Rehearsals were alright, it was run by a different lady who's a lot nicer.
After my nap I went and sat with my Nan for a few hours, she's feeling a lot better now but still has no appetite.
Tonight I just feel so depressed and upset though.. I feel like my life revolves around nothing but school and any test I do well in or any time I get a good grade, people just assume it's 'because i'm clever' and they can't begin to understand how much effort and time I actually put into my work :/ I feel as though nothing I do is appreciated and I spent so much time doing nothing but talking to my ex (long distance) which I regret so much now, right now I feel as if I just wasted 3 years of my life :/ Was triggered mainly by a comment from Mum "It's not my fault you chose to do nothing but sit at your PC" - I didn't spend so much time in my room doing homework because I wanted to, but because A*s don't just come from luck :/
Awwwwww sweetie. What's this? I have a couple of days away from the forum and come back to find my little ray of sunshine is feeling sad! Seriously, I know it's nothing to do with me not being on here.
There are many others on this forum who think an awful lot of you too, I know.
Putting my serious head on for a few minutes - not really advice - but some observations you can choose to ignore if you want...
It really sucks when you are one of the ones who work hard to achieve what you can, and others think it's 'luck' or because you're 'clever.' I see it all the time at work - the 'under performers' get the help and support and the ones who do well... well it almost becomes expected of them, and perhaps doesn't get commented on as much as it deserves....... however....
What you are doing is establishing a work and life ethic for yourself which will be invaluable in your future. By that I don't mean 'you'll have A levels and/or a degree and so will walk into a job.' I mean that you have already instilled in yourself (some of it 'natural' and some of it by self-awareness and bloody hard work) qualities that future employers will recognise and value, and that friends love and appreciate.
I know there are people on this forum (and I'm one of them) who would be honoured to feel that you considered them a friend, because of the life-enhancing, caring, hard-working and self-aware qualities you have. You could no more
not put the effort into your college work than you could fly to the moon - because you understand the importance of being the best you can be, which is the most any of us can ever do.
I'm sure your tutors are aware of the work you put in, and if they are not, tell them. Ask for their advice - maybe they can suggest ways you could work 'better, not harder.' That isn't a criticism of you, but A levels are very different to earlier exams and perhaps they can give you some useful advice. That is what they get paid for.
You've had a lot going on lately, and therefore so have your whole family. That means any conversations/interaction between you can be tough, and mother/teenage daughter ones are notoriously difficult at times! It seems as if perhaps your mum doesn't realise how difficult it can be for you to fit everything in. You are very talented in lots of ways, and also so willing - maybe don't be so willing, or so hard on yourself (I think I spot a perfectionist streak in there?
) I can understand that with your new-found love of cooking, you enjoy making meals for the family, and want to cook things to please them as well as yourself, but with everything else you have on your plate (hehe - on your plate - see what I did there?
) there is absolutely nothing wrong with saying 'Yep, I'll make dinner/help to make dinner, but it will have to something quick and simple, as I have school work to do.' If your quick and simple offering doesn't suit... well they all know the other option!
I've whittled on enough. I'm glad you're feeling better today. Feel free to ignore me if you want. I won't take any offence.
xxxxx
