Crazys "No Binging Allowed" Diary...

[lisalulu]

Morning Natalie. Hope you had a good time last night. I saw loads of clips from the Britney concert on GMTV this morning- I was keeping my eyes open for anyone who looked like you They said it was amazing and she was doing magic and all sorts, I bet you had a brilliant time.

Had a quick skim through some of your replies, I'll read them properly when my little lady isn't wriggling on my lap pestering me to let her play on the Cbeebies website. Glad to see you were 100% yesterday, you seem a lot more positive about things. I found that THINKING about getting back on the wagon is actually harder than just doing it- we talk ourselves into thinking it'll be really tough and that we're not going to succeed, when really all we need is that same positive mindset that we had first time around. Keep strong, keep posting and keep at it.

 

[Katycakes]

Ah, big hugs Crazy. Glad the gig was fab.

I so know where you are coming from on the binge stuff, and I have had the same choc conversation in my head a million times. And I totally thought I would have to give it up forever but while away I ate TimTams (a choc biscuit thing) and it was just - well - choc - ok. It wasn't heaven and it wasn't awful either, and it also wasn't WORTH it, and that makes me think that maybe there is progress possible on that front. The TimTams experience if anything has lessened the power choc has over me.

Having said that I am more than capable of stuffing myself with oatcakes & peanut butter, so I know I'm not there yet, wherever 'there' might be.

I think I am like you in being all or nothing, in that way SW never worked for me as a way to handle the cravings because the message was always 'have a little bit' of choc, and I didn't know HOW to do that. Chocolate for me was doing something else, filling another kind of gap, and maybe also very linked up to my childhood because the person who always gave me choc was also the person who couldn't love me the way I wanted to be loved, and that all takes a bit of getting your head around.

But y'know, you are dead right with that observation about the first few mouthfuls tasting good... the rest we don't need. That has never stopped me in the past, but things are changing, I am changing, and you are too honey. A fall like this is scary when you like to be in control (I know because I am just the same) but it's those mistakes we learn the most from.

Day Two, Crazy, make it 100%, and big hugs again.

xxx

 

[Chelsea Lou]

Good morning Natalie. Your post almost made me cry and as you pointed out in your message to Jess, you could be twins. I am proud of her and I am proud of you for acknowledging your difficulties and doing something positive about them. I also have fallen off the straight and narrow over the last few weeks and I guess I panicked getting near to target. Something was ending instead of it being a new beginning. I felt so sad about that. I look at the posts of new starters and remembered how it felt last February to be in their shoes. Nervous, excited, amazed and totally motivated. I have got to stop seeing change as a bad thing, it's not something lost or ended, it is something found and a new beginning.

NLP session a couple of weeks ago seems to have finally kicked in and I am having a follow-up on Monday, so hopefully I will heal. I want everyone on here to heal. I would miss minis and all you folks so much and WHEN I am at target I will STILL be able to post on here to ALL you girls who are ALSO at TARGET and remaining so.

Love and hugs xxxxx

 

[crazylilblondie]

Thursday 4th June 2009
Day 2 of SSing
Goal: 8 Stone 7lbs
Weight: 9 Stone 6.0
Daily Change: -1.6lb
Weekly Change: -1.6lbs
Till Goal: 13lbs
Plans: Voting, and working at Jonathon Ross

Hey everyone!

Ah you are all so great replying to me and are giving me so much motivation and things to think about. As usual I will probably end up replying at about 1am again tonight!

Thought Id best check in though and wanted to write down about my day yesterday. I had the devil of a friend staying over. She's lost about 4 stone last year on weight watchers and is still trying to lose about another 3. I told her I would be only having my shakes but I didnt want her to feel uncomfortable so if she wanted a sandwich, or to get some dinner from tescos then thats cool with me.

We went out shopping and she was continuously encouraging me to eat or go to Wagamamas ect and thats shed pay as a thankyou for letting her stay. At one point I agreed and she even said "You can always drink lots of water and puke it up afterwards".

Im ashamed to say for a while we had agreed to go but I was constantly battling in my head "do it" "Dont do it". In the end I dont know what came over me but the angel won. I said NO and that I would be staying on my shakes. But it was very very close.

Then at Britney at the O2 I was starving and had already had all 3 shakes for the day. Again I was tempted by the fast food stands. After the gig my friend then kept going on about how hungry she was so I had to stop at McDonalds for her, where I didnt have anything.

