Blergh! - FatFairNForty(ish) - my diary

Sunday night/Monday morning.

Well, its just gone midnight and I must be mad! Got home from Kent about 6.30pm , had a meeting at 7 then pub quiz at 8.30 (got there late) and got in again about 11.. made a muffin and jumped online to see if Mr K was on msn and to catch up on here.

He wasn't - bless him.. so I will have to dream and wait for my wake up call from him ;) :D Even though I've been away, he still managed to call me and text me each day.. and that was lovely.

My weekend has been a real mix of emotions:( :eek: :mad: :D :eek: :cool: :rolleyes: :confused: :p ;) and a lot of talking very openly and honestly.. and a lot of things said that needed to be said.. (not nasty).. but I am knackered.. out too late last night and didn't sleep at all well , then drive home.. and busy night. So.. am not saying more now except that I was so pleased to see my friend Debbie, and she was equally pleased to see me. I'll drone about all that tomorrow (including the 3 hours I spent with her and how much laughter there was!). Lots to say (as ever) and no energy now to say it.. lol.. I MUST make myself go to bed at a reasonable hour when I have work the next day!! (and when I don't, I need to remind myself that I can't stay up til 4am and then expect to be fresh as a daisy by 10am!!):rolleyes:

So... thank you for all your good wishes.. I shall sleep, go to work and then, try to catch up on things! (I need a wireless lap top! ) lol.. must check lottery ticket....;)
 
Sounds like an eventful weekend.

Looking forward to your next installment.
 
Hey Jennie,have been thinking of you & Debbie all weekend, but didn't post then cos i knew you wouldn't be able to read it. your weekend was obviously exhausting but even still i am looking forward to hearing all about it hun :)
catch up later!
xx:)
 
Saturday January 13th

Woke up with the dulcet tones of Mr K (J) and then got up, had a shower, and packed my bag.. did a load of washing, cleared up the kitchen, left a message on our blackboard for Zoe as didn’t want to wake her. Gathered together all my things, loaded up the car and was out the door for 10.15.. first stop was the chemist and drop off all my old tablets (fat pills, blood pressure tabs and some antibiotics Zoe never took!).. thought I should clear out the old medicine cabinet a bit! Lol That done I nipped into the petrol station and got 12 bottles of water (half price) for the journies.. also went to the post office to pick up a parcel that hadn’t been delivered (because Zoe hadn’t heard the door bell on Friday!!).. and then I hit the road.

Lovely clear morning as I set off.. Radio on.. car full of fuel and me with all my packs, mix, ramekin dish (for muffin), sweetners (for muffin), bouillon etc etc.. Map open and at the ready, directions typed out in size 28 font! Lol (this is so I can read them easily whilst driving..) I memorized most of the route.. A45, A14, M11, M25, M20… then it got tricky… I giggled as I drove as it was Jonathan Ross on the radio, and he does make me laugh… his guests were a bit dull though.. some ex-members of some band or another and thought they would be super cool by forming a new band and not giving it a name.. their music was pants anyway.. lol…the rain hit me about halfway down the M11 and didn’t let up until I got to Ashford. THAT’s when the trouble started… Richard (my mate) had given me directions.. and.. I was chatting away to Mr K at the time.. :D… and I missed my turn off at the roundabout.. so I went back, and somehow.. now, do NOT ask me how!, but.. somehow I managed to still go the wrong way!!

I ended up driving around a one-way system for about 15-20 minutes (sound familiar?;)) until admitting defeat and calling Richard for help. He re-directed me and at last I was there at his father’s house. What a lovely house. Very big, really well planned and what a garden. His parents bought the plot of land many many years ago and built the house from scratch. The garden was incredible – his dad is clearer a fastidious person! You could’ve eaten your dinner (if you were eating at all!) off the floor – the place was that clean!! Not a thing out of place… a bit sort of twilight zoneish.. lol.. He was a nice old chap, but very… um.. staid I think is a polite way of saying it. He did make me very welcome though and I was grateful to be a guest in his home.

We sat and chatted awhile and then agreed it was time to go and visit Debbie. Richard drove as he knew where he was going !(always a bonus I find.. lol).. but first he wanted to show me HIS new home. He bought it in December and has yet to move in. I think he is planning on hiring a van for a weekend and moving in stuff for an ex of his (to her new home) and then doing his own. They have been ‘ex’ for over 5 years now and the poor lamb still dotes on her and would damn near kill for her! Shame she is such an utter cow to him! Anyway… he took me to see the house. I was so surprised! He used to live in a terraced house that was like a Tardis.. you know the kind of thing, small on the outside, gargantuan (sp) on the inside! BUT he had let the place fall apart, so, he did the wisest thing and sold it to a property developer.. then bought a new place in his own time whilst staying back with his father.

