Heaving myself back on the wagon!

[X~Libby~X]

Well today I only lost 1lb. That is 1lb more than I expected so that is a bonus. I ate some chicken and salad on Thursday as I was feeling horrific and shaking like a leaf so I wanted to see if it made any difference, which it didn't. That was ok and it was a sensible choice and for a good reason so I was ok with it. Saturday I felt like a zombie and I don't even know why but I demolished half a bar of chocolate and some cheese sauce with quorn bacon in it before I had even realised what I was doing. My antibiotics knocked me out of ketosis at the beginning of the week so i've spent the week physically very hungry and exhausted. The only reason for my unplanned lapse that I can think of is just sheer emotional and physical exhaustion.

I was very upset with myself last night, but I know I can't let it get to me so I have drawn a line under it and I'm carrying on. I have thought about my motivations tonight in group and I know I can do this! The OH kindly took care of the chocolate for me last night after I had gone to bed.

Tomorrow is the start of a new week and I'm on half term so i'm hoping I can spend some time recuperating and getting back into ketosis when I finally finish my meds on wednesday!

Hope everyone is having a good week!

X

 

[X~Libby~X]

Well this week has been going fine until now. I tried the chilli which was nice so that will add a bit of variety from my chocolate shakes! I just did a completely ridiculous thing. I had a big argument with my OH today and I've been stewing about it for the last couple of hours. I made my daughters tea (quorn bolognaise and pasta with a bit of cheese) and had a forkful. Yes that in itself is ridiculous but not as ridiculous as why I did it...I did it to spite my OH. How is me having a forkful of food going to effect him in any way, shape or form?! It's only me that will be effected, silly silly girl!

Well I'm just glad I caught myself and realised what I was doing before I ate the whole lot and had to make my daughter a new meal!!

Hope everyone else is well

X

 

[kathryn B]

It was only a forkful Libby! I'm sure it's done you no harm and actually you did really well not to have more. Put it behind you and keep going!! Xx

 

[Curvy1]

Keep strong . I am sure the one forkful would not have done any damage ... And you stopped at one mouthful .. Well done

Sent from my iPhone using MiniMins

 

[X~Libby~X]

Weigh in today and I've lost 5lb That is 27lb in 7 weeks so I'm a happy bunny.

Hope everyone else is ok

X

 

[Curvy1]

Well done ! That's fantastic

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[SuzieSuze]

Weigh in today and I've lost 5lb That is 27lb in 7 weeks so I'm a happy bunny.

Fantastic! That little fork of Chilli did not do you any harm afterall - just do not take this as permission to do that every week

 

[X~Libby~X]

Haha no I won't! I've got 7 weeks to lose as much as possible ( at least another stone) before I have to get half naked in front of a gorgeous man to get my tattoo done...whatever motivation works!

X

 

[kathryn B]

Well done Libby! Great loss! You are on the same week as me- nearly reached 8 weeks

 

[X~Libby~X]

I know, I'm looking forward to getting my measurements done on Sunday!

Just tried the carbonara pack and it was a pleasant surprise. Definitely edible and a nice change from chocolate shakes!

X

 

[SuzieSuze]

My LLC said we can not order the Chilli anymore so I have ordered the shepherds pie and carbonara this week as I am getting bored of soup. Strange how you can get the Chilli?

Good luck with the measurements, my LLC never took any when I started this time and she has never taken my photo. I'm starting to feel short changed by her!

 

[X~Libby~X]

Hmmm that is odd. I self certified onto the diet and the list of packs is smaller than the one you go off if signed on by your doctor as you have slightly higher calories. We are allowed limited things off the other list though (max of 7). For every bar we have we can have 1 thing off the other list as bars are slightly higher calories so it evens out. Wonder why you can't have the chilli, maybe it wasn't that popular so she stopped ordering it?

X

 

[SuzieSuze]

It is a thought. I also noticed my chocolate shakes are best before Feb 2013. So I will be checking tomorrow night to see if I get given old stock again. Most weeks she gives me too few packs but charges me the full amount. I now stand there in front of her double checking!

 

[X~Libby~X]

That's so naughty! My LLC had a box of asparagus soup that went out at the end of this month and so she was selling them half price. There are a few LLCs that aren't great (from peoples experiences on here) although I'm lucky and got a brilliant one.

X

 

[X~Libby~X]

Well this week had been going well until just now. I cooked an M&S kids meal for my daughter and she didn't like it so I ate it. No idea why but I did and then in another moment of idiocy I decided to make myself a toastie and ate that! Silly, silly, silly! I really need to snap out of this! Don't know what's wrong with me at the moment =[

Hope everyone else is doing better

X

 

[X~Libby~X]

WI today and I lost 2lb which is in line with my up and down pattern of weight loss. I also lost 2" off my bust, 1" off my waist and 1" off my hips.
Hope everyone else is ok
x

 

[SuzieSuze]

Well done! That is great after the toastie incident so next week just think what you will achieve if you stick to the plan 100%

 

[X~Libby~X]

Yes I definitely did not deserve that loss! I'm trying not to think about the WI as so far I have alternated perfectly between a big loss (at least 4lb) and a 1 or 2lb loss literally without fail. That would mean that I would be due a big loss this week and I don't want to get to Sunday, not get that and then get all down. I'm just taking it day by day and concentrating on getting through the week 100%.

Group really struck a chord with me this week. My LLC was explaining to the newbies about how CBT involves looking at the links between thinking, feeling and doing and how a lot of people don't like to deal with one of these. The module we have just started is perception and I said to her that even though I know I've lost 2 stone and I've dropped dress sizes and I can see the difference in a before and current photo of me, when it is just me and the mirror I see the same reflection I saw before I started LL.

She told me to imagine that the scales showed that I had lost 5st (I would be 1st away from goal) and I still saw the same reflection, how would I feel? She told me to think about this during the week and write down my feelings not my thoughts. She pointed out that in all the many times she has spoken to me over this journey and back in '09 that I have never once told her how I actually feel, it's always what I think.

When I was driving home, I started thinking about this revelation and realised how true it is. That was it, I was in tears. I can see now that I really don't ever tell anyone how I genuinely feel, I don't even really ever come to terms with the feelings myself and I think this is a massive reason for my over eating. I have been burying my feelings in food and now I have nothing to hide behind and it's terrifying me!

I think this is the true reason for my several lapses (big or small) over the last few weeks. I have so much college work to do it is unbelievable and rather than tell someone that I feel like I'm drowning and I feel on the verge of a melt down, I've just been trundling on and when it gets a bit much, I've eaten something.

This clarity is amazing, as realising why I do what I do is the start to me changing that behaviour pattern. I also don't know how to change it. I don't ever consciously ignore or discount how I feel. My first step is to talk to my college tutor and tell her how I feel in the hope I can sort an extension or something and then relax a bit.

This is not going to be an easy ride, it's all about the baby steps!

X

 

[SuzieSuze]

Wow! That is amazing I'm so pleased you have had this breakthrough. Good on you for taking control over your college work. You deserve this weight loss as you are working so hard and have come so far already. X

<<<<Hugs>>>>

 

[X~Libby~X]

It is relieving to finally have a pretty good idea as to what the issue is, it is also absolutely terrifying as I have no idea how to deal with it. I can say how I feel about my college work etc but I'm trying to do the exercise with imagining my reflection and I cannot get a hold on how I feel about myself. It is almost like my conscious mind is trying to get there, but my subconscious keeps moving the end post just out of reach to 'save myself'. Something I must be quite good at as I've been unknowingly doing it for years and years.

Hmmm I see a restless nights sleep coming my way...

X