I refuse to be fat for my 30th !!!

[bettiesrevenge]

Hear hear - totally resonate with the food being the hatdest habbit to kick - I work with drug and alcohol misusers in recovery and boy - they eat food all day long (and smoke for that matter) they often swap one addiction for another, food becomes their new vice.

It's like we forgot how to eat to live, instead we grew to use food to punctuate our lives and define events and cope.

Not any more - hell no!

 

[Rolly82]

Hear hear - totally resonate with the food being the hatdest habbit to kick - I work with drug and alcohol misusers in recovery and boy - they eat food all day long (and smoke for that matter) they often swap one addiction for another, food becomes their new vice.

It's like we forgot how to eat to live, instead we grew to use food to punctuate our lives and define events and cope.

Not any more - hell no!

So very true Bettie, it really is a complete headwrecker at times but hey ho I suppose it is just life. A very admirable job you do there. I used to be a youth worker and in all honesty I just couldn't hack it I found it very upsetting I admire anyone who can do your work.

The feeling that we have broken the cycle of eating is quite an addiction in itself. I find myself getting a sick sort of kick out of testing myself by cooking for others and it's odd, I amy be a touch psychotic!!! :sigh:

x

 

[Rolly82]

so 14 days.....DONE! Who would have thought it? Certainly no me that's for sure.

I am starting to feel my work kecks (pants) getting much looser and that in itself is such a joy when I sit at my desk. I have set myself a little mission that I want to be able to pull them off without undoing the buttons...sad but true I am even hoping to get to the stage when someone tells me to go and buy some new clothes as i look like a bag lady ha. I want to treat myself to some lovely new things in the new year sales and can't wait to look on the clothes rails for anything less than a size 16. It is this thought that is keeping me chugging along on a miserable weekend. I still find the weekdays much easier to deal with and Saturday night is without doubt my nemesis. I think having my weigh in on a Sunday morning is a complete stroke of genius all of which brought about by fate

I had my first ever Tetra yesterday which was the Strawberry I wasn't looking forward to it and was pleasantly surprised. I'm not sure if it was just the taste or the fact I feel part of the normal world again drinking from a carton sounds silly but I always used to buy myself a drink with a straw and forgot that the little things like that I would miss instead of the constant jug measuring, blending of soups and stirring of porridge routine, God help me when I get to eating the bars I may just explode with excitement

Til the next time folks..........

x

 

[Sapphireblue]

you will explode - the bars are ace!
if you have them with a cup of tea/coffee it makes them feel like real chocolate.
and if you can eat them really slowly you can have them in two halves which spreads it out during the day a bit more. also if you eat them quickly they can feel a bit too filling/stodgy.

 

[emsiem]

You are doing fab, i wish i could articulate the way i feel like you do, very good way with words !!!

I also cannot wait to be buying clothes less than a size 16, i suppose in my head i'm happy to be a nice curvy 14 i like my womanly shape and don't want to be too thin !! I just don't want to look like homer simpson anymore

I liked the tetras too i've only tried strawberry and choc as i cannot stand banana !!

Keep writing chick x

 

[Rolly82]

you will explode - the bars are ace!
if you have them with a cup of tea/coffee it makes them feel like real chocolate.
and if you can eat them really slowly you can have them in two halves which spreads it out during the day a bit more. also if you eat them quickly they can feel a bit too filling/stodgy.

oooooo stop it you are getting me all excited here, it sounds like a plans thanks for the tip I shall be nibbling throughout the day to make it last

x

 

[Rolly82]

You are doing fab, i wish i could articulate the way i feel like you do, very good way with words !!!

I also cannot wait to be buying clothes less than a size 16, i suppose in my head i'm happy to be a nice curvy 14 i like my womanly shape and don't want to be too thin !! I just don't want to look like homer simpson anymore

I liked the tetras too i've only tried strawberry and choc as i cannot stand banana !!

