Diary of a Young Wannabe Thin Woman

[Wannabe_Barbie!]

Ok so I went from a healthy weight to obesity in a very short period. I cannot really tell you what went wrong, cause I can't pinpoint the exact moment everything turned around, but something went seriously wrong! :cry:

I had heard about the cambridge diet before but I didn't think it would work for me. I found this forum by googling the CD. Everybody on this forum has an inspiring story to tell, and all of you have in some way motivated me to get started and helped me believe it is possible. So I decided to write my own diary in the hopes of motivating someone else oneday.

Today was my Intake meeting with the CDC, I am starting the Sole Source plan tomorrow. I have to say I was a bit surprised by my actual weight. (Since I have been afraid to go anywhere near a scale because of the fear of what I might find.:jelous I have mentally prepared myself that this journey is going to be very difficult but I am ready for it and I believe it will all be worth it in the end. I have to believe in the process and believe in myself!

I have a very complicated emotional relationship with food. So in anticipation to the level of difficulty of this diet, I had to sabotage any attempt of cheating!! What I did was I took my "before" picture in my bikini (ofcourse) and stuck it to every cabinet in the kitchen!! I also got a great idea from one of the members on Minimins.com, I made up a list of 30 reasons why I want to lose weight a.k.a 30 reasons to NOT cheat!

So I am ready to embark the CD journey! So long food:wave_cry:

 

[Wannabe_Barbie!]

Day 1 12.00 P.M.
First day on CD and WOW I am excited and nervous at the same time. I am determined I feel like I can do this!

This morning was already difficult cause I usually start the day with a big breakfast. I had to pick up my little brother to take him to work and he gets in the car with a cheese sandwich!! I wanted to dump his @#$ from the car and leave him right there wondering what was wrong with me. So inconsiderate don't you think? Anyway I survived.

I had my first shake at 10 a.m. and I found it surprisingly tasty and filling. I admit I am still hungry and I am daydreaming of food, but I am determined. I have had 1.5 liters of water already. So I feel it is going good.

 

[Wannabe_Barbie!]

Day 1 3.26 p.m.

Having my second shake of the day. Strawberry.... when I was mixing it I got sooo excited cause it smelled delicioussss but it is ok. Not as delicious as I expected. The chocolate shake this morning was extremely yummy. I got a bunch of different tastes to see what I like. I don't think strawberry will be on the list for next week. But I am looking forward to a toffee walnut shake for dinner.

I've had 2.5 liters of water already. The water isn't difficult for me cause I am constantly thirsty!!

I am hungry ofcourse but I guess since I am at work it is less difficult. I am afraid of tomorrow though. Cause my CDC told me weekends were the hardest for her. But I have plenty of ideas to keep myself busy and distracted. One of them being surfing this forum and reading different diaries since they are all so inspiring!

 

[Sarah Lou]

Hi Kim I have just read your post in Kels Diary, yes your right she makes me laugh out loud.. she reckons she was ok until she came here now she is a bit nuts you will notice that we do tend to mention food

Good luck with your cd journey, mini's is great fun and even on the tough times people come along and perk you up. You are very welcome to our band of merry cd'ers !! Keep drinking the water.. get through the first three or four days and you will be flying. There are days when the head stuff kicks in and it's only natural to have cravings etc, but keep coming here and it will get you through x

 

[Wannabe_Barbie!]

I like people with a sense of humor since I tend to be a bit nuts myself
Ow yes I see you guys tend to mention food cause everytime I read one word that is food I have to stop reading and daydream a bit, then stop and remind myself that I am on a mission!

Thanks for the warm welcome! And I cannot wait to see your results in the next weigh in! You are doing great!!

 

[Wannabe_Barbie!]

Day 3 4.07 p.m.

Ok so I know I just posted a half an hour ago.... But I AM HUNGRY!! Oh goshhhh!! Here comes the difficult part I anticipated. I am chugging water like a baby chugging on a bottle. Friday afternoons at work are always slow and quiet. And with one more hour to go before I can go home I am going crazyyy!! And I can feel the headache creeping up on me, like its going to attack me when I least expect it.

What keeps me going is thinking about the long warm shower I am going to take when I get home, watch my downloaded tv shows, have a toffee walnut shake for dinner (maybe Chocolate), then curl up in my bed and doze off. Only to wake up tomorrow and be able to say 1 minigoal down 4 to go!!