At first I wanted to kill her for trying to ruin my efforts.. but then I realised she wasnt trying to ruin my efforts - she was looking for an excuse to binge and eat lots herself. I guess on any diet you are continuously competing with yourself and decisions you should make. I'm glad I was strong yesterday because in a way if I had caved in then there would of been not 1, but 2 of us breaking our diets and feeling all the negativity that comes with it.

Anyways, the scales are saying Im down 1.6lbs. Wahooo! I know its the initial water weight that you lose on Cambridge, but its a step in the right direction

100% today again I promise!!!!!

 

[richman14]

keep going. fOr years my weight up and down and its a good time to conquer it once and for all. You always have to think but the key that i have learnt when i come of this diet for good is that when i do have a bad day in dosent mean it has to turn into 6 days of being bad or even 2 or 3 days. After a bday day you have to be good and if you cant then at least get it right the next day or we will all find ourselves back to square one and feeling twice as bad i have done this too many times and wont again. I have jsut been weighed tonight and half a pound of a 6 stone loss in jsut under 4 months i need to get around 1.5 stone more off then i want to maintain this weight for many years to come. Good luck to you all keep going xx

 

[crazylilblondie]

Friday 5th June 2009
Day 3 of SSing
Goal: 8 Stone 7lbs
Weight: 9 Stone 3.8
Daily Change: -2.2lb
Weekly Change: -3.8lbs
Till Goal: 10.8lbs
Plans: Bugger all!

Hey everyone! Managed another 100% day yesterday wahoo. Was quite a good day, really busy so didnt have much time to sit around bored and think about food and wasnt surrounded by it at all for once. Got really hungry towards the end of the night, but thankfully I was more tired so chose the sleeping option instead. Today will be a challenge as I have no plans for the first time in ages. However I have a long to do list and I feel spurred on by loosing 3.8lbs this week!

Am going to have my porridge then reply time

xoxo

 

[crazylilblondie]

CONGRATULATIONS!!! on staying 100% yesterday. that is an achievement of many for you now.

It seems so silly doesnt it though - I stuck 100% for 83 days and now even making 2 days feels like a cause for celebration!

you say you want to lose another 1st, but looking at the pic of you in the nice pink flowery dress (and Im going to sound like the non-CDers here) are you sure you 'need' to lose another stone? as you certainly dont look like you need to in that picture (which is a compliment not a criticism)

That photo was taken before my 7lb binge fest. Also the camera was above me which always makes you look thinner But I do want to be more in the middle of a healthy Bmi rather than on the outskirts. If on the odd occasion I do have a big heavy meal, or I do have a bad day and eat everything in sight I dont want to be in the overweight category again and panic diet to get back into the healthy range. I feel with a middle bmi then I can think "ok, Ive been a bit naughty, but Im still healthy and if I eat healthily it will even out again". I know alot of it is in the mind though...

Now I need to get 16lbs off to get to healthy weight range so how about we look out for each other and get to goal together.

Sounds like a plan! You are still on SS aren't you? Or have you decided to move up plans?

Thanks for the advice, we can do this!

xxxx

 

[crazylilblondie]

Morning Natalie. Hope you had a good time last night. I saw loads of clips from the Britney concert on GMTV this morning- I was keeping my eyes open for anyone who looked like you They said it was amazing and she was doing magic and all sorts, I bet you had a brilliant time.

Oh gosh she's had mixed reviews because she mimed the whole thing - but that was to be expected! Id rather have her put on a spectacular SHOW than stand still and sing live with lots of bum notes. There was so many dancers and acrobatics and beautiful costumes. Im going again twice next week!... And I wonder why I have no money??

I found that THINKING about getting back on the wagon is actually harder than just doing it- we talk ourselves into thinking it'll be really tough and that we're not going to succeed, when really all we need is that same positive mindset that we had first time around.

Oh totally, and I think whats hard is "planning" to do it. Because then you see every food before you start as "the last supper" and try and gobble it all up as you think "i wont be able to eat this for months". Which is all wrong - when I did CD the first time round I didnt have any of these last suppers - I was so excited to lose weight that I threw myself into it and all the food I wouldnt be having didnt really come in to it. i think the novelty has worn off which is probably why the motivation has slipped. But it's coming back, slowly but surely...

xxx

 

[crazylilblondie]

I so know where you are coming from on the binge stuff, and I have had the same choc conversation in my head a million times. And I totally thought I would have to give it up forever but while away I ate TimTams (a choc biscuit thing) and it was just - well - choc - ok. It wasn't heaven and it wasn't awful either, and it also wasn't WORTH it, and that makes me think that maybe there is progress possible on that front. The TimTams experience if anything has lessened the power choc has over me.

Oohh they don't sound too great. I don't know if anyone else has these thoughts, but for me if I cheat, or binge, or whatever, i want it to be WORTH it. I especially found this on holiday where for a few days I just had shakes all day. Id decide on whether Id stick to the diet depending on what we were having for dinner. If it was just some plain meat and veg (which I could actually have on SS+ or 810 and was actually HEALTHY) then I wouldnt have it. But if it was something carby or we were going out to dinner then the gloves came off, Id eat non allowed foods, then after the meal Id go back to my room and eat all the yummy foreign chocolate Id bought my friends for presents. Why cant we want to binge on salads aarrgghh!?

I think I am like you in being all or nothing, in that way SW never worked for me as a way to handle the cravings because the message was always 'have a little bit' of choc, and I didn't know HOW to do that.

Also I find one piece, because the initial piece tastes so good - it always leads to a second and a third. It's much easier to just say "no" and leave it at that because otherwise where do you draw the line?

A fall like this is scary when you like to be in control

It's interesting this whole theory of being "in control". They say people with eating disorders like anorexia and bulemia are how they are because its the one aspect of their life they can "control" when everything around them is crazy. I wonder how this applies to people with "binge eating disorders" because I feel like I work in the opposite way. When everything in my life is out of control, my eating goes out of control too.. hmm something to think about i guess!!

xxxx

 

[crazylilblondie]

I also have fallen off the straight and narrow over the last few weeks and I guess I panicked getting near to target. Something was ending instead of it being a new beginning.

Ive been reading your blog and Im glad things are beginning to get back on track for you. I think i looked at things in the opposite way to you - the closer I was to goal, the more I knew the hard work was only just about to begin. I think doing SS and even 810, whilst they feel agonisingly hard at the time, they are easy in the sense that you know what you can have and what you cant. All that is needed is very strong willpower to say "no" alot. When you start maintaining and you are allowed to anything you want in moderation, you have to start making choices. When is enough, enough?

I felt so sad about that. I look at the posts of new starters and remembered how it felt last February to be in their shoes. Nervous, excited, amazed and totally motivated.

Oh yeah, I think because everything was so knew we were still finding our feet, not knowing what to expect, how quickly we were going to lose, how we were going to look, all the compliments we were going to get, clothes falling off and having to buy new ones! Now it does feel like going over old ground...

NLP session a couple of weeks ago seems to have finally kicked in and I am having a follow-up on Monday, so hopefully I will heal.

Hope you dont mind me asking - but what's NLP?

I want everyone on here to heal. I would miss minis and all you folks so much and WHEN I am at target I will STILL be able to post on here to ALL you girls who are ALSO at TARGET and remaining so.

Yes we WILL get there!! I just want to say it's so great you and Jess are doing this together. I so wish my mum would too - I tried encouraging her, even to do 810 as she is obese but I think she is in denial about her weight. I feel sometimes she is even deliberately trying to sabotage me as she knows I am having a hard time with my binging (to the extent where I raided her drawers for chocolate bars and ate chocolates she was given for her bday) yet she still goes out and buys multipacks of chocolate bars and cookies and leaves them on the kitchen top surface.

Anyways it must be great to have that support from eachother, I wish I could have it

xxx

 

[Lin18]

I just want to say how fabulous you look, and to wish you luck.

 

[crazylilblondie]

Just wanted to say thank you to you xxx

When I came back on minis last night it was the pictures of you that gave me that 'buzz' in my tummy. You look absolutely AMAZING. honestly, the 'amazing' bit really needs an "F" word before it lol!!

What a stunner. You have definitely inspired me honey and I can't wait to look as brilliant as you!!!! xxx

Well done xx

Hey sweet,

Wow thats crazy you say that, but thankyou. It's kind of for my own motivation i did that, - those "fat" pictures have never seen the light of day before but I decided to put them up and accept them because hiding them away just leads to denial and I need to accept who I was, and who I am now - and that I never want to go back to that person!

Im glad your back Jess, I really am - I always looked out for your posts because I think we started around the same time and seemed to have quite similar lives and attitudes (hell we even lost our jobs and fell off the wagon at the same time!).

