Food Addicts Not Anonymous

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soccermom said:
I hope I am in that kind of thought process when the down times come my way, which they inevitably will do :eek:

congratulations and well done for staying on the right path, oh and thanks for the welcome to, I really appreciate it :hug99:
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Thanks, but as you can see from previous post, that thought process was short lived in a crisis. Live and learn!
 
kristin1 said:
It'll always be a live-and-learn situation for us, but I think even if we just notice that binges get less frequent (or even the urge to), and we face up to our emotions more, things are clearly improving.
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Well said!

I think it woild have been VERY strange if this week we had all read an article, accepted our eating disorder completely and then cured decades of food abuse in a matter of days. This is going to be a long process. We have years of behaviour to unlearn.

Measure your success by the battles you win, not the ones you lose, charlottegrace (and hope your Mum is ok)

Good luck to us all this week for our battles ahead!
 
cocktailprincess said:
Well said!

I think it would have been VERY strange if this week we had all read an article, accepted our eating disorder completely and then cured decades of food abuse in a matter of days. This is going to be a long process. We have years of behaviour to unlearn.

Measure your success by the battles you win, not the ones you lose, charlottegrace (and hope your Mum is ok)

Good luck to us all this week for our battles ahead!
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Oh so true cocktail, strange doesn't come close I think a miracle would have happened lol. But after a suggestion on another post, I have now put a crisis box together for the next time I go off the rails. I have put in it some goodies to the value of 20 odd syns and it is sitting in the cupboard. Things like quavers, small chocolate, mug shot, and a cake with a shelf life which will out live me lol. The plan being that I can just grab the box if need be and eat it, but the damage will be limited rather than just grabbing anything from the cupboards/fridge and then finding I have eaten 100syns and feeling devastated. I know its not really the right thing to do, but I feel that at least I am facing up to the fact I know I will do it again and am trying to plan for it. Hopefully it will sit there for several weeks now. It's my safety net.

Kirstin, I must fess, I actually feel better just being able to post about the way I eat. Maybe for years I have just been in denial telling myself that I have a weight problem cos I eat too much (true of course) but there it ended. I have not taken on board the reasons why. I think anybody can loose weight, just cut back, but if the underlying problems are not addressed, then maybe that's where the yo yo dieting kicks in. I am feeling very good about addressing my habit, just admitting it is half the battle, and I don't know about you guys, but I don't feel under nearly as much pressure anymore, this whole process has now taken on a different slant, for the better.
Today has been very good again, no snacking between meals and I don't think I have thought about food so much today either despite going shopping. Tomorrow will be a little testing as I have loads of appointments, Dr, dentist, opticians and a council meeting in the evening (talk about all come at once), but of course its going to put me under pressure and out of routine, and I don't fare well outside routine at all. Going to get done tonight what I can Ir stew cooking and sandwiches for tomorrow done, which I always say I am going to do at times like this but somehow never get round to it lol. But tonight is different, I will do it and reap the benefit tomorrow. I know these things sound very trivial but for me its a big step, and yet in every other way I am so organised etc I run my house like a military operation but only so everyone else's life runs smoothly, I think I have forgotten about me in the past! Now there's a light just come on!!!!!!
 
kristin1 said:
You're so right, just typing it out here and addressing it really helps! There's times when you need more than just to hear "count the syns and get back on the wagon", and this is why we're all here in this together.

I notice you saying you don't fare well outside of normal routine, and I get the impression you're quite a perfectionist. Bang on there, anything less just will not do at all for me, hence running life like a military operation.
Not sure how, but these characteristics seem to have some sort of influence on the whole eating/addictive issue, because I am quite similar!
In the moment - routine gets changed, you feel out of your depth, seek comfort in familiar stuff = food. Then you feel bad and think since you've failed so completely you might just as well stuff in some more.Absolutely right again on this score. Once outside my comfort zone it feels like I panic cos I'm not in control. I have been told I am a control freak too. I have to do everything cos nobody else will do it as good. I did see a councilor a few years ago after I got held up in the shop I worked at which was violent, that I had very high standards which maybe other people found difficult to match. He suggested I should lower my standards which was like the red rag to the bull and we had a blazing row. I couldn't and still can't, see why other people can't strive to raise theirs. I do have this approach that second best just will not do under any circumstances. The trouble is that I know people can't match my expectations (including myself) but that doesn't stop me wanting to try and achieve it. I just feel devastated (not just disappointed) when it falls short of the line.
Over time - expecting yourself to be perfect in this weight-loss thing, so if you lose, great, but if you don't, you need to punish yourself (by eating, of course.... go figure....).