I can do this....
I CAN DO THIIIIIISSSS

I feel like I have an angel and a devil on each of my shoulders.... only the angel is kinda acting like a drill master at the moment.

 

[Sarah Lou]

Paracetamol hunni and a rest. You will get through this, those pesky food thought demons will go.. keep strong

 

[Kels_85]

Hey Kim!!!
Oh my god, I actually read your diary earlier and didn't realise it was you that had posted to me until I just went through it again!!! What you said about your brother, and him eating that sandwich!! Oh my life, I swear I was actually laughing my face off!! Too funny!! I did feel your pain though when I had to resist my roast dinner last Sunday! I swear I actually wanted to elbow drop everyone one at a time that was sat around the table having dinner! Hahaha! Now when my family have dinner, I go in the kitchen and start washing up all the pots and pans! Just started doing it out of the blue and it really does take my mind off things!

I'm sure your going to do amazing on the cambridge!! We will all be here too support you! I think it definitely helps to have a laugh through out the days, it really makes the days pass quicker!

Good luck with your toffee and walnut shake tonight! That is my least favourite!! Yuck, yuck, yuck none if those ones for me! I'll trade you for your strawberry ones!! Real Barbies like strawberries! Hahahaha!! I actually prefer banana, chocolate and mint and chocolate! The rest I can handle except that toffee and walnut!!

I am normal too I promise - sometimes!! Hahaha!! I really do blame Sarah! She makes me laugh too much! Anyway I'm rambling now! Hope you enjoy your dinner chick! Let me know if you like it! Have a lovely evening xxx

 

[Wannabe_Barbie!]

HAHAHAHAHA! Laughing always makes everything better!! If I couldn't laugh about things like these I would be probably be miserable!

I love love loooove strawberries and everything strawberry flavoured but for some reason that shake did not do it for me. Maybe I expected too much from it.

About being normal.... Me and my friends are always being called crazy... so we joke about it all the time. We tell them: Normal people are boring We are high on life! And that is exactly how I would describe myself, high on life. I try to always keep positive... (Not trying to offend anybody who thinks they are normal....)

Thank you for the warm welcome and thank you for the support!

 

[Kels_85]

Hahaha!! I'm loving the banter already! You are most definitely brightening up my Friday night!!

As for the normality situation, I am normal on my planet and that's what counts, it's just the people that are not from my planet find me strange! You are obviously on my planet! Hahaha!
No in all seriousness, life is way too short to be anything but happy, a saying which I learnt the hard way! 1 second of being depressed is a second you will never be able to get back!
I love having a good laugh, it definitely makes things easier! You, I and both out sets of friends would get on so well! As my friends are odd bods too and do nothing but laugh!

I really do wish you the best of luck with the diet! I'm sure your scales will be dropping lbs in no time at all!

Make sure you drink your water, headaches will soon disappear xxx

 

[Wannabe_Barbie!]

I feel like I am talking to myself!! Really!! I too have learned the hard way that being happy is the best way to go through life!! I loooove what you said about being normal on your planet, probably gonna post that on Facebook as my status.

The fact that I was able to brighten up your Friday night made my day! Reading your diaries and those of so many others helped me get through my first day! And I feel great!

Good luck tomorrow with your weigh in! I will be checking your diary to find out how it went!

 

[emz.is.shrinkin]

hey kim,

and a proper warm welcome to minimins. ive had a wee read through ur diary and u seem very focused and determined. good on ya girl. pleeeease try and get past them horrid headaches and cravings as once u get to about day 5, you'll wonder what all the fuss was about. its just the carb withdrawels wreaking havok with your brain.

all us girls seem to have around the same weight to lose which is good coz we'll be reaching a lot of our mini goals around the same time. so we'll be able to support each other all the more.

hope u have a good day 2moro chick and as kels said, we're always here when u need us. xxx

 

[Wannabe_Barbie!]

Thank you Emz for the warm welcome!! I just added you on Facebook!!

And as for always being here for support ditto!! Anytime I am always here! As for getting past the first couple of days I am fighting but having this forum and a diary is helping me get through it! And I know I will! Only positive thoughts in my mind.

Good luck tomorrow with your weigh in!!

 

[Wannabe_Barbie!]

Day 1 8.25 p.m.

