Jezebella's Journal

Yeah I agree listening to my body and
mind :) if I have an urge I grab a glass of water :) I love ll for that matter it's taught us food ain't everything :) kat how you finding rtm
 
Really good thanks Ken :)

We are gatecrashing :hijack: Jez's journal! lol

Kat xx

kenshin112 said:
Yeah I agree listening to my body and
mind :) if I have an urge I grab a glass of water :) I love ll for that matter it's taught us food ain't everything :) kat how you finding rtm
Click to expand...
 
Last edited:
Lol I know Jez has to read through our posts too lol
you looking forward to l4d2 tomorrow I bet :)
lol just been listening to the radio about Kate
moss she's glorifing size 0 and saying being skinny is better than not
eating
 
RTM Day 67 (Week 10)

Quite a quick entry tonight, I really need to try and get more than about 4 hours sleep, driving to work this morning was scary because I think I was still half asleep!! Breakfast at 10ish of porridge with berries, apple and yoghurt. I think the boys at work might be getting into the porridge thing, as I had my first taker today!! Lol I have been trying to convince them it is the way forward where breakfast is concerned. Was soo full from breakfast that I didn't end up making lunch till after 2pm. A spanish omlette with mushroom, courgette, onion and tomato, with a sprinkle of cheddar. With a salad of tomato, lettuce and cucumber and a little serving of the asian tuna about 50g. I am having a tuna obsession currently. Cooked all the trimmings off to keep in the fridge as a cold salad ingredient. Also had my other half of the innocent smoothie with lunch. I have been dying for one, but it seems very high in cals for such a little drink, so split it over 2 days. God I used to drink those things like water!!! Tasting again this evening for another wedding. Felt nibblish whilst there so had an apple and a bit of mango with a cup of milky tea. Dinner was some of my fabby rootveg and beef casserole which I took out the freezer with celeriac mash and fine beans. Pud, grilled banana with raisins and pecans, vanilla yoghurt and a black currant jelly. Will try squeeze in a bar later, but not sure if I can as I am quite full.

Back to proper blogging tomorrow.

Jez
xx
 
Hi Jez

Hope you got a decent nights sleep. I have a couple of queries....

How do you grill your bananas? I'm intrigued.

Secondly - when can we start introducing oil - even just a quick spray of the pan for such as an omlette or over roasted root veg?

I've been constantly wanting to eat this week so I'm pretty sure I'll start RTM this weekend, although I will make that decision after I've got home and weighed myself. Part of the problem may be that I haven't had scales with me to feed my multi-daily weigh habit :eek:. It would be nice to see goal on my own scales in the morning. I will feel happy then. No official wi until Wed night now.

After 10 months of 100% abstinence I want to break it in a controlled adult way, not in a rebellious child moment. My rebellious child is becoming way too strong and harder to slap down.

xx
 
I admit it's hard controlling the rebellious child, but I've learnt to make adult
decisions :) and haven't lapsed :) but the 11 weeks
on foundation has taught me we eat to live not live to eat :)
btw
jez have a decent night sleep :)
 
thin_inside said:
After 10 months of 100% abstinence I want to break it in a controlled adult way, not in a rebellious child moment. My rebellious child is becoming way too strong and harder to slap down.
Click to expand...

You are doing very very very well. Don't give up now! This is the final and last lesson which needs to be learned. If you can hold off just a bit longer, even with the craving, screaming, undeserving rebellious child - then you have won. I still keep testing myself this way, I listen to my rebellious child and to test my resolve I still cut back on things that are becoming that 'little bit habitual' (such as adding things to meals every day - I try not to do samey things ... as they soon become standard, and more gets added on top... i.e. yoghurt pot... becomes yoghurt pot + raisins ... becomes yoghurt pot + raisins + chopped fruit ... becomes a big bowl of yoghurt fruits with a small scoop of ice-cream!...) lol. It's easy. So it's important to keep listening to those head demons and not give in. Self-discipline and all that.

