Well after 13 weeks of behaving like a saint around food, my halo has finally slipped!!!!
Saturday night, the kids wanted meat and chips from the kebab! Yukkkkk I can't even stand the smell of it. They left some on plates in the kitchen alongside half eaten pitta bread and mayonaise. My friend phoned me and gave me some news that made me quite cross and I found myself picking up the meat, wrapping it in the pitta, smearing it through a big dollop of mayo and stuffing it in my mouth!!!!
Why did I do this
I don't even like the food
I'm not upset about what I ate, with regards to the diet, as it was a miniscule amount and now I'm not in ketosis anymore it's not such a big deal. What is disturbing is the fact that the old brain patterns are still there, and I had kidded myself I was cured forever from picking due to boredom, frustration etc, which got me fat in the first place.
My guard is now up again due to this bringing back down to earth episode.
Work...well what can I say, mood is still sombre and I can't wait to hot foot it out of there. Luckily we're away at a car show again soon and so I have a couple of holiday days booked before my official leaving day. Elaine my best buddy at work has just applied for another job, she is the payroll officer, noone else at work knows her job, so they'll be buggered if she goes!
BBQ yesterday was lovely, everyone had a great time, especially Kim, and we lit a candle for Kaz' Craig. Beer was flowing, but I stuck to my black coffee, as I was still reeling from the kebab episode. Scott however drank enough for the pair of us, decided to have a go on the trampoline!!! All 17 stone of him!!! The kids were terrified! Then went on to tell his and my grandparents dirty jokes
much to their disgust and Kim and her friends delight
Weather was lovely and the food was great too. I was a bit panicky that there wouldn't be enough, but there was plenty.
Kim is fine now about the van man episode. Also she feels the medication she's taking is doing her some good
Both of us wonder if this again is psychological, but if she feels better, then who are we to question. Kim's been trying more and more to stop her OCD behaviour and is finding certain things easier to stop. She's a long way from being 'cured' but every slight progress is great.
CD telephone interview tomorrow
I don't know much about this as my CDC has never seen anyone go through this process before. She told me the other day, that she's only had 2 success stories of people on CD, that's me and one other person, she's been selling CD for 18yrs
CDC wants to come on the training day with me as she's never been on one, they didn't need to do them in her day. I think she'll benefit as she isn't very supportive really. She doesnt weigh me etc and if I ask her a question, she always has to look up the answers! She is very sweet though.
Had my assessment tonight in natural nail overlays! I passed
Only 2 more assessments to do and course is complete!
My life feels very strange at the moment, soon they'll be no job, no college, soon be at goal weight too
A new chapter in my life!
Tracey
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