Thanks hun, thankfully it went on saturday, not nice. Although kind of nice in a twisted way as i (stupid i know, but hey) decided to hop on the scales - I was into the 12s!!! Yes, 2 days of barely drinking let alone eating so not counting i know, blah blah blah but hey, made me smile at least.
Had a very weird weekend. Been to see family who i havent really seen for about 18 months (we're not close....). They were blown away and i couldnt really get it. Then i realised why. The pics that they have up are of me at my heaviest so theyre expecting size 22 me to step out the car and instead theres a size 14 version of someone who looks a lot like who they were expecting........ After all the oooohs and aaaaahs it then turned into quite a horrible 'oh watch out, dont let her near the chocolates, she'll be back that way again' and 'oh we were worried about you, we thought you'd got to the no going back stage' and 'oh i got stuck next to this huge fat woman the other day' and then 'oh careful, shes on a diet, don't offer her cake' etc etc. I didnt realise my family were so 'fatist' until now. I guess they toned it down for my benefit. Don't get me wrong, theyre my family and i love them to bits but its hard when you see another side. If they were so worried about me, why did no one other than my dad (he wasnt there, different side of family) actually sit me down and talk to me? I saw the size 22 pics and had to leave the room they upset me that much. I knew i was big but seeing it again when youve avoided all the photos is something else really.
I also kind of realised where my weight gain came from. My family are hugely controlling around food and always were looking back. Really it was because they were worried about me getting overweight but i realise now that them doing that is actually what caused much of it. Food was always restricted with me. I was only allowed what they thought was enough rather than filling me up so i was constantly hungry and the same happened this weekend. I remember as a kid i used to go back in the kitchen after dinner and try and find more food as i was genuinely hungry - it wasnt treats i was after, it was to stop the hunger. I was a really active kid but was always bigger than everyone else both in height and weight and i guess they didnt want the fat kid to be theirs so telling me id had enough was their way of stopping it. But it just made it worse. I found myself doing the same thing this weekend. Meals were over and because it was stuff like white bread and things i was hungry quite soon after but that was it, nothing else until dinner, we dont do snacking. Im used to eating about 6 small meals with SW and this was 2 small and 1 huge and i actually got hunger pangs and really irritable.
I cant really explain it and i know its not coming out right on here but things are a little bit clearer in my head now. It was a painful weekend but one i learnt something from so i guess thats a positive. This is the first week i havent weighed in as ive been away so think im just going to stick to plan all week and wait until next time. Im pleased ive discovered where some of my issues came from even though it was difficult. Feeling a bit emotional now x