I've got a feeling there's some insecurity issues involved in all this as well, and certainly the whole "stuffing emotions down with food" - wanting to be perfect for everybody and not letting them know you're having a problem/bad day/bad mood, so food's the solution. Routine then kicks in too, in a bad way!I am certainly feeling very insecure at the moment. My children have reached that age now where they don't need me to wipe their noses for them anymore and I don't know what my roll is now. I was talking to the children about this the other day and I said I feel redundant! I gave up 20years of my life to bring them up and always be there for them and now I have this empty feeling inside. Of course its great that they are spreading their wings and getting on with life, but I definitely feel left in nowhere land right now. I have got to find my purpose again.

These are just things that have come up in my mind, not saying they all apply to you but I know I'm discovering there's a lot under the surface.....We sound so similar. I'm thankful for that because I know I am not alone in this and somebody can actually understand what I am feeling and thinking. So thank you for posting this and giving me the opportunity to say these things.

Take care, be well, well done on being brilliantly on track again too!!!
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Thanks for this kirstin, I had no idea I was so transparant but it has made me think about things again.

Love and hugs Carolyne xxx
 
WElcome Caro!

Well Kristen and charlottegrace- seems there is a definite pattern here as I am absolutely a perfectionist too! I know in my family I am seen as the referee of all arguments, the mediator of all problems and the perfect domestic goddess. I do tend to spend most of my time on the phone solving problems, but get very frustrated as people never ever take the time to ask about me or my life- i have always put this down to appearing on the surface that my life is so 'perfect' why would I ever have any problems? Underneath this exterior is a mass of paranoia and stress that can lie awake at night worrying about the most insignificant think if it appears to be a potential problem.

Maybe there is a connection here? If we all are admitted food addicts and then apparently self-confessed perfectionists, it can't just be a coincidence! Is this our silent, behind closed doors oulet for our tension?

I am at my worse binge-wise when I am on my own- I almost get excited that no-one is there to see so I can really let go- sound familiar?
x
 
This is uncanny, I read your post cocktail and it could have been written by me.
I know exactly what you mean about nobody asking about you, why should they, our lives are so perfect nothing could possibly be wrong! As you say, we are domestic goddesses, solver of all problems, perfection personified! My goodness, what a cross to carry through life. I have to have plan A right through to at least S or T in place for everything and even then I worry, stress, chew it over in my mind that something will go wrong and cause a problem. I know its totally irrational but to me its like its a necessity, I have been stressed and paranoid for as long as I can remember so its normal in my world, just wrong in everyone else's. The binging when alone is another similarity. I can only do it when alone because for one thing, to do it in front of anyone else would ruin the perfectionist image wouldn't it and how would I deal with that? I know I am not perfect (far from it) but something inside me just will not let anyone else around me know it. Anything that goes wrong in my life I always feel is my fault and I should have seen it coming and planned for it, doesn't matter what it is, and I feel a failure, upset, angry when it happens and then need the comfort of food to make me feel better so binge out, feel a failure, upset, angry etc and so the circle goes on. Why do we feel the need to hide our weaknesses from our nearest and dearest, it wouldn't make us any less human would it, maybe even more human if anything. Am I fueling some inner ego trip by being the way I am, would being less perfect outwardly be sooo devastating to me? Right now it scares me to think about me being any different to what I know, fear of the unknown and all that, and what if I don't like what I find or worse, what if I do like it. How hard is it to leave the only you you know behind and become someone else. I hide behind the comfort of my life, I hide behind my size, I hide behind the jolly exterior I portray, I hide behind the perfectionist I try to be. I just hide and hope nobody notices that I am falling apart and hurting inside, turning to food as my lover, friend, soul mate. It never questions, argues, passes judgment. It just does what I need it to do, whenever I need it to, comforts.

