY dark today! Didn't take a pic though..
I asked my daughter (who has only just got up too) to empty and reload the dishwasher (I can see pizza boxes, slicer and remnants hanging around leering at me in the kitchen!)
She agrees and I, suitably impressed, give her a hug and a kiss thanks. We are all pretty close actually.... since their dad died we have always told each other we love each other every day, and always when leaving the house for whatever reason, or going to bed or ending a phone conversation. I love my girls totally and I know it is mutual (that said, I don't want to live with them when I am old!
Lord help us! I have already promised them that if I EVER get to the stage where they feel they HAVE to care for me I will hit them with my walking stick if they don't wheel me to the local social services and leave a luggage label around my neck saying - "Not from Peru but won't care if that's where she ends up!)...(oh and a ps.... "Not keen on marmalade sandwiches - unless shred-free!")
Where was I , oh yes, she did the dishwasher and I tidied round a bit and then Hook was on telly! I had intended to do some work this afternoon, but I'm a real sucker for Robin Williams... and Dustin Hoffman, and Bob Hoskins and whatsername... oh,, she's a flippin' dame or something now... oh... well., I can't remember , but her! So, my daughter (I haven't said her name have I ? ) Zoe... her name is Zoe and her sister is Sarah. So, Zoe, and her young man were sitting watching telly and I asked if they minded me joining them once I'd eaten.. now, don't freak..! I made another "muffin" this time a banana one which I swear smelt like sticky-toffee pudding!!
It was pretty good and I sat there watching the film...with my pint of water too! I got very into the film and kept crying at those "moving" bits where those horrendously sickly sweet children of his are remembering.. and when he... Robin Williams... is remembering his becoming a daddy... Her chap left to see one of his mates and I got a couple of blankets from the spare room and snuggled under them as I was getting a bit cold!
I must've looked so good! 2 heavy blankets over me curled up in a big chair, crying at a film on the telly, and slurping me pint of water (courtesy of Anglian Water this time)...in the middle of a Sunday afternoon!
The phone rang and it was Sarah (she's my 19yr old daughter who's at University in Falmouth... dead proud of her an' all I am! )... so I mute the film , sniff and have a great chat with her ... she's decided to definitely stay down there when she finishes for the summer... she's got a room all sorted out in a house and is so chuffed! To be honest - this is GOOD NEWS... as I think it is absolutely the right thing for her! But, she's over 300 miles away... and at times it might as well be Australia! I am genuinely pleased though and we have a right old chin wag... she asks me if her sister has shown me her photo... noooooo... why?
She tells me she has had her lip pierced! Least said about this the better right now methinks!
So, we carry on our conversation and agree to chat on msn later in the day.
I get back "into" the film and Zoe goes on t'internet. I get online after Hook has finished and I have my final sob at the happy ending... (flaming HATE being premenstrual!)
Checking my emails and my phone alerts me that a message has arrived... it's from HIM!! My Friday night man!! My heart races to open it... wish I hadn't now... it was a "Dear John..." , well, it said...
"Hi Babe, sorry, but I don't think we should see one another again, I met someone today and spent a wonderful afternoon with her and want to get to know her better. Never meant to hurt you. Sorry. Bye xx"
Well... you know what ... a wave of nausea shot through me, and disbelief. , and horror ,. and then, that awful realisation that I had been SUCH a fool, SO wrong to see him Friday... SO wrong to trust.., SO wrong to let down the barriers... SO stupid ,,, SO used... SO SO SO SO gullible and stupid... SO rejected...
All those old feelings when my husband left me for another woman back in 2004... all that hurt and rejection just rushed over me... so I sent him a curt reply... I can't share it as it's too personal, but the upshot was.. that if that's all I was to him it was just as well it ended now anyway... This was BAD NEWS and I felt utterly wretched.
I rang my mate (the same one I was talking about earlier) and told her about it all, and, bless her, she did what I would have done... and told me "he's a such'n'such... this name, that name... every negative thing ever... doesn't deserve you... etc etc etc.." Asked if I wanted her to come over or go there... bless her... The thing is, I had already told her that I suspected he might be having another relationship... just a feeling I had when he dropped into a conversation that he liked to keep his weekends free...) . Well I shall never know now, and I have deleted him and all his texts and his number from my phone and deleted his emails etc... I feel SO betrayed.. but you know what... he at least told me now, not in a month , a year, a lifetime...
