For those planning weddings/recently married...

Jennyonaplate said:
I had to wrestle the wedding etiquette guide from my friends hands as she was turning into a proper bridezilla with it. She was obsessed with what people should and shouldn't be doing - I had to very delicately point out that it was a day for her and her husband do do as they want, not what a book based on tradition told them.

I also had to point out that 80 guests for her and 12 for his family wasn't fair, but that's a different story!!
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Oh crikey, I can completely imagine this being the case with my bridezilla friend. It's 18 months away yet and she's already driven us all mad with how perfect everything will have to be.. I feel sorry for her poor hubby-to-be, he's hardly getting a look in!!

jaylou said:
There are a few questions to ask her...

Where are the dresses coming from? If they are from a bridal shop then you can normally hire the dresses.
Will you be able to wear the dress again? If so, then it's not so bad to pay for it yourself but it's very dependant on cost.
What is the problem with hiring? I hired the dresses for my first wedding (I paid, approx £50 each - a lot of years ago). You can hire beautiful dresses and it's not like they are wrecked or anything as the shop wouldn't hire them out.

For my second wedding my bridesmaid (singular) did buy her own dress and it was something she can wear again. It cost £75 - a sale bargain. I would have paid for this but she did offer. It was a very simple wedding and she could have worn whatever she liked.

I'd say this - do you want to be a bridesmaid or does she want you? The main thing is the cost and if you can wear it again.

Sod the etiquette - I don't think that goes for much these days unless they are very upper class!
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The dresses are indeed from a bridal shop, so it's good to know that most will hire out - I might try broaching that subject with her again once I've told her that I have to think within a budget. I think it would be wearable again, which is a bonus, depending on the colour she chooses, and whether it could be shortened to knee length (chiffon, not sure how easy that would be?)

I am stuck questioning whether I do actually want to be a bridesmaid or not, because as much as I would love to be a part of her day, I think she'll just be a complete nightmare. The latest whim is that all bridesmaids, ushers and partners have to stay with her all day - there's a two hour break between the reception and night do, and she has stated clearly that we have to wait in the hotel bar for her and hubby - we cannot go home, we cannot change out of our outfits (though for £200, I think I'd want to get my money's worth!) and we cannot leave until the very end of the night.. I'd probably do all these things anyway, but feel a bit put out that there's been a mandate put on it not just for me, but for my partner who doesn't even know them that well?! Or again, is this standard wedding etiquette (there's that word again!!)

Thanks again for all your responses, it's been really helpful to get opinions and perspective from people who aren't directly involved! We're meeting for lunch in a couple of weeks, so I'll bring it up with her there.. and just hope for the best!!
 
-Laura- said:
The latest whim is that all bridesmaids, ushers and partners have to stay with her all day - there's a two hour break between the reception and night do, and she has stated clearly that we have to wait in the hotel bar for her and hubby - we cannot go home, we cannot change out of our outfits (though for £200, I think I'd want to get my money's worth!) and we cannot leave until the very end of the night.. I'd probably do all these things anyway, but feel a bit put out that there's been a mandate put on it not just for me, but for my partner who doesn't even know them that well?! Or again, is this standard wedding etiquette (there's that word again!!)

Thanks again for all your responses, it's been really helpful to get opinions and perspective from people who aren't directly involved! We're meeting for lunch in a couple of weeks, so I'll bring it up with her there.. and just hope for the best!!
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Oh dear. I'd want out I'm afraid.
How close as friends are you? I had 2 wonderfully close friends first time and just one the second. Sometimes, for some, it's about numbers, some just have lots of friends and can't choose but I really don't see why you should be dictated to in such a way!
 
jaylou said:
Oh dear. I'd want out I'm afraid.
How close as friends are you? I had 2 wonderfully close friends first time and just one the second. Sometimes, for some, it's about numbers, some just have lots of friends and can't choose but I really don't see why you should be dictated to in such a way!
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Not as close as we used to be, and if anything we'll be less close by the time the wedding rolls round. I'm planning to move in with my boyfriend 100 miles away as soon as job situations allow, and can't see the friendship really surviving that - to be honest, she asked me if I'd be a bridesmaid about 30 seconds after she told me they were engaged, so caught up in it all I said yes, of course, not thinking she'd be planning properly for a good long while yet... but having seemingly entered into some kind of legally binding verbal contract, I'll be sure not to make the same mistake again!!
 
View from a bride to be! (me!!!) I am having 3 gorgeous bridesmaids and paying for dresses, accessories (such as a tiara or headband) and the posies of flowers.

I am not paying for professional make up, hair and shoes - as i agree with the other posters, shoes are personal, and therefore i think if they purchase shoes they personally like (within a colour guideline perhaps...!) then this will be fine. Hair and Make up, its a choice they have - and i have spoke to all 3 and they are going to have my make up artist, and pay between themselves. Hair, my hairdresser is again available, but they all have quite short hair and i dont see it as being worth it as they all look different......I am going to make them look the same with the dresses, flowers and hair accessories - hair is neither here nor there!!! lols!

xxx
 
I forgot about the shoes - My friend told us what shoes we had to buy ourselves. Now I didn't mind too much, but was a bit annoyed that the shoes were not something i'd wear again, and having worked in shoe shops for years, I really begrudged spending £45 on a plastic pair of sandals (IMO only leather can warrant that price!). I told her they were uncomfortable but she said everyone was wearing them, so I went with it.

