Morning. Am up bright and early on a bank holiday (lighter life has done this to me!)
Have been thinking about what I have learnt through abstinence and rtm....
- that I deserve good healthy food. That I deserve to be happy and healthy. And I deserve to look fab. I want to look after myself. I have put my body through so much and now its time to look after it.
- that beck and CBT work (I was always skeptical). My response cards help a lot.
- that I can identify my sabotaging thoughts. A big one for me is that I'm not good enough, not worth it. I am learning to change this, with my positive affirmations and by being my own best friend.
- that I need to talk about it. I have a brilliant support network and have learned to talk about my feelings to them.
- that I can't have choice, it makes me anxious as I feel I need to try everything. When I start REAL LIFE I'm going to plan weekly menus and have only 1 breakfast, always porridge, 2 lunch options, soup or salad, then a bigger choice for dinner.
- I will have NO CHOICE for overeating. This will stop my inner struggle. As struggle will be pointless. There is no choice.
- that a sabotaging thought for my diet is 'its too hard, its not worth it'. It is worth it. Its everything. Its a choice between feeling great and looking how I want to eating ****, feeling **** and looking ****. I am happy now so IT IS WORTH IT.
- that I can do this. For the first time ever, I think I can maintain. Its so easy but so hard. Everyday I will make the choice to be happy, healthy, in control and to look good.
I still have lots of learning to do but I'm pleased with how far I have come.
January 22nd I felt worthless, ugly, disgusting, self hatred. I would cry all the time and push my friends away. I wore the same thing everyday (stretchy skirt and black top) and found life hard.
May 27th I feel positive, happy, FABULOUS. I love getting dressed each morning, I love life. I feel like I have so much to offer and I love myself, I am confident. I feel powerful and in control. I have lost 4 stone and like what see in the mirror.
I thank lighter life. It has really changed my life.