CD and ME

[Sarah Lou]

In honour of my adventure on Tuesday this weeks motto will be Take That Fat !!! In other words I am on the fat attack After doing so well I have now gone all the way back to the begining and gawd it's awful. This flippin stop start business is doing me in I just start on a roll and wham by body has other ideas.. it's really frustrating as each time I find it harder and harder to do. My journey is like a game of snakes and ladders.

Today was the first day I have had to my self and I did abit of house work, looking out the window i knew it wasn't a going out day so today was a no makeup and comfy clothes day, in other words PJ's aghhh the joys of living alone. The usual brain chatter kicked in around 4.00pm, so for around 4hrs I had the shall I go to the shop conversation in my head... really and truly what a waste of time but I guess it's all part of the journey and the way to exorcise those pesky food demons onwards into tomorrow and then Tuesday will arrive... my fabulous trip to Cardiff to see the lovely Mr RB and co xx

 

[Lily]

LOL. Glad your head's back in the game, hunni. :clap: And I am soooo jealous that you're going to see Take That.

You make sure you have a fantabulous time, okay?

 

[Sarah Lou]

Thank you Lily I am really excited now. I have that Christmas Eve night feeling you got as a child and I am wondering if I will sleep. I am going with some lovely friends and we have been friends for more years than I care to remember. Somewhere in the midst my neice will be there so i hope we can see each other.

So day two back on cd. Not fantastic I'm afraid but not hideous and at least I didn't have all those food thoughts. But I did have a crunchie that was learking in the kitchen, but it's all gone now and my kitchen is now a safe area. I'm not sure if I'm going to get all my water down tomorrow I don't fancy queing all evening.

So finally I have a wish come true and tomorrow I'm off to Cardiff to see Take That.

 

[leeds123]

SL my friend, how the devil are you??!!! I am back and STILL trying to lose the last 20lbs. pffftttt. its hard, am doing shakes but nibbles keep forcing their way into my mouth and I really want to comfort eat! however, I NEED to do this. hope you are well my dear. hugs galore!

 

[Sarah Lou]

Leeds my friend how lovely to hear from you, good luck with your last twenty pounds xx will catch up with you.

Well I have been totally lost without the forum, my little computer needed the Dr and it now needs to go to the hospital. So since Wednesday I've been without my Laptop and boy I have missed it. So what have I been up too????

Well I had one of the best day's ever and I went to Cardiff and saw Take That and it was the best live concert I have ever seen. 64,000 people were there and we had seats in the gods!!!! but we could look down and see everything. When we got our seats I sat there thinking of gawd this is so high, but thankfully once everyone else sat in front and around us it wasn't too bad. The Pet Shop Boy's were great too, Take That did a few songs and then left the stage.

The intro started and there right before we was Mr RB waiting to entertain me!!! it was fantastic and the place went mad They then all came on stage and the show was amazing. As you can tell I am still really quite excited.

The girls I went with were great and made sure I got enough rest and looked after me it has taken it's toll energy wise but thankfully I have until Tuesday before I have things to do.

Cambridge wise has been rubbish despite getting through the first day again last week, but since then I havn't got back into it. I did have a few naughty things on Tuesday including wine it's very hard to drink 3 litres of water at a concert and I certainly wasn't going to que all night long. Wednesday was just a tired day but yesterday was the worse and it was just stupid picking and nibbling. I see my cdc on Monday so I need to get a grip. I know I keep saying it but with the problems the week before I just need a clear clean run at it so I can focus. Bit by bit I worry that it will just get harder and harder..

 

[*Shanny*]

Heey Sarah so take that was good then hun.. how much were your tickets?? these a few on ebay at silly greedy prices lol..!

All the best for monday's meet with CDC.. enjoy your weekend and keep gluping xx

 

[Sarah Lou]

Shanny I'm still abit giddy with it all but hay ho I don't get out much !!! We paid £46.61 for stadium seats, plus vat and booking fee's it was £66.00. We also used park up my street and paid £6.00 for the day at a bike shop which was a bargain. Some friends of ours had booked and paid for the NCP car park but couldn't get in it as they were still using it for normal shoppers and anyone else who hadn't pre-booked so it was a total rip off for them.

I do need to get glugging x x

 

[Sarah Lou]

I wasn't sure what I was going to post today but I had a think and today's entry is about dealing with something nice. Let me explain. Without going into detail life has not always been kind to me and to be honest I have had more than my fair share of crappy stuff. I do work my through it and get on with it but there have been times when I havn't managed very well and I've had bouts of depression. But once I've got the right help I start my fight again.

