DIARY

[summergurl]

Ooooooh your OH is privilaged! :giggle:

 

[Scotsmist]

Oooooh cool - i have some of them packet ones too - think they are the oatsosimple ones though, original and apple and blueberry flavour. My brother didnt want them so i have them stashed away for when im having breakfast again and it says to make them up with 180ml semi-skimmed milk Cant wait for one lol

So really though making it yerself is just trial and error about how thick etc you want it? But say 40g oats yeah then however much milk/water you like. Can you add both milk and water to cut down on calories?

Consider your weekend a challenge!!! You can do it. You may have a blip this weekend, but just try not to make it as big as last weekend. If each weekend you are cutting back you will get there in the end And dont beat yourself up over it! :hug99:

Yep, cant wait for refeed! Actually, im more excited about going shopping and cooking for myself on monday more than eating! haha

Hi Tanya

The ones I have are actual proper porage oats, but just in little packets...not the Oatsosimple, or whatever they are called. My reason for getting them is that the problem I am having with carbs...I couldnt find a small box of Scotts Porage Oats at the supermarket, only large, and I knew it would go off..so thought it best to buy them in small packs..more expensive and I dont normally like doing that, but I was being sensible for once.

Yes, you are right about the weekends...I am sure it will get less and less. Done well this week - I think this week has been a bit of a test for me, but if I can get through one weekend where I dont go mad, then I think I will have broken the cycle so to speak!

I think I might add more fluid than I originally said..I just know how much; I dont measure, but I will be having it again probably Friday so will measure and see....I think mixing water/milk makes no difference than having all milk, and yes, cuts down on calories too. But I know milk is important for our wee bones

I am glad you are looking forward to cooking, etc.....

 

[Scotsmist]

Now then Missis! Embarrassement (sp?) and shame have no place here. We have to be able to come and bear our souls. You mustn't be ashamed about doing that or we could feel we should also be inhibited!!!

At the same time you don't have to share anything you don't want to. I don't mean to sound like a tyrant or a dictator - there's been times when I've not confessed all but please don't feel ashamed about it. It's part of who we are - why we're here, and while we may slap virtual wrists (virtually slap wrists??) occasionally, bottom line is we're here to and for support.

You are doing a fantastic job Iris - please don't lose sight of the bigger picture.

I'm having a lovely time thank you. I LOVE this place. I spent 5&1/2 hrs yesterday writing (typing) about my Dad ... lot of tissues used up but I really feel as though I've moved on .... lots more to do though!

I'm 'allowing' DH to come and join me for a night on friday it's so wonderful here I want to share it.... but only briefly xx

Hi Jan
Oh, lovely to hear from you.......so nice for you to come and see us whilst you are on your little break! Glad you are having a good time (if you know what I mean)......and Dave is coming too..haha....GOOODDDDD!!!!!! It is nice to be able to share and then he will know what you are on about when you cant stop talking about the place.

At least you had your tissues with you I am sure it is all very therapeutic...(sp).

Yes, the bigger picture is what I need to keep looking too..oh, you always seem to know what to say !!!! When I think about it, before, when I have lost weight, I never got to where I really wanted and then I just started eating badly again and within say 6 months was back to Square One, but I have been maintaining now for well over a month and dont intend to go back to where I was....so, yes, I need to start being more positive...like I used to be on LT!

I got the maintenance products today, so for brekkie tomorrow I may have a shake, but I had kina built myself up to have some sugar free Alpen cereal (you know me and my fear of carbs), so I might stick with this now that I have plucked up the courage to do it!!! I will take the choc bar with me on Saturday as i know the girls will be eating lots of rubbish on the walk!!

Well, food today!

BREKKIE - egg/2 rashers turkey/2 mushrooms (all cooked in microwave_

LUNCH - Tuna salad

DINNER - Oh, Tuna salad again,,,got cravings for tuna AGAIN!

Was at aerobics tonight, then jacuzzi, turkish room and sauna.....so,the fact I did an hr of aerobics I didnt feel too worried about eating at around 9pm as my body is no doubt still burning up all the calories

 

[kered]

Just had a quick glance through Iris, not fully caught up yet, but you are doing brilliant.

 

[Scotsmist]

Monday 26 October

BREKKIE - poached egg
LUNCH - chicken/ham salad, with a smidging of LF mayo
DINNER - a few slices cucumber/small piece of Turkish white cheese, 3 olives.

That's it folks!!
I wish I could post and say all is well.....I would be lying girls. I need help. I am struggling, and i just dont mean a little bit....a big bit! The eating disorder is back with a vengence and I am very depressed with it. I am making myself sick; oh the works.

I havent been able to post since it happened. All went belly up on Thursday, after hair appt, went to Turkish restaurant and was very good...then when I got home I devoured a big bar of chocolate and then it was a spiral from there.

Bad on Friday, even bought a huge, and I mean huge bar of choc and lots of other things....then made myself sick several times...even at the train station!!! never ever done that before.

Saturday was out walking with the girls, and that was just as bad. Another night of being sick...hubby went to gym and I couldnt face it, then the whole insecurity has taken hold since. Was convinced my OH hated me and didnt love me and well, it wasnt until today that I got any sort of normality back.