Keep writing chick x

rrrr thank you that is really nice of you, I have actually filled up a little here (I'm such an emotional wreck lately and you have really made me smile) I didn't think my ramblings were any good but now i don't feel such a loon anymore xxxx

Hey less of the Homer Simpson I reckon you are more of a Jessica Simpson (pre pregnancy btw) She is a fab curvy size 14 and I reckon you will be rocking the Daisy Dukes like her at this rate

x

 

[Rolly82]

Day 15 and I am knackered... really been struggling to stomach the 3 packs a day I'm just not hungry and only managing 2 so I have been forcing myself to have a Tetra...all these crazy appointments everyday taking my Nan to radiotherapy has got be shattered and not even thinking about this diet. I do however have to make a concious effort to drink the water as I am finding myself slipping on it which is a first for me since I started it's just my routine is shot to sh!t :-(

Ok talking of sh!t completely non diet related post about last night but can't help but share. I have always worked in a male dominated motor trade and have always therefore had a large number of male friends. My other half found it a bit odd at first but once he met the majority of them and got to know me more he has never really had a problem with it. I suppose the fact I wouldn't allow anyone to dictate to me who I can and can't be friends with goes without saying....anyway....

One of my oldest friends of nearly 10 years left his wife for a much younger girl, of which I did not condone and made my feeling clear he deserved everything he got but I still remained friends with him. He has a VERY chequered past when it came to the ladies yet I never so much as dabbled there, just not my type.

His new "child! as will refer to her took it upon herself to go all Jeramy Kyle on me last night rang and accused me of having and affair along with plenty of other choice words and threats... so tacky yuk. After calmly explaining to her she had no concerns whatsoever as far as I am concerned and to keep her own problems at home I found myself laughing at the whole situation. I am not one for conflict never have been, not because I am scared (I would like to think I could snap the skinny whippet it half) I just find all that type of behaviour common. Yup call me a snob.

Now after a little laugh of the situation where by she has completely embarrassed herself along with all of the other psycho women I have come across by having the misfortune to be female and work with their partners. I have never seen myself as being a threat whatsoever as I am quite happy with my OH (who thankfully didn't even question me) not that it should make a difference if I was single I did nothing wrong. He visited me in my most recent place of work and she had been reading his phone which says more about her than anything about a time I was on my lunch. If we can call a Tetra a lunch!

It got me thinking... this girl is absolutely stunning, young and slim. I could quite easily say it is Karma on her part now with her insecurities and paranoia I wonder are some people never happy. I used to associate being slim with being happy with all aspects of my life. Yet here is a stunning slim girl who STILL has fears of losing her man (which if she carries on she will). I wonder if it is immaturity which no doubt it is but makes you think being slim and beautiful does NOT make for a perfect life. Maybe if she has ever been overweight and then had to slim down she would be a nicer person and appreciate the benefit of her looks. A very shallow view on my part but has got my grey cells ticking over that being slim and beautiful doesn't equate to a perfect life. For as much as I hate myself for getting overweight at times I am starting to feel a twisted sort of grateful that I did. I can learn to love myself for the hard work I am putting in and the appreciate even more so what it is like to be slim.

I am probably now seen as a lunatic for my thinking but it starts a whole new process of thoughts about vanity and self image in general.... interesting set of events the crank did me a favour

 

[Rolly82]

Day 16- I can't even begin to think about today never mind type it.... Goodnight ;(x

Sent from my iPhone using MiniMins

 

[Rolly82]

Weigh in 3 tomorrow arrrggghhh what a week!

well what a mad crazy week I have had, crazy crank women, hospital every day and then a broken car :cry:

Thursday was just hellish beyond me completely yet I survived and didn't do my usual thing of hitting the wine and cheese. Whilst taking my Nan to hospital everyday for radiotherapy from Liverpool to over the water I had the joyous experience of the car screaming at me on the return journey. Now the journey involved the Mersey tunnel arrrgghhh as I was approaching it trying not to cause alram and stay calm and distract my Nan from what was going on my clutch had gone. The tunnel carries a £150 fine for breaking down in it GREAT.... I limped through and made it back. I then took it into the lads in work who informed me that not only ws the clutch gone but the gearbox too! :sigh: They have been fantastic and supplied me with another car and that cheered me up no end...until.... I then went to the petrol station and I couldn't get the fuel cap off with the key. In fear of snapping the key in the lock I just gave up and burst into tears like an idiot whilst I was being shouted at over the tanoy onto the forecourt. I can see how amusing this is now to watch but I was an absolute blubbering wreck. I am not one for crying certainly not in public and I just felt like giving up there and then and going to the chippy and off licence on my way home :sigh: BUT I DIDN'T!!!!!!
A very kind man helped me out and must have thought I was a lunatic over something so small but I just couldn't tell him about my day for my tears and expressions of thanks to him. Bless I may even write into the the local paper to thank him and apologise for my mental breakdown he was adorable... and rather cute I may say! Don't think my running nose and mascara strewn face stood me in any good stead of getting his number mind, yet he restored my faith in humans beings

I didn't realise how emotional I had become on this diet it's odd I am turning into a right old softy. Is it the diet or am I just melting the older I get?