:D
 
True say minerva it is easy to let go of all the hard work we've put in, but this ain't just a 12 week 30wk program
it is a lifetime change :)
 
RTM Day 68 (Week 10)

Finally it's Friday :) Miracle of miracles I even managed to get out of work early today and come home for an hour of quality time with Miss Lily who is curled up here next to me looking ever so adorable... I swear she is the cutest cat, well in my world <G>

Food today, a strawberry yoghurt with half an apple chopped up, a medium banana, tbs plum compote, and a sprinkle of crazens. Happy days :) Had the other half of the apple at tea time with a cup of milky coffee. Pottered about the kitchen and made some of the most wonderful smelling banana bread with the bananas that were a little squishy. For lunch some home made brown lentil soup with a sprinkling of cheddar. The soup was good enough not to need the cheese but I thought since it was cheese week that I better have some. Still not quite sure what to do if you don't want the stuff in trigger weeks, should you skip it, or have it to check how much it triggers you. TBH the little cheese plate and the cheesy stuffed chicken earlier in the week was more than enough cheese for me.

Spent a lovely hour cuddling Miss Lily, then headed off on the mattrass pad hunt. So off to Ikea. Remarkably we hit it a good time, before the night shoppers got there, but just after the day shoppers had left, so we got round in remarkably quick time. I have a lovely new squishy mattrass pad ready to pop onto the bed tomorrow. I was thiking of doing it tonight, but decided not to, as I was just a bit nucking fackered! Dinner was an oldie but a goodie, salmon fillet with mustard, dill and cream cheese crust on some ratatouille with a tbs of butterbeans in it, asparagus, savoy cabbage and sweet potato chips.

I really did wonder, whilst eating such a thoroughly enjoyable meal, why I had always previously felt the need to have masses of starch like potatoes etc with everything. The veg is really the seriously major part of my meal now, and sweet potatoes I cannot get enough of... where have they beeeeeeeeen all my life!!???

Another thing I was contemplating on the way home, was why tasting, especially whilst cooking, is so damn good, and why it can lead to problems. My theory is this, as has been said many times, by many people, it is only the first few bites of any meal that are really satisfying and give us the flavour we desire, after that it all becomes a bit samey, but we eat anyway. Tasting gives you the hit of flavour and the "ooh wow" factor. Obviously though it is pretty much easy enough to get additced to the little tastes, because you just get that one hit that is sooooooo good!

Pud tonight was a little hotpot of banana and blackberry with plain yoghurt and a blackcurrant jelly, and a sprinkle of raisins and flaked almonds stirred into it. Very wintery and oh so good.

I really am having a "fat" day though. I feel all big and fat and my stomach looks huge. It is the one area on me that is still big anyway, but today I look at it and it looks even bigger than normal. To my skewered eyes, as big as it was when I was huge!!! Not sure what is wrong with my head really, as I know I should eat more, and yet I want to eat less. Have managed to maintain calorie intake, but dont like the fact that it is now between 1300 and 1400 a day!!!! Too scary by far. I am having one of those "im petrified i am gonna end up as a big girl again" moments. Worried about anything going into my mouth. To be truthful, I could have happily not eaten any fruit, jelly or yoghurt at all this evening, but if I didnt my calories would be to low, and LLC already said I must eat more because my BMI is now in the range of 19 which is too low. Why, oh why, am I finding certain parts of eating so hard, yet at the same time I want to food??? Just had a big lecture from my Sis about my bad mental attitude towards food, which I suppose on some aspects she is right on. However, for all my saying that I should eat less, I tend to eat about the same each day. What scares the pants off me is that it is easy to increase cals by just making a few small additions, how the hell am I going to cope when there are no rules? Only 2 damn weeks till the end of RTM and I am bricking it!!! I want to just remain on the same weight I am now. I am scared if I eat more I will start putting on!!! I realise I really love the safety of all the control in LL. I need the control. At the same time I am aware, because it is my nature, I only cope so long in an "adapted child" mode before I become rebellious. I think that is what scares me the most, that I will have this one day of massive rebellion and f**k it all up!!! Gaaaaaaaaaaah, help, head is a mess right now. Yet again, I am failing to have a pack today. Havent had one for the last 3 days, But I feel I am getting more food than I need and plenty of nutrition because of the range of foods I am eating. Should I be skipping a meal and having a pack instead???? I wish I was at the point where maintaining was effortless and I didnt have to count, worry about, plan, etc, that I just instinctively knew when I was a bit up food wise, and then to just eat a bit less. I cannot even contemplate eating things like a cheese sarmie agian ( lol I love these ) just because I know calorifically it is sooooo bad! Or if I had one, I would have to have pretty much very little for the rest of the day to keep it all under control.

