Donkey's journey to deal with disordered eating and lose 6 stone!
- Thread starter donkeysaurusrex
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donkeysaurusrex
Full Member
Soooo I had to go to my parents' house for a while and I'm totally off plan :/ going to be here for a while. Mum is being a bit weird, buys takeaway one night then tells me I shouldn't eat pickle because I'm slimming and it's fattening. Never mind. Feel pretty bloated already so god knows how much I've gained so far but there's not much I can do until I'm home.
timmieatimbo
Full Member
Missed hearing from you donkey! I hope your time with family becomes more enjoyable. Maybe you could make then a SW meal one night? It'd be a treat for them and you could stay on plan. Do they understand how important it is for you? I bet they were so proud when they saw how much weight you've lost right?
donkeysaurusrex
Full Member
I am trying to follow it as much as I can but my mum is cooking and not the sw way, even though I've explained to her about not using oil, lean meat etc. plus the food they eat is just heavier, there's a lot more meat. My relationship with my mother is iffy as it is, I'm kind of just having to go along with it for the sake of keeping the peace. I said something about cooking during the week though so hopefully I can do that on plan.
There's been nothing said about looking like I've lost any weight, in fact I think I overheard mum say something to the effect that I look no different. I feel huge and am pretty conscious of my size here, it's like the past couple of months of sw didn't happen. Mum just mocked me when I said I could eat pickle and I understood the plan, that it's really got nothing to do with not eating 'fattening foods'. I just can't be bothered right now, it's easier to avoid making a point of eating differently or whatever when it's going to come back to bite me from her. Just feel pretty down :/
There's been nothing said about looking like I've lost any weight, in fact I think I overheard mum say something to the effect that I look no different. I feel huge and am pretty conscious of my size here, it's like the past couple of months of sw didn't happen. Mum just mocked me when I said I could eat pickle and I understood the plan, that it's really got nothing to do with not eating 'fattening foods'. I just can't be bothered right now, it's easier to avoid making a point of eating differently or whatever when it's going to come back to bite me from her. Just feel pretty down :/
timmieatimbo
Full Member
Oh no donkey, that doesn't sound very nice at all. You've achieved so much despite it been a trying 2 months for you. Keep hold of that even though the people around you are making it difficult.
Even if you can't be on plan when you're at home with your parents, that doesn't matter. It's about the bigger picture. If things go totally wrong there that's ok, as long as you keep believing in yourself about it not being permanent and that you can still get back on it when you leave your family home.
Read back through some of your posts on here and all the encouraging stuff people have said to you. Hopefully that can keep you in touch with how phenomenally you've been doing so that when you get away from this situation you'll still have the motivation and belief that you're one hell of an amazing lady and you can get right back on it and continue being really successful
Even if you can't be on plan when you're at home with your parents, that doesn't matter. It's about the bigger picture. If things go totally wrong there that's ok, as long as you keep believing in yourself about it not being permanent and that you can still get back on it when you leave your family home.
Read back through some of your posts on here and all the encouraging stuff people have said to you. Hopefully that can keep you in touch with how phenomenally you've been doing so that when you get away from this situation you'll still have the motivation and belief that you're one hell of an amazing lady and you can get right back on it and continue being really successful
Yeah, I agree, I'm sure you haven't done too much damage, you're probably just bloated and it will fall off really quickly when you get back home. I gained 1.5lbs the week before last and lost 5 the next week, so if its quick to go on it should come off even quicker. Try to make your own food when you can, if your mum doesn't get it that's ok, it can be hard for people to understand the plan, just don't let her convince you that she is right. You know it works, and you have done so well so far, and you will continue to do well when you get home. I'm sure she can notice it, maybe she's a bit jealous. I had issues with my mum over my weight for years and sometimes it could be really hurtful, but she passed away last year and I would give anything to have her back, even giving me a hard time! Just remember you're doing this for you, nobody else and you will get there. Best of luck hun. x
Kay003
Gold Member
Hello Donkey :wavey:, sorry I've been a bit AWOL recently, I was unwell. Just catching up on diaries properly today. Sorry you've not been feeling too great yourself. It's hard when we can't control the cooking and someone else is cooking for us. I'm sure the meals you do get to cook will be perfect and you will still do well in the week fingers crossed . Hope your having a lovely weekend.
