I'm lost

[AliGal]

I relate to the work thing. I went to my lowest within 6 weeks of loosing a relatively new job that I loved in the early ecession. This time around I left a job of my own volition and have some limited freelance income and haven't had the same loss of mood.

Have you put the school volunteering in yr new CV?

 

[EatenMess]

I relate to the work thing. I went to my lowest within 6 weeks of loosing a relatively new job that I loved in the early ecession. This time around I left a job of my own volition and have some limited freelance income and haven't had the same loss of mood.

Have you put the school volunteering in yr new CV?

It's good to see that this time around your mood is upbeat!

I haven't actually Ali - thanks for the tip, shall refresh my CV further! x

 

[EatenMess]

Haven't been in here for a few days because i've been feeling great! Went to the nurse yesterday and my problems have all calmed down and was arranging to go back in about 4 or 5 weeks!

Then this morning BAM! I really do hate myself at the moment, more importantly OH we are having problems again! And i know i should do the right thing by all of us but i'm too weak and just can't! :-( I'm not strong enough to cope with the consequences - anyway enough woe is me

DD wrote me the most amazing little letter last night with stickers in palce of some words, she really put a lot of effort in, she also wrote me a gorgeous little poem and arranged them on my pillow for when i came to bed (she made OH one too and gave him those this morning - NOT that he's mentioned it to me - :-( )

On the positives i lost another 1lb this week, but was hoping for more lol! It's today that Me and ds areat the childrens centre, the 1st day of the course we are helping on and then it's his introduction to nursery tonight at 7pm - he's soooo excited! I'm totally not in the mood for meeting people, BUT i know it will do me alot of god.

And i've some old furniture being delivered today that i'm plannign to restore for myself and dd!

 

[sparty]

Haven't been in here for a few days because i've been feeling great! Went to the nurse yesterday and my problems have all calmed down and was arranging to go back in about 4 or 5 weeks!

Then this morning BAM! I really do hate myself at the moment, more importantly OH we are having problems again! And i know i should do the right thing by all of us but i'm too weak and just can't! :-( I'm not strong enough to cope with the consequences - anyway enough woe is me

DD wrote me the most amazing little letter last night with stickers in palce of some words, she really put a lot of effort in, she also wrote me a gorgeous little poem and arranged them on my pillow for when i came to bed (she made OH one too and gave him those this morning - NOT that he's mentioned it to me - :-( )

On the positives i lost another 1lb this week, but was hoping for more lol! It's today that Me and ds areat the childrens centre, the 1st day of the course we are helping on and then it's his introduction to nursery tonight at 7pm - he's soooo excited! I'm totally not in the mood for meeting people, BUT i know it will do me alot of god.

And i've some old furniture being delivered today that i'm plannign to restore for myself and dd!

Well done on your loss - Especially if u are having OH issues. Good for u not comfort eating and putting on!! Onwards and upwards!! X

 

[EatenMess]

Aaaarrggghhhh - well the last 2 days has been horrendous diet wise and this morning i'm a mess!

I've asked OH to leave and give us some space, in reality i've said i think we need to seperate for good! He's done his usual thing of moping on the sofa for a few hours, waiting for me to come down and say i'm sorry! Now he's stormed off out without any clothes, or more importantly his meds. I ALWAYS cave in when he's not taken stuff with him, because deep down i do love him to peices and i know he has medical conditions that can be life threatening if he doesnt take his meds.

i just hate the man he has become and i cannot live like this any longer. I dont want to give in again - this life is not fair on the kids let alone either of us! It's so so hard when you've been through so much with someone over all of these years, shared so much fun, laughter, love, and hardship - know each others problems inside out.

I'm scared, i have no family and therefore i always feel i need him as he is all i have. I cannot abide the way he treats me, how can anyone with an ounce of decency just walk out the door and leave you worrying. Why could he not just do this like an adult and take what he needs with him.

I am sat here now with no phone (the house does not have a landline, my mobile is broken) and hardly any bloody money. He protests he adroes me and loves me more than anyone he has ever known - so i do not understand how he can be so selfish.

 

[sparty]

What a pickle!! Do u have any friends who have a shoulder you can lean on? Or Is there anyone at your WI group you are friendly with? Maybe you could suggest a coffee or something? You need to widen your social group so that you are not so dependant on OH. this way you will have the support network you need when things get tough.

Try to see the diet as the one thing you have control of at the moment and stick to it because of that! This might help your self esteem in such a difficult time in the rest of your life.

 

[AliGal]

Thinking of you EM. People act out when in high emotions - so I hope he's back and that you've found some ways to talk and re-establish adult relationships, forgive him and love him. And that he's finding ways to treat you right and love you. It's hard when times are tough to sustain things and yet the alternative is tougher. I am sending you positive vibes over the ether and hope you'll find some postives, however small, both in life and in him to post today.

Take care,

 

[AliGal]

Thinking of you, EM - hang on in there.

Ali

 

[EatenMess]

Thanks Ali for your message, and thanks for all your support!

I've taken time out from the internet since my previous posts as things really spiraaled that day! I had a knock on the door from the police and OH had been arrested (sat on his car bonnet, drunk). He came home the following day and we didnt speak, but his sister was rushed into that hospital that night with a brain haemmorhage (thankfully has made ana amazing recovery so far). Anyway that spurred him into admitting that he was feeling suicidal that me adn the kids would be better off without him, and that he had left to take his life :-0. The following Monday i took him to see a GP and he's now doing amazing, is under an Intensive Mental Health team, psychiatrist and alcohol unti. Things are going amazing, now he's on medication and speaking to people about his demons. (he had an extremely tough childhood and we've been through so much in 12 years). Hopefully things will now get even better as he was anxious about court, but he had a fantastic solicitor and the police charged him with things they shouldnt of (ie no mot, no insurance or licence, breach of the peace etc etc) anyway he appeared in court on Monday and as all the other charges were incorrect he got a small fine.

He's never been in trouble with the polce,EVER before, but i am sooo proud of him for admitting what he has and for how far he's come! I can now see the old man i loved coming back again!

Thanks for all your support! x