CD and ME

Hi Shanny :) thank you for bumping I thought I was going to have to find my diary ;) This week has been very mixed and a sudden change of management has really unsettled everyone and I have struggled abit until I had my say on Thursday. I felt alot better for it but I am not sure if it will change things :( I guess I will have to wait for tomorrows meeting.

So what happened this week in cd land. Well everything was fine until wednesday. I could feel the emotions servicing but I chose to have a some fruit when I went to a meeting. Which then led to a nibble of pizza. Of course that knocked me out of the pink and I spent the rest of the day grazing. Or am I being polite.. it wasn't a massive binge but it was enough. I know I could of done alot worse so maybe something has changed because when I came back to reality I did stop.

I couldn't see my cdc this week as she was away so I picked up products yesterday and I've carried on. I am still hoping for my elusive five pounds so fingers crossed it will be this week :D and as for me it's back on track. I really want to be in the next stone bracket !! :)
 
The problem with me is that I go along great gun's for a couple of weeks. :( Something then crops up and I turn to my faithful friend food. We all know that it is such a temporary fix but we still end up doing it. Since last Wednesday I have stuggled, it is all my own fault as I stupidly went out of ketosis and now it feels like I've gone back. Not badly but I am picking, apart from today when I managed to do a full day. I managed to avoid the buffet at work today, I have said so many times before me and buffets just don't mix. One more day and it's weigh day again. :)
 
Sarah Lou said:
The problem with me is that I go along great gun's for a couple of weeks. :( Something then crops up and I turn to my faithful friend food. We all know that it is such a temporary fix but we still end up doing it.
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I do the same, cherub. Or at least, I have up until now. Seems hard to believe that I might not revert to type - in fact, a sort of superstitious part of me doesn't want me to say that I won't screw up... That's stupid, I know.:eek:

Huge well done on getting through today. :clap: :clap: 2 more days, and you might see the pink again... :cross:
 
OH MY GOODNESS!!!! Boy do I have some news. This week has been pretty hectic at work hence not posting. I was due to see cdc on Thursday but had to rearrange for today. So off I went not expecting anything other than my little old pound. BUT :D on I stepped and my cdc shrieked and shouted "Sarah Bl**dy hell you have only gone and lost.............. FIVE POUNDS!!!! I also said the above, hopped off and back again on again and sure enough it was 5 pounds.

For those of you who know my problems with medication will know what five pounds means to me!!!! To say I am super happy is an understatement... so there it is!! nothing changed, didn't do anything different so it's abit of a mystery and I for one won't think about that for now :D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D
 
Remember this? :D :D :D

Sarah Lou said:
I have a dream this week that I will get into the 14's. That will mean a loss of five pounds. I know it might not be possible due to my medication but I'm putting it out there and let's see what happens. Positive mental attitude ;)
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And then you post this!!

Sarah Lou said:
OH MY GOODNESS!!!! Boy do I have some news. This week has been pretty hectic at work hence not posting. I was due to see cdc on Thursday but had to rearrange for today. So off I went not expecting anything other than my little old pound. BUT :D on I stepped and my cdc shrieked and shouted "Sarah Bl**dy hell you have only gone and lost.............. FIVE POUNDS!!!! I also said the above, hopped off and back again on again and sure enough it was 5 pounds.

For those of you who know my problems with medication will know what five pounds means to me!!!! To say I am super happy is an understatement... so there it is!! nothing changed, didn't do anything different so it's abit of a mystery and I for one won't think about that for now :D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D
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LOL. :wow: :woohoo:

You 'saw' it - you got it! Never doubt the power of the mind, eh? That's a Marisa thing, by the way - she swears by that stuff. If you can see yourself slimmer, you will be slimmer.

Oh! Can't get the smile off my face - so happy for you, hun! It's about bl**dy time! :winner:
 
:DLadies thank you:D I am still on a high and even had a quick re-check at my Mum's house. So a quick calculation means that two more pounds and I will get to the 14's.

Lily, what you wrote about my post. It's a weird thing the power of thought. Before I threw out my five pounds wish I had a conversation with my cdc. After shedding five stone herself, she was in training to do a marathon. We got talking and I was reminising about when I did the Moonwalk Marathon and shared some tips with her, I know she was running and I power walked it but it's still 26 miles. As a joke I said well you do the marathon and I will do five pounds loss. On the day I sent her a motivational txt and a few hours later she sent one back and said you owe me five pounds!! I said yes I know I sponsered you, she came back and said No not money lady, five pounds of weight... oh that's easy I said, with very much my tongue being firmly wedged in my cheek.. oh me of little faith.