So what the heck is wrong today :sigh: when something nice happens to me I just don't know how to handle it. So last week I had my day away and had a ball, but since then my mood has dropped and I can't pull myself together. Each and every time something nice happens I end up (this sounds crazy) feeling odd... like somehow I don't deserve it or I wait for something to go wrong. Sorry if that's abit deep but when I was a kid life got pretty tough for a good few years. My Mum brought us up and we didn't have much. It seemed if we did have a treat or bought something, then something would happen to end the nice feeling. I don't know why but I am carrying this around into my own life even now.

So this makes me wonder about my dieting habits. Is this also affected???? does this mean that I keep this weight on because it's easier or it's familiar. The thing is I go great guns, something happens and the first thing that goes is the part of me that takes care of me. I know if this was someone else I would be upset they wouldn't want a better life.

Maybe I need to go back and re-read my books and actually take it in. Perhaps reading last thing at night doesn't allow me to remember

It might also be that some photo's have come back from our day out and there is one that is horrendous. Its a side view with me sat down and I look very round and quite full in the face. I keep visualising the picture to try and keep me focussed. I think I also looked old and frumpy and I'm not sure I am ready for that yet??? I guess there is abit of me that feels safe. I've not had a relationship in five or more years, again this blanket keeps me from doing anything about it.

Some days I get up and want to look nice and make an effort. Then my mood drops or I get tired or my illness kicks in and I just can't be bothered. Maybe I am trying to revamp everything too soon or maybe I just can't believe that I will ever manage to loose 4 stone 6 pounds

A good friend of mine recently told me to take Baby Steps each day. Perhaps to get back on track I need to do a few hours at a time.

 

[Sarah Lou]

Well that's Sunday over with and tomorrow is a new day in cd land. I'm now seeing my cdc on Thursday which is my normal day so at least it gives me a chance to get back to normal or as normal it can be on cd one more day off tomorrow and then back to the mad house.

Note to me: Drink more water

 

[Lily]

Hi hunni - sorry I didn't see your earlier post until now. {{{Hugs}}} I think you were bound to hit a bit of a 'down' after having that amazing 'up' going to see Take That. So glad it was every bit as good as you hoped it would be. :clap:

Your friend's right about the 'baby steps', I think. It's taken me a long time to get my head around that idea too. All this time, I've been in such a hurry to lose weight - and ended up going nowhere fast. Slow and steady really does win the race, it seems.

Don't be so hard on yourself, hun. You've been through such a lot - are still going through such a lot. Being slimmer isn't the be all and end all to happiness - every pound off is simply a bonus. You're still a wonderful person no matter how much you weigh - and remember that no one else sees you the way you do. No one is ever as hard on you as you are! I bet you didn't look awful in that photo at all.

Sleep well, blossom - and hope you had a good week! x x

 

[Sarah Lou]

Lily my sweetie, I might now have to change my diary to blooming blossom what do you think ? Honestly my love the photo is awful.. but maybe that is what I needed as I don't often look in a full length mirror. I think I need to maybe look at health rather than the cosmetic affect of loosing weight.

I am sure this grey awful weather doesn't help either as I've gone back to wearing dark or black clothes. Well onwards and downwards, have a great day Lily xx

 

[Sarah Lou]

I am soooooooooooooo hungry I could eat myself I know it will pass but I do hate this bit. I have been drinking and drinking, having my products evenly spaced. I've had a shower prepared for work tomorrow and I'm still hungry! and it's proper gurgle gurgle hungry day two is nearing it's end and it will soon be time for bed.

Can't say I am much looking forward to going back to work tomorrow after my week off. I also can't believe that this time last week I was on the eve of seeing take that... where the heck did that week go

 

[Sarah Lou]

To occupy myself abit more before bedtime I have sat and watched embarrassing bodies. There are such alot of people who have problems with food and it goes on and on without help. Some people would say well your the one who puts it in your mouth! and yes I would agree however there is alot more to this in fact it's proven!!! lol they did a scan on the Dr who is of normal build and she was shown pictures of cake and then salad and healthier foods. Her brain didn't respond but the reward centre of her brain did and it flashed with electrical pulses that showed up on the cat scan. They didn't however say if it could be changed.

In my mamamoth post yesterday I wanted to try and focus on my physical health and not just the cosmetic look. I don't think I have given enough thought to my joints etc. You would think a person who fractured their spine would!!! I really do not get me sometimes maybe it's because I spend my day supporting other people I just don't have enough energy for myself. hmmmm

Note to me: drink more water and think more about one's self. :thinking2:

 

[Lily]

To occupy myself abit more before bedtime I have sat and watched embarrassing bodies. There are such alot of people who have problems with food and it goes on and on without help. Some people would say well your the one who puts it in your mouth! and yes I would agree however there is alot more to this in fact it's proven!!! lol they did a scan on the Dr who is of normal build and she was shown pictures of cake and then salad and healthier foods. Her brain didn't respond but the reward centre of her brain did and it flashed with electrical pulses that showed up on the cat scan. They didn't however say if it could be changed.