Kay xx
. Hope your having a lovely weekend.Kay xx
donkeysaurusrex
Full Member
Hello all
Sorry I'm not checking in, still at my parents' place and didn't bring my laptop so it's a bit difficult. Appreciate all your lovely posts though, they cheered me up
I'm starting afresh tomorrow, had my week of eating junk but I feel rough for it. Cooking sw curry tonight and going to try to do well this week. Missing WI this week but I will be back home probably by Monday to go next week and keep on track,
In other news I got my results today and my degree is all done and I got what I needed to do my PGCE so I'm really pleased. Such a huge weight off my shoulders.
Sorry I'm not checking in, still at my parents' place and didn't bring my laptop so it's a bit difficult. Appreciate all your lovely posts though, they cheered me up
I'm starting afresh tomorrow, had my week of eating junk but I feel rough for it. Cooking sw curry tonight and going to try to do well this week. Missing WI this week but I will be back home probably by Monday to go next week and keep on track,
In other news I got my results today and my degree is all done and I got what I needed to do my PGCE so I'm really pleased. Such a huge weight off my shoulders.
Hello all
Sorry I'm not checking in, still at my parents' place and didn't bring my laptop so it's a bit difficult. Appreciate all your lovely posts though, they cheered me up
I'm starting afresh tomorrow, had my week of eating junk but I feel rough for it. Cooking sw curry tonight and going to try to do well this week. Missing WI this week but I will be back home probably by Monday to go next week and keep on track,
In other news I got my results today and my degree is all done and I got what I needed to do my PGCE so I'm really pleased. Such a huge weight off my shoulders.
Wow, well done. And there was you thinkin you hadn't done enough. Congratulations.
timmieatimbo
Full Member
Congratulations donkey! Yaaaaaayyy!
donkeysaurusrex
Full Member
Thanks all . I need to whinge a bit tonight, please bear with me.
Feel so low here. Went out and bought ingredients for curry and that went down really well but I also bought grapes so I'd have something to munch tomorrow instead of crap. My mum has basically helped herself to all of them in the space of a couple of hours. When I said I'd got them because I'm trying to stick to sw she sneered at me and said bs, you're not trying at all you've just eaten sweets (I had 3 fruit salads) and ice cream (1 lolly after dinner). She's helping herself to my bread and ignoring me when I say no use yours there's a loaf right there and I can't eat the normal stuff, telling me I shouldn't be eating whatever it is I'm eating and generally being a *****. I've explained how the plan works but she is always right.
The only reason I'm here is that she's meant to have done a dissertation and has left it to the last minute so wants my help. It's a major hassle for me in so many ways but I'm here and she's not listening to anything I'm trying to help with but is just doing her usual thing of making me feel less than worthless. Dad is getting angry with me because I'm daring to say anything to her that might upset her, he says I should just swallow everything she says even though it's as nasty as it gets.
I hate being here. I haven't felt so horribly low since I lived here before. But I can't leave because it will make her angry and she'll stop talking to me again and dad, who is the only support I have, will be livid because he has to live with her through it and everything will be blamed on me.
For the first time in a while I have really strong urges to restrict. I want to stop eating. It's just ridiculous. I feel insane, I can't just be normal :/
Sw was the thing I was mildly proud of and now I just feel crushed and ugly and pathetic and a total failure like I'm never going to get over this problem with food. Ugh. I'm sorry this is not what people want to read about at all, I just have nowhere to say it other than here.
I'll try to get my act together tomorrow.
. I need to whinge a bit tonight, please bear with me.Feel so low here. Went out and bought ingredients for curry and that went down really well but I also bought grapes so I'd have something to munch tomorrow instead of crap. My mum has basically helped herself to all of them in the space of a couple of hours. When I said I'd got them because I'm trying to stick to sw she sneered at me and said bs, you're not trying at all you've just eaten sweets (I had 3 fruit salads) and ice cream (1 lolly after dinner). She's helping herself to my bread and ignoring me when I say no use yours there's a loaf right there and I can't eat the normal stuff, telling me I shouldn't be eating whatever it is I'm eating and generally being a *****. I've explained how the plan works but she is always right.