I think my cdc is special. Special in the fact that she has stuck by me through the last year through my problems. She has gone out of her way to read up on my illness and support me no matter what. Secretly inside it was as much for me as for her. I wanted to step on those scales and see her face!!! the thing is though even when I've lost a wee pound she is just as happy.. but yesterda y was abit more special. Enough of my ramblings this is a new week ;)

So now to today. My Mum is really happy that I am doing cd but she likes to go out for meals and tea with cake :eek: so I was quite happy today when she told me that a few of the other ladies where she lives had arranged to go out for lunch today and did she mind if she went instead of coming over. No I didn't mind at all as there is something about Sundays and nice cake that I associate with seeing my Mum. I think after a big loss it's abit of a danger time as my brain switches to abit of self sabotage and the calculations of what could I have abit of and get away with kicks in. So until I have done abit more work on the head stuff I am quite happy to be home alone.

Bank hol tomorrow and I will be quite happy pottering around at home. There is something quite depressing about living in a seaside down when it's grey and gloomy. The weatherman did say it will be better from Tuesday, well thats no blinking good is it, Tuesday is back to work day :rolleyes:.
 
Today has been a test of endurance! For some reason I am starving hungry. It appears my adrenalin rush of excitement is over. In fact I am so hungry I ventured out into the kitchen and apart from my cd products there is a bag of sad looking salad, equally sad looking spring onions. Oxo cubes, icing sugar and a tin of chickpeas. I had a few nibbles of salad and went back into the lounge still feeling hungry. I stupidly then flicked over and the hairy bikers were making a massive......... omg looking pie. Thats all I can say about it as it's to evil to write about and not approriate in my diary or to anyone who reads it.

All in all I'm in a right old mardy today. The sun has just come out slightly too late me thinks.

When I move I am getting a flat with a bath, somehow a shower just isn't enough to relax in.. I just can't relax despite using all my lotions and potions.

This is the hard part of the cd journey when your mood dips, food beckons and all I can do is stay in my pyjamas so I don't wonder off to the shops. Back to work tomorrow and weigh day Thursday so it's a case of just digging in and getting on with it.

I think I'm getting abit anxious about Friday. I don't go out in the evening very much but a friend of mine has a Birthday this week and I have been invited to her "do". I have already had a throwing my clothes around the room in a hissy fit because I don't have much to wear.. I also know that by Friday I tend to get uber tired and unfortunatly her do is after work. Oh god what a moaning minnie I am today. I suppose I am not getting to the point. The point being is that when I overspend on my energy I get day's of payback. I'm still getting over last weekend when I cleaned and cleaned like a loon. I guess it just felt good to be "normal".

The other alternative is just not to go but that's what happens all the time I just don't go, but there are times when I just get plain old fed up of not being part of things. I could however pace for myself and not dance around in beyonce stylie (who am I kidding) and get home at a reasonable time. So that's it then I've sorted out the going out bit but I could do with Gok popping around to tell me what to do and how to make the best of my bangers. :D See yet more references to food. :p
 
Today has continued to be tough and all I feel is hungry. Did a quick keto stick and it's not pink anymore :( it certainly does appear my body does what it wants when it wants. Hmmmm still a mystery though.

I've had enough today and I am going to bed :nightf: I don't think the tv has helped today, flipping adverts :mad:
 
You still doing 810? What did you have for your meal?

Ketostix, grrr... I know why you tested - and looks as though it's given you an explanation as to why you're hungry. Blooming things don't help to fix the hunger though, do they? :rolleyes:

Hope you have a lovely refreshing sleep so that you're fighting fit ready to deal with tomorrow.

{{Hugs}}
 
I tried to be clever Lilly and drop it abit but it didn't work!! so back to what I have been doing!! :)

I had a feeling today that today was going to be one of those days. I went off to bed last night and I too have been spangled :D 100 days of dieting. I read a good few pages and drifted off into the land of nod. Today I was on the late shift and as soon as I arrived I got questioned about a decision someone else made on Friday. I explained it once, then twice and then for the third time. Ok I except that my manager might ask but not other team members who were just getting their tuppence worth. Well that kind of ignited the touch paper.

From there it went to being given my orders and how long was it going to take me to do, on top I might add of seeing my clients. As usual it all came my way and everyone went onto do their own thing. Isn't it funny that people like to somehow tell you what to do but when the do dah hits the fan, rats fleeing a sinking ship springs to mind. I have an impossible task to get it all done by Thursday and suggested to our new manager she will need to delegate!!!

So quitely fuming :mad: I started to do the task. I felt sick to the pit off my stomach as I didn't know which way to turn all day. So not enough water, I forgot my shaker and ended up having a lumpy shake way to late in the day. Now the ridiculous bit...

I really don't like doughnuts.. that's a fact so why when I went into the kitchen did I shove some in my gob!!! :eek: of all the things to eat.. I mean I ask you :confused: but it's done and yet again I have let my emotions win :(

So to turn that moment of stupidity on it's head, I stopped, I didn't then go to the shop and have a food fest. Maybe I need to be aware that the emotion I struggle with is frustration and other people sticking their nose in when it's not wanted. :beam:
 
Lumpy shakes suck. :( I'm not surprised that the doughnut looked appetising after that! Anyway, it won't have done much harm. 250 calories of doughnut, most of which will be fat. You'll still have had a relatively low intake of calories and carbs for the day, and that's what really counts in the end.