This has actually made me very tearful posting this, I think its a good thing, its got to come out and be said hasn't it if I am going to make headway and work through my problems. I need to think about so much and open up more, I am very very good at holding everything in, again, it would be a sign of weakness on my part to talk about problems to family etc. but at least on this thread talking to like minded people about it, there is the understanding and support. I will get there, not soon, but one day. I'm off for a coffee now, not a munch mission which is what I would normally do, but I understand how I feel right now and I feel I can deal with this moment sensibly.

Thanks for listening xx
 
Hi Caro, it is a lot to take in isn't it, but we are all here trying to work our way through things and come out the other end in tact lol. Look forward to reading your posts and hope to offer support to you on your journey. Lovely to have you on here.
 
Wow- I feel so emotional after reading both of your posts- so much resonates with me. Isn't it strange that we can open up like this to toal strangers but not to the people we are closest too (probably another symptom of our 'issues'- not showing a weakness)

I stress constantly about everything, even things that haven't yet happened but might in the future- I even go through imaginary incidents that may happen in the future and stress about the outcome of these incidents and how I will deal with them.

This has to stop- maybe the food problem is a symtom of the stress and when the stressing is tackled I will feel less need to use food as my medication.

Ok, so today I am going to order from Amazon a book called 'Don't sweat the small stuff' which a friend recommended ages ago- apparently it is about trying to stop focussing on all the problems and concentrate more on the things that are going right in your life- my friend is really chilled and always uses as a mantra for a stressful situation "will you care about this in a year?" or "What's the worst that could happen if you DON'T do this?" ( if I answer "but so and so might get offended, it might get done wrong, they may feel let down" she always shrugs and says "so what?")

I am not saying I am ever going to be this chilled- at the end of the day a lot of how I act is part of what makes me who I am, but I would certainly like to tone it down and stop it causing me harm, so I am going to give this book a go as step 2

Have a good day ladies- I feel privileged to have met 2 such intelligent, insightful, self aware, control freakishly metal people! lol

xxxx
 
cocktailprincess said:
Isn't it strange that we can open up like this to toal strangers but not to the people we are closest too (probably another symptom of our 'issues'- not showing a weakness)

I stress constantly about everything, even things that haven't yet happened but might in the future- I even go through imaginary incidents that may happen in the future and stress about the outcome of these incidents and how I will deal with them.

This has to stop- maybe the food problem is a symtom of the stress and when the stressing is tackled I will feel less need to use food as my medication.
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I am thanking God that I have met you guys and can open up on here, I think another couple of years of carrying on like this and I would be beyond help. It's good to have like minded people who understand, don't judge, and can support each other through this. As you say, opening up to our nearest and dearest would be a sign of weakness on our part and that is not in the plan of action, yet anyway, and I know it won't be for a long time yet for me. I have got to be comfortable with myself to let my guard down even a little bit.

Thats me, stressing about things that haven't even happened yet (and probably even won't), I go to bed and think to myself, thank goodness, I got through today without a catasrophy happening but its only cos I covered every eventuality that the days gone right. Its all down to me that the world hasn't ended, what a burden to have everyday.

Kirstin "I obviously feel more comfortable being unhappy. That's quite sad, really!"

Hadn't thought about this before, but yes I agree with what you say, I think I am more comfortable being unhappy and stressed, its what I know, and all the excuses you listed for eating ring true too, so am I really looking for excuses to stay unhappy and stressed to stay comfortable. Maybe!

So, we have quite a lot to be going on here ladies don't you think? What we need now is a plan to take a first little step today on doing something we would never do, just something that would normaly bother us, and see if we can deal with it, and what the consequences are. What do you think?

I would normaly bleach and scrub my kitchen work tops everytime I use them during the day, even after just making a coffee, but today I am going to try and just wipe them down with a cloth and not imagine the millions of bacteria crawling all over my kitchen. (see I'm imagining it already) Nobody in our house is going to get food poisoning, nobody will die, the world won't end. It is a perfectly clean work top like anybody elses. I do not need to be obsessed with things like this, its irrational. I can feel myself fighting this already and I haven't even left the computer lol, but I am going to try to fight the urge. It's time to learn to relax and let go, heres to day 1 and the very small things.

