Karen's Diary
- Thread starter Karen
- Start date
Best of luck tonight Kareni I havent been in your situation but i do know a bit about situations that are difficult, so I have a bit of advice. Obviously I dont know either of you so what i say might not help at all,so ignore it if you think it is codswallop and rely on your own instinct.
You both need to be totally honest, easier said than done.
When you are talking tonight keep your voice soft/low, it is difficult for a situation to escalate into a confrontational one if one or both of you do this.
Also if your OH says something that you feel is not fair or you just dont like, dont do what most people do and defend yourself, acknowledge his position, "I hear what you are saying and i am sorry that what i did/said made you you feel like that". Sometimes people just need to know that they are being heard and this can help.
Finally if a lot has been said that you feel you need to defend, say that you need to absorb/think about all that has been said and suggest that you meet again when you both have had time to think about it. Best of luck and hopefully all will turn out for the best.x
You both need to be totally honest, easier said than done.
When you are talking tonight keep your voice soft/low, it is difficult for a situation to escalate into a confrontational one if one or both of you do this.
Also if your OH says something that you feel is not fair or you just dont like, dont do what most people do and defend yourself, acknowledge his position, "I hear what you are saying and i am sorry that what i did/said made you you feel like that". Sometimes people just need to know that they are being heard and this can help.
Finally if a lot has been said that you feel you need to defend, say that you need to absorb/think about all that has been said and suggest that you meet again when you both have had time to think about it. Best of luck and hopefully all will turn out for the best.x
ladyfelsham
Back to SW again
This is all excellent advice Karen.
I'm so proud of you, that's a lot of **** to deal with - but you are being so honest with yourself, so no matter what happens, this way of eating will work for you.
And - one very important thing - this is your diary, so although we can all see and comment, it's your place to say how you feel and not be judged.
Love and hugs
Susie xxx
I'm so proud of you, that's a lot of **** to deal with - but you are being so honest with yourself, so no matter what happens, this way of eating will work for you.
And - one very important thing - this is your diary, so although we can all see and comment, it's your place to say how you feel and not be judged.
Love and hugs
Susie xxx
Karen
Serial Foodie!
Thank you sammy, I took your fantastic advice. unfortunately, the conversation didnt go very well when he defended another woman and i went mad. i told him im divorcing him and it ended quite bitterly! oh well. Im gutted but at least Ive been put out of my misery. as they say, the best revenge you can have on someone is to live happy so i am going to find my way to happiness if it kills me.
on the upside, today has been a good day diet-wise. Im finding atkins a really easy way to live and wish i had tried it a long time ago.
on the upside, today has been a good day diet-wise. Im finding atkins a really easy way to live and wish i had tried it a long time ago.
Phoenyx
Step away from the cake..
My hubby left for another woman 3 yrs ago. Worst time of my life, and no conversations went the way I wanted them to go. Mostly I'm over it (although coz the kids are still young and I'm coping on my own I do still feel resentful at times).
Only one cure, time. And support - am here if you need some x
Only one cure, time. And support - am here if you need some x
Karen
Serial Foodie!
Karen
Serial Foodie!
hiya. Sorry to hear about your husband. I think the kids is what I feel bitter about, Im full time parenting and he is part time parenting. he still has plenty to say about my parenting though. he thinks im poisoning the kids. I think hes a lame son of a *****. lol
Karen
Serial Foodie!
Hi Minis,
I feel really down this morning. Last night with my husband was rubbish and this morning I weighed +3lbs for no good reason! Something that is bothering me is that my husband has to stay in my house when im working. because i do 24 hour shifts, he has to watch the kids overnight but he is only renting a room in a house so he cant take them there. he cant afford to get a flat so im a bit stuck. i really dont want to give up my job as ive got it so cushy. i guess i will have to put up with it. :-(
Today Ive got to do some uni work and housework to do and I really cannot be bothered with any of it! I can't put it off though :-( Im sure I'll feel better when its all done. SIGH!
Brunch: 2 jamie oliver sausages, 2 x bacon and 2 x eggs
Dinner: Cheese burger and salad
I feel really down this morning. Last night with my husband was rubbish and this morning I weighed +3lbs for no good reason! Something that is bothering me is that my husband has to stay in my house when im working. because i do 24 hour shifts, he has to watch the kids overnight but he is only renting a room in a house so he cant take them there. he cant afford to get a flat so im a bit stuck. i really dont want to give up my job as ive got it so cushy. i guess i will have to put up with it. :-(
Today Ive got to do some uni work and housework to do and I really cannot be bothered with any of it! I can't put it off though :-( Im sure I'll feel better when its all done. SIGH!
Brunch: 2 jamie oliver sausages, 2 x bacon and 2 x eggs
Dinner: Cheese burger and salad
Last edited:
ladyfelsham
Back to SW again
Oh that's not great re the husband, he will have to find somewhere decent to live or the courts won't allow him proper access. Hope it gets sorted out soon!
And re the gain, when I'm mega stressed (as I know you are, with everything going on), I tend to retain water. Just see if you can glug a bit more down and see if that helps.
And re the gain, when I'm mega stressed (as I know you are, with everything going on), I tend to retain water. Just see if you can glug a bit more down and see if that helps.
Karen
Serial Foodie!
its been a looong day but ive stuck to the plan and enjoyed it. Ive had a mixed fry-up for brunch and jerk pork salad for dinner. Im loving this plan, its so easy to follow. Im still gutted about weighing heavier but i figure that the weight HAS to come off sooner or later if Im sticking to induction properly! Sometimes i find it quite depressing knowing i have such a long way to go but Im trying to concentrate on each stone individually.
Im working from 8am friday until 8am monday so wont be around this weekend. Im going to savour my day off tomorrow!