I have been having another odd battle in my head this week. I have met soooo many different people from all over the place with different types of cancer who have been nothing but an inspiration. Each individual story has been heartbreaking and unique in their own way but with one common factor that each person shares the same feeling ...fear.

I have had the whole "life is too short to not enjoy it just eat what you like" thoughts and then I think.. hold on the majority of people I have met do not smoke or eat & drink excessively they have just been hit by a terrible cruel cruel disease. I owe it to myself to look after my body the best I can and "life is too short enjoy yourself" attitude has now been translated in my mind as to how many days I have wished I was slimmer... and have I really enjoying myself and making the most of my life? NO.

Therefore as I approach another week, and hopefully the last week of the hospital I am going to be proud of myself for sticking to this SS as I am making the most of my life the best way I can as it can so easily be taken from you from external powers such as cancer which is neither selective or forgiving in it's cruel cruel ways.

Apologies for the depressing post but I feel like I have turned a corner in the battle of my mind and wanted to share

x

 

[loveloveyy]

Well day 11 of SS done!

What a crazy day it has been too. I had a job interview today trying to move onto bigger and better things wow what was I thinking putting myself under pressure whilst doing this? I got through to stage two which I am pleased about and I managed to squeeze myself in to one of my old faithful suit dresses, well I kind of poured myself into it. I was considering oiling myself in Vaseline at one stage and jumping into it from the stairs. Cracking dress when stood up but sitting down for a two hour interview is another matter all together. I love this dress so much and this reminded me why I was to do this diet so much my beautiful clothes sat in my wardrobe waiting to be worn again. I should live in a 5 bedroom detached house the amount of money I have spent on clothes over the years it really is a disgrace!!

I also realised how unprepared I am for arranging my eating times throughout the day when my usual routine changes. I struggle to eat breakfast early something I have battled with for years. I have started eating my porridge in work at around 10.30am which I can handle and then soup for lunch around about 3.30pm which keeps me going until my further porridge in the evening (I know boring but so far so good for me). Today really screwed this up for me and I didn't managed to eat anything until about 2pm. I still have to eat my 3rd meal of the day and I am just not hungry, I know I shouldn't complain because this time last week I didn't think I would ever feel anything but hunger for the rest of my days.

I am seeing my CDC on Sunday for my 2nd weigh in and need to stock up on Tetras as I will be taking my Nan for 10 days of radiotherapy starting Monday so I need to not get stuck in the situation I have been in today where my routine has been shot to the proverbial sh!t.

It looks like I will be a creature of habit as I only like chocolate milkshake and I am thinking it is going to become my only tetra option but hey ho, I'm living on porridge and I have managed that!!!

So Friday tomorrow one of my biggest challenge days weekends are tough for me not for hunger but for old bad habits of weekend meaning food and alcohol... well that was the old me and this is the new me who turns up to a weigh in on a Sunday morning fresh as a daisy with no hangover

x

Hi Laura im yin
i am 30 and i dont want to be fat anymore, i started yesterday and found today quite tough as i tried the porridge and didnt like it but luckly the choc shake wasnt too bad and i could handle it. how about we buddy up and keep each other motivated? let me know if u want to?

 

[bettiesrevenge]

ooohhh are you a local? I am very aquainted with the mersey tunnel and have had one or two skirmishes in there

I hope your nan is ok.