Hugs to you all and have a good day.
 
Kirstin, I do that as well hold on to the bad memories as if they were the only ones I had, what concrete blocks we lug about with us, aren't we the ones eh?
Anyway, on a positive note, just gone lunch time and made myself lunch and have not scrubbed the pattern off the work top, just wiped! Didn't feel right at all, but I've stuck with it not sanitised the place. Tick in box 1 for me.
On a second totally unplanned behavioural matter, I have had a bit on the carpet all morning, and have not picked it up yet. Just keep walking past it, looking at it and telling myself I will not pick it up, it will stay there till I hoover tomorrow, it doesn't matter. I know its there but its only a bit of fluff, I can deal with it and not let it get to me.

Do you know what, I think I have got OCD (obsessive compulsive disorder) Do you guys find you have to do things by a certain time in your routine and the day has to pan out in exactly the same format everyday almost to the minute. I do. I even have lulls (and this is really sad) in the day which are planned lulls for the unexpected! That's how bad I am, the unexpected has to happen in the allotted time slot in order to be dealt with! If it doesn't then stress is out of control and the fridge is the only solution.

My dad is coming down this afternoon at 4.00pm, and I am already clock watching and fretting about him turning up either early or late. He said 4 so its got to be 4 on the nose. What the heck does it matter, it is lovely to see him what ever time, but I can feel the knots in my stomach already over this. I'm going to have a coffee now and think about why I am worked up.

On another good note, I have not had anything I shouldn't today, no snacking etc, but I have had bigger portions than I would normally today. I wonder if its because thinking about these issues is driving me to food, but my good angel is keeping me in check. I don't know, but so far today is a great day on the food front and the cleaning front. Just got to get passed the 4 o'clock thing now lol.

Thanks cocktail for the encouragement

love and hugs, hope your day is going good too.
 
Hey guys..... OMG just logged on very quickly before hitting xmas shopping.....sorry but its true its only just over a mth away.
There is such a lot to catch up on here. I really need to give myself a couple of hrs to read thro things. So far I can identify with perfectionist slant and referree/ wanting to make things right for everyone. I also know that I tend to want everything perfect but if I fail I cant stand it so sometimes i wont try.... does that sound familiar at all???
I think that has been the case with relationships, weight loss to a certain extent and also acheiving my best at work. I am successful at what i do but i could do much more, I know I could but am frightened of failing and of succeeding??? Boy What a mess !
Having said that I feel the best I have felt in a long time with more confidence and finally talking to my GP for help with this and other probs. Do any of you guys suffer from depression as well??

Well will catch up later. As I need to do hair and makeup before my cousin arrives in five.

Take care everyone and i hope you are not affected by the floods.
Caro
 
Strawberryblonde, yep what you say about failing/succeeding I can identify with. If I succeed, then I have set myself a bench mark for the future so nothing less will do, and failing, well I cann't do that because it doesn't fit in with the perfectionist in me. Trapped either way.
As far as the depression goes, I honestly don't know. I don't think I do because I see myself as "normal" but maybe those around me or a professional might think differently.

I have to post this about yesterday guys, you just wouldn't believe it. I said I had knots in my stomach about my dad comming down, well we had tea and then ended up in casualty for an hour and a half with him. His back and neck went into spasms and he couldn't move and because of other illnessess we couldn't give him anything so hence A&E. NOT PLANNED AND NOT IN THE ALLOTTED TIME SPACE FOR THE UNPLANNED EITHER! Did I survive, of course I did, delt with it like a true trooper. Did I want food, too right I did, but because I was not in the house with anything to hand I got through without any. Do I feel good about it - OH YES! So I know I CAN do it I do not need to run to food every time there is a crisis in my life. Thats positive thoughts and I am going to hold on to them.
Regarding the bit of fluff on the carpet, I didn't pick it up all day and was in control of the matter telling myself I would do it today when I hoovered, annoyed me and irritated me but I stuck with it. Got back from hospital and it had gone. Now, get this line of thought. I was really cross. O/H had picked it up, but it was meant to be there till today so I could deal with it, so then I was annoyed it had gone! I kept walking past where it should have been and saying to myself I was dealing with that fluff and now the control over it has been taken away from me. I felt quite stressed over it. Didn't turn to food though for comfort but didn't know what to do with feelings. Just went to bed in the end and fell asleep thinking about fluff! Even this morning I thought I should have been hoovering that bit of fluff up, so its still on my mind.
Day 2 of not living in a bleach bottle and scrubbing the pattern of everything. I am feeling a tad calmer over that today. Infact, dispite everything I am feeling good today but then again I am in control again at the moment. Lifes always good when its like this, its the next crisis that will be the test. When I say lifes good, what I actually mean its good in my world, in control, stressed, planning for everything, guard up chained and padlocked. Waiting for the next problem to come along cos I know it will, its just a question of when, but I'm ready as usual.