The only reason I'm here is that she's meant to have done a dissertation and has left it to the last minute so wants my help. It's a major hassle for me in so many ways but I'm here and she's not listening to anything I'm trying to help with but is just doing her usual thing of making me feel less than worthless. Dad is getting angry with me because I'm daring to say anything to her that might upset her, he says I should just swallow everything she says even though it's as nasty as it gets.
I hate being here. I haven't felt so horribly low since I lived here before. But I can't leave because it will make her angry and she'll stop talking to me again and dad, who is the only support I have, will be livid because he has to live with her through it and everything will be blamed on me.
For the first time in a while I have really strong urges to restrict. I want to stop eating. It's just ridiculous. I feel insane, I can't just be normal :/
Sw was the thing I was mildly proud of and now I just feel crushed and ugly and pathetic and a total failure like I'm never going to get over this problem with food. Ugh. I'm sorry this is not what people want to read about at all, I just have nowhere to say it other than here.
I'll try to get my act together tomorrow.
I'd urge you to get out of the situation as it's goin to make your mental health and ED worse bit I know this isn't an option for you. I think your dad should show some support towards you as your mum's behaviour isn't fair. Can you not take your fruit things to your room? It's not ideal but may help. Please don't restrict, I'm worried for you right now. You can pm me if you need to vent. Big hugs xx
You;'re not pathetic at all, you've done amazing so far, you've lost weight doing the healthiest 'diet' there is. You should just get out of there, but if that's really not an option then you will just need to ignore your mum. Go out and buy yourself a load more fruit and bread and stick to the plan, because despite what your mum says it is working. She sounds like a nightmare, your dad should stick up for you but I suppose he does have to listen to her once your gone.
Personally, I would tell you if she says one more nasty thing to you just smile and say 'Do you want my help or not, because I don't have to listen to this'. Don't row, if she wants to be like that then get yourself home, she needs to learn that she can't treat you like this any more. But whatever you do, don't starve or binge. Stick with SW, we're all rooting for you and you CAN do this! You ARE doing this! Best of luck hun.
Personally, I would tell you if she says one more nasty thing to you just smile and say 'Do you want my help or not, because I don't have to listen to this'. Don't row, if she wants to be like that then get yourself home, she needs to learn that she can't treat you like this any more. But whatever you do, don't starve or binge. Stick with SW, we're all rooting for you and you CAN do this! You ARE doing this! Best of luck hun.
timmieatimbo
Full Member
No need to apologise donkey, that's what we're here for!
This definitely isn't ideal but the ideas the others have had on here about taking food up to your room etc might work quite well.
You're not a failure, you've done phenomenally well and you still are! Just keep reading back through all your posts and see all the encouraging things people have said. This situation is not permanent.
Do you have any brothers/sisters who can help share the difficulties with your mum? With no disrespect meant, it just seems like she's trying to sabotage you and is really jealous of how much you've achieved recently. Don't let her win this one! With all that's happened in the past and with your recent achievements you can definitely best her and rise above her. Remember that you're not the one in the wrong here. You're being so lovely and selfless - just don't forget to look or for number 1! Xx
This definitely isn't ideal but the ideas the others have had on here about taking food up to your room etc might work quite well.
You're not a failure, you've done phenomenally well and you still are! Just keep reading back through all your posts and see all the encouraging things people have said. This situation is not permanent.
Do you have any brothers/sisters who can help share the difficulties with your mum? With no disrespect meant, it just seems like she's trying to sabotage you and is really jealous of how much you've achieved recently. Don't let her win this one! With all that's happened in the past and with your recent achievements you can definitely best her and rise above her. Remember that you're not the one in the wrong here. You're being so lovely and selfless - just don't forget to look or for number 1! Xx
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