03.07.14
thoughts
my thought process has always been I will start "dieting" tomorrow or next week. Or otherwise I would be eating healthily then splurge and tell myself its a one off, tomorrow I will get back on track, invariably tomorrow never came. Then a few months down the line I would start telling myself off thinking if I had started eating better I would weigh X amount by now.
I am not sure what is different this time. The last few months have been really really bad. I have gone through crap I didn't think I would ever face. But I haven't gone off the rails. I have maybe taken a meal off (where I haven't been healthy) or a few days (due to circumstances) but I haven't as a result struggled to get back on track. Whether this is due to the face I had changed my way of eating a few weeks before everything happened so was in a more focused mindset I am not sure.
I don't struggle persay now and I like it, I never thought I would be in that situation.
I enjoy the exercise bike, I am forcing myself to do at least 30 minutes a day. Even if that is in 3 sessions due to ramadan. I am also making conscious decisions when I do eat in the evening about what I still need to refrain from. My hubby is probably getting fed up lol. I stay away from sweet things, if I am really tempted I will have one spoon that is it. Fried things I am totally avoiding, although that seems to be a central part of opening your fast.
If someone had told me six months ago, that I would be doing all of the above and losing weight, I would have laughed in their face. I was never going to be the one who could stick to a plan and lose weight successfully. But six months down the line, I am kind of that person, I am losing weight, i am eating healthily and sometimes it feels too good to be true.
In my dreams I was thinking I would like to lose a stone a month, and the reality is, I am not far off. And I am not doing anything extreme.
I want to for the first time ever feel confident, not always feel people are commenting about my weight, I want to feel desirable, I want to feel sexy. I want to look in the mirror and like what I see (almost) and maybe, just maybe I will get there this time. If I do manage, I will be over the moon.