hmmmm..... back to where i started, nearly so have got to do this. ive spent 2months saying 2moro, next week, 2moro, one last meal.... so on and so forth. but on friday i decided sunday was the day no excuses just start! i wasnt hungry first thing and as i was in the bath i was thinking oh, id normally start on a monday so ill start 2moro... and i had my first shake of the day!! i pushed those crooked thoughts to the back of my mind, i had a choc shake with 200mls water and im on my 2nd litre of water.... im going to weigh myself daily to keep me going for the first couple of days and i need to get a new tape measure.
im gonna set myself ickle mini goals, as i cant afford to do this diet in its entirety just now im using up old foodpacks then i may do exante or dukan, ill decide on day 4/5 when ive no food cravings trying to talk me in2 ww or sw... a little of what i fancy does NOT do me any good, that is 1 thing i do know, im not knocking these diets but as many of you will probably have recognised from my many previous posts im an all or nothing girl, i do recognise this is an unhealthy attitude and i will do all i can to change it but first things first is to get this unwanted lard off.
i dont think ive ever made full use of a diary and i do want to be open and honest with you all but mostly myself. i feel truly disgusted with my physical appearance, i see photos of myself and i wana burn them, when surrounded by friends and/or family i wanna hide away. ive often thought to myself if i could just lock myself away for a few weeks id be fine but the truth is i think i just wanna hide away.... i wanna wake up with my confidence back. i used to be the life and soul of any party at my biggest.... whats changed? i think i thought losing weight would solve everything but it didnt.
sorry for the mad ramblings, it doesnt really make sense to me but it does feel a bit better getting it written down. thanks for reading xx