Jessica Rabbit72's diary 4/1/10 - 7/2/10 now closed.

[Katycakes]

there is someone out there who can make me happy.

This might sound a bit crazy, but if you are looking for another person to make you happy, you may be looking for a long time. Happiness is inside all of us, and if you can be happy in your own skin and with your own life, that happiness will colour your relationships and friendships and every part of your path through life. So... it's possible to be happy WITHOUT that 'Disney' prince we all grew up dreaming of. They don't exist, except in kid's cartoons. Real people - and real life - have so much to offer us. Someone else cannot give you happiness... only you can do that.

Back to the bottom line - if there is love there, don't throw it away lightly.

This is your life, your feelings, your choice... but not something to be rushed or pushed about on. It's between you & OH, not you and mum... that's what matters.

xxx

 

[Jessica Rabbit72]

This might sound a bit crazy, but if you are looking for another person to make you happy, you may be looking for a long time. Happiness is inside all of us, and if you can be happy in your own skin and with your own life, that happiness will colour your relationships and friendships and every part of your path through life. Someone else cannot give you happiness... only you can do that.
xxx

I think that that is the main problem = Im not happy with who I am self esteem is through the floor dont know who I am anymore or how I feel - have put everyone and everything else first. so thats part of the reason Im off work and hopefully the counselling will help me through that and give me the answers I want and need to get that inner peace and calm I want - rather than looking for it from others.

self Psychoanalysis over - have managed 2 shakes and 1L of water so far - go me just need to keep it up till bed time
xxxx

 

[Bess]

Big :hug99:'s Jess. Try to take it easy. xxx

 

[Julie Williams]

Aw honey trust your wise mum to confuse you once again!! Oh well at least you havent strayed off the diet today so at least you are totally in control with one aspect of your life. Take it easy honey and im sure things will work out for the best in the end - they always do xxx

 

[Jessica Rabbit72]

well plans went slightly awry at teatime but am aiming on a 100% day tomorrow.

HB has gone funny saying that I dont seem to be getting any better keeps looking at me staring into space and when I say Im thinking he says no you're not youre staring like you cant be bothered.

He has gone off to bed in a sulk. He reckons he is tired - he has been up early - but it isnt just that.

As usual - he now wont communicate! so he is off in bed and told me to go downstairs and watch tv so i will after this post.

He is such a stroppy begger. earlier on today we had a quote for all the fascia boards to be replaced - I was hesitant saying lets get other quotes aswell cos we need to redo our kitchen and bathroom and he said ok and then in his strop tonight he has ripped up the card with the quote on saying well we wont be needing this and I said why and he said well we just wont. so when I say what is the matter he just says nothing then launches into about me staring into space as I said above.

Oh the joys of men and relationships!!!!
am off to catch up on soapland
hope you all ok and am hoping for a 100% day tomorrow
xxx

 

[xxtashaxx]

aww hun I really feel for you, men can be complete idiots sometimes!
Don't let him get to you big {{{{hugs}}}}

 

[Julie Williams]

Well my dear tea time is an improvement on dinner time good luck for today xxx

 

[Katycakes]

Thursday hug for Jess.

xxx

 

[Jessica Rabbit72]

Hey guys hope you all have a good day today and lets hope we get to supper time before I cave or bedtime rather than teatime today! at least the time Im lasting is getting longer.

I wont be around much today cos Im going to be having a proud mummy moment - DS has been picked to represent the school in a local tennis festival so he is over the moon and obviously the target practice on the wii is paying off - no-one can get anywhere near his score.

Then my cleaner is coming so will be out of the house whilst she is here so should be back around later on tonight.

lets hope HB comes home later out of his sulk of yesterday. Unfortunately the little strop he had made me realise why I felt like I did on Monday wanting to finish it.

The fundamental thing wrong in our relationship is he just doesnt 'get' me and as far as he is concerned - life is hard and you just have to get on with it and Im never going to be able to change that.

If I say Im having a bad day then the response should be - 'oh thats sad what can I do to help?' unfortunately the ususal response is 'oh FFS we all have bad days you just have to get on with them like I do and anyway you havent been in work for 10wks what have you got to be down about and you have got another month off so you need to get yourself right cos you cant be off forever we cant afford it and they will end up sacking you.