Anyways Im glad your back on track - I need your cheery attitude and determination to keep me motivated hehe

xxxx

 

[crazylilblondie]

You always have to think but the key that i have learnt when i come of this diet for good is that when i do have a bad day in dosent mean it has to turn into 6 days of being bad or even 2 or 3 days. After a bday day you have to be good and if you cant then at least get it right the next day or we will all find ourselves back to square one and feeling twice as bad

You are totally right. Chances are I WILL have a bad day in the future, whether it be on CD or after, I cant deny that. I just have to put a holt to it straight away, and be in control and accept it and move on without letting it get worse and worse as the days go on!

I have jsut been weighed tonight and half a pound of a 6 stone loss in jsut under 4 months

Thats such a fantastic achievement, you should be really proud of yourself Well done! x

 

[Chelsea Lou]

[/SIZE][/FONT]

Ive been reading your blog and Im glad things are beginning to get back on track for you. I think i looked at things in the opposite way to you - the closer I was to goal, the more I knew the hard work was only just about to begin. I think doing SS and even 810, whilst they feel agonisingly hard at the time, they are easy in the sense that you know what you can have and what you cant. All that is needed is very strong willpower to say "no" alot. When you start maintaining and you are allowed to anything you want in moderation, you have to start making choices. When is enough, enough?




Oh yeah, I think because everything was so knew we were still finding our feet, not knowing what to expect, how quickly we were going to lose, how we were going to look, all the compliments we were going to get, clothes falling off and having to buy new ones! Now it does feel like going over old ground...




Hope you dont mind me asking - but what's NLP?



Yes we WILL get there!! I just want to say it's so great you and Jess are doing this together. I so wish my mum would too - I tried encouraging her, even to do 810 as she is obese but I think she is in denial about her weight. I feel sometimes she is even deliberately trying to sabotage me as she knows I am having a hard time with my binging (to the extent where I raided her drawers for chocolate bars and ate chocolates she was given for her bday) yet she still goes out and buys multipacks of chocolate bars and cookies and leaves them on the kitchen top surface.

Anyways it must be great to have that support from eachother, I wish I could have it

xxx

Bless you sweetie. You have been so nice to both Jess and myself, as have so many others on here. What a lovely 'family' we have?

NLP stands for Neuro Linguistic Programming (I think lol) which is the stuff that Paul McKenna does. Basically I am tryng to re-wire the brain so that I see things as positives and not negatives, plus loads of other s**t from way back that seems to have surfaced since I gave up smoking (27/11/08), drinking alcohol and eating food on CD (16/02/09). It is wonderful to be doing this with Jess and we have supported each other all the way. Well actually, if the truth be told, she supported me. Quite often she was the parent as I have been so emotional through all this!!!!! She needed me this week and I was only too happy to mother her and help her. The difference in her has been astonishing and wonderful and I want it to stay that way for her. It would be great if your mum would get on to CD and maybe when she sees how wonderful you are looking and feeling she might.

Hope your day is going well. Jess and I have both been good thus far!!!!!

Take care hon x

 

[crazylilblondie]

Bless you sweetie. You have been so nice to both Jess and myself, as have so many others on here. What a lovely 'family' we have?

Well if ever you fancy a new addition to the family then feel free to adopt me!! :family2:

NLP stands for Neuro Linguistic Programming (I think lol) which is the stuff that Paul McKenna does. Basically I am tryng to re-wire the brain so that I see things as positives and not negatives, plus loads of other s**t from way back that seems to have surfaced since I gave up smoking (27/11/08), drinking alcohol and eating food on CD (16/02/09).

That sounds really interesting. Is it a course or something you pay for, or councelling of some kind? Im thinking of researching some books to try and help me understand binging and emotional eating. I've tried Paul McKenna but think Im too stubborn for him, hehe!

Its amazing though that you have given up the three biggest addictions and drugs (cigarettes, alcohol and food) in such a short period of time, even with blips the fact that you havent chucked in the towel to it all is such an achievement. You definately have hidden inner strength

Hope your day is going well. Jess and I have both been good thus far!!!!!

Yay thats what I like to hear. I've been good today, had 2 shakes so far, lots of water... though I havent made it to the gym today. Been feeling a bit down (mainly because for the first time in ages I havent made any plans) and also I have mum and her bf nagging me about finding a job (even though Im continuously looking) and other things.