Had my last shake of the day. Toffee walnut, and I have to say it wasn't that bad. It wasn't as good as the Chocolate or as not good as the Strawberry (cause the strawberry wasn't bad but it was just not good).

I has 5 liters of water today!! And I am not done yet... So I think I did good with the water. I just drank water every time a felt a slight rumbling in my tummy.

I have to say it was not easy but it was do-able cause here I am at the end of day 1! I had a moment of torture today.... my mother's car broke down so I had to take her to the bakery cause she needed bread, and eventhough I waited in the car, the smell of the bakery was driving me insane!!! Then she was late for work so, with alot of reluctance, I offered to make her sandwich for her while she got dressed. (She said no, she didn't want to torture me like that, but I insisted cause I wanted to get home as soon as possible) But I am so very proud of myself cause I did not even steal a crumb or even lick the salami taste off my fingers (I say that because I actually contemplated licking the salami taste off my fingers....I said to myself how many calories could a salami finger have? 0.000001??) But I did not lick!! Kuddos for me not licking. Hahahahaha

Well now it is off to watch my tv shows and then a good nights sleep! Bring it on hunger I dare you!! I shall conquer thee!!!!

 

[emz.is.shrinkin]

Thank you Emz for the warm welcome!! I just added you on Facebook!!

And as for always being here for support ditto!! Anytime I am always here! As for getting past the first couple of days I am fighting but having this forum and a diary is helping me get through it! And I know I will! Only positive thoughts in my mind.

Good luck tomorrow with your weigh in!!

no problem hun. i accepted ur add on facebook.

well done on 100% on day 1. here's to day 2 xx

 

[Kels_85]

Morning girlie!!

Well done on your 1st 100% day, I'm sure you have many more too come :-D
Hope today is a great day for you chick xxx

 

[Wannabe_Barbie!]

Day 2 6.33 p.m.

Oh gosh things have not been so great since I posted last.... not only the the not eating part!!

After my last diary entry at 8.30 last night I put on my tv shows and started watching before long I started missing my evening snacks. You see during the day while I am working is not such a problem... it's the night time that is bad! I wanted to eat chips (crisps) soooo bad!! I thought I had never wanted something more in my life than at that moment. And I wasn't hungry its just I wanted it!! So I had another bottle of water and tried to focus on the show I was watching. So I look down at my keyboard (cause I watch my shows on my laptop) and its like this chocolate bar magically appears on my desk taunting me!! I quickly threw it in the cupboard and leave my room. Only to get into the kitchen and find my father and stepmother eating mc donalds!! My father is such a positive person so we had a talk about how he was very proud that I was committing to the diet and that he knows I can do it. And I felt better. That was it!! Time to go to sleep cause I didn't have the strength to fight the demons in my head anymore!

I woke up at 10 a.m. I tried to sleep longer but I just couldn't I wasn't hungry at all so I had my first bottle of water (0.5 l) my CDC told me I can have tea with no sugar so I had a herbal tea no caffine. Aound 11.30 I had my first shake cappuccino..... YUCK YUCK YUCKKKK might I add.

I had an appointment to get my hair done at 1 p.m. so after my yucky yuck shake I was off to the salon excited for my new look. I have naturally light golden brown hair.... but I dyed it dark brown a long time ago I have never gotten my true color back. So I wanted to go to like a dark golden blondish color. I had a bunch of pictures on my phone to show the hairdresser what I wanted. 4 hours later and my hair looks horrendous!!! My roots are reddish blondish, the ends of my hair and the bottom part is BROWN. I don't even know how to explain the mess on my head!! It's like a rainbow of browns and reds and yellows. I was sooo pissed off and soooo hungry!! Cause it was now 5 o'clock and I only had one shake! I was pissed and I wanted to cry and I wanted chips!! I took last night all back I have NEVER wanted to eat something as bad as I did at that moment. I was in my car frantically looking for my before pictures so I could remind myself it is not worth it to cheat! Fighting with all my might not to reach over under the passengers seat where I hid half a bag of salt and vinegar crisps I was eating the day before yesterday as my "last meal". Eventually I did reach over and get the bag of chips but only to chuck it out the window! I know what your thinking.... I am a dirty little litterbug! But I had to get rid of them!! I couldn't take it anymore.