I feel frightened, and not sure what to do. I cant tell anyone, only you guys....I feel a fraud and pretend to everyone I am ok, but I am sad now....I dont want to go back there...I cant...it will destroy me.

I weighed myself this morning, put on 3kg!!! Yes, 3kg,,hence why I have hardly eaten today, hopefully it is only 2kg tomorrow.

I went to coreball tonight and then did 15 mins on the cross trainer.

I feel a bit better now, and I am just dreading weekend again.

Anyway, sorry this is a bit of a post, but I just needed to tell you to help me.

Tanya, you have spurred me on as you look amazing and I am so happy for you. You really helped me after lunch when I saw your lovely photos and how well you had done,,so thankyou.....

I dont know where I would be without you all.....dont want to go there.

HOpefully tomorrow is a better post. I knew it wouldnt be easy and mine isnt just putting weight on..think of an alcoholic....that is me, but with food..but I have to eat food! oh dear....anyway, less of me moaning....

 

[JanD]

Oh Iris ........ I don't really know what to say sweetie. We can none of us do it for you, I only wish we could. It's no good telling you what you 'should' be doing - you know that. It's very much what's going on in your head. Would you consider having any counselling? Have you ever condsidered NLP?
Sometimes we just need a bit of help to be able to sort out our demons I think.

Whatever you do don't go quiet on us ... as you talk about what you're doing it becomes clearer to yourself and sometimes solutions or at least possibilities can present themselves, just through the act of revealing not concealing.

You have no need to feel embarassed or ashamed or anything silly like that. We are all friends with similar issues.

Lots of love and *****hugs*****

I prescribe a week in Montgomery xxx

 

[kered]

Iris, big hugs to you from me too and like Jan says, I wish there was something to do to help you, but all we can do is be here for you.

I also agree with Jan and just wonder if you have ever sought any help for this in the past, I think counselling would be a great idea for you.

Keep posting Iris, big hugs xxx

 

[nicolas]

just caught up iris, as jan says no 1 can do this only you pet and you have had your head in the right place on lt joining the gym was a fantastic idea and the maintence products, you can do this honey,you should feel so proud of where you have come from, so proud of yourself,
you do need to talk to some one hon, my hubby swears by nlp, figures it gets his head in the right place, he finds selling hard and often gets depressed with it, he even went on to become an nlp coach he found it so helpful, you should def look into talking to someone hon,
and in the mean time we are all here for you
thinking of you

 

[summergurl]

awwwww iris :hug99: i dont know what to say really - although i echo Jan .. dont go quiet on us .. talking helps you realise yourself whats going on and like Mary said, have you ever got proffessional help for this? Its a recognised disorder and maybe some form of help with help you battle it. Its not going to dissapear overnight but you will certainly get on the right track

Keep your chin and spirits up honey xxxx :hug99:

 

[Scotsmist]

Oh Iris ........ I don't really know what to say sweetie. We can none of us do it for you, I only wish we could. It's no good telling you what you 'should' be doing - you know that. It's very much what's going on in your head. Would you consider having any counselling? Have you ever condsidered NLP?
Sometimes we just need a bit of help to be able to sort out our demons I think.

Whatever you do don't go quiet on us ... as you talk about what you're doing it becomes clearer to yourself and sometimes solutions or at least possibilities can present themselves, just through the act of revealing not concealing.

You have no need to feel embarassed or ashamed or anything silly like that. We are all friends with similar issues.

Lots of love and *****hugs*****

I prescribe a week in Montgomery xxx

:thankyou:

I had to confess; which is good for me as the road to recovery is being honest and not hiding.....it was hard though, I didnt want to tell you all, but it has helped enormously.

My doc sent me (or so I thought) for NLP, or NPL, or whatever it is called. Had the intial meeting etc...then got a phone call to say my area didnt have the funds so couldnt have it on NHS. I have spent a small fortune before on doing it myself but at almost £100 a go (for 2 hrs) I just cant afford it....not with the physio costing nearly £200 a month and the gym....My OH would say, just pay for it, but I dont want to get into debt either.

I may go back to the docs and see whether they can help as I have at least tried with LT and got to a better place.

POSITIVE NOTE: I do feel better today, I really do!!!! The power of revelation and not concealing;-)! I weighed myself today and lost 1kg so if I can get to what I was I will be kinda happy.

Not tried any of the maintenance stuff yet, but am going for WI on Thursday and will get a weeks supply of choc shakes to have for brekkie when I feel like it and also at night after the gym.

I WILL GET THROUGH THIS!!! I wont let it beat me; not when I have come this far, No way!!!!

Thanks Jan,you are a little love!!!!!!!

x

 

[summergurl]

Glad you are feeling better today chick xxx

 

[Scotsmist]

Iris, big hugs to you from me too and like Jan says, I wish there was something to do to help you, but all we can do is be here for you.

I also agree with Jan and just wonder if you have ever sought any help for this in the past, I think counselling would be a great idea for you.

Keep posting Iris, big hugs xxx

Just knowing I am able to share Mary has helped me enourmously...cant believe how different I feel today.