So - hmm where to start with your posts. Firstly slim and pretty girls often have THE WORST hang ups, worse than most chunky girls I know. I know, it's almost an oxymoron, but they do. The thing is, society and media places it's higest prize on being the most pretty and aluring and the most handsom and sporting, so no matter your station, you are always aware that there will be someone more pretty (or handsom and virile etc) than you. Often, the pretty women I know, in school, have learned to live off their looks, and didnt do too academically well (of course there are exceptions, but I am talking about those that peaked early) they were too busy developing a social heirachy which pitched them at the top of the tree, but you can only stay there for so long until the younger and prettier comes along. And thusly goes the rest of your life. Sadly after a while you cant just trade off your looks a LTR requires more than that - as we all know. Bung on to that, the fact that most men know how to woo a woman, but when the honeymoon is over, you are left with their snoring, the socks in a ball on the livingroom floor, and the secret rendesvous in hotel rooms, meals and skipping off in a misty heart shaped bubble all become a thing of the past almost as if a dream.... and get replaced by a lot of nonchalant grunting and the occasional date out to keep us sweet (well it a'int all that being married) she probably just realised when you lay down with dogs, you catch fleas of the mind...

Her new man, is clearly a serial philanderer, she was just his lastest prize, and now, probably, he is after the next big thing, this is how men like him opperate - it's all the thrill of the chase, possibly why he is in sales She will be thinking it's love at first and how romantic that he left his missus for her, but she is just a stepping stone another prize...poor kid, maybe you should take her under your wing and tell her what's what...

As for the car - boo hiss - do work give you one to use normally?

NOW....without getting too deep, it's amazing how people faced with potential death get this "do it now" vibe about life. I agree that we all do seem to sit around waiting for life to happen to us, when we are thin, when we have more money, when we have the energy... there are so many excuses we give ourselves for not being fully present for life. I was walking in the woods today and that was the first time I have felt fully present in ages, smelling, breathing, listening, seeing...all your senses going at once..I can tell you it was an amazing feeling that I dont do enough, so today's lessons are...umm stay away from married men, live in the now, take care of yourself and errrr, drink more water

You seriously have had the week from hell by all accounts.

 

[Rolly82]

Hi Yin

Hi Laura im yin
i am 30 and i dont want to be fat anymore, i started yesterday and found today quite tough as i tried the porridge and didnt like it but luckly the choc shake wasnt too bad and i could handle it. how about we buddy up and keep each other motivated? let me know if u want to?

Hi Yin, welcome and fantastic that you have started. I will defo buddy up, I have sent you an inbox (my first ever how sad) let me know if you don't receive it as I usually come on this site on my phone app but do my diaries on the pc.

Trust me you will find something you like the first week is a toughy but I promise it is worth it

xx

 

[Rolly82]

Thanks Bettie x

ooohhh are you a local? I am very aquainted with the mersey tunnel and have had one or two skirmishes in there

I hope your nan is ok.

So - hmm where to start with your posts. Firstly slim and pretty girls often have THE WORST hang ups, worse than most chunky girls I know. I know, it's almost an oxymoron, but they do. The thing is, society and media places it's higest prize on being the most pretty and aluring and the most handsom and sporting, so no matter your station, you are always aware that there will be someone more pretty (or handsom and virile etc) than you. Often, the pretty women I know, in school, have learned to live off their looks, and didnt do too academically well (of course there are exceptions, but I am talking about those that peaked early) they were too busy developing a social heirachy which pitched them at the top of the tree, but you can only stay there for so long until the younger and prettier comes along. And thusly goes the rest of your life. Sadly after a while you cant just trade off your looks a LTR requires more than that - as we all know. Bung on to that, the fact that most men know how to woo a woman, but when the honeymoon is over, you are left with their snoring, the socks in a ball on the livingroom floor, and the secret rendesvous in hotel rooms, meals and skipping off in a misty heart shaped bubble all become a thing of the past almost as if a dream.... and get replaced by a lot of nonchalant grunting and the occasional date out to keep us sweet (well it a'int all that being married) she probably just realised when you lay down with dogs, you catch fleas of the mind...

Her new man, is clearly a serial philanderer, she was just his lastest prize, and now, probably, he is after the next big thing, this is how men like him opperate - it's all the thrill of the chase, possibly why he is in sales She will be thinking it's love at first and how romantic that he left his missus for her, but she is just a stepping stone another prize...poor kid, maybe you should take her under your wing and tell her what's what...

As for the car - boo hiss - do work give you one to use normally?