Well, time for a little zzzzz methinks, my head is spinning too much right now:)

Answers to my dillemas on a postcard if you will ;P

Jez
xx
 
Jez I'm
sure you'll control
it even after finishing rtm are you exercising aswell hun?
 
jez, I really enjoy reading your thread. Not only because of the wonderful recipe ideas and tips you provide, but also to hear how you are thinking things through. I know you will get there and feel you are so wonderfully strong having done this diet while being a chef. Hope you are feeling a little better today and wanted to add, one bad day won't put you back to how you was, I know you know that, but wanted to say it x
 
I agree gemma it's not just for the recipes and tips it's for the whole experience :) it's like a story :)
 
I can very much relate to all your head-moments... I still feel that way so much of the time. And I do mean, exactly those thoughts.
The way I deal with them is to get my 'adult-hat' on, just like you do. And not counting helps (I would suggest, keep counting until YOU FEEL COMFORTABLE of letting it go - I was only ready to let go of the numbers quite a few months after RTM finished).
Not counting makes me more careful with my choices and gives ME the control over how much food I have. Not in the bad way. But it gives me the responsibility, rather than relying on some other factor to tell me what's "right". There is no right or wrong, just our own judgements on what we need. You do have to very much remember to do things that are right for YOU. If someone tries to force anything on you and you don't want to - you always have the power to say 'no'. ALWAYS. It's all about choices, and remember, the ball is always in our court. I have really needed to learn that lesson in these past two weeks. By giving away the 'control' over 'what' I have (i.e. knowing all the calories, all the ingredients) I have learned that; it's not about external measurements. It's about being in control of your own actions - and to be fair, we always are. For example: I myself decided to have a box of raisins - it wasn't "pre-planned because it fit in with my calories for the day". It felt right. Not in the greedy way; not in the 'should-have-some' way... just in the my body would benefit from some raisins, kind of way. :)

And for food outside the sphere of cooking... well. Remember, in a restaurant - you never ever have to finish the whole portion! Yes it may be hard to stop, but that's where we learn the lessons - and I certainly have - when I got greedy, and ate the whole thing, I felt rubbish emotionally and it really hurt my stomach! Now I *try* to go in to a restaurant already knowing my boundaries (i.e. have a rice OR a naan with a curry: both are WAY TOO MUCH! And usually, dish up half the curry from the pot of my 'portion' on to my plate, and usually it's more than enough, than eating from the 'trough' of curry). It's little changes like that, that keep us sane, straight and narrow, and happy with our decisions: and above all: we are not denying ourselves.

As for the image... I don't think you're alone there! I still look down at my stomach and see 'exactly' the same thing as I used to see 2 years ago! It's a matter of perception. The changes have been slow, and we see ourselves several times a day, we've been desensitised to them. I bet that if we were put back in our body as it was before the weight-loss, we'd SEE the change very obviously! ... still doesn't help to have those 'fat days' though... But, just remaining calm, and knowing that it's all in our heads, takes away from the head-screwy moments...

Blah. I can't really express all that I want to here, we need to arrange to have that coffee sometime!
 
i agree its to hard to express how we feel by writing i find it easier to talk about it :)
 
Jez, I know how you feel about the end of RTM. Firstly my experience nearing the end was that some foods I just did not want to introduce, I really did not want to try them. Not because of some fear, just that I knew they were just processed rubbish. So white bread, white rice and pasta were not reintroduced and I did not feel in any rush to do so. It's all personal choice I guess and one we need to make for ourselves. Also, I did not always have my packs for the same reasons as you. I've been left with about 20-30 packs which I am quite happy with as the bars come in handy if I'm out to lunch and there is nothing I want, I will just have my bar.