I am still doing well on the not snacking between meals, just tell myself when I look at the time that its not long till the next meal and that I can then have a proper meal rather than just a snack. Its working at the moment for me so going along with it for now.

Hope you guys are having a good day and doing something positive about making a small change today.

Catch you later. love and hugs xxxx
 
Wow- so glad you coped well with the crisis of your Dad- well done for realising food wasn't what you needed.

Now- this fluff issue. I think your husband picking it up should be seen as a good thing. It proves that if you don't do something personally, it will still get done! Everything is not just down to you to solve- maybe you need to give others a bit of a chance to shine too?

This is me giving advice- knowing that of course I would find it incredibly difficult. My problems are not related to cleanliness as your are- I organise all family events/outings/meetings/parties and just cannot delegate. I find myself doing everything because I know it will be done right and other people can't do things as well as I would do them. I suppose I should follow my own advice and allow people the opportunity. So what if it is not perfect? (I would, of course, fret about it all night) but I have allowed someone else an opportunity, rather than just taking over. I know people appreciate the effort, but they must also see me as a bit controlling and bossy. Is this how I want to be seen by the people I love and care about?

Just using the analogy as it seems similar- maybe I need to take my own advice and allow other people more responsibility- otherwise will I end up like one of those controlling nasty old women who everyone hates because they constantly critisize?????
 
Kristen- you are truly very talented and very very insightful- this is a real gift!

You are absolutely 100% and I will make a massive effort to not get so frantic about doing everything (along with the eating/addiction/perfectionist stuff too- phew!)

What about you?
Are you so involved in caring about others that you leave yourself behind? Use the dish-drainer as an analogy- You are buying pretty things for your monkey, on here looking after the mentalists, and you treated yourself to.................a dish drainer!

Maybe you need a bit of you time ??xx??
 
LOL cocktail, I thought the same about the dish drainer, made me giggle and think there go I. Never mind Kirstin, something lovely for you next time.

Just wanted to say that the cleaning is only one of my probs. The rest of them are just like you, organising everything etc. But I do need to delegate and not whince when its not to my likeing. Funny, my O/H only said last week that being done different is not being done worse, its just that, different. There lies the problem, different is out of the comfort zone. But I am making changes, only little ones that I can feel slightly uncomfortable with and get used to the feeling and the consequences, but its the right direction.
I have deffinately felt better about food this week and to be honest, I think posting on here about my problems has diverted my constant thinking about food into other chanels, so I am pleased about that. Faceing up to the baggage being dragged about with me has at least made me realise why I was eating the way I was, so now I can try and stop and think about each situation as they arise and be more rational about it. I can no longer hide behind emotions and continue as I have been doing, and by being more aware of how I react to situations, I shall be trying to take a step back and have 5mins before I dive head first in. Thats plan A, plan B is........ lol.

Thanks for you kind words about my dad, he is much better today and just taking it slowly.

Kirstin, as cocktail has said, you are a very talented person in seeing in others what they cann't see for themselves. That is something very special and you must be such a careing person. A gift indeed. Your family is very lucky to have you, and the new dish drainer lol. I hope they appreciate it. Do something wonderfull for yourself though, you need to be at the top of the list sometimes. It is ok to treat yourself as someone important too.

