Aww thank you Miss Sophie!
It just difficult because my first counsellor accused me of lying about my depression so I didn't have to work. The first GP I saw at the new practice said that same and said no one would ever give me a job if I didn't pull myself together - he's STILL down as the mental health specialist! I had a really lovely counsellor for a couple of years and then an ok one who tried CBT with me. Thing is with CBT it isn't counselling. You don't go in and just talk and rant about your feelings it's about getting to change how you think about certain things. And I don't know if it's just me, but I've had 13 months to come to terms with knowing there is something wrong with me and quite a while knowing it was probably something incurable. I don't seem to particularly resent it, I don't feel I'm wallowing, or letting it stop me doing stuff, etc. I got over that, again, by myself last year when I couldn't bear to be touched or even look at myself in the mirror.
Just feels like exactly what you said, the only person I can rely on fully is myself!! I always get myself out of these things. Sometimes it takes a while and it is really hard, but I've never let myself fall, not completely. And I could have oh so many times
I just feel that a lot of the things around these supposed "treatments" are very negative and don't seem to help many people and, in fact, seem to worsen the condition for an awful lot of people. And it scares me to think of someone muscling in and ruining all the damn good work I've done!!!
I see this as a choice. I can give in, live a poor existence on benefits, and pretty much stop. Or I can carry on with what I've been doing!
A friend on FB told me not to fight it or I'll get worse. But I don't see it as fighting the illness, but fighting to keep my life and learning with this
Of course I will go to whatever they ask me to, I will and I will try it. But I'm not daft enough to do it blindly! And when I get a chance I will do some research in to the graded activity thing and go armed with info. I wouldn't blindly treat one of my dogs for an illness, so it shouldn't be any different for myself.
God I don;t half go on!!
Something a bit different.... I got an email from my tutor - huzzah! She thinks I will be able to use my blocked doggy as a radiography and fluid therapy case. AND a first aid case! I KNEW I was right!! She said if he had to be catheterized to "unblock" him, which he did, then it counts as first aid. Damn straight!! She said he can't really be classed as medical, even though it started as a medical condition, because he ended up in surgery. But that's still 3 things I can write him up for. And I still have the poor poisoned kitty cat I can use as a medical case.
So yeah, nah nah nah nah nah, I was bloody right!! I have emailed her the write up of the dog so she can see IF for certain I can use him, obv I'd need to go more in depth on certain bits, but that would be awesome if I could use him and the cat to cover all those things. I think I would just need one more radiography case study to finish the written bits of section 2 then
Oh I took an exam today. The instruments and anaesthetic equipment one. I got 34 out of 38! But it's a 100% pass one
So annoyed because I bloody well named everything correctly!! But I got the descriptions on 2 instruments and 2 anaesthetic things the wrong way round!! Argh!! So going to take that again next week - you can't re-take them within a week of failing it. Damn it! Who has 100% passes?! Seriously!!
Ahem...xx