NOW....without getting too deep, it's amazing how people faced with potential death get this "do it now" vibe about life. I agree that we all do seem to sit around waiting for life to happen to us, when we are thin, when we have more money, when we have the energy... there are so many excuses we give ourselves for not being fully present for life. I was walking in the woods today and that was the first time I have felt fully present in ages, smelling, breathing, listening, seeing...all your senses going at once..I can tell you it was an amazing feeling that I dont do enough, so today's lessons are...umm stay away from married men, live in the now, take care of yourself and errrr, drink more water

You seriously have had the week from hell by all accounts.

Hi Betty I am sure am local I live in St Helens, my Na is in Liverpool so we are only up the road. Oh that tunnel is a right nightmare isn't it arrgghh crazy week. Yes fortunately my work supply me with a car. They have been fantastic in allowing the time off to take my Nan.

My nan is doing great thank you very much for asking xx a little tired and only been sick once so fingers and toes crossed she is ok this upcoming week. The staff there are beyond amazing such nice people it warms the heart.


Oh good lord tell me about the crazy skinny crank!! I have never known anything quite like it. I work in the motor trade so I have always been surrounded by men and sometimes their paranoid other halves. I have always took the open approach of meet me I am not a threat and I will kill you with kindness to make you like me lol. I haven't a clue what is going on with this ones head but you are spot on it is a major contradiction to how she looks. The funny thing is she has the cheek to call me a homewrecker I have never so much as laid a finger on him in my life (trust me you really wouldn't!) I just can't help think pot, kettle, black hhmmmm. I'm just glad my OH didn't even entertain it or I would have been livid. Still I don't appreciate having to have that conversation. I am just not lowering myself to it, it's all so tacky...call me a snob I just like a quiet life.

You have obviously found a whole new lease of life and it's funny how CD tends to get you thinking about everything isn't it? I can fully appreciate what you are saying about the great outdoors and enjoying living if that makes sense? I have got all kinds of walking gear on my wish list for Christmas I never thought I would see the day! I would love a dog to walk but I just couldn't my house would not accommodate a St Bernard which I adore and a Boxer dog which I also love would tear the house apart. Mainly I haven't got anyone to look after a dog during the day and it wouldn't be fair on them :-(

Thanks for your post, I feel a little ashamed mine isn't as detailed as yours, I love your writing I have been following it, you seem to nail EXACTLY what I am thinking and feeling doing CD it's odd I always thought I was alone in this

Enjoy your Sunday xx

 

[Rolly82]

Well I've not updated my diary for about a week and somehow managed to start another thread doh, so time to get back into my diary.

Week 4 and still going strong I never thought I would do it and here I am still SSing!!!!

Had the most amazing day on Saturday afternoon all the girls got together for lunch for my firneds birthday and I walked in to a "wow you look amazing" moment. Not everyone knew I was dieting so it somehow made me feel much better that they did not feel obliged to tell me I had lost weight. I hadn't seen them since I started and even though I know the weight is coming off everywhere is has mainly come off my face and shoulders which i suppose is a bonus. They couldn't get over my cheekbones....they were hiding somewhere under the fat it seems

It made me so happy and as always you get get "friend" who takes it upon themselves to put a downer on things. I was getting 20 questions about what diet I was doing and why I wasn't eating. I was happy to answer all of their questions and even recruited some onto the diet but stressed that it ceratinly is't an easy option and then you get the "friend" whos first words were "you will put it all back on". How nice hey? Well all I can think to that so called friend who is really one of my friends thankfully is "well well well isn't jealousy a nasty personality trait to have and I will prove you wrong and show you" For all of the lovely comments I received the most beneficial one was hers. Instead of the nice compliments which would leave me with the complacent attitude of the past of thinking I will stop now as it seems I've done all I need to when I know I am no where near my target. I haven't I have taken her snide dig and used it as my incentive to knuckle down and crack on with showing her otherwise. Funny how she isn't the slimmest of girls. Maybe she wants to have a look at herself before commenting. It is not in my nature to be b!tchy but I can give as good as I get and my way will be to strut in on the next occasion in a size 8 bandage dress and park my skinny @rse in the seat next to her
xx

 

[bettiesrevenge]

Meeeow!

