Thank you all for your comments! Its really nice to know i can get all of the support i could want on here.
My family are a bit of mixed bag. My grandad has stopped taking his pain medication and refuses to attempt to get up (he hasnt been well), my grandma seems ok all things considered but i dont know if that's because it hasnt hit her yet or because she was ready for it (she told us yesterday she has already paid for her funeral and her plot)
My mum is trying not to break down but you can see it in her eyes that shes dying inside. My brother is ok, genuinely (he's only 10) When we found out i purposely didnt cry infront of him as when we found out about my dads cancer he broke down when i did saying that "if Jess is crying then its really bad" so he sat and asked me if "grandmas going to die of cancer or from just being old" bless him.
Im ok one minute and not the next - the not being ok tends to be when im left on my own to my own thoughts. Im more angry than anything although i dont know who with, this is obviously no-ones fault, i sort of feel a bit like someones punching bag at the minute although ive been hit so much im numb - random thing to say, i think im just rambling now.
Anyway thank you to everyone for your support, hopefully i will be able to be as supportive to all of you as you are being to me at the moment.
It is really appreciated.
xxx
Ramble all you like lovely, thats what we are here for. You are really coping very well, under the circumstances. Like Eternal said, dont turn SW into an additional pressure on your life at the moment, your quest to lose weight and be healthy can be of support to you, but dont let it give you a hard time when life is doing a fine job of that all by itself.
I found when my grandparents passed, that I ended up being a parent to my mother, a lot of the time, and it didnt really allow me to grieve for them myself, so when that time comes, make sure you do allow yourself to grieve and dont be overwhelmed by trying to be strong for everyone else. That applies just as much now as it will do when the inevitable eventually comes, and you may find you do much of your grieving now before she does eventually leave you.
It is no comfort to you now, I know, but I lost three of my grandparents within the space of six months, two of them ten days apart, and it really did knock me from pillar to post and back to the pillar and back to the post again for quite a while afterwards. But eventually, in time, things start to right themselves again and you do recover. Much like you have been this year, with your friend, and your dads illness and now this, you probably wont know which way is up for quite some time yet, but thats ok, just go with the flow, allow yourself to feel what you feel, be strong when you can, and dont try when you cant, and eventually a time will come where things settle back on to a more even keel.
(((hugs)))
