Here's to getting the old me back!

[Spanglymum]

Woke up with total clarity about what has been troubling me: my mum's reaction to me getting this new job was 'well, you really must have the gift of the gab' (said v dismissively).

Ok so I'm 41 and still desperate for my mum to be proud of me. Why does it matter so much to me? I can't turn the clock back and apply to Oxbridge, which is what she wanted for me and I refused. Or go back and become a lawyer or doctor or architect. It's too late!

But she doesn't respect people unless they are 'professionals', and that extends to me too. I will always fall short in her eyes because of my choices.

I've sent her an email this morning and hope we can talk about this. It's really bothering me and I hadn't realised!!!

 

[Clarabow]

That would have really gotten on my wick as well. Amazing what is lurking under the surface of our emotions. Good on you for recognising what it was x

 

[Spanglymum]

Well I'm glad I was open with her. She sent me the most amazing message back! Wow. I could have carried that worry/insecurity with me for years (have done, in fact). Really really glad I let her know what was on my mind. Brilliant!

Got a nice but busy day today. I'm interviewing for my successor, and then the whole of my team are going out to the theatre. We've been planning it for ages. I hope it's a good evening as I don't get out much these days (usually because I actually prefer staying home with my family!). I was supposed to be going out for a meal last night (why do all my social events come at once?!) but I had such a bad headache all afternoon I cried off as I just wasn't in the mood. Before LL I would have felt I 'ought' to go, and forced myself, and had a miserable evening. It's nice to feel I can put myself first these days and make choices that are right, for me.

On a similar note, my LLC has every faith in me losing the extra few pounds with food, not packs, by the way, which was reassuring to hear. I'm going to see how I manage for a couple of weeks and see if I can get back closer to where I want to be. If it doesn't work though I can always use packs, but I do prefer to see them as a last resort and try to leam other, more sustainable, ways to manage my weight long-term.

 

[Spanglymum]

Weigh in tonight. Bit nervous as it's new territory for me, trying to lose weight sensibly with food. My home scales are moving in the right direction so I hope it will be the same at group.

 

[Catthin]

Good Luck with your weigh in.
Cathy

 

[Spanglymum]

Well, I lost 3lbs!! Woohoo!

 

[Catthin]

Well done :happy036::happy036::happy036::happy036::happy036:
Cathy

 

[Clarabow]

Oh I say ... rather well done that ! How is the wind down/ up from work going ? Well I hope.

Thinking of you x

 

[Spanglymum]

The wind down is feeling a bit lengthy, to be honest! But then as soon as I wish it were over I realise the sooner it ends the sooner I start my new job. "eek" and "yay" in equal measure!!

So, I'm doing ok, but it's a weird time!

Reading Marisa Peer at the moment, to continue adding to my weight maintenance strategies. She's a very interesting read. Very negative about cereals and cow's milk, but definitely food for thought if you're looking for more low carb ideas, which I am. Only problem is I seem to have turned things on their head from when I started LL. I think I posted about how my family ate much healthier food (prepared by me) than I did, and I realised I needed to start valuing myself more. Well, now I'm the one with the most wholesome diet I think! Everyone in the family is eating more veggies than before, but at breakfast in particular they are still wedded to their (highly processed) 'whole wheat' (and supposedly 'healthy', but maybe not so much?) breakfast cereals, while I sit there with home made muesli and soya milk. Dilemma. As my hubby says, I don't want to turn them all into 'cranks', given that they have never had weight issues like me, but it does make me wonder what I should be doing for the best.

We all eat the same at main meals, except they might have pasta or potatoes or bread or something that I don't eat anymore. I just have more vegetables - and think my plate looks more inviting and colourful as a result! My girls need the calories from carbs though as they're growing, so I think what they eat is about right really.

Think I may have answered my own question there!

 

[Catthin]

hope all is well with you and your new job is wonderfull.
Cathy

 

[Spanglymum]

Still working my notice! Just one more week to go... Woohoo!

 

[Spanglymum]

Didn't go to group this week as I was out with some colleagues for a pre-leaving leaving do. Nothing too over the top - just a couple of drinks in a local place. Nice really although I think I'm getting too old for going out in the evening. I just prefer to be home with my girls and hubby to be honest.

Getting excited/scared re new job. Mostly excited though.

