Like you Loui Lou I haven't had a really terrible childhood, or been in a bad relationship. I wish I could change a few things about my childhood of course. That's where I think it all started. I always loved the bad food stuff, and ate lots when we had any at home (usually we did only have healthy stuff, so the bad things I longed for).
My skinny younger sister ate little (she is still skinny). And there where more attention on her from my mothers side. I was closer to my dad, but since he was away some, I was left feeling a bit out at times. Comments like "should you really have a second" from my mom really hurt. Especially when she just encouraged my sister to have some more food. Sure, the right way to go maybe, but that's not what I heard when I was a young teenager. And "should you really be making those cookies? You know you will be fat if you continue?", and all I heard was "I won't love you if you are fat". So sure, I think my obsession with food, and the right and wrong food, I got from home. But I don't really know how it started that I was wanting the bad stuff.
Here there is a lot of talk about "Sugar addiction", and some people think you can be an addictive personality, and just crave this things (same as with alcohol and drugs). I have been tested for it, and sure enough I had an sugar addiction. But it is not a "real" term or science that the doctors use. I tested on a private health care place. I don't know what to think about it. In some ways is takes away my responsibility for myself, and that I don't like. I do think we have a choice.
I have a great boyfriend since 8 years. We live together and I started piling on weight when we first met. We celebrated with food and wine almost every night the first time we were together, did what we wanted, had lots of fun. We both put on weight. He never said anything negative about my weight, on the contrary if any. He loves my curves, and finds my body sexy as it is, which I right now just laugh at him when he says. Since I don't in any way at all. He doesn't want me to bee too skinny, and he sometimes question me why I don't just love my body and leave it bee. He is happy with it, and so should I be he thinks, haha. But now he understands where I am coming from. It has nothing to do with him, but my feelings about myself.
He is supportive of the CD, but he think it is extremely boring not having dinner with me in the evenings (he eats alone since I don't want to put myself through that). And he misses the social events that we have around food.