Anyway, going to have a cuppa, got daughters GCSE presentation evening tonight so need to stay awake through the heads speech lol. Oh yes, they have a buffet too, wish me well. (should be ok, having tea before we go lol.)

Hugs to you all.
 
Thanks Kristin, Hugs to you all on this Saturday morning.

Looking forward to today actually, no particular reason, just feeling positive and upbeat. Not too much to do, quick trip to Aldi and a bit of cooking so a chill day I think. Got a few more Christmas presents to wrap up, and may write the cards out this afternoon.

Kristin, you definately need to learn to accept your talents, and be extremely proud of them. Try telling yourself every morning when you wake up that you are gifted and special and that you feel really good about it. Carry the thought with you all day.

Off now with my positive vibes to Aldi so have a wonderfull day and be happy. xx
 
kristin1 said:
Hey, hope we're all doing well. :)

I have today, been the best this week, hopeing the momentun keeps going.

I feel I've been really good today (food-wise, so-so, but not obsessing about it or overdoing it, although not being strictly SW either....),Thats good Kristin, a healthy releationship with the food. am delegating childcare duties to hubby and not interfering or meddling, haven't treated myself yet but have seen a lovely LOVELY LOVERLY handbag in Next.... Will see if I can talk myself into it! ;-) (Just a money thing.)Fantastic, well done to you. I have done similar today and so far so good. Its different, not wrong. I do think sometimes we should buy ourselves something and have the pleasure of it without worrying about the money. If we were buying if for children or O/H we wouldn't not buy it would we because of the money (unless we really couldn't afford it of course). We must stop treating ourselves like some second class citizen who shouldn't have things and deserves nothing. We do not need to justify everything we have for ourselves.

Have really made an effort to take a step back and let things happen. Not fuss over crumbs and mess from monkey so much, leave things be, go with the flow.

There's the occasional tense tummy moment where I just can't help myself, but overall I feel I've been doing quite well!Excellent, its ok to have a tense tummy, thats what we are learning to deal with, but the fact that you have had a go and delegated, stepped back and gone with the flow is marvolous. Do the same tomorrow too and each day will become easier. Little and often is the way forward but with no pressure on ourselves.

Looking forward to cuddling up with OH in front of telly tonight, nothing exciting but lovely to have someone to cuddle up to.

Hugs to all,
k
x

P.S. I do realise that there is much going on in the world that is a lot more worthy, terrifying, important, etc. than this, but I think in my whole changing process (i.e. not doing the "all or nothing" thing so much anymore) I can still work on this while empathising and being involved with everything else.

Thanks to all you guys for sharing and listening!
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Well done Kristin, it's a lovely positive post, feeling very proud of you. I got the feeling you are more relaxed today in general. Hope you have wonderful evening cuddled up and enjoy.

hugs to everyone xxxxxx
 
Morning peeps, well something must be working somewhere, lost 2.1lbs this week so result there. Had a good weekend, didn't stress about anything in the home even when I ended up at New Doc at the hospital last night with a rotten rash. Turns out to be ringworm (fungal infection and nothing to do with worms lol.) which is apparently very infectious. We think I may have picked it up from my doctors off the cuff to the blood pressure machine as its exactly where it goes on my arm and its the only place I have it. Oh joy, go to the docs with one thing and come out with 6 others lol. But anyway, dealt with that but this is where I got a little stressed. There was a dog left outside the hospital tied up to a light which was there when I arrived at 2.30 and was still there at 8.00 when I left (yes I was there all that time) so fretted about that, told them to contact me if nobody came back for it as soft stuff here would have taken it in. Rang this morning and its gone so that's ok. Got absolutely loads to do today and another week of appointments for one thing and another and don't want to get behind (not stressed just wanting to be organised, there is a difference I think and hope).
I feel very proud today that I haven't turned to food for comfort, I think I have been lucky that when the need has struck I haven't been in the house or around food, but at least it has made me realise I can cope without it, just need to find other ways of distraction.

How have you done this weekend, fantastic I hope? Have you any plans to put into action this week, little steps eventually cover the miles?

Catch you later, so have a wonderful day and respect yourselves. Love and hugs xxxxx
 
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