I'm hoping I will have lost another pound or so and will be back on track weightwise before starting the new role. Good mental boost and all that. I'm currently really enjoying Marisa Peer's hypnotherapy MP3 - no idea if it works, but it makes me feel relaxed and sleepy at the end of the day, which is a good thing.

Hubby had a bladder operation this week that we hope is going to help him in the long term so that he doesn't have to get up several times a night to go to the bathroom, or have the mad panics and urgency during the day. Fingers crossed.

 

[Spanglymum]

Only a couple more days to go to starting my new job! I'm scared!!! Help!! Went out with colleagues last night and they were so sweet. Really sad today as in some ways I enjoyed working there and I will miss some of them very much. Sigh. Feeling very low today.

 

[LadyT]

Good luck with the new job xxx

 

[Spanglymum]

Hello, everyone! Or at least anyone who is still reading this! I'm off to group tonight for the first time in weeks. I hope my weight is ok. I have stopped weighing myself every day as I was getting really upset and worried about fluctuations. My worry at the moment though is that by not weighing every day, I am in some form of denial and will gradually be regaining the weight... Well, moment of truth tonight. I'll decide what to do when I see how far (or not) I am from goal.

Day two of my new job today. Loads to do, but already feel better having got the first day out of the way. That one is always such a huge milestone, with everything seeming very unfamiliar etc. Hopefully have time to settle in a bit in the next two weeks, and then I have a week's holiday. Hurrah! Really pleased I planned it this way as it means I get to really relax on holiday. Yay!

Ooh and I just have to share what two people said to me on Friday at my leaving do. One asked me where I get my 'elegance' from?!!! me? Elegant? Yay! (still picture myself as 16 stone a lot of the time). And another said he loved my style, and that I'm 'every gay man's dream with your fabulous taste in clothes'. Hehe! Go me!

 

[Catthin]

Hi spanglymum
great to hear you have started your new job,hope it everything you want.
Good luck with the weigh in tonight.
cathy

 

[Clarabow]

That came around quicker than expected for sure. Hope you settle quickly in the new job and enjoy the challenge.

The regular trips to cherry pick TK Maxx designer labels is paying off big time. It's how you are putting them together is what is making the difference. Lovely compliment to receive.

Keep the updates comming it's useful to see what life is like post lighter life. Onwards lovely girl xx

 

[slendablenda]

Lovely compliments to receive Spangly - I'm sure well deserved.
Great that you've got over that hurdle of the first day in the new job. Remember they are all probably scared of you at the moment - that always helps! I hope you get to settle in a bit, then enjoy your holiday and then get really stuck in to the job - great plan.
I agree about the weighing constantly. What's the point?
We all know we are going to fluctuate otherwise we would always stay the same! No point in giving yourself extra anxiety.
I find it helps to remember at least once a day how it was before LL. e.g. those lovely comments you had, or being able to wear summery clothes or not feeling hot and out of breath etc etc.
Keep popping on here too -that helps and also helps those coming along behind to see that you can lose the weight AND keep it off.
You said it "go you." xx

 

[Julz]

Hi Spanglymum
Hope your WI went well, and you can finally let yourself enjoy your new weight, and your new you!

Great compliments, hope you take them well, I had a couple at work last week and had to check myself to accept them. Wish I had elegance, I am buying all sorts of clothes and can't work out what suits me, I was so used to just getting things on, rather than looking good. I watched the Pauline Quirk interview on LL website the other day, and chuckled when she said she needs to be Gok'd, I feel the same.

Glad you are enjoying your new job too, I like the timing of it just before your holiday, enjoy.

How did you get on today with WI?
Jx

 

[Spanglymum]

I didn't get to WI last night in the end as my journey home was broken up due to problems with the trains and it took me two and a half hours to get home! I've arranged a pop-in with my LLC for Saturday morning instead. Fingers crossed I won't have gained too much. Thing is, I think I'm eating a pretty sensible diet these days, one way and another. I'd like to be sure it's not going to make me gain though, as I'm still learning about appropriate portion sizes and what foods do and don't agree with me etc. Baby steps!

Seems to be all work lunches are based around bread, so I've brought my own lunch in today and have made a special request for a low-carb lunch on a business trip next week. I hope they can manage it for me!