The only other time I have ever felt for a man the feelings he evoked in me, was many many years ago, and I never got close with that man because I felt he would break my heart.. and he did but it would have been worse had we been that close..... now.. this one hasn't broken my heart but he has dented my trust and definitely my confidence.. it's taken me a long time to trust like that... and I thought HE was the one... oh God, I'm such a muppet! (and yes... definitely Miss Piggy! )... well you know what...
TWO FINGERS UP TO HIM!!!
His loss. His loss. His loss. His loss. His loss. His loss. (if I keep saying it I might just convince myself... )
So... normally I would turn to the larder unit for comfort... but you know what... I would rather chop my bloody legs off!!
I AM NEVER going to let another man keep me fat (my first husband told me once - on an unusually bad day - that he liked me being fat because it meant no other men would look at me and so he could keep me!!!!). So... Mr "Friday the 13th" I have NEVER been superstitious and am still not now.. but it HAS turned into a nightmare!! BUT... in the bigger scheme of things it's probably for the best ... he smoked ... and was a non-drinking alcoholic (that is what my ex was too - on both counts)... so perhaps I just have to EX-orcise him along with all bad memories of my ex too!
Still feel sh*t about it all though ... bloody men... bloody gullible women (i.e. ME!) ... sheesh... will I NEVER learn!
Anyway, onto more important things.. checked emails and then got on here to do me diary and my Sarah popped up on msn... so we had a good old chin wag and I had to see this lip piercing... now that's PUG UGLY! I hate it, it's only a stud but yuk yuk yuk, she is SO beautiful... it's SO hard being a mum at times... and we talked about the text I got and I couldn't help but cry!! I felt so bad.. see, we were both on webcam so she saw me getting upset .. so I shut off the camera and told her I needed the loo .. which I did anyway... so... more composed, and having discovered that PMT is over now and it is now.. well.. you know... day 1 of THAT... so, at least that COULD pardon my weepiness today! I chat some more with her and before I know it it's already past 10pm! I still have to catch up with my diary and I KNOW if I don't getup to date before bed tonight it will be even harder tomorrow..
So.. having put the world to rights with Sarah I log on here and start typing... and I have my "dinner" of a bar... caramel this time. Don't really taste it as I'm still sniffling about the kn*b! (yeah, I did say that!!!)
Bar eaten , another 2 pints of water drunk and a few trips to the loo, and I start to type... and now... it's just gone 1am and I am finally right up to date on things!
NOTHING is going to stop me doing CD to the bitter end!!!!! NO MAN, NO CAR, NO JOB, NOTHING!~
Normally I would be stuffing my face with cakes, crisps, oh heck, anything at a stressful time, but now... NO WAY! 5 days in already! Almost weigh in time, and , to be honest, I FEEL better and even if the loss ain't great, I KNOW I've stuck to this a million percent and then some so it's all good!
Day 6 is here already - I'd better get to bed! (Need to break this late-night habit!)...
Busy day ahead tomorrow (well, today )... work and then a meeting in the evening... not looking forward to that... so will be late home.
Sorry that these diary entries are so long..! Thanks if you make it to the end of each one.
Day 5 took it's time to arrive!
Now, I don't know if it's my age
(nah - only 42!) , weight (hmm, could be!) or burning the candle at both ends (never!) ... but... I didn't wake up until after 11am!!!!! Shame that, I had intended to go to church and sing in the worship group - but - and yes, it is inevitable a BIG one! - in my heart I didn't want to. So, perhaps not setting the alarm was the real reason for being too late!
And, my mum told me once that you never sleep longer than you need to! (Not necessarily true, but like so many things people say to me, I CHOOSE, to believe it this time!)
Oh.. I forgot to say.. my Friday night date rang me yesterday afternoon to say that although he would have liked to see me today, he was so tired
eek: ) - he was working! - and would Wednesday be ok? ok? OK? Hell yes! I mean... ahem... yes. yes... Wednesday would be just fine! lol Right... so, just woken up and my mate rang me... I really wasn't awake enough to talk to anyone, BUT, she is a really good mate and I hope I am for her too,. so., as she was talking I got up, made my bed, started sorting out some things. found some paperwork I thought I'd lost... and still managed to listen fully and empathise and share how her weekend had gone
and we discussed our kids , parents , work , well, you know the kind of thing! I told her I would be free this evening if she fancied coming 'round. But she declined, and, instead, stayed on the phone for a further hour instead! lol
When I ended the call (I'll admit it was because she started ranting on about some sausages! - Don't ask!!
) I was very thirsty and almost ran downstairs to get a drink of water! Thirst quenched I thought I'd better have breakfast! So I quickly made a butterscotch "muffin" - absolutely lovely! I'm not sure if my tastebuds are just dying or if these things do actually taste good! (I swear the one I had later on smelt like sticky toffee pudding when I tipped it out of the ramekin!! ) washed down, again, with 2 pints of water. Drunk slowly I might add... I sit to eat and relax - it's very pleasant as it happens! No more eating on the run for me! (More like eating and then running *stinky* ) hee heeAlmost forget to do me "p"stick.. did it... it was REALLY dark today! Didn't take a pic though..
I asked my daughter (who has only just got up too) to empty and reload the dishwasher (I can see pizza boxes, slicer and remnants hanging around leering at me in the kitchen!)
She agrees and I, suitably impressed, give her a hug and a kiss thanks. We are all pretty close actually.... since their dad died we have always told each other we love each other every day, and always when leaving the house for whatever reason, or going to bed or ending a phone conversation.
I love my girls totally and I know it is mutual (that said, I don't want to live with them when I am old! Lord help us! I have already promised them that if I EVER get to the stage where they feel they HAVE to care for me I will hit them with my walking stick if they don't wheel me to the local social services and leave a luggage label around my neck saying - "Not from Peru but won't care if that's where she ends up!)...(oh and a ps.... "Not keen on marmalade sandwiches - unless shred-free!") Where was I
, oh yes, she did the dishwasher and I tidied round a bit and then Hook was on telly! I had intended to do some work this afternoon, but I'm a real sucker for Robin Williams... and Dustin Hoffman, and Bob Hoskins and whatsername... oh,, she's a flippin' dame or something now... oh... well., I can't remember , but her! So, my daughter (I haven't said her name have I ? ) Zoe... her name is Zoe and her sister is Sarah. So, Zoe, and her young man were sitting watching telly and I asked if they minded me joining them once I'd eaten.. now, don't freak..! I made another "muffin" this time a banana one which I swear smelt like sticky-toffee pudding!! It was pretty good and I sat there watching the film...with my pint of water too! I got very into the film and kept crying at those "moving" bits where those horrendously sickly sweet children of his are remembering.. and when he... Robin Williams... is remembering his becoming a daddy...
Her chap left to see one of his mates and I got a couple of blankets from the spare room and snuggled under them as I was getting a bit cold! I must've looked so good!
2 heavy blankets over me curled up in a big chair, crying at a film on the telly, and slurping me pint of water (courtesy of Anglian Water this time)...in the middle of a Sunday afternoon! The phone rang and it was Sarah (she's my 19yr old daughter who's at University in Falmouth... dead proud of her an' all I am!
)... so I mute the film , sniff and have a great chat with her ... she's decided to definitely stay down there when she finishes for the summer... she's got a room all sorted out in a house and is so chuffed! To be honest - this is GOOD NEWS... as I think it is absolutely the right thing for her! But, she's over 300 miles away... and at times it might as well be Australia! I am genuinely pleased though and we have a right old chin wag... she asks me if her sister has shown me her photo... noooooo... why? She tells me she has had her lip pierced!
Least said about this the better right now methinks! So, we carry on our conversation and agree to chat on msn later in the day.
I get back "into" the film and Zoe goes on t'internet. I get online after Hook has finished and I have my final sob at the happy ending... (flaming HATE being premenstrual!)
Checking my emails and my phone alerts me that a message has arrived... it's from HIM!! My Friday night man!!
My heart races to open it... wish I hadn't now... it was a "Dear John..." , well, it said... "Hi Babe, sorry, but I don't think we should see one another again, I met someone today and spent a wonderful afternoon with her and want to get to know her better. Never meant to hurt you. Sorry. Bye xx"
Well... you know what ... a wave of nausea shot through me,
and disbelief. , and horror ,. and then, that awful realisation that I had been SUCH a fool, SO wrong to see him Friday... SO wrong to trust.., SO wrong to let down the barriers... SO stupid ,,, SO used... SO SO SO SO gullible and stupid... SO rejected... All those old feelings when my husband left me for another woman back in 2004... all that hurt and rejection just rushed over me...
so I sent him a curt reply... I can't share it as it's too personal, but the upshot was.. that if that's all I was to him it was just as well it ended now anyway... This was BAD NEWS and I felt utterly wretched. I rang my mate (the same one I was talking about earlier) and told her about it all, and, bless her, she did what I would have done... and told me "he's a such'n'such... this name, that name... every negative thing ever... doesn't deserve you... etc etc etc.."
Asked if I wanted her to come over or go there... bless her... The thing is, I had already told her that I suspected he might be having another relationship... just a feeling I had when he dropped into a conversation that he liked to keep his weekends free...) . Well I shall never know now, and I have deleted him and all his texts and his number from my phone and deleted his emails etc... I feel SO betrayed.. but you know what... he at least told me now, not in a month , a year, a lifetime... The only other time I have ever felt for a man the feelings he evoked in me, was many many years ago, and I never got close with that man because I felt he would break my heart.. and he did but it would have been worse had we been that close..... now.. this one hasn't broken my heart but he has dented my trust and definitely my confidence.. it's taken me a long time to trust like that... and I thought HE was the one... oh God, I'm such a muppet! (and yes... definitely Miss Piggy!
)... well you know what... TWO FINGERS UP TO HIM!!! His loss. His loss. His loss. His loss. His loss. His loss. (if I keep saying it I might just convince myself...
)So... normally I would turn to the larder unit for comfort... but you know what... I would rather chop my bloody legs off!!
I AM NEVER going to let another man keep me fat (my first husband told me once - on an unusually bad day - that he liked me being fat because it meant no other men would look at me and so he could keep me!!!!). So... Mr "Friday the 13th" I have NEVER been superstitious and am still not now.. but it HAS turned into a nightmare!! BUT... in the bigger scheme of things it's probably for the best
... he smoked ... and was a non-drinking alcoholic (that is what my ex was too - on both counts)... so perhaps I just have to EX-orcise him along with all bad memories of my ex too! Still feel sh*t about it all though
... bloody men... bloody gullible women (i.e. ME!) ... sheesh... will I NEVER learn! Anyway, onto more important things.. checked emails and then got on here to do me diary and my Sarah popped up on msn... so we had a good old chin wag and I had to see this lip piercing... now that's PUG UGLY! I hate it, it's only a stud but yuk yuk yuk, she is SO beautiful... it's SO hard being a mum at times... and we talked about the text I got and I couldn't help but cry!!
I felt so bad.. see, we were both on webcam so she saw me getting upset .. so I shut off the camera and told her I needed the loo .. which I did anyway... so... more composed, and having discovered that PMT is over now and it is now.. well.. you know... day 1 of THAT... so, at least that COULD pardon my weepiness today! I chat some more with her and before I know it it's already past 10pm! I still have to catch up with my diary and I KNOW if I don't getup to date before bed tonight it will be even harder tomorrow.. So.. having put the world to rights with Sarah I log on here and start typing... and I have my "dinner" of a bar... caramel this time. Don't really taste it as I'm still sniffling
about the kn*b! (yeah, I did say that!!!)Bar eaten , another 2 pints of water drunk and a few trips to the loo, and I start to type... and now... it's just gone 1am and I am finally right up to date on things!
NOTHING is going to stop me doing CD to the bitter end!!!!! NO MAN, NO CAR, NO JOB, NOTHING!~
Normally I would be stuffing my face with cakes, crisps, oh heck, anything at a stressful time, but now... NO WAY! 5 days in already! Almost weigh in time, and , to be honest, I FEEL better
and even if the loss ain't great, I KNOW I've stuck to this a million percent and then some so it's all good!Day 6 is here already - I'd better get to bed! (Need to break this late-night habit!)...