Haha, I had to laugh, ladies are just so predictable sometimes. I think there is a bit of the green eyed monster in people, you know, no one wants to be the "butter" friend do they? The one the wing man gets to bag while the hot momma goes home with the stud (metaphorically speaking of course, we are all commited peeps here) I fell out with so many so called friends the first time when I lost 4 stone. I met my now husband, and I just excluded those "Hayy-ters" from my life. Honestly, the undermining comments the snide "she's got an eating dissorder" it was all too much in the end, especially since I did have a chequered history with food, and since I was trying to control it, rather than it control me (sensibly) I got all that you heard and more...and what's more frustrating is that, guess what, they were right. I put it all back on and more. BUT the thing is, I just went back to my old biscuit snaffling habbits and didnt work on why I demolished entire share sized bags of malteasers in 5 minutes after a row. That is what I am doing now, because I know that post CD, post the thrill of the weightloss and the joy of being able to sidle up to someone with an "ill show you" bandage dress on, there will always be me, and how I interact with other people and how I use food as a means of dealing with uncomfortable moments in life. For now though, I am taking it a step at a time.

You sound like you are really upbeat and doing so well, 3lb off is well good. So by chrimbo you will be at least a stone lighter!

 

[Rolly82]

Thanks Bettie.

People really are strange things. I know exactly what you mean and taking it one step at a time is the only way isn't it? I have found that it's not just a diet but a case of changing my whole attitude to food in general and not a case of feast and famine. My aim is to get to where I want to be and continue to eat healthy and exercise. I don't want to use CD just as a quick fix but a way of making me understand when I am hungry and when I am just eating for the sake of eating. It's amazing to think just how much your body ACTUALLY needs to function. The water drinking has taught me a lot about that as I used to drink gallons of tea and milky coffee a day and not water. It has probably been a case of dehydration as oppose to hunger in the past. I am learning that I can say no enough is enough as I have had it drilled into me as a child to clear my plate which has set me up for a lifetime of thinking I must finish my food even though I am full. CD has been more of a mental battle for than anything else trying to train myself into knowing what my body needs and what I want. Before CD I used to live quite a healthy diet on a weekday on the basis of slimming world and then at the weekend it all went wrong. I never gained weight I just maintained bouncing between the same 3lbs EVERY week. I just want to get to where I want to be with my target and then learn to maintain using slimming world cooking.
The problem with slimming world yes it works but I just kept hitting the wall of that 3lb either way. I just could lose weight and certainly not at the rate of CD. I am hoping that once I get to target I can continue to just bounce between that 3lb, hopeful thinking I know!

I am in fact dreading having to eat as I have not had to think about food and choices for 4 weeks now so I am trawling recipe ideas in preparation to go shopping as my kitchen is sooooo bare it is untrue. I don't think I have used a utensil other than a jug and a whisk for ages and I love cooking :-( Although my oven is spotless on a plus point

How have you found CD this time? Have you told anyone you are doing it? I can't believe the negativity you faced from the Haayyters (that made me lol by the way) I think I am going to rename my negative friend one You certainly did the best thing by shedding the so called friends as well as the weight!!

Do you have a diary on here? If so I must go read, I feel rather selfish banging on about myself

x

 

[spangles]

it's your diary kitten - that's what it's for.

 

[bettiesrevenge]

One thing I have learned in life is, people are people, I just chose not to keep in contact with some people, and guess what. I think I outgrew them. I have positive replacements who dont josstle for attention where they once stood.

Anyway - It's totally about the head. CD in it's self is a quick fix, but its what happens afterwards that counts, so the experience needs to be one that extends way after the blender is put away.

I was laughing about your cupboards by the way. My family think I am on strike. Just about to do an ocado shop now as I cant face the supermarket these days. It's all those christmassy goodies. It's too much.

The link to my diary is in my signature, but if you cant see it, it's daily dose of natlosophy.

I am out chica x

 

[shrinkin'violet]

Hello I've just mooched my way through your whole diary, you're doing fab! I started cd 10 weeks away from my 30th in a last ditch attempt to not be a fatty at 30! Don't worry about the haaaayters, just keep doing this for yourself and true friends will stand by you. Hayters gonna hate!
I've had a few surprising reactions including a friend who kept trying to force feed me, whats that about! Funnily enough being in ketosis I was genuinely not tempted and made it through without any probs but still jeesh what is it with these people!!!!!

Best of luck xxx