Step 1 Sole Source + It's my diary & I'll cry if I want to....

Hope you are relaxing a bit - I have never bitten my nails but a few years ago mine started breaking so I decided to try acrylics which I love. The girl who does them makes them look just like my own did and they are so easy to keep . However I haven't been able to make the time to get a new set as we have been crazy at work and with my own exposed, I've been biting and they are a real proper mess.

I changed how much I have to lose - typo luckily I had to reduce it by a stone :)
 
Enjoy your time off. I was a terrible nail biter as a child and though I stopped I used to do it when I started a new job or things got really stressful. I think it's obvious I use food in the same way. I find painting my nails however short really helps.

And well done for keeping to plan. Hope you can make the time off work for you in the same way as the busy days have and your naughty OH doesn't tempt you with wine!
 
Hello ladies! It's sooo lovely to be on annual leave at last! I am still on plan but I do think this week may be tricky as youngest is on half term and wants to go to the movies and eat out of course! So let's see how I fare. I am mostly doing SS+ but to be honest I don't think it makes much difference in the weightless and it make a difference just having that tiny bit more!
 
Meant to add that I have stopped the nail biting and I think I do it when I've had shellac done and remove them myself without cutting or filing my nails. They are definitely a little weaker after shellac which I love but I think I need a break from it. Clin I agree painting my nails makes all the difference even when very short. I used the gardeners had therapy hand wash which has pumice stone in it which is like an exfoilator for hands and that really helps with a smothering of hand cream.
Hope you are doing well.
 
Everything was going well ... Yup! Big BUT! I've lost the plot and binged and binged. So here's what's going on (another way of describing excuses!) I am ashamed and embarrassed that I can't get myself together.

As some of you know I've been working int london for almost 7 months and I commute very other week or sometimes weekly to the north east. (Funnily enough there are loads of people doing the same thing as I see the same people on the trains I am on going up and down!) So new job etc stress, socialising as that's what I do during the week and when I stay in London.

In in addition health issues probably exacerbated by being overweight, are now as follows: bursitis in left arm and now my right arm is affected and causing back and neck pain. Also the plantar fascitis in both feet has flared and I appear to,have developed another issue in my left foot which is painful behind belief and causes my ankle to cave in and my knee hurt. Sometimes the pain goes up from feet to calves and and knees. I'm back on naproxen and tramadol (I have a very high pain threshold and take painkillers only when pain intolerable).

No TOTM for over 10 months maybe longer? So clearly it's got to be menopause and I don't sleep well,and I get hot at night though I do,still feel,the cold,during the day. IVe been getting depressed and anxious and cry though not all the time but almost like pmt Time if that makes sense?

so I'm feeling I am falling apart. Went to physi today and an hour and half later walked out in slightly less pain after treatment but it's flared up again in arms, back and feet and knees. He suggested I get blood tests to,determine its not arthritis!! How can I be old I thought?! I wear clothes from jigsaw! (Ok they don't all quite fit right now!) I love fashion I'm not old?!? I hang out with the 30 something's as they they I am 40! Not nearly 50 ( next year!)

So that's where I am at. I think I'm back to the weight I was when I started! Maybe more becausemy binges have been terrible and I've also drank a lot of wine. Clearly I need to add eating disorder and alcoholic onto this list of health issues?!

hope to,report back tomorrow with a positive plan. Suggestions welcome as to how I can get myself out of this cycle of self destruction.
 
Hi Kira. What a whirlwind of things it you've been experiencing. For me, reading around mindfulness has been helping - whenever I actually practice the techniques. May not suit everyone but I feel because it has helped me a bit i should mention it - and although it's only helped a bit I feel like it's slipping into my subconscious and therefore setting me up for long term changes.

Don't despair on where you are now, and as much as possible don't look back at what was but accept how you feel now and make choices that make you feel better.

Aside from the weight and health problems are you happy? Do you still like working in London? Is it something you think is good for you overall? Focus on the things that bring you fulfilment away from food.

I may sound hypocritical but I know these things can help and did help me over the last few months although I have had set backs - bad one this week just gone.

Food wise... I would say use vlcd as a kick start but only for a short term. Maybe we have to accept that using it may have encouraged us to jump to the extremes of alcohol and food? I know it works and I am doing exante myself right now (not strictly) but the way I see it - once we get the first excess weight of we really should try and improve our relationship with food for the long term. I imagine exercise is hard right now with both the schedule and health problems. I feel that with the first weight loss you will be able to exercise a bit more and think maybe if you stay in London you could look to join some evening class even like Pilates or yoga for low impact for now? It would keep you away from the wine, and I know it's not as fun in some ways as that kind of socialising but I think it's worth a try :)

You've helped and inspired me and many others on numerous occasions. Please do not be hard on yourself but appreciate your fantastic points. Xx
 
We've all been there Kira so you are not on your own - I think Lara is right that focusing on other things like maybe going to a yoga class would help. I have arthritis in my knee and a little in my hip and yoga certainly helped, though nowadays I use a vibro plate. It doesn't take me away from the kitchen (that's where it lives :)) but I always find that if I am exercising I am less likely to waste the effort I've made by bingeing. When I travel with work, I always, for some reason, feel I deserve to eat and / or drink wine though I have managed not to recently which is a revelation in itself. It must be so much harder for you when you are travelling all the time.