Im working from 8am friday until 8am monday so wont be around this weekend. Im going to savour my day off tomorrow!
Phoenyx
Step away from the cake..
Yeah, mine did that too. He still can't have them overnight so basically he's in my house every second sat and I go out. I could say f off, but the kids adore him (they're young...) and I take them to spend the weekend with my mum every so often so I get a break.
I hated, seriously hated being nice to him for the kids sake. I hated never slagging him or girlfriend (whose thankfully left the scene) off, I hated having to let him into my house, but I don't regret it one bit. Being nice to him was the best thing I did, on the advice of a friend. It has basically put me completely in the right and protected my kids.
I'm a teacher, and I see loads of kids badly affected by their parents split, but I also see kids who are not much affected by it at all. The difference? The kids who thrive have parents who are reasonably amicable - or at least, they don't slag each other off, fight all the time or put the kids in the middle.
Even my ex is beginning to be grateful about how reasonable I've been about it all (only took him three years!)
Don't get me wrong - I hate what he's done, and think he's a lying, cheating SOB, but I don't show it (yet!). The kids will work out what a d*ck he is on their own!!! And I don't let him walk over me. But I do let him get away with more than I'd like (like being in my house)
As I said, it was the hardest thing I've ever done. I remember screaming down the phone at my poor mum after he left (when the kids were in bed) because I needed to scream at someone and I couldn't scream at him.
I tell the kids the truth (they're 6 & 7) but only when they ask. I say daddy fell in love with someone else - v matter of fact. They haven't got a sense of what this really means yet, but they will, as they get older.
Anyway, sorry for the very long post, and I really know its not what you want to hear right now, but keeping the kids out of it, putting them first, encouraging them to see their dad, and being the bigger person is the best advice I ever got. The kids will not resent me when they grow up (or at least not for that), it's all on his shoulders. He can be the bad guy.
You sound like you are doing really well, in the face of such difficult circumstances. And I'm so sorry if I've overstepped the mark here - feel free to tell me to get lost!!!
Hugs xxx
I hated, seriously hated being nice to him for the kids sake. I hated never slagging him or girlfriend (whose thankfully left the scene) off, I hated having to let him into my house, but I don't regret it one bit. Being nice to him was the best thing I did, on the advice of a friend. It has basically put me completely in the right and protected my kids.
I'm a teacher, and I see loads of kids badly affected by their parents split, but I also see kids who are not much affected by it at all. The difference? The kids who thrive have parents who are reasonably amicable - or at least, they don't slag each other off, fight all the time or put the kids in the middle.
Even my ex is beginning to be grateful about how reasonable I've been about it all (only took him three years!)
Don't get me wrong - I hate what he's done, and think he's a lying, cheating SOB, but I don't show it (yet!). The kids will work out what a d*ck he is on their own!!! And I don't let him walk over me. But I do let him get away with more than I'd like (like being in my house)
As I said, it was the hardest thing I've ever done. I remember screaming down the phone at my poor mum after he left (when the kids were in bed) because I needed to scream at someone and I couldn't scream at him.
I tell the kids the truth (they're 6 & 7) but only when they ask. I say daddy fell in love with someone else - v matter of fact. They haven't got a sense of what this really means yet, but they will, as they get older.
Anyway, sorry for the very long post, and I really know its not what you want to hear right now, but keeping the kids out of it, putting them first, encouraging them to see their dad, and being the bigger person is the best advice I ever got. The kids will not resent me when they grow up (or at least not for that), it's all on his shoulders. He can be the bad guy.
You sound like you are doing really well, in the face of such difficult circumstances. And I'm so sorry if I've overstepped the mark here - feel free to tell me to get lost!!!
Hugs xxx
Karen
Serial Foodie!
Thank you for a lovely post xxx I totally agree about not slagging him off in front of the kids and am really careful about what others say. 2 of my kids are older (14 and almost 12) so are already making up their own minds about what they think and he doesnt come out of it very well if im honest. if anything, i defend him to them and tell them not to be so awful about him. they are angry and hurt and feel abandoned. what I have found hard is not crying in front of them. I know its bad but i have done it a few times. I wont be doing it again! Ive cried enough.
what I have decided is that i dont want to talk to him unless its about the kids and he can call them directly on their own phones when he wants to talk to them. I wont be a mug like i have been so far. I organised a family day for his birthday after he walked out and loaned him money etc. now its just business. I'll leave the kids out of it and wont slag him off but i wont have anything to do with him if i can help it either. Unfortunately, I have to let him stay at my home otherwise i cannot go to work. Im just going to have to suck that up for now. I cant help but feel bitter and resentful towards him but i'll let the kids make up their own minds. xxx
what I have decided is that i dont want to talk to him unless its about the kids and he can call them directly on their own phones when he wants to talk to them. I wont be a mug like i have been so far. I organised a family day for his birthday after he walked out and loaned him money etc. now its just business. I'll leave the kids out of it and wont slag him off but i wont have anything to do with him if i can help it either. Unfortunately, I have to let him stay at my home otherwise i cannot go to work. Im just going to have to suck that up for now. I cant help but feel bitter and resentful towards him but i'll let the kids make up their own minds. xxx
Phoenyx
Step away from the cake..
I did that too! My ex left in dec before christmas and I still bought him a decent present! What a fool I was! I was just so confused...
You sound like you're doing amazingly well! Not sure how I'd handle it with older kids (mine were small enough when he left that I could hide the tears or just say I was tired) but I'm sure not as well as you're doing!!!
I do believe in karma - he'll get his!
You sound like you're doing amazingly well! Not sure how I'd handle it with older kids (mine were small enough when he left that I could hide the tears or just say I was tired) but I'm sure not as well as you're doing!!!
I do believe in karma - he'll get his!