I have two addictions and I am well aware of them one is chips and the other is shopping. Now I know it is not smart to shop if I am trying to lose weight but I needed to cheer myself up. So I out a hat on my rainbow bright hair and I went to my favorite shop and bought myself a dress and a blouse both way to small for me now. But someday soon I will be able to fit into those clothes along with the rest of my old clothes I have been saving for years in the hopes of someday losing a few kilo's.

Pfffffffttttttttttt man do I feel better!!!!!!! I am still pissed about my hair.... I tend to not always open my mouth when I am not happy about something... So when I did finally get home I called the hairdresser back and I told her that I am sorry to be such a pain in the behind but I am not satisfied with my hair. So we made another appointment for Tuesday morning to see how we can fix it.

 

[Kels_85]

Morning Kim,
Just read your post and I could have wrote the whole thing!!! Including the hair disaster!! I am exactly the same as you!! I loved sitting down in my bed of an evening and watching all my tv soaps with loads of packs of crisps and chocolate!! And I mean loads!! It does get easier, honestly it does! I didn't think I could go a day without crisps as I loved them that much, even on weight watchers diet I used to replace them with snack a jacks and the actual weight watchers crisps so I was still getting my fix! Gosh I sound like a junky!! I haven't really thought of them for the last week, but I think that's to do with my weigh in results! Maybe when you see your first weigh in results you will be the same?!?
It does get easier. I am a complete OCD freak!!! I constantly wash my hands, always bleaching things! So, if I see a packet of half eaten crisp in the house, I just imagine dirty hairs in the packet and think YUCK!!!! I know it's gross and random but it really does work, I even do it if I see my family eating a meal that I think I want!!
Well done to you for not eating the crisp and getting rid of them!!!!! I know it's very hard to resist trust me! But just keep seeing the skinny you in your head

As for the hair disaster, that was me a few months ago! My hair was a very golden blonde, and I decided I wanted to go to an intense red colour, ( before Cheryl Cole ) hahaha!! So booked my appointment with my hairdresser, and had it done! It was beautiful, I fell in love with the colour......... Until the first time I washed my hair and it turned PINK!! Ended up having the same red put on my hair 3 times, every time I would wash it, it would go back to pink, with the blonde coming through!! Major disaster!! So NYE I decided to have a dark brown put on it as that was the only thing that would completely get rid of the red! Apparently it's the easiest colour to put on, but the hardest to get out! So on went the dark brown!! Loved it at first because I had had a spray tan 2 days before so was nice and brown, as the tan faded, the more I started to look like Mortica!! Hahahaha!! Made my next appointment for the 5th of march as I am hoping to have lost 2 stone by then and thought that can be my little treat
Hopefully your hair will be fixed at your next appointment! Until then the hats will be your best friend, as they were mine!

Big well done to you on resisting the crisps!! Very proud of you

As for your shopping addiction, I'm starting to think you are actually my twin sister!! Sooooo alike!! Hahaha

Hope today's a better day for you chick xxx

 

[Wannabe_Barbie!]

Well Kels yesterday was a sucky day all in all but I got through it 100% and that makes me feel good.

What is pushing me to not cheating, really, is seeing how much you all have lost!! And I just keep thinking I would just be cheating myself! Taking away from my own goal!!

That is a horrible story about your hair!! I would have freaked outttt if that had happend to me!! I do not cry easily but after sitting in the salon for 4 hours hungry like an animal cause I didn't have enough water with me (I didn't want to keep bothering them for water) and then leaving the place totally not happy! I broke down when I got in the car! My hair is like my thing now, I love my hair! :cry:
Hopefully it can be fixed on tuesday. If not I will have to wait a while then just go back to brown if not I am afraid my hair is gonna start falling out or something.

 

[Kels_85]

Kim you should be sooooooo proud of yourself!! Honestly you had such a hard day yesterday and you didn't crack!! You threw your crisp out of the window!!!!! Do you know how strong willed that is honestly girlie, mahoooooosive well done to you!! You could actually say that you have come through your first " test " 100% day after all that stress is seriously amazing!! Very inspirational!!

I'll have my fingers crossed for you on Tuesday chick!! Try and get a treatment for your hair, I'm sure you can get a good one out of Boots for a few quid!! I stick a treatment on once a week because of all the stress I put my hair through, and it is starting too look a little better

Hope your day is going well today chick xxx