I was shouting at the telly by that point. Because it can be changed. I haven't wanted cake in nearly 6 weeks. I honestly do think that wheat flour is addictive. It's no good saying I'll eat less of the things made from it - you wouldn't tell an alcoholic to drink less alcohol, would you? You'd tell them to cut it out.

I have cut it out (wheat flour) - and I don't want it any more. I find it hard to believe it was that easy, but there you go. I guess listening to Marisa's hypnosis stuff is working for me. Meanwhile, the rest of the western world goes on troughing cakes... :sigh:

And I think you should change the name of your diary to Blooming Blossom.

 

[Sarah Lou]

Hoorah Lily I was watching the tv and I thought I wonder if Lily is watching this??? and you were.

I now have Marissa's book and a few day's ago a leaflet came through the letterbox for Domino's pizza. I have never been into take away (thank god) but as soon as I saw it I thought of what Marissa said ewwwwwwwwww

I'm working my way through the book and i hope that I can ditch the cake as thats my problem.

I think you have been amazing and well done you on kicking the cake habit. I absolutley want to change. I want to eat fresh food and I also think eating a cleaner diet in the future could help me and my general health.

I have got to get this done and dusted so I can move on. I can't keep letting food dominate me and I don't want another year to go by and still be stuck on cd.

So I went back to work today and within a few hours it was like I hadn't been away :sigh: Around lunchtime I started to think about the cafe next door and knew they had been baking because I could smell it but not I didn't go in and I didn't ferret around in the cupboard looking for biscuits good on me !!!

I am also happy to say that I no longer want to eat myself. Alot less hungry today. Tomorrow to go and then its weigh day. Training at work tomorrow I need to keep a grip on myself as there does tend to be evil biscuits around on training days

 

[Sarah Lou]

The last couple of days have been hectic to say the least. I have not been 100% and those evil biscuits jumped into my mouth yesterday via my hand. Could of been alot worse... I went over to the buffet table and put some food on my plate. I went and sat back down, looked at it and then stopped. I asked my colleague once they had finished if they wanted any more and they said "oh yes" so I handed her my plate. She took it and didn't even notice I hadn't eaten. So the next time I just won't go to the flippin table!!! I know I am not perfect but I am getting there.

Had my weigh in tonight and I had lost two pounds. Pleased with that as it was after 6.00pm and I had drunk my water through the day

 

[*Shanny*]

Smashing Sarah your doing fab again ... Keep your eyes on the prize xx

 

[Sarah Lou]

So what have I done today?? well not alot and I really don't care I've paid some bills, taxed the car, re-newed the breakdown cover and mooched about. After the hectic week I have just enjoyed the peace and quite at home. The sun has just started to come out so fingers crossed for tomorrow, when I will move off my bottom and have a day out.

I have a goal this week and I really really need to move out of the 15's I am sooooo fed up of seeing that blinking number. I only have about a month to go before my friends 40th and I really want to look alot better than the awful photo's that were taken a couple of weeks ago.

 

[Lily]

How many pounds do you need to lose to see the 14s?

I have to say, I was heartily glad to see the back of the 14s. It was getting a bit like Groundhog Day for a while there - no matter what I did, I kept bouncing back to 14st 4lbs. Hopefully that's something that's finally gone for good!

Glad you're enjoying Marisa. I think you kind of have to let yourself buy into it and not fight what she says, LOL. You could pick holes in anyone's dieting argument if you really wanted to - but honestly, given the diet you end up on if you follow Marisa's plan - who can argue that 'real' food isn't a whole lot better than processed, manufactured (albeit cheap!) cr*p?

Here's to you finding the 14s and hurtling into the 13s before you know it! arty0036:

 

[Sarah Lou]

Thanks Lily I have five pounds to loose to be 14st 13 I must say that I keep thinking about what Marissa had to say about Pizza and to be honest I have looked at them very differently when I have seen them in the supermarket. I just have to adopt the same principal for cake and biscuits.

I am very lucky to live around the corner from the seafront but today was strange. Whilst it seemed the country was basking in sunshine I actually had to drive in land to find it. The sea mist came down and it was pointless being by the seaside beside the sea so off my Mum and I went to a lovely garden centre about half an hour away. It was bliss as I suppose most people went to the moors or further up the coast, so it was quite.

We bought a few bits and bobs and pretended we had loads of money and chose very expensive garden furniture (well a girl can dream). We sat outside and I managed to move away from the goody counter! They have the biggest cakes and roulades you have ever seen!!! So crisis averted and on I go. My next weigh in is Thursday and fingers xxxxx I see those 14's :cross: