i'm sure that all of us from time to time sit and ponder what this diet and its results mean to us. I suppose its similar with any wieght loss but the difference, for me, with CD is the rapid speed of weight loss which leaves your mind trying to catch up with the changes in your body. Whilst I am determined and doing quite well, I'm not always positive. for example, the fantastic compliments are great to hear, but right now I'm hearing them so much and so often from so many people that I no longer want to get into conversation about it. I'm tired of hearing my own voice telling people how I am achieving this so now, compliments are being met with a pleasent smile and the auto-response "Thank you so much, you're very kind", before I quickly move on to something else. Part of me thinks "I'm only half way there...save the compliments for when I get there!".
I was asked this week whether my weight loss was increasing my confidence. "Yes" would have been my auto-response, but it got me thinking more about the question. I don't think anyone I know would ever accuse me of lacking confidence, and would be truly terrified by the thought of my levels of confidence increasing! So if I answer "yes", which I feel is the answer, what do I mean? For me it isn't overall confidence. the things that strike me most are relatively small things that probably mean nothing to anybody esle, but really have an impact on me. the fact that friends no longer reserve the front seat of a car for me so that I can fit in. The fact that I can now go to the theatre or get on a train without having to face the almost audible (and sometimes very audible) sighs of frustration from the person in the next seat or in the seat behind who quite clearly wished i wasnt there. On my add a meal week I was in a restaurant with friends, sitting next to a lady who wanted to pull the table closer in. I used to have to make sure I was sitting in a position where my size didnt prevent this but this time i didnt have to move and we could pull the table closer.
Those small things are great, they are what keep me going, but the real reason I am determined to get to my goal is much bigger. It's that I see that I had given up. I had resigned myself to growing older and my life being whatever I could make of it as a fat man. Now I am seeing that the real impact of getting to my goal will be giving me a new start, a second chance that I had never expected to have. Here's to a fresh start!