I think you will feel a lot better as the time comes nearer. It really does get easier, though I'm not saying it is a cakewalk, just that you think things through and when you do that it means you make adult decisions. I've every faith in you getting to a point that you will look back and think "what was I worried about"
 
RTM Day 69 (Week 10)

Where does the time go??? Week 10 over half way over and nearly week 11. Having a small tremor at the thought of my nice safety net being gone. But I suppose it is like being at school, one day you have to leave and go out into the big wide world. Where you will experience, ups, downs, highs and lows, but you will always learn and each lesson makes you stronger. I think this sums up what I am expecting from life after RTM. I will, however continue to blog. It helps me to put my thoughts down and gives me clarity, and if it helps other people then so much the better.

Have been thinking about the idea of plastic surgery. As I mentioned in another post, I am thin all over except for my stomach, which still has rolls of fat. No matter how much I loose it never shifts. A lot of it is loose skin, and that I was not expecting. I am trying to come to terms with it, but perhaps this is part of the reason I still "FEEL" fat. I was looking at myself before I got into the bath today, and it really is awful I really doubt excercise will shift it and skin snapping back will not make much of a difference to it either. I have big ole bingo wings and a droopy arse and very wrinkly bits at the top of my thighs. I look great in clothes, but omg, would feel as bad as I did when I was fat in a swimming cossie/bikini on the beach. And I really want to go to the beach and feel great. I wonder why I am never satisfied.So that is one option to look at for the future. I will give it a few months to see if anything changes or if my feelings change.

Today was a good/bad day food wise. Had a lovely lie in with a cup of coffee and a bit of book reading, then set to work on a massive autumn clean :) (it's a bit far away from spring currently) Started with a big defrosting of the fridge and freezer. Did not feel hungry so thought I would just do the fridge then eat. As I wasnt really hungry at the time. I got so carried away with the cleaning that I really forgot to eat until about 4pm when it was all done and dusted! Had a lovely bowl of soup - Celeriac, Apple and Fennel with some sliced cooked chicken. Followed this with a lovely black coffee, then treated myself to a long, hot soak in the bath. Then it was time to get dinner ready. I am very excited to report that I finally have some venison in the house!! I mentioned to my chefs that I was shocked at the price of the venison loin in Borough Market. He said he had some in the freezer and very kindly gave me a whole fillet of venison. I cut off a portion which I marinated in some rosemary, garlic, bay, black pepper, yoghurt and some mulled wine. Then I cooked some cauliflower puree, fine beans, parsnip chips and braised red cabbage done with balsamic vinegar, a little apple and some sultanas. Then I made some jus with the venison juices, stock, blackberries and a little blackberry vinegar. Garnished it all off with a sprig of red currants. It looked and tasted so festive. Really do think it could be a good option of Xmas, pity my Dad doesn't eat venison :/

I also made another batch of compote with berries, apples and plums. It is so lovely, filling up the fridge for the week. I have found that it really helps me when I am busy, to have things in the freezer/fridge. It also helps me to plan my meals ahead so I have tihngs to look forward to on a daily basis. It really is a snacking deterrant. So will cook up another few bits tomorrow in preparation for the week ahead.

Pud was some of the new compote with a blackcurrant jelly and a cherry yoghurt with the standard sprinkle of raisins and flaked almonds. I now realise why my mother always said dried fruit was so sweet. Raisins are these little pockets of uber sweetness in the quite tart compotes. Makes for such delicious tastes when you are eating. It is so important to have texture, flavour and variety in food.

Since I missed breakfast I will have a bar with coffee later as I am quite low on the cals today. Venison is wonderful at only 111cal per 100g as it is so lean.

Still not sure if I subconsciously skipped breakfast deliberately because of the fat day yesterday, but potentially that is going too deep into my head even for me. I plan to keep logging calories for a few weeks after RTM ends then try a week with no logging at all and see how it changes my mood re the food I am eating and to note if my eating changes when I am not logging.

Should have had cheese today, and have some in the fridge but probalby won't have it, because I found it very rich. It is nice as a treat however.

Well more tomorrow happy people!

Jez
xx
 
wahey im loving the fruit compote :) got loads stocked in the fridge :)
jez you are doing so well i must say
 
Jez I must ask you to post how you make your cauliflower puree, celeriac mash and braised red cabbage when you have the time. There is no rush hun as these are not things I will be able to have until next week.

Kat xx
 
ive become quite the fruit person now :) and its a brillant thing to have especially with these cold wintery mornings and evenings :)
 
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