I was suppose to start a counselling course for eating disorders but I bailed out, because I thought I was doing ok, and they wont let you start part way through (which is understandable as it is all about trust)...so, I will have to wait till New Year for this now!

Will look at the doc again though, as I mentioned to Jan in the post.

Thanks again Mary..I know no one can help me with what I go through, but knowing you guys are there and not judging is a real help to me.

I am smiling today and not letting it get me down

 

[Scotsmist]

awwwww iris :hug99: i dont know what to say really - although i echo Jan .. dont go quiet on us .. talking helps you realise yourself whats going on and like Mary said, have you ever got proffessional help for this? Its a recognised disorder and maybe some form of help with help you battle it. Its not going to dissapear overnight but you will certainly get on the right track

Keep your chin and spirits up honey xxxx :hug99:

Thanks Tanya!!! I have posted to Jan/Mary about the help.....haha...being lazy and not wanting to type again about it ;-)!!!

Hope you are enjoying re-feed !!

I am miles better than I was all weekend and yesterday...... starting to feel more optomistic and positive again.

 

[JanD]

Glad you're feeling better today Iris.

In an ideal world it would be much better to work with someone else who won't let you 'hide' ... you know what I mean. Failing that though there are these workbooks which may help to some extent. Just a thought.

NLP: Workbook: A Practical Guide to Achieving the Results You Want: Amazon.co.uk: Joseph O'Connor: Books

Neuro-linguistic Programming NLP Workbook for Dummies: Amazon.co.uk: Romilla Ready, Kate Burton: Books

 

[Scotsmist]

just caught up iris, as jan says no 1 can do this only you pet and you have had your head in the right place on lt joining the gym was a fantastic idea and the maintence products, you can do this honey,you should feel so proud of where you have come from, so proud of yourself,
you do need to talk to some one hon, my hubby swears by nlp, figures it gets his head in the right place, he finds selling hard and often gets depressed with it, he even went on to become an nlp coach he found it so helpful, you should def look into talking to someone hon,
and in the mean time we are all here for you
thinking of you

THANKS SWEETIE ;-)

 

[Scotsmist]

Glad you're feeling better today Iris.

In an ideal world it would be much better to work with someone else who won't let you 'hide' ... you know what I mean. Failing that though there are these workbooks which may help to some extent. Just a thought.

NLP: Workbook: A Practical Guide to Achieving the Results You Want: Amazon.co.uk: Joseph O'Connor: Books

Neuro-linguistic Programming NLP Workbook for Dummies: Amazon.co.uk: Romilla Ready, Kate Burton: Books

Thank you so much for those Jan..I will have a look at them.

I know what you are saying and I will sort something out, even if it is badgering the GP. I intend to not let this drop now as I realise it is always going to be lingering...waiting in the side lines for me to stumble and then it take a hold....WONT LET IT!

Anyway, I am doing ok.

FOOD FOR TODAY

Tuesday 27th October

BREKKIE - porage with water/milk
LUNCH - ham/chicken salad (like yesterday)
DINNER - smoke haddock and cauliflower
SNACK - yes, a snack!!! An orange.

I am doing ok today, although tonight I could have eaten the table, but I just had a coffee and came on here!!!!
I am at physio tomorrow and dont want her to think I have put weight on so it is stopping me from eating...I know,,,mad mind or what!

I am out tomorrow night to a friends leaving do at Benny and Jerry, or Jerry and benny...never been before and must admit a bit stressed about going, but everyone knows I have lost all the weight so I will want to keep a good "face" so wont be naughty. I intend to have meat and salad and nothing else.....I am determined to get through this week "naughty free" and then maybe I have broken the cycle from the last few weeks!

I am out all day saturday with OH as he is working for my boss at one of his Store Openings....so, I will be there all day and intend to take a maintenance bar to get me through.

So, at least the weekend is busy and will no doubt go to gym on Sunday as well,,,so hopefully I will finish the week better than I started.

THANK YOU GIRLIES FOR ALL YOUR SUPPORT.

I will also look at the books, etc....THANKS!

 

[summergurl]

I hope you have a nice time this evening iris - get an enjoy yourself woman xxx

 

[Scotsmist]

Thanks Tanya
I will...I am looking forward to it and have seen the menu..so, opting for

STARTER
Stuffed mushrooms, which are baked in the oven with goats cheese

MAIN
Grilled burger, on a white sesame seed bun!! Oh my worddddddd...dreading that, BUT I am determined to eat it. There are fries with it too, so I have to pluck up the courage to say no to those...will keep you posted, but as they say forewarned is forearmed !!!

 

[summergurl]

Goats cheese! Yummy!!!!! Enjoy it iris - maybe they'll allow you to swap the fries for a jacket pot? xxx

 

[JanD]

Isn't it Frankie & Benny's? Isn't Ben & Jerry's ice cream?? (Mmmmmm cookie dough ... mmmmmmmmmm ) Or maybe it's somewhere else entirely.

Hope you're doing okay today Iris and you enoyed your night out.

As you'll probably see elsewhere - time to take my own advice. I think I'll be ordering those books for myself (What ARE we like???!!!!) xx