So sorry for my total silence.
I don't want to say too much about it (when I started thinking this morning about what I might say on here, it made me cry
) but I wasn't having a good time. Quite a lot of things in my life fell apart (albeit temporarily) - both work and home, over a short space of time and I struggled to deal with it. Things are quite a bit better now but I think it knocked my confidence a bit to see what could happen to me given the right set of circumstances. Anyway, I stayed functional (just) throughout and things are quite a bit better now. I am really grateful to those who sent messages and hope you haven't taken offence at my rudeness in not replying. I will be replying to those soon. I'm so sorry about that.
Anyway, glad to be back and will try and get back onto peoples diaries. Difficult for me given my (mild !) OCD tendencies wanting to read back everything that has happened over the last few weeks however I know that's impossible so I'll try and swallow my OCD bits and get back.
So, my news:
Current weight (official - last weeks weigh in 13 stone 2lb - total loss 4 stone 7 lbs)
Gain (from maximum loss) - 1 stone 2 lbs
Gain (from 'stable weight) - 10-14lbs
Weight: had been drifting upwards for good reason (before all this happened really) - went through a short phase of not eating (totally unlike me - my response to stress is usually the opposite) followed by the opposite (more normal for me !). However, I have started running over the last 2 weeks which is helping in so many more ways. I am eating more sensibly (only a few days but even so), feeling more motivated and positive and the weight is starting to move in the right direction.
I had also been struggling in that I kept saying 'I just need to get off the weight that I've put on and then I can relax again' and expecting a big loss (because of the ridiculous overeating) and then when it didn't happen straight away, going off and eating. So now, I have got back the 'it doesn't matter how long it takes' mentality which has helped. I am now aiming for 1lb loss per week (from last weeks weigh in) until I go away on my hols ie 12 stone 13 lb when I go. It looks as though I may significantly overachieve that but that's all I am aiming for. Then when I get back, I will do the same thing from my weight 1 week after getting back.
Other:
Personal life: a bit more stable but still feel a little fragile. Still taking on too much and saying 'yes' to things that maybe I shouldn't but actually not quite as busy at the moment as I have been in recent times. Weekends are a bit too busy (lots of plans for the future) but hopefully trying to still give myself a bit of a break.
Started running last week. Being helped by a friend who's interested in fitness and making great progress. Running is a very loose term for what I'm doing but it's a start. Making me feel good and pretty certain that it's helping my weight.
Last week - first run (total distance about 2.7 miles) - did in only 3 bits (eek !)
Since then have done 2 park runs (5k) running all of it apart from the steep hills (2 in total) as well as a few other training runs. Improved my (v slow) time this week by 3.5 mins which I am very pleased with. Last week I came 132nd out of 133 beating only an 80 something year old man (who runs regularly in a cycle helmet) but I can only improve. I have also been getting up early on Saturday morning for this which is almost unheard of for me !!! (had to have a nap today to compensate
)
So, that's my news (if anyone reads this). Thanks for not forgetting me and hope to see you back on your own diaires soon.
Hugs.
Gail x