So today's thought for the day is 'where does this end?'
I know when CD ends for me. That I am sure of. SS ends at half term and the steps end on 30th March. Sorted.
BUT...
what then? Assuming (and it's an enormous assumption), that I can control my eating, and thereby my weight, when i leave ketosis - and thereby lose any holiday weight without the sledgehammer tactics of a vlcd - then do I stop there?
If I can never return to eating freely - and will always need to be on some kind of diet - then what is stopping me from keeping going? slowly, slowly - with boozes once a week, granted - but could i be someone whose over all weight trend is downwards? Could I eventually become a healthy BMI?
I have never, ever wanted to be smaller than a size 14. Which is pretty much where i'll be at BMI 29. But what if i were? what if i became one of those 'other' kind of people, who can only be thought of (outside hollywood weirdness standards) as slim? a size 12... a size 10?? who on earth would i be?
what if i did manage to enjoy exercise - changing the habits and predelictions of an entire lifetime?
The whole thing is just a flight of fancy right now - an exercise in what-ifs. I'm pretty sure i don't want to be that person, and i'm even more sure that to become that person would require a wholesale, root-and-branch reworking of my personality. Which is probably a bad idea, not least for my marriage. Also, i've never found 'slim' or 'athletic' particularly attractive - and my vanity is pronounced enough that i need to think of myself as attractive.
I think it's just that at the moment, the 'health and size' direction of the rest of my life is not cast in stone, for the first time in over a decade. interesting to think about what direction it could take.