So you can see my problem. yes there is some love there but I just think some boundaries are just too big to get over in that there are certain things that we just see very differently and because he is a stubborn beggar but also that is the way he has been brought up so he doesnt see anything wrong in it then we have a problem.

Again ultimately I cant see us staying together, but lets hope relate hurries up and sheds some light on it that my help but Im not holding put much hope.

Have had my first shake so need to get glugging on the water.

have a good day everyone and thanks for the hugs
xxx

 

[Wales]

Hey Jess, hope you had a good day with your DS and that he did well in the festival.

Keep strong, keep attempting to communicate - then you know you have done everything you can!

Hope you also had a good CD day too xx

 

[Katycakes]

As Wales has said, hope your day was fab in every way. Big hugs.

xxx

 

[Bess]

Congratulations to the baby rabbit tennis star! Good for him!

 

[Jessica Rabbit72]

morning everyone-

well DS was fab at the tennis festival had a wail of a time and was nominated as team captain so he was Sssssssooooo proud as was I!

before I went to the festival HB rang from work and then we ended up having a few words as I said he had been in a strop the night before. as usual he denied it and then we put the phone down on each other.

I then phoned him back a bit later to tell him something and he eventually said sorry well I think his words were

well Im sorry for being in a strop but you are so difficult to live with at the moment and you seem to be getting worse not better and you NEED to go back to work.

HELLO!!!!! if he was being more supportive then I may be getting better rather than putting pressure on me to go back to work.

so its back to square 1 again really and Im resenting him again for not being supportive.

I think that I need to go and have my free half hour with a solicitor to work out the finances and logisitcs as I think that that may focus my mind on whether I really want to be with him or not.

it always seems that we have a little bit of light of things can work out and then something will happen and we are back where we started of me feeling on my own again responsible for everything.

Sorry to be on a downer again! BUT I got some supplies today and am aiming for 100% day today.

But the other good news is my friend Julie on here has restarted CD for her IVF journey as she needs to get 2st off and has been 100% for the last 2 days and lost 5lbs - GO JU!!!! Dead proud of you!!!

Lets hope I can follow her lead.

Have a good day everyone. Am off to see my friend now and should be back around later
xxx

 

[curlywurly1234]

Jess,
Just wanted to say Well done hon your doing great.......... its a tough time for you at the moment and your doing really well..
big big hugs coming your way...
Aww your little super star son I bet you were very proud of him...
Great news about Julie............... xxxxxxx

 

[Julie Williams]

"it always seems that we have a little bit of light of things can work out and then something will happen and we are back where we started of me feeling on my own again responsible for everything."

Your never on your own honey im always here if and when you need me xxx

 

[Katycakes]

Hugs to Julie & Jess... glad you two are there for each other. Keep smiling honeys.

xxx

 

[Jessica Rabbit72]

Day 2 of restart...........

well day 1 didnt go exactly to plan, but the scales are showing a slight reduction so I think I may have got away with it, but day 2 is going really well now I have started to split my shakes and have a hit every 2 hours!

Have also started to use some terminology icemoose uses on his blog that I am now reducing my weight as opposed to 'losing' it as he quite rightly says losing something then gives it the connotation that you need to find it again - and by god this weight thing keeps on getting lost and being found again I can tell you I can give any yo-yo dieter a run for their money!

so heres to reducing my weight and it being gone forever as life is here for living and I want to get on with it as soon as I can.

bye for now ironing beckons
xxx

 

[Katycakes]

I am with you Jess... no losing, that's for losers! We are getting slinky. Bit by bit... because like you said, life is for living. Hugs.

xxx

 

[Jessica Rabbit72]

DAY 3 -

well lets aim for a 100% day today. TOTM looming and making me ratty oh joy but am aiming on 100% and Julie coming over later so need to report how good I have been to her.

She has lost 10lbs in her first week - go Julie! Dont think I will do that much but any reduction will be good rather than the upward trend of my scales these last few weeks and months!

Hope you all have a good day.
xxx

 

[Katycakes]

Go for it Jess... I feel the same, any downward trend would help. We can edge slowly into the zone! Pass on a hug to Julie, 10lbs is amazing - I love stories like that because they give me hope!

xxx