You did fabulously well not to go and having a splurge in the shop on the way home - so give yourself a big pat on the back. You're learning, hunni - you're going to get there this time and I'm right behind you with the pom poms to cheer you on! :party0011::party0011::party0011:

Hope tomorrow's a much better day for you, hun x :hug99:
 
Life has a funny way of changing things and not always for the better. Since last Thursday I have been struggling with my illness. Work has played its part as we worked all out for several days and my body decided it wasn't happy and by Thursday I had burnt out. I fell into work on Friday to then sit at my desk feeling awful and I went home. I spent most of the day in bed but couldn't sleep. For some reason my night medication isn't working and I am waking at 4am each morning. The weekend has been a blur and on Saturday I was sick of being sick and tired. Tired just does not describe the feelings I have. The pain can be unbearable along with the sharp jabbing pains that feel like electric shocks. Along with my restless legs it's been a really hard few days.

I went into work today and had to talk to my manager about how I was feeling. I asked if I could see the OT as I feel like i need support when the pressure is on and maybe they could suggest some ways of how to cope. I felt quite positive about it but the little voice began in my head and I am now worried they might think I can't manage my work load. I guess I will just have to see how it works out.

I havn't been on plan, in fact I don't quite know what I've been doing. So I will get myself together and do my best to get back on track.
 
Sarah Lou said:
Life has a funny way of changing things and not always for the better. Since last Thursday I have been struggling with my illness. Work has played its part as we worked all out for several days and my body decided it wasn't happy and by Thursday I had burnt out. I fell into work on Friday to then sit at my desk feeling awful and I went home. I spent most of the day in bed but couldn't sleep. For some reason my night medication isn't working and I am waking at 4am each morning. The weekend has been a blur and on Saturday I was sick of being sick and tired. Tired just does not describe the feelings I have. The pain can be unbearable along with the sharp jabbing pains that feel like electric shocks. Along with my restless legs it's been a really hard few days.

I went into work today and had to talk to my manager about how I was feeling. I asked if I could see the OT as I feel like i need support when the pressure is on and maybe they could suggest some ways of how to cope. I felt quite positive about it but the little voice began in my head and I am now worried they might think I can't manage my work load. I guess I will just have to see how it works out.

I havn't been on plan, in fact I don't quite know what I've been doing. So I will get myself together and do my best to get back on track.
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{{{Hugs}}} Big big big {{{hugs}}}

I'm so sorry you've been feeling cr*ppy. I wish I could come up, well, that anyone could come up, with a magic cure for you. :(

But for what it's worth, I think you've done the right thing in asking for help. I know it feels like such a risk, especially in today's world, but asking for support because you're unwell isn't wrong and you definitely shouldn't be penalised for it.

It's hard to know though what comes first though, isn't it? Do the days when you struggle with your illness come after days of struggling with your job - or vice versa? Or are the 2 things completely unconnected?

Whatever it is - or isn't - don't worry about dieting until you're feeling better. You just need to look after yourself right now x x x
 
Sarah I agree with Lily concernate on looking after yourself and feeling better..!
Look after yourself x
 
Lily, I really needed to hear from you :) thanks for popping up. I wish too something could be done. Last November people with my condition were banned from giving blood. However the government in this country are reluctant to invest in proper research. The last Dr to challenge their idea of it not being a physciatric illness was suspended from practising. I cannot believe that politics get's in the way, when it's very clear that it's so much more than something "we imagine"

I had support from an OT two years ago when I returned to work after being ill for six months. My phased return was managed and agreed and it worked well.
I did have my reservations but you could clearly see I wasn't my usual self.

There isn't a clear pattern and each episode can be different. But it does happen if I boom and bust. It's very hard to strike a balance. They call it pacing and nobody has ever told me how to do it??? I have only seen a consultant once and then had an awareness day and that's all they could offer as there was no further funding for patient support. :mad: I am lucky, my GP is very supportive and manages my medication well and regularly reviews them. Hence why I need to go and see him this week, the last thing I need is not to be able to sleep.

I'm heading over now to your diary to catch up on what you've been doing. :)
 
Thankfully I have turned a corner and I am amerging from my health relapse. I some how managed to stay at work and now I am holiday until Thursday. Have an important meeting on that day and then back on my hols until the following Tuesday. Oh and I am seeing Take That in Cardiff on Tuesday :D:D I am so releaved that it wasn't last week as I wouldn't of been well enough. I finally finished my heavy duty cycle of meds so I can come back to good old cd .. I saw my cdc lady yesterday or should I say my ever so patient cdc and came away armed with my goodies. We didn't check my weight either as my meds contain a steriod and I am sure they have undone my most amazing five pound loss as my skirt was tight and my tum was quite a big tum :eek:. So it's back to basics and the endurance of the next three day's.

At least I don't have work to think about.. all I need to do is dream and wait for Robbie or Gary to spot me.. in my dream they are not married ;)
 
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