The house was lovely. Huge bay windows, stripped and varnished floor.. nice crisp clean walls… 3 bedrooms.. fair sized bathroom.. lovely long garden with a huge garage/worshop at the back! I was very impressed and begged him not to fill it with crap (he is a worse hoarder than me!!! Lol He said he would do his best… lol The kitchen was lush! Totally new and with an aga style mega-cooker! Beautiful!

So… having toured the house it was off to see Debbie.. but not before picking up some flowers at Sainsbury’s on the way! How helpful the staff were! I wanted 3 bunches put into one mega bunch but with the flowers mixed well. So.. I bought them and they did that and wrapped them too! Yellow and white chrysanthemums.. lovely! And THEN on to see Debbie.

Not sure what time we parked up and found the ward, somewhere around 3.15 so we went in. As we drew closer I had some much to ask the nursing staff but couldn’t. Richard and I agreed that we were sailing into uncharted territory. So, smiles fixed we found her!

She looked lovely – as pretty as ever but with a sorrow in her eyes that I’ve never seen before. She raised her eyebrows and smiled. I asked if she was surprised and she said yes. She could say.. yes.. no.. but… offer…right

Nothing more though. But she hasn’t lost her sense of humour. She was trying to ask Darren to get her something and we couldn’t work out what it was, and, as she is a stubborn bugger, she refused to write it down, or to use the image board.. it was good to see her fighting! She did get incredibly frustrated though (understandably of course!) and after letting her try a few times on her own. She finally accepted that it wasn’t going to happen so I whispered in her ear “ you know what,. You’d be $hit at charades” and we both laughed. Sometimes you have to make light of those darker moments. I asked if she would like me to carry on wittering.. she smiled and managed to say ‘yes’.

I spent our 3 hour visit telling her all about you guys, about my girls..about work, life in general, about my ex, about ‘Eric’ about Mr K.. lol.. showed her the video of Buffalo Joes fellas doing a Full Monty on the bar.. lol.. that had her laughing too.. even though she tried to look disgusted.. I sat with her and waffled away.. 2 more of our motorbike club mates rolled in and soon (despite there being a 3 visitor rule) we were all laughing away and reminiscing about bygone rallies and holidays.. we were debating what year we had all been together at one specific rally and couldn’t agree.. and Debbie managed to let us know it was 1993! She has all her marbles.. just that she can’t flick em all anymore.

I talked more, I made sure I left sentences with the option of her adding yes or no.. so she was conversing too. Many times she wanted to say something but simply couldn’t.. and I could see the deep deep frustration on her face. I felt for her. I wanted to make it all better… take away the frustration... the paralysis (she is completely paralyzed down her right side). I wanted to reassure her that everything would be alright.. that she’d be back to her normal self soon - but I couldn’t. With the best will in the world, that isn’t going to happen.

We had her laughing lots and then it was time to go. I gave her a hug and she hugged me back with her left arm.. the right laying useless on a pillow on her lap. I promised to return and bore her some more again soon. She smiled and held my gaze. My heart broke (am crying remembering)... but no tears in front of her, just broad smiles and light banter.

We all said cheerio and left together – just as the nurse arrived with her food. In the car park we talked again.. Darren and Richard, Justin and his wife Deb, and I. Darren told us the results of the scan were not good.. almost her entire left brain was destroyed by the stroke. They can’t give a prognosis right now as it is very early days. He said she is improving daily though and he is concentrating on keeping their home running. They have 2 children a son aged 12 and a daughter aged 8. Altogether a beautiful family.

We said our goodbyes in the freezing cold with promises of keeping in touch and email addresses exchanged. Richard and I got into the car in silence and remained that way almost all the way back to his dads.

Whilst we were out his sister and hubby had returned from a skiing trip to France. So they were all sitting up at the dining table tucking into a roast dinner.. it smelt SO good! Strangely, his dad hadn’t saved any for Richard! (I think the eccentricity is inherited.. lol) and so he made himself some baked beans and sausages. I made my soup. Lol We all sat at the table together and chatted about the visit and then their holiday. It turns out that they live in a town in Yorkshire where my parents were both brought up! Lol What a small world we live in! Also turns out that one of Richard’s cousins lives in Rushden and another distant family member lives in the same town as me! Lolol

With the main course eaten his dad brought out the most delicious looking pudding! It was like a trifle but without the yukky spongey bits in the bottom.. it was all yellow and orange fruits in an orange jelly and topped with a mega layer of custard then whipped cream sprinkled with chocolate flakes!!!! I tell you – I wanted some SOOOO much!! His dad then went and offered me some!!!! I very politely (and almost through gritted teeth) declined, but thanked him for the offer. He repeated the offer.. twice more!!!! I declined both times. It wasn’t easy..

I had already told Richard when I arrived that I wanted us to go out for the evening somewhere, so, table cleared.. he got out the free papers and we scoured them for some live music action.. lol There was a band called ‘Equillibrium’ appearing in a pub in some village not too far off so I offered to drive (as not drinking) and we set off! It was already almost 9 and his dad seemed rather put out that we would consider going out so late.. lol.. bless.

I have to say, it was the best thing we could have done! The place was fairly full and we had to sit in a kind of side area to get a seat. It was fine though as we were next to the band but away from the smokers in the main bar. The band were brilliant – they did rock covers (no not cosies for pebbles!)… the male singer was the best vocally, but the lead guitar was incredible. They did Pink Floyd’s ‘Brick in the wall’ and this guitarist did a fantastic solo!! We were all spellbound! The evening flew by (and the pints of water got glugged and relieved accordingly!) Richard went off to the loo and seemed to have vanished! He had bumped into some people he used to drink with 10 years ago but their local had been sold and developed and made into a building society and everyone had sort of drifted off to new watering holes.

The music continued late into the night and I simply couldn’t sit still! Lol Loads of chair dancing and foot tapping going on.. a teeny bit of headbanging too! Lol Loved it.. am going to make sure that next time I go down that it coincides with a gig of theirs!

Richard rejoined me until the end of the performance and then we headed for the bar where his friends were.. I introduced myself and we stood chatting. There was a chap standing the other side of me at the bar and he introduced himself and started telling me all about himself. His life and his hopes and dreams, the fact that it’s his birthday next Saturday and how he will be celebrating it. He was an intelligent soul, but very very lonely, and it was nice to talk with him. He was pretty drunk and did tell me I was a beautiful woman. Lol Further down the bar was a man who had the most incredibly piercing eyes.. I caught him looking more than once so met his gaze and held it and grinned. Lol He winked, that just made me laugh out loud. I can’t recall the last time I got winked at!!! LMAO A few minutes later and he caught my eye again and this time we basically had a staring match! Lol He won – my eyes were stinging. Lol

William (my new found bar supporting friend) continued to chat and we covered everything from his daughter and his divorce, to Iraq and the Americans, and Bruce Springstein! He eventually finished his beer and bid us goodnight.

We stayed chatting in there until 1am then headed back. It was freezing outside.. the sky was very clear and the stars were lovely. Once back I had a hot choc mint as they didn’t have a micro – so no muffin!! (I was gutted.. lol) Richard and I sat at the table in the kitchen until about 3am. We talked about lost loves, about all the friends we have through the bike club, about Debbie and Darren (of course).. about families.. about what our ideal partners would be like (I of course told him about Mr K .. lol). The only reason we stopped talking was because I literally was falling asleep!

Once in my room (an icebox with a bed in) I shivered for hours.. I just couldn’t get warm.. I think it must have been 5 or 6 by the time I fell into an exhausted sleep and then I dreamt that Richard had come into the room!!!!!

Sunday 14th January

Was woken up by Mr K giving me a call.. bliss.. better than any hot water bottle! Lol Once off the phone I very quickly got washed and dressed and went downstairs.. it was about 10.30. I thought Richard would already be up but he wasn’t so I rang Darren and asked if I could pop over and see him and the children… tbc

(off to meet Punkass now - see you all later! :D)xxx
 
You know, staring at the computer screen for a long time is bad for your eyes.So if I go blind it'll all be your fault! :)

Your posts are wonderful - I love reading them.

This post in particular evoked so many emotions.

Jemmie - you are "a friend indeed". You are such a good person, you deserve all the happiness being showered on you right now!