Ive kind of holled myself in my room as i dont want to be around them as I fear they will make me angry, stressed and depressed and I want to keep my emotions as steady as possible so it doesnt trigger anything off.

So i've been doing some reading and watching some American television shows to keep me busy. I have a busy weekend planned so I just think if I can get through today then I'll be ok for the rest!!

Thanks for reading and replying Good luck for the rest of the day too xxxxx

 

[lisalulu]

The NLP sounds really interesting, hope you can shed a little more light on it Lorrayne. I know I have real 'issues' with food, they began around the time I had post natal depression and spiralled out of control. Would it help me deal with my obsessive comfort eating and food addiction?

Glad you're back on track again Natalie, you seem much more like your old self. I wanna see Britney, I know h2b wouldn't come with but my brother would love to join me. It sounds like a great show.

 

[Jessica Rabbit72]

glad you are back on track chick adn now I need to be dont I otherwise I will be letting the side down! am still in 2 minds about SS or SS+. I have all good intentions in the mornings to do SS+ as I dont want to feel ill when i eat on hols, but by the end of the day Im not hungry and dont want to eat so have asked for tips on here.

I totally uinderstand where you are coming from about wanting to be in the middle of your healthy weight range - ideally I should do that but at the moment with being on the diet for 17 weeks it seems will take too long to get that extra 7lbs off form my goal. I may change my mind tho - going on past experience I probably will - change it like my bloody knickers!!!!
xxxx

Keep up the good work.

 

[trisha]

hi natalie, just read your diary as I've not been on much over the past few days. I think you look amazing already, but understand why you want to get to a lower bmi,.

I am also an "all or nothing" there is no way I can just have 1 piece of chocolate, wish I could. I too have been struggling for weeks I have a few good days followed by a couple of picking days, and they've got to stop!
glad you are back on track.

 

[crazylilblondie]

Saturday 6th June 2009
Day 4 of SSing
Goal: 8 Stone 7lbs
Weight: 9 Stone 2.2
Daily Change: 1.6lb
Weekly Change: -5.4lbs
Till Goal: 9.2lbs
Plans: Working on 'Totally Saturday' then staying at a friends

Morning everyone, another 1.6lbs off the scales today! I know its that water weight and the initial weightloss from SS'ing, but still great to feel Im on the right track. 1.2lbs to go till Im at the same pre binging weight!

I felt I could quite easily binge yesterday, locked myself in my room pretty much the whole day. Not the ideal solution but I feel that whilst I still have my food demons its not always safe for me to be near my family or the kitchen!

Im working tonight, a long shift at the BBC, then staying over at a friends and tomorrow we will all go out to this 'day club' and bar in the evening. It will be a real test but Im going to try my hardest to not eat or drink alcohol. Im wearing this:

So I can't really afford to have any food in my tummy anyway!

Lisalulu - I do feel a bit more like my old self, the willpower is slowly but surely coming back - with each day I grow a little bit stronger. It is hard though without the structure to my life I previously had but Ive just got to adapt!

Jess - you havent cheated have you? When do you go on holiday? When I went I moved up plans about 2 weeks before i went, SS+ one week, then 810 and then TRIED to do 1000 whilst on holiday. It was my own stupid fault I put on so much weight on holiday because on my binging! But im sure if you did something similar you'd keep loosing even on hols! Where is it you are going?

i did have a higher goal, of 8 stone 11 - giving me a BMI of 22.5 but I found at one point I was only 2lbs off it and still wasnt happy with my figure and how I felt. Also being so close to target - you wouldnt think I could stick it out and be able to reach it easily? instead i sabotaged myself and used it as an excuse to eat! Argh!!

xxxx

 

[crazylilblondie]

hi natalie, just read your diary as I've not been on much over the past few days. I think you look amazing already, but understand why you want to get to a lower bmi,.

I am also an "all or nothing" there is no way I can just have 1 piece of chocolate, wish I could. I too have been struggling for weeks I have a few good days followed by a couple of picking days, and they've got to stop!
glad you are back on track.

Haha yeah, one minstel turns into a family sized bag!!

I was the same, having 3 good days then 4 binging days. Or Id have all my shakes then a trigger would happen and at 7pm Id be driving to Tescos, spending £20 on naughty food - and it would all be eaten within the hour!! You just have to think how much you are spending on CD products because it is quite alot if you are not using them to the full effect!

Good luck hun xxx