Busy day ahead tomorrow (well, today
)... work and then a meeting in the evening... not looking forward to that... so will be late home.Sorry that these diary entries are so long..! Thanks if you make it to the end of each one.
FatFairNForty(ish)
Gold Member
Last edited:
kati
Gold Member
read it now thats so awful of him, but like you said better to find out now rather than months down the line like me
Good for you that youre staying positive about the diet with everything going wrong around you. And I'm so sorry I didn't check for more installments before posting.
The right person will come along (hopefully with the right car all ready for you) and you will be able to trust again, I'm sure of it. Maybe these things are going wrong with them men for us right now because we need this time to work on ourselves first before letting anyone else get in our way.
thats so awful of him, but like you said better to find out now rather than months down the line like me Good for you that youre staying positive about the diet with everything going wrong around you. And I'm so sorry I didn't check for more installments before posting.
The right person will come along (hopefully with the right car all ready for you) and you will be able to trust again, I'm sure of it. Maybe these things are going wrong with them men for us right now because we need this time to work on ourselves first before letting anyone else get in our way.
FatFairNForty(ish)
Gold Member
I think you are probably right
I feel very stupid and very cheap.
Thank you very much to you and Irene for your kind support.
i'lldoit
Banned
Hi There
Love your diary its so personal and well written feels like im part of your life,it will be great for you to look at when your at goal..............
The mans a p*ratt not to see how wonderful you are and you will meet the right guy for you and forget all the frogs!
Good luck Hun with your weigh-in tomorrow you deserve to lose loads fingers crossed for you and sending you those POSTIVE VIBES
((((hugs))))
xxc
Love your diary its so personal and well written feels like im part of your life,it will be great for you to look at when your at goal..............
The mans a p*ratt not to see how wonderful you are and you will meet the right guy for you and forget all the frogs!
Good luck Hun with your weigh-in tomorrow you deserve to lose loads fingers crossed for you and sending you those POSTIVE VIBES
((((hugs))))
xxc
happygal
Banned
hi ya. just realised that i hadnt read ur diary properly before replying the last time and i totally missed the post about ur friday night man. he is a right gulpin. that must of hurt. but guess what?! i think u deserve a badge. no cream buns or chocolate to get over the knocks! no no not for this gal. ur a star, a pure legend!
i really enjoy ur diary entries and i just hope my computer wasnt broken because im trying to read them on my mobile. a small mobile screen dosent do ur diaries the credit they deserve.
ur really helping me by the way. im hungry but im thinkin that if u can do it, then i can! after all we both have suffered from compulsive eating disorder! lol
i really enjoy ur diary entries and i just hope my computer wasnt broken because im trying to read them on my mobile. a small mobile screen dosent do ur diaries the credit they deserve.
ur really helping me by the way. im hungry but im thinkin that if u can do it, then i can! after all we both have suffered from compulsive eating disorder! lol
FatFairNForty(ish)
Gold Member
Can't tell you what a difference it is to get your support.
Thank you all.
Just wish I could stop crying - ruins my complexion look pants! No man is worth bags under the eyes and blotchy skin!
Stayed home from work this morning and am trying to do some work but my heart's just not in it.
Thanks for the hugs too
happygal - you go for it kid! It isn't easy the first day (or two) and you know I'm here for ya! glug glug glug... drink up!
Thanks again
Thank you all.
Just wish I could stop crying - ruins my complexion look pants!
No man is worth bags under the eyes and blotchy skin! Stayed home from work this morning and am trying to do some work but my heart's just not in it.
Thanks for the hugs too
happygal - you go for it kid! It isn't easy the first day (or two) and you know I'm here for ya! glug glug glug... drink up!
Thanks again
FatFairNForty(ish)
Gold Member
better to find out now rather than months down the line like me
(((Hugs)))) I'm sorry... it's pants isn't it
! Still - just think...
in months to come they will be sorry and we will have moved on to better , brighter and far more wonderful things! Take care sweetie.. and thanks again.
FatFairNForty(ish)
Gold Member
Absolutely! We are!
Hope your first day was a good 'un!I'm going to sit and do me diary for today then go to bed BEFORE 1am!