Take care and have fun with Punkass
 
lol, what are you like!! lol Will do Sunday and today tomorrow (if time) but have work, then gym, then WEIGH IN!!!, then out again.. so.. not quite sure when I will get chance (as will HAVE to work double hard tomorrow to make up for the time spent job hunting this morning - but then youdon't know about that coz I haven't told you all yet! lol)... sorry... I spend hours catching up on everyone else's threads that by the time I get to mine it's flippin bed time again!! I promise to try harder! ;) lol Just vv quick though.. fingers crossed for that last 2.4 to make the 5 stone mark at weigh in! AND.. I sent my CV off to a few agencies today and had an interview already .. so more reasons for crossed fingers too! AND.. got another date with Mr K! lol going to pics on Wednesday eve!! VERy excited about that - seeing him, not the pics ;) He called a few times today, but not on msn - very heavy day for him and plus I went out tonight and met up with Punkass.. anyway.. am getting ahead of meself.. lol.. need sleep!! (for beauty as well as sanity!!) toodle pip fer now my lovelies xxxxx
 
Losing the plot..

Think I'm losing the plot a tad.. GEM got the better of me a touch this evening so.. please.. if any of you see me online after 11pm on a week night just tell me to sod off to bed! ok? thanks. Love, Jennie xxxxxx
 
'morning.. sorry about last night - was too tired and GEM put in an appearance (for no bliddy reason!) lol.. still.. had my 'fix' of Mr K this morning :D :D :D and can't wait to see him tomorrow eve. Am supposed to be out tonight with some friends but to be honest, I might just get up to date on here and then crash in front of telly with Zoe (her fella will be working) and have a girly evening together instead. Busy day today - boss coming in soon (I got here early) and then gym, then weigh in!, then home and housework and update and, prob a night off the pc and in the living room. Since starting the diet I haven't really watched much telly because I used to watch it all the time and became a big couch potato and I think, subconsiously, I am afraid of doing so again! Just might take the dog for a walk tonight too.. (very mad at him last night when I did eventually get to bed!) Anyway.. just a quick good morning and hope all's well in your world. :D See you this afternoon! xx
 
have a good day hun, i'm just off to see my new gp about my bp, hoping to get off the meds soon !
catch up later
xx:)
 
he didn't take my BP today but wants me to do home monitoring for a week & let him know the results then he can make a decision. he gave me a three month prescription & i have about 5 tabs left,the thing is after a week he decides to bring me off them then waste of money i can't really afford to waste, so think the plan will be to "liberate" a few tabs from work tonight to keep me going & see. if i have to stay on them then so b it !
keep u posted as to how i get on
xx:)
 
Hiya Jennie

Just catching up with your weekend, very moving reading about your friend Debbie, that must have been so tough for you, you're very strong & brave not to cry in front of her & obviously such a caring, loving friend to have. I really hope things do improve for her, reminds us all of how precious & tenuous life is and how we should all make the most of every day, we none of us know what's around the next corner.

Take care & have a good day, & will catch up with the rest of your weekend later. Great about your 2nd date too:)
 
pandora said:
he didn't take my BP today but wants me to do home monitoring for a week & let him know the results then he can make a decision. he gave me a three month prescription & i have about 5 tabs left,the thing is after a week he decides to bring me off them then waste of money i can't really afford to waste, so think the plan will be to "liberate" a few tabs from work tonight to keep me going & see. if i have to stay on them then so b it !
keep u posted as to how i get on
xx:)
Click to expand...
I know it costs but make sure that whatever you do, you don't stop taking them without his say so honey.. :D Good that you can do the home monitoring thing too! :D Def want to know how it goes (if you don't tell I shall have to hassle ya...lol ;) )

MadamDotty said:
reminds us all of how precious & tenuous life is and how we should all make the most of every day, we none of us know what's around the next corner.:)
Click to expand...
This is so true MD.. so very very true.. and I'll not pretend it wasn't hard.. and I have been emailing her hubby with chit chat to take in for her.. I wish I lived closer as I could go in more often and also help out.. but perhaps the distance is a good thing too.. it makes the visits more meaningful (if you know what I mean).. anyway.. thanks.. she is a lovely lovely person.

I'm VERY excited about my second date.. lol.. will try and get on this aft but dashing home now to have 2 packs and get ready for gym and then straight from there to weigh in! Fingers crossed for that 2.4 lbs!!
 
Jen - just gotta ask what the F does GEM mean??!?!?

Also good luck with weigh in, not that you'll need it! Looking at your pattern you are due a big loss and NO DOUBT you'll break that 5 stone barrier!!!

You remind me of myself when i did this first time round - i didn't eat a morsel, and loved weigh in days!! I wish i could get some of that willpower back i tell ya!
 
Hi FFnF,

Good luck tonight although I really do think you are in for a big surprise with your weight loss ..... 6Ibs if not more! :)

DOn't let the Green Eyed Monster get to you, you know you are better than that!

I'm looking forward to seeing you soon - you are a lovely hugger!
 
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