Right now I am on S&S, at the boredom stage, and have been plateauing for a couple of weeks - still with 2st 6lbs to go - and Easter and weekend guests looming. I haven't quite lost it yet but am trying hard to get my head back into the right place and keep it there.

Hope you feel better.
 
Oh Kira you poor thing our shared mental anguish is bad enough but add physical pain to that and you've got a ticking bomb

So sorry you feel awful and have binged, unfortunately that is the coping mechanism of people like us when times get hard

Could you book yourself in for a nice long massage just for some self care and some enjoyment that keeps you away from the fridge for a couple of hours

You won't have gained everything you lost. ..you were on plan for quite a while it's mostly water and food weight

'normal' people will never understand how traumatic it is to lose control in that way and yes it is a first world problem but a problem nonetheless.

Lots of love to you keep us posted on how you're doing xxx
 
Wiping away the tears and taking a deep breath on reading your posts. You all relate and that reminds me I am not alone. I did do well for a while and I have it in me to take control and responsibility for myself. It's truly wonderful that one can find this level of support in this virtual world which has beind it real people and people like me. I can't thnak you enough for your kind and insightful posts.

Lara the question about being in London is interesting. I'm enjoying it , love the job the people and love London but at the same time I'd prefer a Job in the north in the long term. To others it seems exciting and I guess it is but from my side now th excitement has worn off i envy the sense of normality my friends have and seem their kids etc. the grass is always greener on the other side? On one had I don't like convention and crave excitement but on the other I like ordinary routine if that makes sense?

I'm in less pain today but another difficult night. I'm so glad the physio had a cancelled appointment yesterday. I've done my stretches this morning (I had been neglecting them so some of the pain in my feet was lack on stretching so self inflicted).

I agree I should only do the vlcd to get the initial weight off a kick start because I have to take food out of the equation before I try to eat normally/healthily but also agree vlcd does trigger the binges though any diet does that for me. It's my relationship with food for comfort I need to address so maybe yoga and counselling is really what I need?

I'm thinking positive thoughts today as I need to get out from under this dark black cloud I'm under. Your lovely kind and supportive posts absolutely help and hopefully I'll be back to the cheery me very soon and managing this rotten pain.

Day 1 scale back to 10st 8!! Jeans feel very tight again! Is this déjà vous?
 
Sorry you are experiencing a rough time. Constant pain is really debilitating and really affects your mood too. It's horrible when you feel overwhelmed with everything. I find if I've been really busy and then stop it means a lot of thoughts I've put on one side hit me at once and it's too much. I think the mindfulness can help - I find it's harder to remember to do it when we most need it. It's easier to reach for the food and wine but we do keep learning a few tricks along the way.

Take care and just think what is really the kindest thing you can do for yourself.
 
Sending big virtual hugs Kira,

Your having a awful time of it and I doubt anyone could have been on plan with so much going on.

I can't add anything to what the others have said except I his or today is a brighter day for you x x
 
Morning ladies and thank you for dropping by. Feeling brighter today and less overwhelmed by the pain. I need to take control of it and take painkillers, ice my feet and ankles and stretch religiously. Only I can do that. The shoulder/neck pain is a trickier issue but going to physio again tomorrow.

I have a doctors appointment when I'm back in London on Tuesday so hopefully can get blood tests rule out anything else and see if I am officially in menopause!

Back to the weight loss plan - got through yesterday and I will get through today. I'm going to manage the pain and control my eating and deal with the hormonal issues. This extra weight I'm carrying can't really be helping my poor feet and ankles.
 
Feeling better but still in pain and so far I've managed ok. Drank a lot of water thought the day and had a restful day. Well a lazy
day if I'm honest and don't feel guilty about it :)

I came across another vlcd I'd never heard of called New You and there was a dairy of a woman where she posted her progress from day 1 for upto 100 days and then maintenance. It was quite helpful though she was way too cheerful in each video and post and never mentioned the diffuclt times and temptation! She was an employee and they clearly done it as a marketing technique which is different to other vlcd's. However I think CWP consultant weigh ins will be more beneficial for me at least and I do like the tetras as they are so convenient.
 
Welcome Fardousa! You will find great friends and support on Minimins. How much have you to lose? Have you started? Once you have found your way around you may want to have your own diary thread which can be a great place to post how you feel, ups and downs and boy I do that!

Feeling a lot better and relieved I feel better and hope I can stay this way! Physio this morning, visiting relatives later and then eyebrow threading and I need to book hair appointment for colouring at some point. My nails are still a mess so I may have a manicure intact I am thinking I could do with a whole spa treatment session as it will hopefully help lift my spirits a little more.
 
The treatment sessions sound like a great idea and I think something we should do more often. Help us with our maintenance and with the whole working on the inside us too :) xx
 
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