So imagine my surprise on the day when the other two bridesmaids turn up wearing completely different, flat, comfy shoes!! Grrr - I swear if anyone ever wants to marry me, I will be the nicest bride to everyone involved!!
 
Yikes, the bride sounds like an utter nightmare. Her wedding shouldn't be costing you so much. Do you also have accommodation, bar, present, hen night, travel costs to factor in - it could end up costing you over 500 quid?! Can you ring the dress shop yourself and ask the question about hiring so you can just give her the info? Hope you resolve things ok x
 
I bought all the material for my 4 bridesmaids dresses cause I couldn't find any dresses in the colour I wanted (burnt orange). The material and lining and stuff cost about £100, I bought a pattern which was about a tenner and a friend made them as a wedding present for me. I paid for it all, but worked out quite well as I got exactly the dresses I wanted in the colour I wanted too.

Lesley x
 
Im being bridesmaid for my friend in May. Our dresses were £165 from a bridal shop which she is paying. My friend and I have told her we will pay for shoes, hair, make up etc which I thought was only fair after all I wouldve been probably buying new stuff fot it anyway if I wasnt bridesmaid
 
Good luck broaching this with your friend
I only had children bridesmaids so avoided all the hassle in that sense as I paid for the dresses.
I was bridesmaid for my sister in law and she paid the first £100 of the dress cost, we paid the other £35, she bought our shoes, handbags and tiaras.
However, my other friend (who chose the same bridesmaid dress as my sister in law but in a different colour) wanted me to pay for everything myself the dress was £230 and the shoes had to be a particular pair that were £60 then there was jewellery as she wanted us all matching, head pieces and a stay at the hotel both the night before and the night of the wedding as it was out in the sticks. I had to politely inform her I couldn't afford all this so therefore couldn't be her bridesmaid. She was upset but understood.
If I were you I would ask her nicely how much she is planning on contributing and then assess the situation from there. Good luck again.
 
curlygirl2 said:
I bought all the material for my 4 bridesmaids dresses cause I couldn't find any dresses in the colour I wanted (burnt orange). The material and lining and stuff cost about £100, I bought a pattern which was about a tenner and a friend made them as a wedding present for me. I paid for it all, but worked out quite well as I got exactly the dresses I wanted in the colour I wanted too.

Lesley x
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Wow! Orange was my colour theme. I've never encountered anyone else who had the same.
 
I had younger family as my bridesmaids so I bought their dresses (£70 each in BHS and absolutely gorgeous). I paid for the shoes but told them I was on a budget and let them choose their own (they ended up getting cheaper shoes than I would have paid :D) I also bought them each a necklace as a present for being bridesmaids.

I spent a lot of time on a wedding forum leading up to the wedding and I think a lot of brides go overboard with what they expect others to contribute to their wedding. I think if bridesmaids offer to pay for their dress that's one thing (but if they have some choice over the dress). It's probably also okay to ask them to contribute to their outfit as they may well have bought something new for the wedding if they were attending as a guest, but the exact amount would have to be discussed. I am erally broke and have never spent more than £40 on a dress in my life so if I were to be asked to pay £100 or more for a bridesmaid dress I would be really annoyed.

In short - talk to your friend. Explain that it's a lot of money that you don't have and ask if there's some form of compromise that you can come to. A good friend will understand and feel that you are more important than what you wear at her wedding. If you can't come to a compromise then tell her that you won't be able to be a bridesmaid.
 
I just couldnt have asked my bridesmaids to pay for their own dresses.
I bought them for them because they were MY dream dresses. They were £200 each and there were 3 bridesmaids but I made the choice that I wanted them so I bought them.

Kinda wish id got one for myself as I actually preferred them to my wedding dress. Boohoo.
 
got any pics Lilaloves? i have yet to buy my dresses, but am going shopping to see what styles suit my girls next month! I dont think £200 per dress is my budget though!!!
x
 
Hi there that's bad. She's asked you to be her bridesmaid not the other way round!
I paid £300 for my bridesmad dresses plus presents for them 40 each for bouquet and 30 each for shoes and I had 4! And me and hubs paid every single penny of our wedding and honeymoon ourselves!

I was one of my bridesmaids bridesmaids.... Back in April. Her parents gave them a substantial amount of money towards the wedding and she got me o buy my own shoes and accessories which I wa a bit miffed at but hey Ho.

In long it's wrong!
 
P1070645.jpg


Hopefully that worked.
They were so much nicer than they even look there. I adored them. =)
They had a mini train at the back too.
So pretty.
 
hi my bridesmaid dresses were £70 each and the shoes were £30 both my bridesmaids paid for the dresses themselves, the dresses were emerald green prom style dresses so could easily be worn again on a night out
 
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